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“Ghosts of Cinnamon and Lavender” by Thurston Howl [18+]

[18+] Three polyam canines in the 80s were a match made in heaven...but Tracker Dog Disease was hell. And the ghosts are coming...

Today’s story is “Ghosts of Cinnamon and Lavender”, originally published in last year’s volume of FANG, by Thurston Howl, who is an editor for Sinister Stoat Press and Thurston Howl Publications. They were nominated for a Lambda Literary Award and ALAA Over the Rainbow Award for their gay thriller Straight Men published by Black Rose Writing, and they have also written an HIV exposé called Blood Criminals, published by Weasel Press. They also run the Furry Book Review program and facilitate the Leo Literary Awards.

This story deals with serophobia, which is the stigmatization and discrimination toward people living with HIV, and something the author has experienced themselves. Diagnosed with HIV in 2015, and taking a single pill a day, they are healthy and ‘undetectable’, which means they’re unable to transmit HIV even through unprotected sex. If you or someone you know is recently diagnosed with HIV, make sure to contact your local HIV/AIDS care network for early intervention services, and remember you’re not alone. There are friendly ghosts, too.

Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

Transcript
Speaker:

Today I'm reading an adult story for mature listeners.

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If that's not your cup of tea,

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or if there are youngsters listening,

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you can skip this one and

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I'll have a new story for you next time.

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog. I’m Khaki,

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your faithful fireside companion,

Speaker:

and Today’s story is

Speaker:

“Ghosts of Cinnamon and Lavender”,

Speaker:

originally published in last year’s volume of FANG, by Thurston Howl,

Speaker:

who is an editor for Sinister Stoat Press and Thurston Howl Publications.

Speaker:

They were nominated for a Lambda Literary Award

Speaker:

and ALAA Over the Rainbow Award for their gay thriller Straight Men

Speaker:

published by Black Rose Writing,

Speaker:

and they have also written an HIV exposé

Speaker:

called Blood Criminals,

Speaker:

published by Weasel Press.

Speaker:

They also run the Furry Book Review program

Speaker:

and facilitate the Leo Literary Awards.

Speaker:

This story deals with serophobia,

Speaker:

which is the stigmatization and discrimination toward people living with HIV,

Speaker:

and something the author has experienced themselves.

Speaker:

Diagnosed with HIV in 2015,

Speaker:

and taking a single pill a day,

Speaker:

they are healthy and ‘undetectable’,

Speaker:

which means they’re unable to transmit HIV even through unprotected sex.

Speaker:

If you or someone you know is recently diagnosed with HIV,

Speaker:

make sure to contact your local HIV/AIDS care network

Speaker:

for early intervention services,

Speaker:

and remember you’re not alone.

Speaker:

There are friendly ghosts, too.”

Please enjoy:

“Ghosts of Cinnamon and Lavender”

Please enjoy:

by Thurston Howl

Past:

October 1985

Past:

Two foxes walked into a club, and neither knew the other existed,

Past:

not at first. It was around ten at night when one of the foxes came in.

Past:

Despite the rain

Past:

and the cold that had settled over the Los Angeles streets, he was dressed in short shorts and a crop top.

Past:

He knew what he was wanting from the club tonight,

Past:

and he planned to get it, rain be damned.

Past:

A knock on the door later,

Past:

and a slot moved at the top of the iron door.

Past:

A burly wolf glared out from the slot.

Past:

“Password?” the gruff voice said.

Past:

The fox hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his shorts and gave the wolf a wink.

Past:

“Oh, come on, Marv. You know who it is.”

Past:

“Password?” Rolling his eyes, the fox replied,

Past:

“Milk makes your bones strong.”

Past:

While he understood the phrase was mostly a call to the late Harvey Milk,

Past:

an openly gay politician,

Past:

he was more than aware of the double entendre, with the nature of the club in mind.

Past:

The door creaked open

Past:

to reveal a bearish wolf,

Past:

his rotund stomach hanging over the lip of tight leather jeans, leaving very little to the imagination.

Past:

But even more than the sight, what hit Rhett the most were the smells:

Past:

he inhaled wafts of

Past:

sweat, leather, and, of course, cum.

Past:

He walked in and wrapped his arms around the wolf’s hips

Past:

and pecked a kiss on the wolf’s cheek.

Past:

“Thanks, babe.” “Hey,” the wolf started, closing the door,

Past:

“be careful tonight.”

Past:

Still walking toward the flashing lights down the hall,

Past:

the fox looked over his shoulder and said, “Hm?

Past:

Is there supposed to be a raid tonight?”

Past:

The wolf grunted.

Past:

“Not to my knowledge.

Past:

But with the gay dog cancer going around, just be careful who you’re fucking, yeah?”

Past:

The fox laughed and saluted the guard.

Past:

“You got it.” The club itself comprised mostly private rooms in dark corners.

Past:

A few central areas had flashing strobe lights with loud music—Beardonna

Past:

—and slings already occupied.

Past:

It was a mass of bodies in the center of the Club Muskrat,

Past:

yet they appeared as a blob amid the flickering lights.

Past:

Rhett could recognize no faces,

Past:

even though he had been here countless times and had probably been fucked by a third of these guys already.

Past:

With a grin and a flick of his ears,

Past:

he pulled his shirt over his head

Past:

and threw it and his shorts into a pile in the corner.

Past:

Now he was naked before the masses.

Past:

While he had cleaned out under his tail, he hadn’t showered since this morning,

Past:

and his natural musk wafted

Past:

throughout the space,

Past:

adding to the other smells.

Past:

As he made his way to the back

Past:

where there was a vacant sling, he noticed guys turning his direction.

Past:

It could have been the way he was unashamedly naked here.

Past:

It could have been that natural musk of his.

Past:

Or it could have just been the way he swished his tail slowly behind him, inviting any and all to come play.

Past:

By the time he was situated in the sling,

Past:

his ankles resting on straps along the chains and his paws gripping the chains near his head,

Past:

guys had started to form a circle around him.

Past:

There was very little foreplay at the Club Muskrat.

Past:

Very little. The night became a blur of cocks, poppers, cum,

Past:

and even fists. The world only sharpened to reality when the second fox appeared.

Past:

It had been a couple hours already,

Past:

and the circle had diminished.

Past:

While a stallion was pounding Rhett’s tailhole,

Past:

this other fox came up and planted a kiss on Rhett’s snout.

Past:

There were new scents suddenly:

Past:

lavender and cinnamon. Rhett’s

Past:

eyes opened wider

Past:

as the older fox kissed him,

Past:

and he felt himself

Past:

melt into that kiss, oblivious to the stallion breeding his ass.

Past:

“Hey, stranger,” Rhett said,

Past:

rubbing a paw through the fox’s white belly fur.

Past:

The other fox smirked.

Past:

“Hey there, cutie. Got any plans after this? Or tomorrow?”

Past:

“Just you.” Laughing,

Past:

the fox pulled out a marker.

Past:

“Would you mind?” He gestured toward Rhett’s stomach.

Past:

“Not at all,” Rhett replied,

Past:

just admiring the fox’s body.

Past:

While the older fox wrote down his phone number in large, black digits on Rhett’s stomach,

Past:

the raised fox leaned forward

Past:

and pressed his nose into the standing fox’s balls, inhaling deeply

Past:

and licking at the orbs.

Past:

Even when the fox finished writing the numbers,

Past:

he just let Rhett enjoy himself.

Past:

And Rhett was already madly in love.

Past:

He couldn’t wait to tell his boyfriend back home about this guy. ###

Past:

Present – August 2019

Past:

Galan was not as spry as he used to be.

Past:

He was what was now being called a graymuzzle.

Past:

Usual for his morning jog,

Past:

he was reminiscing about past times.

Past:

He thought often, especially recently

Past:

—with that special day today

Past:

—of the Club Muskrat,

Past:

in all its grungy splendor before it was shut down.

Past:

He remembered all the men he’d meet there and how glorious it felt.

Past:

It was a different time.

Past:

People rarely saw and internalized faces there.

Past:

Nowadays, you open Knott-e, and there’s either face pics or dick pics, in bold clarity, too.

Past:

Back then, back in the 80s, those spaces were a kind of celebration of sex positivity and freedom.

Past:

Now, it takes months to set up a basic threeway.

Past:

And of course there was the tracker dog disease epidemic.

Past:

Huffing, the fox picked up speed down the road.

Past:

His legs felt great, but over the years

Past:

he had started losing his breath more.

Past:

Getting old sucks.

Past:

The morning mist washed over the road,

Past:

and the sunlight danced through the trees on his left.

Past:

His backpack bounced against his shirtless back,

Past:

and his belly bounced with each step, too.

Past:

He didn’t jog to lose weight;

Past:

he felt proud in his body.

Past:

But it just felt good to move,

Past:

to run. He had been doing marathons recently, and he had all the newest gadgets to track his speed,

Past:

heart rate, and steps taken.

Past:

He always finished a jog

Past:

feeling accomplished.

Past:

But today…today might be different.

Past:

He looked deeper into the woods.

Past:

Up ahead on the road,

Past:

he was about to come up on his house for the end,

Past:

but he wasn’t ready for that.

Past:

Maybe not ever again.

Past:

He took a sharp turn and jogged into the woods

Past:

and down memory lane,

Past:

chasing the ghosts of the past,

Past:

of foxes, lavender, and cinnamon, of when

Past:

he used to go by a different name. ###

Past:

Past – December 1985

Past:

“Marcus, this is the cutie I’ve been telling you about.

Past:

Meet Blaine,” Rhett said,

Past:

holding Marcus’ hand

Past:

while gesturing to the fox across the table.

Past:

“Wow! Nice to meet you finally. Rhett’s

Past:

talked a lot about you.”

Past:

Blaine blushed. “Aw, well he shouldn’t have.

Past:

I’m glad to meet you too.”

Past:

He scratched the back of one ear absently and looked away. “So,

Past:

uh…are you both sure about this? Like, really?”

Past:

The two foxes squeezed each other’s paws

Past:

before saying in unison,

Past:

“Fuck yes.” Rhett smiled.

Past:

While he knew other poly partners, it was technically his first time as much as it was Blaine’s.

Past:

He was usually a sexual slut, not a romantic one.

Past:

But he loved both of his foxes,

Past:

and he wanted to show them that.

Past:

And in a gay space like this one, the Fleecewood Diner,

Past:

they wouldn’t even get second looks holding hands in the open like this.

Past:

Then, Rhett had a foxy idea, which is to say, an evil idea.

Past:

He lifted his foot

Past:

and pressed it between Blaine’s legs,

Past:

brushing against the crotch of his pants.

Past:

The fox let out a yip

Past:

and then clamped a paw over his snout in embarrassment.

Past:

Marcus laughed. “Oh, what’s the matter, Blaine?

Past:

You’re getting all blushy.”

Past:

Rhett knew that Marcus knew what he was doing.

Past:

Marcus had done it to Rhett countless times.

Past:

Blaine just whined in a low voice and looked out the window.

Past:

When the waiter came with their drinks,

Past:

Blaine’s fur stood on end as he jumped.

Past:

Rhett and Marcus laughed,

Past:

and Rhett just kept stroking Blaine’s boner with his footpaw.

Past:

“Say,” Rhett started, “after drinks,

Past:

would you feel comfortable coming to our place?”

Past:

Blaine’s eyes widened. “A

Past:

-Are you sure?” Marcus reached a paw across to hold Blaine’s.

Past:

“Look, I know you and Rhett are close as fuck already.

Past:

From what I’m seeing so far, I like you too.

Past:

We can chat some more over coffee, and,

Past:

if you’re still ok with it,

Past:

we would love to have you over.

Past:

But there’s just one condition.”

Past:

Blaine looked between the two foxes,

Past:

his nose twitching with anxiety.

Past:

“What?” Marcus leaned forward.

Past:

“I call bottom!” “Hey!”

Past:

Rhett punched his arm with a laugh.

Past:

“Always so vulgar!”

Past:

Blaine laughed. “Alright, I guess I’ll call top.”

Past:

“Fuck. Guess I get middle then.”

Past:

Rhett turned to his boyfriend and gave him a kiss.

Past:

Then before Blaine could feel uncomfortable,

Past:

Rhett leaned across the table,

Past:

pulled Blaine forward by the collar of his shirt

Past:

and kissed him, too.

Past:

He could taste the cinnamon.

Past:

That fox was always chewing his cinnamon gum.

Past:

Blaine leaned back and blushed,

Past:

stroking his tail and looking out the window.

Past:

“Heh, always my gallant fox,” Rhett said of Blaine, leaning back and wrapping an arm over Marcus’ shoulder. “So,” Marcus started.

Past:

“Rhett

Past:

said you guys met fucking at the Club Muskrat? You a regular there?”

Past:

“Nah,” Blaine said, waving a paw.

Past:

“I might go a couple times a year.

Past:

But besides, they’re tearing it down anyway.

Past:

Since the feds got their way regarding this gay dog cancer,

Past:

all the clubs are gonna shut down for a while.”

Past:

Marcus nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I heard too.

Past:

Since it’s on the edge of a damn residential area though, they are thinking of making the area a park or little woodsy area.

Past:

It’s great the owner gets a say in what the land will be used for.

Past:

Otherwise, it’d just be a parking lot or supermall.

Past:

Won’t catch me complaining, for sure.

Past:

But it’s cool you weren’t a super frequent regular.

Past:

I hadn’t recalled meeting you before either.

Past:

Part of me was a bit nervous to meet you, for fuck’s sake. Thought you might be some guy I rejected in the past or something.”

Past:

Blaine’s jaw dropped for a second,

Past:

and then they both started laughing.

Past:

“While you two are bonding,” Rhett said, shaking his head with a grin,

Past:

“I’m gonna go use the bathroom.

Past:

I’ll be right back, cuties.”

Past:

As Rhett walked to the back restroom,

Past:

he made sure to swish his tail nice and slow for the boys to look at,

Past:

teasing the waistband of his shorts down an inch while he did so. ###

Past:

Present The woods swallowed Galan.

Past:

After a few minutes and a few hills, he could no longer see the road.

Past:

He had taken an old trail that was mostly faded,

Past:

but it was there nonetheless,

Past:

and it was a trail he had taken

Past:

many times, especially around this time of year.

Past:

But somehow, the woods seemed different now.

Past:

There was more mist than sunlight,

Past:

and the air was cold.

Past:

The trees towered above him and around him,

Past:

and the soil and leaves crunched beneath his bare paws.

Past:

As his jog slowed to a stroll,

Past:

he noticed how old all the trees had become.

Past:

There had once stood a sex club here,

Past:

the Club Muskrat.

Past:

It all used to be

Past:

right here. The place had become

Past:

a verdant forest, thanks to the previous owner of the Club, commemorating those

Past:

who were lost to TDD, but to Galan it would

Past:

always just be that:

Past:

a monument of death.

Past:

Each singular tree looked like a silent sentinel over the memories it guarded;

Past:

each tree, to Galan,

Past:

stood for a life lost.

Past:

His paws sore, he stopped at a tree and rested his back against it.

Past:

Each puff of breath

Past:

crystallized in front of him, and his tongue lapped at the air as he panted.

Past:

The woods were so quiet.

Past:

Not even the leaves above him rattled in the wind.

Past:

No early morning birds chirped.

Past:

It was silent. Too quiet.

Past:

Until he heard a twig snap.

Past:

He whipped his head around to see the source of the sound,

Past:

but he was alone.

Past:

There was no one there.

Past:

He sighed and let his knees fold until he was resting on his ass

Past:

on the pine needle-laden ground.

Past:

Then, he pulled off his backpack and opened it.

Past:

The sack rattled.

Past:

He looked inside and saw two pill bottles.

Past:

One was for his tracker dog disease, which had once upon a time been called the gay dog cancer.

Past:

The advances of medicine had made it so he could live as long and as healthy a life as

Past:

literally anyone else as long as he took a pill a day.

Past:

Things weren’t like they were thirty-five years ago.

Past:

It just wasn’t a death sentence.

Past:

But his paw moved past that pill bottle and grabbed the other instead.

Past:

He popped five into his mouth.

Past:

He paused before swallowing,

Past:

as if to reconsider,

Past:

but then he swallowed anyway.

Past:

The more he thought about it,

Past:

the more likely he would be to back out.

Past:

He leaned his head back against the tree

Past:

and stared up at the canopy.

Past:

At first, he felt nothing.

Past:

Then, coldness enveloped him.

Past:

His heart started pounding in his ears.

Past:

It was like taking a hit of poppers,

Past:

just much more intense…and

Past:

scary. Gradually,

Past:

the colors of his vision started to blur together.

Past:

Then, he heard another twig snap. This time, when he looked,

Past:

he saw forms appear through his blurred vision.

Past:

All kinds of people were around him:

Past:

lions, tigers, and bears, oh murr.

Past:

Horses, wolves, and, of course, foxes.

Past:

He smiled. He thought he recognized the wolf night guard from the Club Muskrat thirty-five years ago in the group.

Past:

“What the fuck, man?

Past:

You’re here? I thought you died years ago,” Galan said.

Past:

He staggered forward,

Past:

only to realize the ensemble around were all

Past:

naked among the trees.

Past:

He collapsed to his hands and knees. No, this could not be real.

Past:

There was no way.

Past:

But when he looked up,

Past:

there was a red cock in his face.

Past:

The wolf guard looked down at him expectantly with a sneer and, snapping his fingers like one does when commanding a dog to sit,

Past:

pointed down to his dick.

Past:

Galan shivered with— ###

Past:

Past–May 1989

Past:

When Rhett heard a knock at the door, he tried to raise his voice.

Past:

“Come in!” Both of his foxes opened the door.

Past:

Marcus had a bouquet of flowers in his paw,

Past:

and Blaine had a small box

Past:

with red ribbon wrapped around it.

Past:

“Surprise!” Rhett laughed weakly

Past:

and gestured for them to come in.

Past:

“Hurry up before the nurse finds out you both got in here without being family.”

Past:

“Ah, fuck her,” Marcus said.

Past:

Blaine sneered and squeezed Marcus close.

Past:

“You would, too.” “Fuck yeah, I would. She was nice as hell.

Past:

You know she’d be a nurturing lover.” “Alright, alright, you two,” Rhett said with a cough. “To what

Past:

do I owe this surprise?” The two standing foxes looked at each other with concern and then came to sit beside

Past:

Rhett’s hospital bed.

Past:

Blaine was the one who started,

Past:

“Well, we have a…proposition for you.”

Past:

Rhett arched a brow.

Past:

“Yeah,” Marcus said, ears flat but his tail still wagging.

Past:

“We brought you flowers

Past:

or a box.” “Or?” Rhett said,

Past:

checking to make sure he had heard right,

Past:

and that the tracker dog disease wasn’t starting to affect his hearing too.

Past:

Blaine nodded. “Yeah.

Past:

We have a question for you.

Past:

If you say yes, you get the box.

Past:

If you say no, you get the flowers.”

Past:

“Ok…” Rhett looked away as if in thought before coughing.

Past:

The coughs became violent

Past:

but subsided after a few seconds.

Past:

“I guess…what’s the question?”

Past:

Marcus opened the box.

Past:

A red-stoned ring. It was clearly too big for a finger.

Past:

It took Rhett only the duration of one cough to realize it was a cock ring.

Past:

He laughed weakly.

Past:

In unison, Marcus and Blaine said,

Past:

“Will you marry us?” Tears started welling up in Rhett’s eyes,

Past:

but a mischievous look filled them.

Past:

“Well…um…what kind of flowers are those?”

Past:

Blaine just about died from the remark,

Past:

much to Marcus and Rhett’s amusement.

Past:

Amid the laughter,

Past:

Rhett smiled and said, “Of course I will marry you. Of course.

Past:

Yes, yes, and fucking yes.” Marcus

Past:

squeezed both Blaine’s and Rhett’s paws.

Past:

“Good. Once you get the fuck out of here, we’ll start planning the wedding.”

Past:

Rhett didn’t have the heart to tell them what the doctors had said,

Past:

not today. “Would you like to do the honors?”

Past:

Marcus said, handing the box to Blaine.

Past:

“Me?” Blaine blushed. “Alright.”

Past:

Reaching a paw under the sheet,

Past:

he slowly worked Rhett up.

Past:

While the fox looked like he was enjoying himself,

Past:

he looked strained too.

Past:

His whole body was emaciated and shivering.

Past:

He looked like roadkill that was still moving.

Past:

But Blaine and Marcus still loved him,

Past:

with all their hearts.

Past:

Once Rhett’s cock was hard,

Past:

Blaine worked the cock ring over the fox’s member

Past:

and squeezed his balls through.

Past:

Then, Blaine and Marcus switched places.

Past:

Blaine pressed a thumb under Rhett’s tail and worked his tailhole,

Past:

while Marcus stroked the sickly fox’s cock.

Past:

Rhett came, thinking about what he would look like in a white gown

Past:

at a wedding with his two gentlefoxes. ###

Past:

Present Galan did not know what to believe.

Past:

If what he was seeing was a drug-induced hallucination, he didn’t want it to end.

Past:

He wanted, more than anything, for this to be real.

Past:

It had been over half a century since he had seen these faces,

Past:

and his longing for all of his friends back

Past:

was such a visceral feeling,

Past:

something that had been locked away.

Past:

Most people today, even gay people,

Past:

don’t know what it was like

Past:

to lose most of your friends in just a couple of years.

Past:

Eagerly, he lapped at the wolf’s cock,

Past:

just focusing on flicking his tongue across the tip,

Past:

before the wolf wagged a finger

Past:

at some of the other ghosts,

Past:

urging them to join in the fun.

Past:

Galan saw them all in full detail, like he was seeing them all in HD for the first time.

Past:

These were no invisible ghosts;

Past:

they were full incarnations of the past.

Past:

He smelled it all: the sweat, the cum, the leather, the lube, and, of course,

Past:

somewhere in

Past:

there, lavender and cinnamon.

Past:

He felt like he was lost in that euphoria again.

Past:

As a feline’s barbed cock pressed against his tail, he spread his legs on the cold ground and invited that embrace.

Past:

The wolf grabbed him by the ears and pushed his cock in further,

Past:

the tip pressing against Galan’s throat.

Past:

All of it didn’t just feel real; it felt intense,

Past:

like when you’re sleep-deprived but you just drank three cups of coffee. Everything

Past:

is vivid, even while you feel far away.

Past:

He wasn’t used to being the center of attention like this,

Past:

but here he was, in the midst of a pack of hungry ghosts,

Past:

and they craved flesh.

Past:

Their paws explored his body,

Past:

caressing the muscles in his legs,

Past:

working through the fur on his chest,

Past:

sliding their trimmed claws over his nipples,

Past:

fondling and pulling lightly on his balls,

Past:

letting their fingers wander into his mouth while he sucked on the climaxing wolf.

Past:

When the cum hit the back of his throat,

Past:

Galan swallowed eagerly,

Past:

milking the wolf for every last drop.

Past:

Then, the wolf pulled out and patted the fox on the head before walking away.

Past:

The headspace shattered around Galan.

Past:

The wolf began to fade,

Past:

back into memory,

Past:

a past about thirty years old, as he walked,

Past:

and Galan felt tears running down his cheeks.

Past:

Ignoring the other ghosts exploring his body,

Past:

he crawled forward, trying to chase after the wolf, after the memory, but he was gone.

Past:

Galan turned back around, and all he caught

Past:

were the forms dissolving,

Past:

back into the trees.

Past:

“No, no, no…” Galan muttered,

Past:

making his way back to his satchel.

Past:

He noticed belatedly that his shorts and underwear had ended up being discarded by a tree,

Past:

and his cock was leaking a long tendril of pre, but he didn’t care.

Past:

He wanted to go back into the dream.

Past:

He didn’t care how far he went.

Past:

He pulled out the pill bottle and opened it.

Past:

There were still quite a few pills left.

Past:

He could do it. He could end it all, and it would all end in bliss.

Past:

He could have it all back:

Past:

the memories, the club,

Past:

his lover, the past. He could have it all back. All he had to do…was

Past:

take the dive.

Past:

His paw was shaking,

Past:

and he started crying harder,

Past:

muttering over and over again, “I want it all back…I want it all back…”

Past:

As the colorful figures faded into the trees, he recalled the lists of names,

Past:

the eulogies in the papers he would check every week.

Past:

He recalled how the lists became similar to a Friends list on Facebook:

Past:

everyone you know is right there on that list.

Past:

But when he saw that friend’s name,

Past:

it meant he’d never see them again.

Past:

Most days, he still felt that loneliness deep down.

Past:

It was over twenty years ago by this point, but losing almost everyone you know over the course of a few years

Past:

wears on you. It tears.

Past:

It keeps tearing until you feel like you’re one of the last ones still standing.

Past:

“No,” he said. “I won’t let you go.”

Past:

He kept taking pills.

Past:

“Just a few more…won’t hurt.”

Past:

He wanted the ghosts to stay with him.

Past:

### Past– August 1989

Past:

When Rhett woke up, he saw Blaine standing there.

Past:

He smiled, but he had already lost the ability to speak.

Past:

He just smiled up at the handsome fox

Past:

and flexed his fingers.

Past:

Blaine saw and reached out to grab his paw.

Past:

It felt so warm, Rhett thought.

Past:

Then, he frowned. Where was Marcus?

Past:

His ears flicked once as he looked at the door then at Blaine.

Past:

Blaine’s ears flattened and shook his head.

Past:

“Hey babe…they tested Marc.

Past:

He’s…he’s got it, too.”

Past:

Rhett felt a gasp rattle up his throat.

Past:

He tried to shake his head.

Past:

He couldn’t imagine his Marc,

Past:

his Marc, going through the same thing he was going through.

Past:

He felt like hell and wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, especially not either of the tods in his life.

Past:

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, squeezing Rhett’s paw softly.

Past:

But Rhett just shook his head more,

Past:

looking up into Blaine’s tear-soaked eyes.

Past:

He refused to let Blaine apologize for all of this.

Past:

Blaine was one half of what kept Rhett going through all of this. “N

Past:

-no…” he managed finally.

Past:

Blaine’s ears flicked.

Past:

“Don’t try to talk, babe. You’ll hurt your throat.

Past:

I’m so sorry about this…about

Past:

everything. I…” Blaine sat down and wiped his eyes with his free paw.

Past:

“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.

Past:

I couldn’t stop you from getting sick, and now I

Past:

couldn’t stop Marcus either.

Past:

What did we do wrong?”

Past:

Rhett shook his head.

Past:

“Babe, why do you keep doing that? What is it?”

Past:

The tears in Rhett’s eyes

Past:

changed. They were not of sorrow, or pity, or desperation.

Past:

They were of admiration.

Past:

The sick fox reached his shaking paw up and caressed Blaine’s cheek. “Y

Past:

-y-you’re plenty s-strong. My g-g-g—”

Past:

“Babe?” “G-Gallan—g-gallant f-fox,

Past:

I l-love y—” A low,

Past:

flatlining beep sounded from the machine Rhett was hooked up to, and Blaine jumped up.

Past:

The nurse, a young stoat,

Past:

forced him out of the room, and Blaine watched as he and a doctor pulled the white sheet over the fox’s blank face,

Past:

Blaine knew two things at that moment:

Past:

one was that what Rhett had called him

Past:

would be his name from then on,

Past:

always his fox’s Galan,

Past:

and two was that Rhett had gotten his wish

Past:

—even in death, he looked beautiful in that white gown. ###

Past:

Present A paw swatted at his,

Past:

knocking the pills to the frozen topsoil.

Past:

Galan leaned forward

Past:

and wept without control.

Past:

His face contorted with the sheer sorrow he felt

Past:

at the wave of memories, and tears streamed down his face.

Past:

The paw patted his back

Past:

and rubbed him. He felt the figure kneel down beside him and hold him in a close embrace.

Past:

No words were spoken,

Past:

just the embrace.

Past:

Eventually, Galan turned

Past:

and pressed his face into the fox’s chest, sobbing still.

Past:

Finally, the other fox,

Past:

Marcus, said, “It’s ok, love. I miss him, too.”

Past:

“It’s not fair, Marc. It’s not fair.”

Past:

Marcus looked out between the trees

Past:

and saw the gravestone they had erected for Rhett.

Past:

It was indeed twenty years to the day since their fox had died.

Past:

He felt sorrow spasm across his spine, too.

Past:

“I know, love. But hey…”

Past:

He pulled the older fox’s snout up, so they were eye to eye.

Past:

“But I already lost one of my foxes.

Past:

I don’t want to lose both of you.”

Past:

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.

Past:

I wasn’t being…as careful as I should have.

Past:

When I took the pills,

Past:

I could see them.

Past:

I could see them, Marc.”

Past:

He nuzzled Marcus’ shoulder.

Past:

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you either.”

Past:

Galan nodded. The day Marcus got better, thanks to the meds,

Past:

was such a relief for him.

Past:

He had worried he would have been forever alone.

Past:

When Marcus got out,

Past:

they helped each other get through Rhett’s passing.

Past:

True to their word,

Past:

they still married,

Past:

and they did it by Rhett’s grave when Marcus got his full strength back.

Past:

When Galan was diagnosed years later,

Past:

he thought it was the end for him,

Past:

but it wasn’t. When people told Galan to kill himself for being open about his diagnosis,

Past:

he didn’t. But all the same, all of it wore down on him.

Past:

It tore. And some days were better than others.

Past:

This was not one of his better days.

Past:

“C’mon, I’ll help walk you back to the house.”

Past:

Marcus grabbed Galan’s clothes,

Past:

helped him get dressed,

Past:

and started to guide him out of the woods.

Past:

When they reached the top of the hill,

Past:

Galan heard something, something that sounded like an old dance song.

Past:

He turned to look over his shoulder, even as Marcus kept guiding him.

Past:

Just past the trees where he had cried,

Past:

just past the gravestone,

Past:

he thought he saw it,

Past:

just the slightest swish

Past:

of a red tail among the pines.

Past:

This was “Ghosts of Cinnamon and Lavender”

Past:

by Thurston Howl,

Past:

read for you by Khaki,

Past:

your faithful fireside companion.

Past:

You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

Past:

or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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About the Podcast

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The Voice of Dog
Furry stories to warm the ol' cockles, read by Rob MacWolf and guests. If you have a story that would suit the show, you can get in touch with @VoiceOfDog@meow.social on Mastodon, @voiceofdog.bsky.social on Blue Sky, or @Theodwulf on Telegram.

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About your host

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Khaki