“Puplift: A Dog's Guide to Space - The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe” by Tempe O'Kun (read by the author)

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog,

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and Today’s story is “Puplift:

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A Dog's Guide to Space -

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The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”

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by Tempe O'Kun, who is the staff writer at Culturally F'd,

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and the writer of the Windfall

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and Sixes Wild series

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by FurPlanet Productions,

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and you can find more of his stories on his FurAffinity or his SoFurry account.

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Read by the author.

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Accompanied by a video version,

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with art by Sam Pipes

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and music by Bearywell.

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Please enjoy “Puplift:

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A Dog's Guide to Space -

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The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”

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by Tempe O'Kun, read for you by the author himself.

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Today, we will talk about The Earth,

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The Most Dangerous Place In The Universe

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Some places in the Universe are not safe.

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Most of them are easy to be safe from.

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Everybody knows not to fly into a star.

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They are too hot!

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And you see them from very far away,

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so you can go around.

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The most dangerous place in space is a planet called The Earth.

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Dogs and dolphins and humans evolved on it,

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so you would think it would be safe for us.

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It is nice, but it is still wild!

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Lots of people worked very hard to take the nice things with us

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to new places

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and to leave the not-safe things

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there. When you are on a ship or a station

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or a terraformed planet,

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you will not get eaten by bears.

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That is because dogs have been very careful to smell for bears

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getting on our spaceships when we visit The Earth.

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If there are bears there, we bark at them

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to make them go back onto The Earth,

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then close the spaceship door.

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That is why space has no bears.

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Always smell your spaceship for dangerous animals before you go to space.

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Bears are a little bit sneaky,

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but some lifeforms on The

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Earth are even sneakier! Some of them are much smaller than bears, like germs. Lots of germs live on The Earth

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and some of them evolved very hard

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to make us sick. But they cannot make you sick

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if they do not get inside you.

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If cake falls on the floor of a space station,

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it is safe to eat that cake.

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If cake falls on the ground on The

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Earth, you should use a scanner

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on it before you eat that cake.

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If the scanner says

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“Danger: Pathogens Detected” about the cake,

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then you should not eat that cake.

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According to math,

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the most dangerous animal on The Earth

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is a blood-drinking predator bug called the mosquito.

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It flies through the air and is

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small like confetti.

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Each one only drinks your blood a little,

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but they can put not-safe germs in you.

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It has a sharp straw to drink your blood,

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but cannot drink it if you have metal skin because you are a cyborg all over.

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We sometimes use a special smell

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called “the bug spray”

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to keep them away.

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If you forgot to bring the bug spray,

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you can wear a spacesuit.

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But the best way to protect yourself from bugs is to use the special sound the dolphins invented

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that explodes mosquitos.

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They are so smart!

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You will need to play it from a speaker, like the one on a radio.

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The bites from lots of bugs are itchy

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and maybe have germs.

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Another bug species is called flea.

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They cannot fly, but they hop fast!

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The dolphins have another sound that explodes fleas.

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The air-cleaners on your spaceship

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will suck up the bugs,

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but you should take a shower

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so they are not in your fur.

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Jellyfish are wiggly blobs that live in the ocean.

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They are pretty and sometimes glow.

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But you should not touch them

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because they will stab you with nematocysts. A nematocyst a little piece of the jellyfish that flies out to put toxin in you.

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These are some of the animal dangers,

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but some plants are not safe too.

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On a terraformed planet, you can chew on all the plants and not

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die. (Your mouth and guts might hurt, though.)

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On The Earth, some of the plants should not be chewed.

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That is Earth plant

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safety. Parts of The Earth are also made of dangerous rocks.

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Most rocks are okay,

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but some are not,

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like arsenic or lava.

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If you see a new rock,

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you can use your visor to scan it

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to see if it is poison or melting.

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Then you should stay away

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and maybe wash your paws when you get home, for more safety.

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If you want lead or arsenic or lava

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on a space station or ship,

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you have to keep it in a box.

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On terraformed planets,

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we dig holes and put away those rocks,

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so they do not hurt someone.

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If you have lots of bad rocks on your planet,

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you can ask the AIs

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to shoot them with particles,

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so they are just gold.

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These are some of the things you should be careful about on The Earth.

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It is a very nice place to go,

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but if you have never been there, you should go with someone who has already been there,

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or lives there, so they can help you to not die

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and to have a fun time instead.

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This was “Puplift: A Dog's Guide to Space -

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The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”

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written and read for you by Tempo,a

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fluffy dog in a cowboy hat,

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with music by Bearywell.

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As always, you can find more stories on the web

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at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get

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your podcasts. Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog.