“The Wind in the Willows”, Chapter II, by Kenneth Grahame

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You’re listening to the first episode of The Voice of Dog

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in 2021. I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and To celebrate the new year,

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today’s story is the second chapter

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"The Wind in the Willows"

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by Kenneth Grahame,

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first published in 1908.

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The first chapter appeared on the 100th episode of The Voice Of Dog,

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on August 5th, 2020,

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when a frustrated mole came out of the burrow

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to find himself welcomed into a queer and wonderful new world

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of love and comfort —

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and, in this second chapter,

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of adventure, too!

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“The Wind in the Willows”,

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Chapter II, by Kenneth Grahame

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"RATTY," said the Mole suddenly, one bright summer morning,

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"if you please, I want to ask you a favour."

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The Rat was sitting on the river bank,

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singing a little song.

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He had just composed it himself, so he was very taken up with it,

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and would not pay proper attention to Mole or anything else.

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Since early morning he had been swimming in the river,

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in company with his friends the ducks.

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And when the ducks stood on their heads suddenly,

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as ducks will, he would dive down

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and tickle their necks,

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just under where their chins would be if ducks had chins,

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till they were forced to come to the surface again in a hurry,

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spluttering and angry

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and shaking their feathers at him,

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for it is impossible to say quite all you feel when your head is under water.

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At last they implored him to go away and attend to his own affairs

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and leave them to mind theirs.

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So the Rat went away,

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and sat on the river bank in the sun,

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and made up a song about them,

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which he called "DUCKS' DITTY."

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All along the backwater, Through the rushes tall,

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Ducks are a-dabbling,

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Up tails all! Ducks' tails, drakes' tails, Yellow feet a-quiver,

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Yellow bills all out of sight Busy in the river!

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Slushy green undergrowth

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Where the roach swim—

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Here we keep our larder,

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Cool and full and dim.

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Everyone for what he likes! We like to be

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Heads down, tails up, Dabbling free!

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High in the blue above Swifts whirl and call— We are

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down a-dabbling

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Up tails all! "I don't know that I think so very much of that little song, Rat,"

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observed the Mole cautiously.

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He was no poet himself and didn't care who knew it;

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and he had a candid nature.

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"Nor don't the ducks neither,"

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replied the Rat cheerfully.

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"They say, 'Why can't fellows be allowed to do what they like when they like

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and as they like, instead of

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other fellows sitting on banks and

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watching them all the time and making remarks and poetry and things about them?

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What nonsense it all is!'

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That's what the ducks say."

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"So it is, so it is," said the Mole,

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with great heartiness.

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"No, it isn't!" cried the Rat indignantly.

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"Well then, it isn't, it isn't,"

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replied the Mole soothingly.

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"But what I wanted to ask you was,

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won't you take me to call on Mr. Toad?

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I've heard so much about him,

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and I do so want to make his acquaintance."

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"Why, certainly," said the good-natured Rat,

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jumping to his feet

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and dismissing poetry from his mind for the day.

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"Get the boat out,

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and we'll paddle up there at once.

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It's never the wrong time to call on Toad.

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Early or late he's always the same fellow.

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Always good-tempered,

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always glad to see you,

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always sorry when you go!"

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"He must be a very nice animal,"

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observed the Mole,

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as he got into the boat and took the sculls,

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while the Rat settled himself comfortably in the stern.

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"He is indeed the best of animals," replied Rat.

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"So simple, so good-natured, and so affectionate.

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Perhaps he's not very clever

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—we can't all be geniuses;

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and it may be that he is both boastful and conceited.

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But he has got some great qualities, has Toady."

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Rounding a bend in the river,

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they came in sight of a handsome,

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dignified old house of mellowed red brick,

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with well-kept lawns

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reaching down to the water's edge.

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"There's Toad Hall,"

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said the Rat; "and that creek on the left,

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where the notice-board says, 'Private.

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No landing allowed,'

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leads to his boat-house,

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where we'll leave the boat.

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The stables are over there to the right.

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That's the banqueting-hall you're looking at now— very old, that is.

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Toad is rather rich, you know,

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and this is really one of the nicest houses in these parts,

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though we never admit as much to Toad."

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They glided up the creek,

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and the Mole slipped his sculls as they passed into the shadow of a large boat-house.

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Here they saw many handsome boats,

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slung from the cross beams

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or hauled up on a slip, but none in the water;

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and the place had an

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unused and a deserted air.

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The Rat looked around him.

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"I understand," said he.

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"Boating is played out.

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He's tired of it, and done with it.

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I wonder what new fad he has taken up now?

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Come along and let's look him up.

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We shall hear all about it quite soon enough."

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They disembarked,

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and strolled across the gay flower-decked lawns in search of Toad,

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whom they presently happened upon resting in a wicker garden-chair,

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with a pre-occupied expression of face,

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and a large map spread out on his knees.

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"Hooray!" he cried, jumping up on seeing them,

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"this is splendid!"

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He shook the paws of both of them warmly,

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never waiting for an introduction to the Mole.

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"How kind of you!" he went on,

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dancing round them.

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"I was just going to send a boat down the river for you, Ratty,

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with strict orders that you were to be fetched up here at once,

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whatever you were doing.

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I want you badly

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—both of you. Now what will you take?

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Come inside and have something! You don't know how lucky it is, your turning up just now!"

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"Let's sit quiet a bit, Toady!"

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said the Rat, throwing himself into an easy chair,

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while the Mole took another by the side of him

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and made some civil remark about Toad's

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"delightful residence."

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"Finest house on the whole river,"

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cried Toad boisterously.

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"Or anywhere else, for that matter,"

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he could not help adding. Here

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the Rat nudged the Mole.

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Unfortunately the Toad saw him do it,

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and turned very red.

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There was a moment's painful silence.

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Then Toad burst out laughing.

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"All right, Ratty," he said.

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"It's only my way, you know.

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And it's not such a very bad house, is it?

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You know you rather like it yourself.

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Now, look here. Let's be sensible.

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You are the very animals I wanted.

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You've got to help me.

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It's most important!"

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"It's about your rowing, I suppose,"

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said the Rat, with an innocent air.

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"You're getting on fairly well,

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though you splash a good bit still.

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With a great deal of patience, and any quantity of coaching, you may——" "O,

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pooh! boating!" interrupted the Toad, in great disgust.

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"Silly boyish amusement.

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I've given that up long ago. Sheer waste of time, that's what it is.

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It makes me downright sorry to see you fellows, who ought to know better,

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spending all your energies in that aimless manner.

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No, I've discovered the real thing,

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the only genuine occupation for a lifetime.

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I propose to devote the remainder of mine to it,

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and can only regret the wasted years that lie behind me,

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squandered in trivialities.

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Come with me, dear Ratty,

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and your amiable friend also, if he will be so very good,

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just as far as the stable-yard,

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and you shall see what you shall see!"

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He led the way to the stable-yard accordingly,

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the Rat following with a most mistrustful expression;

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and there, drawn out of the coach-house into the open,

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they saw a gipsy caravan,

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shining with newness,

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painted a canary-yellow picked out with green,

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and red wheels. "There you are!"

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cried the Toad, straddling and expanding himself.

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"There's real life for you,

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embodied in that little cart.

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The open road, the dusty highway,

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the heath, the common,

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the hedgerows, the rolling downs!

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Camps, villages, towns, cities!

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Here to-day, up and off to somewhere else to-morrow!

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Travel, change, interest, excitement!

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The whole world before you,

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and a horizon that's always changing!

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And mind! this is the very finest cart of its sort that was ever built,

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without any exception.

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Come inside and look at the arrangements.

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Planned 'em all myself, I did!"

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The Mole was tremendously interested and excited,

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and followed him eagerly up the steps and into the interior of the caravan.

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The Rat only snorted

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and thrust his hands deep into his pockets,

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remaining where he was.

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It was indeed very compact and comfortable.

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Little sleeping bunks

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—a little table that folded up against the wall

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—a cooking-stove,

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lockers, bookshelves,

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a bird-cage with a bird in it;

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and pots, pans,

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jugs and kettles of every size and variety.

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"All complete!" said the Toad triumphantly,

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pulling open a locker.

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"You see—biscuits,

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potted lobster, sardines

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—everything you can possibly want.

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Soda-water here—baccy there

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—letter-paper, bacon, jam, cards and dominoes—you'll find,"

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he continued, as they descended the steps again,

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"you'll find that nothing whatever has been forgotten, when we make our start this afternoon.'

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"I beg your pardon,"

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said the Rat slowly, as he chewed a straw,

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"but did I overhear you say something about 'we,'

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and 'start,' and 'this afternoon'?"

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"Now, you dear good old Ratty,"

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said Toad, imploringly,

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"don't begin talking in that stiff and sniffy sort of way,

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because you know you've got to come.

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I can't possibly manage without you,

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so please consider it settled, and don't argue

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—it's the one thing I can't stand.

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You surely don't mean to stick to your

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dull fusty old river all your life,

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and just live in a hole in a bank,

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and boat? I want to show you the world!

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I'm going to make an animal of you, my boy!"

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"I don't care," said the Rat, doggedly.

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"I'm not coming, and that's flat.

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And I am going to stick to my old river, and live in a hole, and boat,

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as I've always done.

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And what's more, Mole's going to stick to me and do as I do,

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aren't you, Mole?" "Of course I am,"

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said the Mole, loyally.

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"I'll always stick to you, Rat,

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and what you say is to be

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—has got to be. All the same,

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it sounds as if it might have been

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—well, rather fun, you know!"

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he added, wistfully.

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Poor Mole! The Life Adventurous was so new a thing to him,

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and so thrilling;

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and this fresh aspect of it was so tempting;

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and he had fallen in love at first sight

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with the canary-coloured cart

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and all its little fitments.

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The Rat saw what was passing in his mind,

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and wavered. He hated disappointing people,

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and he was fond of the Mole,

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and would do almost anything to oblige him.

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Toad was watching both of them closely.

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"Come along in, and have some lunch,"

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he said, diplomatically,

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"and we'll talk it over.

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We needn't decide anything in a hurry.

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Of course, I don't really care.

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I only want to give pleasure to you fellows. 'Live

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for others!' That's my motto in life."

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During luncheon—which was

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excellent, of course,

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as everything at Toad Hall always was

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—the Toad simply let himself go.

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Disregarding the Rat,

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he proceeded to play upon the inexperienced Mole as on a harp.

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Naturally a voluble animal,

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and always mastered by his imagination,

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he painted the prospects of the trip

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and the joys of the open life and the roadside in such glowing colours

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that the Mole could hardly sit in his chair for excitement.

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Somehow, it soon seemed taken for granted by all three of them that the trip was a settled thing;

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and the Rat, though still unconvinced in his mind,

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allowed his good-nature to over-ride his personal objections.

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He could not bear to disappoint his two friends,

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who were already deep in schemes and anticipations,

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planning out each day's separate occupation

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for several weeks ahead.

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When they were quite ready,

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the now triumphant Toad led his companions to the paddock

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and set them to capture the old grey horse, who,

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without having been consulted,

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and to his own extreme annoyance,

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had been told off by Toad

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for the dustiest job in this dusty expedition.

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He frankly preferred the paddock,

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and took a deal of catching.

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Meantime Toad packed the lockers still tighter with necessaries,

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and hung nosebags,

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nets of onions, bundles of hay, and baskets from the bottom of the cart.

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At last the horse was caught and harnessed,

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and they set off,

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all talking at once,

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each animal either trudging by the side of the cart

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or sitting on the shaft, as the humour took him.

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It was a golden afternoon.

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The smell of the dust they kicked up was rich and satisfying;

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out of thick orchards on either side the road,

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birds called and whistled to them cheerily;

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good-natured wayfarers, passing them,

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gave them "Good-day,"

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or stopped to say nice things about their beautiful cart;

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and rabbits, sitting at their front doors in the hedgerows,

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held up their fore-paws, and said,

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"O my! O my! O my!"

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Late in the evening,

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tired and happy and miles from home,

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they drew up on a remote common far from habitations,

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turned the horse loose to graze,

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and ate their simple supper sitting on the grass by the side of the cart.

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Toad talked big about all he was going to do in the days to come,

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while stars grew fuller and larger all around them,

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and a yellow moon, appearing suddenly

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and silently from nowhere in particular,

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came to keep them company

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and listen to their talk.

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At last they turned in to their little bunks in the cart;

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and Toad, kicking out his legs,

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sleepily said, "Well, good night, you fellows!

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This is the real life for a gentleman!

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Talk about your old river!"

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"I don't talk about my river,"

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replied the patient Rat.

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"You know I don't, Toad.

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But I think about it,"

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he added pathetically,

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in a lower tone: "I think about it—all the time!"

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The Mole reached out from under his blanket,

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felt for the Rat's paw in the darkness,

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and gave it a squeeze.

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"I'll do whatever you like, Ratty,"

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he whispered. "Shall we run away tomorrow morning,

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quite early—very early

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—and go back to our dear old hole on the river?"

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"No, no, we'll see it out,"

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whispered back the Rat.

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"Thanks awfully, but I ought to stick by Toad till this trip is ended.

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It wouldn't be safe for him to be left to himself.

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It won't take very long.

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His fads never do.

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Good night!" The end was indeed nearer than even the Rat suspected.

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After so much open air and excitement

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the Toad slept very soundly,

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and no amount of shaking could rouse him out of bed next morning.

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So the Mole and Rat turned to,

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quietly and manfully,

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and while the Rat saw to the horse, and lit a fire,

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and cleaned last night's cups and platters, and got things ready for breakfast,

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the Mole trudged off to the nearest village,

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a long way off, for milk and eggs and various necessaries the Toad had,

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of course, forgotten to provide.

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The hard work had all been done,

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and the two animals were resting, thoroughly exhausted,

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by the time Toad appeared on the scene,

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fresh and gay, remarking what a pleasant,

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easy life it was they were all leading now,

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after the cares and worries and fatigues of housekeeping at home.

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They had a pleasant ramble that day over grassy downs and along narrow by-lanes,

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and camped, as before, on a common,

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only this time the two guests took care that Toad should do his fair share of work.

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In consequence, when the time came for starting next morning,

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Toad was by no means so rapturous about the simplicity of the primitive life,

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and indeed attempted to resume his place in his bunk,

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whence he was hauled by force.

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Their way lay, as before,

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across country by narrow lanes,

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and it was not till the afternoon

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that they came out on the high-road,

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their first high-road;

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and there disaster,

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fleet and unforeseen, sprang out on them

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—disaster momentous indeed

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to their expedition,

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but simply overwhelming in its effect

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on the after career of Toad.

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They were strolling along the high-road easily,

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the Mole by the horse's head,

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talking to him, since the horse had complained that he was being frightfully left out of it,

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and nobody considered him in the least;

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the Toad and the Water Rat walking behind the cart talking together

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—at least Toad was talking, and Rat was saying at intervals,

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"Yes, precisely; and what did you say to him?"

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—and thinking all the time of something very different,

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when far behind them

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they heard a faint

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warning hum, like the drone of a distant bee.

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Glancing back, they saw a small cloud of

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dust, with a dark centre of energy,

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advancing on them at incredible speed,

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while from out the dust

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a faint "Poop-poop!" wailed like an uneasy animal in pain.

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Hardly regarding it, they turned to resume their conversation,

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when in an instant (as it seemed)

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the peaceful scene was changed,

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and with a blast of wind

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and a whirl of sound that made them jump for the nearest ditch,

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It was on them! The "Poop-poop"

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rang with a brazen shout in their ears,

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they had a moment's glimpse of an interior of

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glittering plate-glass and

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rich morocco, and the magnificent motor-car,

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immense, breath-snatching,

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passionate, with its pilot tense

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and hugging his wheel,

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possessed all earth and air for the fraction of a second,

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flung an enveloping cloud of dust that blinded and enwrapped them utterly,

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and then dwindled to a speck in the far distance,

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changed back into a droning bee once more.

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The old grey horse,

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dreaming, as he plodded along,

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of his quiet paddock,

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in a new raw situation such as this simply abandoned himself to his natural emotions.

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Rearing, plunging,

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backing steadily, in spite of all the Mole's efforts at his head,

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and all the Mole's lively language directed at his better feelings,

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he drove the cart backwards towards the deep ditch at the side of the road.

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It wavered an instant

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—then there was a heart-rending crash

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—and the canary-coloured cart, their pride and their joy,

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lay on its side in the ditch,

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an irredeemable wreck.

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The Rat danced up and down in the road,

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simply transported with passion.

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"You villains!" he shouted, shaking both fists,

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"You scoundrels, you highwaymen, you—you

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—road-hogs!—I'll have the law of you!

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I'll report you! I'll take you through all the Courts!"

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His home-sickness had quite slipped away from him,

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and for the moment he was the skipper of the canary-coloured vessel

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driven on a shoal by the reckless jockeying

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of rival mariners,

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and he was trying to recollect all the fine and biting things he used to say to

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masters of steam-launches when their wash,

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as they drove too near the bank,

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used to flood his parlour-carpet at home.

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Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road,

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his legs stretched out before him,

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and stared fixedly in the direction of the disappearing motor-car.

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He breathed short,

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his face wore a placid satisfied expression,

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and at intervals he faintly murmured "Poop

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-poop!" The Mole was busy trying to quiet the horse,

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which he succeeded in doing after a time.

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Then he went to look at the cart,

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on its side in the ditch.

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It was indeed a sorry sight.

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Panels and windows smashed,

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axles hopelessly bent,

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one wheel off, sardine-tins scattered over the wide world,

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and the bird in the bird-cage sobbing pitifully

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and calling to be let out.

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The Rat came to help him,

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but their united efforts were not sufficient to right the cart.

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"Hi! Toad!" they cried.

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"Come and bear a hand, can't you!"

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The Toad never answered a word,

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or budged from his seat in the road;

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so they went to see what was the matter with him.

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They found him in a sort of a trance,

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a happy smile on his face,

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his eyes still fixed on the dusty wake of their destroyer.

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At intervals he was still heard to murmur

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"Poop-poop!" The Rat shook him by the shoulder.

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"Are you coming to help us, Toad?"

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he demanded sternly.

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"Glorious, stirring sight!"

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murmured Toad, never offering to move.

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"The poetry of motion!

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The real way to travel!

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The only way to travel!

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Here to-day—in next week to-morrow!

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Villages skipped,

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towns and cities jumped

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—always somebody else's horizon!

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O bliss! O poop-poop! O my! O my!"

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"O stop being an ass, Toad!"

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cried the Mole despairingly.

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"And to think I never knew!"

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went on the Toad

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in a dreamy monotone.

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"All those wasted years that lie behind me,

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I never knew, never even dreamt!

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But now—but now that I know,

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now that I fully realise! O what a flowery track lies spread before me, henceforth!

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What dust-clouds shall spring up behind me as I speed on my reckless way!

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What carts I shall fling carelessly into the ditch

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in the wake of my magnificent onset!

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Horrid little carts

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—common carts—canary-coloured carts!'

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"What are we to do with him?"

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asked the Mole of the Water Rat.

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"Nothing at all," replied the Rat firmly.

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"Because there is really nothing to be done.

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You see, I know him from of old.

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He is now possessed.

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He has got a new craze,

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and it always takes him that way, in its first stage.

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He'll continue like that for days now,

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like an animal walking in a happy dream,

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quite useless for all practical purposes.

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Never mind him. Let's go and see what there is to be done about the cart."

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A careful inspection showed them that,

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even if they succeeded in righting it by themselves,

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the cart would travel no longer.

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The axles were in a hopeless state,

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and the missing wheel was shattered into pieces.

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The Rat knotted the horse's reins over his back

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and took him by the head,

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carrying the bird-cage and its hysterical occupant in the other hand.

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"Come on!" he said grimly to the Mole.

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"It's five or six miles to the nearest town,

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and we shall just have to walk it.

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The sooner we make a start the better."

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"But what about Toad?"

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asked the Mole anxiously,

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as they set off together.

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"We can't leave him here,

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sitting in the middle of the road by himself,

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in the distracted state he's in!

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It's not safe.

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Supposing another

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Thing were to come along?" "O, bother Toad," said the Rat savagely;

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"I've done with him!"

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They had not proceeded very far on their way, however,

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when there was a pattering of feet behind them,

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and Toad caught them up

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and thrust a paw inside the elbow of each of them;

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still breathing short

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and staring into vacancy.

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"Now, look here, Toad!"

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said the Rat sharply:

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"as soon as we get to the town,

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you'll have to go straight to the police-station,

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and see if they know anything about that motor

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-car and who it belongs to,

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and lodge a complaint against it.

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And then you'll have to go to a blacksmith's or a

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wheelwright's and arrange for the cart to be fetched and mended

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and put to rights.

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It'll take time, but it's not quite a hopeless smash.

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Meanwhile, the Mole and I will go to an inn

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and find comfortable rooms where we can stay till the cart's ready,

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and till your nerves have recovered their shock."

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"Police-station! Complaint!"

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murmured Toad dreamily. 'Me

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complain of that

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beautiful, that heavenly vision

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that has been vouchsafed me!

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Mend the cart! I've done with carts for ever.

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I never want to see the cart, or to hear of it, again.

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O, Ratty! You can't think

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how obliged I am to you for

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consenting to come on this trip!

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I wouldn't have gone without you,

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and then I might never have seen that

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—that swan, that sunbeam, that thunderbolt!

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I might never have heard that entrancing sound, or smelt that bewitching smell!

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I owe it all to you,

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my best of friends!" The Rat turned from him in despair.

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"You ⁠see what it is?"

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he said to the Mole, addressing him across Toad's head:

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"He's quite hopeless.

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I give it up—when we get to the town we'll go to the railway station, and with luck we may pick up a train there that'll get us back to riverbank to-night.

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And if ever you catch me going a-pleasuring with this provoking animal again!"

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—He snorted, and during the rest of that weary trudge addressed his remarks exclusively to Mole.

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On reaching the town

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they went straight to the station

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and deposited Toad in the second-class waiting-room,

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giving a porter twopence to keep a strict eye on him.

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They then left the horse at an inn stable,

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and gave what directions they could about the cart and its contents.

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Eventually, a slow train having landed them at a station not very far from Toad Hall,

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they escorted the spell-bound,

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sleep-walking Toad to his door,

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put him inside it,

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and instructed his housekeeper to feed him,

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undress him, and put him to bed.

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Then they got out their boat from the boat-house,

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sculled down the river home,

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and at a very late hour

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sat down to supper in their own

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cosy riverside parlour,

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to the Rat's great joy and contentment.

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The following evening the Mole,

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who had risen late and taken things very easy all day,

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was sitting on the bank fishing,

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when the Rat, who had been looking up his friends and gossiping,

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came strolling along to find him. "Heard

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the news?" he said.

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"There's nothing else being talked about, all along the river bank.

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Toad went up to Town by an early train this morning.

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And he has ordered

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a large and very expensive

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motor-car." This was

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Chapter II of "The Wind in the Willows" by Kenneth Grahame,

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read for you by Khaki,

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your faithful fireside companion.

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You can find many more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for keeping me company at the fireside in 2020.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog.