“Chinchilla Attack” by Reid Minnich

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.  I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and Today’s story is

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“Chinchilla Attack”

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by Reid Minnich, who co-writes scifi,

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furry and furry scifi with his wife, Stacy Bender.

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“Chinchilla Attack”

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by Reid Minnich From the screen, the sun looked the same as home.

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Blacktail’s eyes strained to see the jewel in the blackness

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and check if it was as beautiful as the images the probe sent,

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but the planet was still a tiny dot.

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Officer Barada’s tail bristled.

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“Sir! I’m picking up radio signals.”

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Her hands flew across the controls.

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“What?” Captain Blacktail’s ears twitched.

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How could a probe detect water, air, and plant life,

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but fail to detect technology?

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The fact was disheartening,

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but he was prepared to fight for this prize.

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How much of a fight was the question now.

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The enormity of what he now had to do weighed heavily on his large furry stomach.

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“Steady on.” “I’m detecting ships, sir.”

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Blacktail gripped his armrests.

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“Are they Averon ships? Have they spotted us?

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How many are on an intercept course?”

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Barada’s ears twitched.

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“There are no interstellar wakes.

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Nothing is moving.”

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She turned a few knobs.

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“There are several large machines in orbit but all appear to be stationary.

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Nothing coming in or out.”

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She flipped a switch and a machine appeared on the screen.

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“I don’t think it is an Averon ship, sir.”

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It was ugly. That in itself would have justified Barada’s opinion.

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The ladders, doors and windows looked Chinchillan,

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although the structures were devoid of decoration.

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Then he saw the scale.

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“Barada. How big are these creatures?”

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“Judging by the size of that ladder and door, the creatures must be

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90 mic tall and weigh five thousand zok.” Klaatu’s paw shivered as it hovered above the engine controls.

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“Shall we turn around and run?”

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Blacktail shook his head.

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“Stay on course, half speed.”

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The pup still had stripes in his fur.

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Ninety mic? He tried to imagine a creature that big.

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His six mic stature was considered tall and his 100 zok was considered portly.

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He doubted such a giant would notice stepping on him.

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He glared in the direction of his computer officer.

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“Nikto. What can you tell me about these creatures?”

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“They are big, sir.”

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Through clenched teeth,

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he spat, “We know that.”

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Blacktail closed his eyes tight and imagined giving Nikto a savage nip.

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“How high is their technology?

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Can you translate their language?”

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“I am not detecting any high

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tech power sources.

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The computers are already working on translation, Captain.”

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“Good. Let me know when they are finished.”

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“Finished, sir?” Nikto squeaked.

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“Why do you make every conversation so difficult?” he barked. “Yes.

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Finished.” “It will never finish.

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The program will refine translation as long as you let it run.

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The syntax algorithm

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and the vocabulary tables form multi-indexed contextual- “Stop!”

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Blacktail winced at the sharpness of his own voice as it ricocheted off the metal walls.

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He let out a slow breath and turned to Barada.

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“Locate a place to land and make contact with one of these creatures.”

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“I thought that is what you would want.”

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She swiveled away from him to face the large screen on the wall.

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Her bushy tail curled seductively around her feet.

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“I’ve already selected an area with sparse metal structures

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each containing only one or two large creatures.

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We will be in synchronous orbit above it in a few tocks.”

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The screen filled with a large rectangular shape.

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A rainbow colored infrared image of a creature could be seen

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as if the walls were transparent.

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Viewed from above and behind, it was not a nice looking creature.

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Blacktail glanced around the room.

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Every eye was fixed on the creature.

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Klaatu’s shivering increased by the moment.

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“Nikto. Have the translators in the pod in five tocks.”

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His warning glance silenced the first word of his engineer’s complaint.

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“Are we still going down there?”

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Klaatu stammered.

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“They could be predators.”

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“We are equipped with the most sophisticated weapons ever devised.”

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Blacktail tried to sound confident,

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but as he looked at the monster, he too felt fear.

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“We cannot turn back.

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We have two hundred tocks to find a solution.”

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He switched the screen to show the planet’s large land masses

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and let that encourage him and the crew for a tock.

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“I want each of you dressed in your finest military uniform.

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We will depart in five tocks.

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Dismissed.” Klaatu’s comment

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weighed heavily on his mind

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as he walked the multi-colored translucent tube from the control room to his quarters.

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It was always possible the next alien species would be a predator.

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Closing the door,

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he indulged in a scented dust bath before tying the gold ribbon of his pink and yellow captain’s bonnet under his chin

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and checking in the mirror that it was centered between his ears.

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The tall emerald feather he won from the defeated Averon captain

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made it even more regal and returned some of his confidence.

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Tocks later, the crew was assembled and ready.

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Even Klaatu looked smart.

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His simple green and red striped skullcap with a small propeller in the center signified his position.

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It was not as striking as Barada’s headpiece with its twin star-shaped jewels on flexible springs,

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nor as tall as Nikto’s black and white checkered ear-length cone,

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but it would do. Nikto passed out communicator earrings and translator pendants.

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“What is your plan, sir?”

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“I hate violence as much as you do,”

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he looked each one in turn.

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When he looked at Nikto, he couldn’t help but wince.

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“Except for you.” He opened a steel box with a thick lid

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and removed several objects.

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“We have less than two hundred tocks to find out how this species reacts to aggression.

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If they are easily intimidated,

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we will see how they react to diplomacy.”

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Barada’s eyes widened as she looked into the box.

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“Aren’t those Pandora Missiles?”

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She took a step back.

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“How far are we prepared to push them?”

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Blacktail’s face hardened as much as his chubby cheeks would allow.

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“As far as it takes.

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Hopefully, we won’t have to use the big guns.

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We’ll start with this.”

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He held up a dark green canister with a red button on top.

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“You all know how to use this; don’t you?”

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He could see the confusion on their faces.

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“Come on. There are no stupid questions.”

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Barada picked up one of the canisters as the rest of the crew shied away.

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“This is a stench grenade.

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It makes your eyes water

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and has a very bad smell.

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You push the button and roll the canister at your enemy.

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It releases the gas after five seconds.”

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“Very good, Barada.

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How about this?” He handed her a disk that looked like two dinner plates glued together with a thick red material between them.

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“That sir, is a terror induction bomb.

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It makes an ear-piercing noise

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and throws brightly colored sparks as it spins,”

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she said with trepidation.

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Klaatu shivered. “The horror.”

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Nikto whimpered.

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“So, we use the stench grenade first.

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If the creature is not begging for mercy, we use the terror induction bomb.

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If it still isn’t cowed

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we will be forced to use a Pandora missile.

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Are there any other questions?”

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He looked each in the eye.

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Even Barada seemed appalled.

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Klaatu timidly raised a hand.

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“Couldn’t we try diplomacy first?”

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Blacktail’s breath caught in his throat.

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“That is the dumbest thing you have ever said.

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Enough questions. Let’s get on with it.”

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He ushered them into the shuttle.

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They were silent as the shuttle slid silently toward the surface.

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It was up to him to make this work.

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His crew knew their tasks and did them well,

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but they were not trained soldiers.

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He closed his eyes and rehearsed what he would say to the giant when it was cowering at his feet.

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He felt the final surge as the shuttle flared

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and settled to a gentle landing.

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He viewed the not so alien landscape around the shuttle before opening the rear hatch.

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The lush vegetation made the wild promises of the probe’s report seem

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understated. “I know you are scared, but this should make you feel better.”

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He patted the shell of the first in a line

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of transparent spheres.

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This is the high military achievement of our age.

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When you are in a transpod,

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nothing can hurt you.

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These shells are designed to withstand the weight of ten thousand zok,

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twice the weight of the creature we will meet.

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It has motorized weights that allow it to climb steep hills without tiring the driver.

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Its clear shell allowed for perfect visibility in any direction.

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All you have to do is walk normally.

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He loaded the weapons into the holding area in his transpod.

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Nikto trembled less the moment he closed the transparent door.

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The house awaited at the other side of a wide field,

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framed in a twilight sky.

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As they got closer

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the impossible size of the dwelling eroded his confidence.

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His courage took another hard hit as he came close enough to see into a cage through a window.

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Inside the cage was an Averon.

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At least, its bright feathers certainly made it look like one.

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Could the giants also be at war with them?

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The thought of keeping an enemy in a cage seemed

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unbelievably cruel.

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He had no translator for Averon and freeing it was not in his mission parameters,

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but he had to know the truth.

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He left the transpod at the base of the wall under the window.

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It was an easy climb to the ledge.

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The window was opened at the bottom barely enough to crawl through.

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The Averon sat motionless

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with its eyes closed in a filthy cage.

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Blacktail tapped on the cage lightly at first, then harder.

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The bird didn’t move

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until he beat his fists against the bars.

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It gave no sign it recognized him as an enemy.

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Clearly, this was not an intelligent creature.

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Blacktail felt better about turning his back on the creature

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until it spoke. “Hello,”

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his translator chirped.

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Blacktail’s heart sank.

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He could never leave a sentient creature in such a state.

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It made sense that the Averon would quickly learn the local language.

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Now that they could communicate,

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it might give him valuable information.

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“We will free you.

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What can you tell us about the giants?”

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The Averon turned its back to him.

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Whether out of distrust or hatred, he could only guess.

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He scampered down the wall to the others.

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“The giant is holding an Averon prisoner.

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We must free it.” Barada popped the hatch of her transpod and crawled out. “An Averon, here?” Klaatu was barely audible through the thick glass of his pod.

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“You want us to help one of them?”

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“It may have important intel on the giants.”

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Blacktail looked at the frightened faces of his crew.

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“Nikto and Barada,

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go around the house to the left and look for a way in.

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Klaatu and I will go right.

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We’ll meet on the other side.”

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He climbed into his pod

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and led the way.

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Making his way around the next side of the building,

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he found a stone path that led to stairs

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and a door, but the handle was impossibly high.

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There were also windows far out of reach.

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They moved on to the next side of the house where they were to meet with the others.

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When they grew uncomfortable waiting for Barada and Nikto,

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Blacktail led Klaatu around the next wall and found empty transpods at the foot of a set of stairs.

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He breathed easier when he saw Nikto at the top of the stairs

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gesturing to come see something.

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Dragging Klaatu by the hand,

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he climbed the stairs where Barada pushed experimentally prodded a door that was the perfect size for them and their pods.

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It swung easily from its top hinge.

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It was almost too good to be true.

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“What do you think uses this door?”

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Barada whispered.

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“Are there two intelligent species here?

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Averons, perhaps?”

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Blacktail shook his head.

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“An Averon entrance would not be on ground level.

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Let’s get the pods up here.”

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It took a few tocks for them to push the pods to the top of the stairs and the base of the door.

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“The Averon is in this corner of the building.

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The giant could be anywhere.

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We have one hundred tocks.

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Let’s move out.” He rolled his transpod through the door

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and found himself in a hallway wide enough

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to be a four lane expressway.

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The rest of the crew entered close behind him. The pods

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rolled silently cushioned by a soft carpet.

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They hugged the wall which opened into the Averon’s room.

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“Hello,” he greeted them cordially.

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“We’ll have you out in a second.”

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Blacktail left the safety of his pod

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and climbed the pole.

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Lowering himself down on the top of the cage

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he reached for the simple latch that held the cage closed

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when he realized the Averon could easily have escaped.

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Not sure what else to do,

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he pulled the release and the door sprang open.

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The Averon did not bolt but seemed confused and frightened. “Pretty Bird.” “What?” Blacktail tried to make eye contact but the Averon seemed quite agitated.

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“What can you tell us about the giants?” he whispered.

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“Back in the cage!”

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it screeched. “I will try to get you safe passage to any Averon system.

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We will contact them to come get you.”

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It whistled loudly then repeated,

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“Back in the cage.”

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The noise alone would have alerted the giant.

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Blacktail hurried back down the pole to the safety of his pod.

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“What is wrong with it?” Barada asked.

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“I don’t know. Has it been tortured to insanity?”

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He stared up at the cage with her

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until it began to rain seed shells and poo covered bits of paper.

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“Back in the cage,” it shrieked.

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Blacktail led his crew in a hasty retreat back to the hallway.

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Barada rolled next to him.

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“What now?” “We go on.”

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He led them to the end of the hallway

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where the carpet ended at the entrance to a cavernous room with tables,

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chairs, and metal boxes

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the size of high rise apartment buildings.

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Here, the floor was polished planks of wood.

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He struck his most confident pose and strode into the room

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looking for the giant.

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The transpod clicked loudly in the groves of the wooden floor.

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A blood chilling low-pitched sound hit him in the stomach.

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A beast like the fabled zark charged from the shadows.

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In a second it was on him.

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He saw the world spin as a paw hit the side of his pod.

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Fortunately, the stabilizers kept him from feeling the impact as he hit the wall.

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He wanted to run

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but terror froze his arms and legs.

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The zark hurled a series of sharp barks

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that turned his blood to ice.

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Lined with pointed teeth,

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its mouth was large enough to swallow him whole.

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The teeth bit against the glass.

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The pod struggled to maintain its position

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as the zark’s paws hit it from every direction.

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A low hit sent him flying through the air

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down the hallway.

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As he bounced, he steered it as best he could toward the giant door but careened into the pods of his crew

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which all went spinning in different directions.

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Blacktail’s military training took over.

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He opened his hatch

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and threw a stench grenade as the zark charged down the hallway.

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It paused to look at the hissing cylinder at its feet,

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whined and backed away.

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From somewhere far away

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came a new sound.

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“Fifi!” The zark turned its head to look.

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The floor of the immense building creaked and shook with each slow step of the giant.

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Blacktail hurried the crew into the room at the end of the hallway

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where with the insane Averon greeted them loudly. He readied a panic induction bomb as the crew lined up behind him

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and peered around the corner.

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It appeared at the end of the hallway.

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It was the strangest creature Blacktail had ever seen.

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It had a mop of hair on its head but its skin was bald.

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It wore brightly colored cloth over every mic of its body but its face and hands.

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“What is wrong with you?”

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The sound of its voice was several octaves lower than a Chinchilla voice.

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It walked into the cloud of noxious gas

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and sniffed. It coughed and waved its hand in front of its face.

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“Bad dog.” It turned and disappeared into the far room.

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Blacktail checked his crew.

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His pod weathered the attack without a scratch. He checked the time.

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He would have to make his decision within 50 tocks.

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With the weight of his planet pushing him on,

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he motioned to the crew and stepped forward.

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His pod protected him from the fumes of the stench grenade

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that must still fill the hallway.

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The giant was seated in the room at the end of the hall

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with its back to him.

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The zark looked right at them

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and backed away. When he was close enough,

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Blacktail armed the panic bomb

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and rolled it with expert aim toward the giant.

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It hit its target

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and jumped into the air just over the giant’s head

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unleashing its shrill whistling sound

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and showering the giant in multicolored sparks.

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It was a terrifying sight.

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Blacktail griped the controls of his pod and watched.

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He could see the terror build as the giant turned and looked up.

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Its slow reflexes may have been a result of the immense size of its nervous system.

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Blacktail readied himself to approach his terror stricken foe.

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As the seconds ticked by,

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Blacktail began to doubt that any nervous system could be this slow.

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His impatience turned to fear

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as the giant reached up

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and let the sparks fall into its hand.

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It looked positively disappointed when the whistling and sparks stopped.

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The bomb dropped to the ground exhausted and defeated,

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exactly like Blacktail’s plan.

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Blacktail hefted the entire box of Pandora missiles.

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“It’s hopeless. We have to go back,” Nikto whined as his pod rolled next to him.

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“What are you going to do?”

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Klaatu shivered. “We have to find a way to defeat the monsters

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or face starvation on our planet.

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planet.” He haphazardly dumped the missiles on the floor

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and pointed them randomly toward the ceiling.

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“Take cover,” he shouted

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and slapped each missile’s launch button.

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He dived into his pod as the first one shot skyward

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and joined the rest of his crew taking shelter beneath a giant chair.

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All six were airborne in quick succession.

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Blacktail covered his ears and closed his eyes tight.

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Even so, the first flash and concussion set his nerves ablaze

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and the brightness hurt his eyes.

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It was all he could do hold his composure through the assault.

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The only other time he witnessed the use of this weapon

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made him glad he saw nothing.

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The sound alone stunned Averons and Chinchillas alike

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and the flash caused temporary blindness.

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It was the cruelest device any Chinchilla had ever devised

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and only his rigorous training made him callous enough to use it.

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Even so, he knew he’d eventually feel regret and remorse for what he was forced to do.

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He was grateful the transpod protected him from the worst of the noise.

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Even so, he would be partially deaf for a short time when this was over.

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Between explosions,

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he listened for the screams of the giant.

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The bombardment seemed to last forever.

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Some part of his brain tried to count the seconds,

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knowing it would all end in under a tock,

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but the adrenaline flooding into his system

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would not allow that much concentration.

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His pod swung violently.

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Blacktail cracked open an eye to see what had caused it

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and saw a transpod rolling erratically toward another chair.

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A flash forced him to close his eyes tight.

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Then it was over.

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The monster was on its hands and knees.

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Gazing at his trembling foe,

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Blacktail felt strong.

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Barada’s chest was heaving

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but she seemed fine.

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Nikto lay curled into a ball at the bottom of his pod.

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He scanned the room.

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It wasn’t until the giant straightened that he saw Klaatu’s pod the in giant’s hand.

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The giant’s mouth moved but only a few words were translated

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“Are you … the …?” Blacktail couldn’t turn away

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but watched in fascinated horror

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as the giant unlatched the hatch of the Klaatu’s pod

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and wrapped his fingers around the helpless crewmember.

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The giant walked right by the chair the rest of the crew was hiding under.

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The zark bounced against the giant’s leg

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as if begging for a meal.

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Blacktail could only hear the giant as Klaatu begged for his life.

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“… you … so cute!” The giant ran one finger along Klaatu’s back,

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seemingly unaware of his pleading.

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“Nikto, what is wrong with the translator?”

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“Nothing, sir. It has only learned a few words?” Nikto stammered.

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Blacktail could not hear Klaatu,

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but the giant had not done anything but look at him.

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“It ran for ten tocks

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and it only learned baby talk?”

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“It can speak baby talk in sixty five languages,”

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he said hopefully.

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“Multiple languages?”

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Blacktail yanked

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and thrashed angrily at the controls.

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“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

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Nikto bleated,

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“I tried, sir. You told me to shut up.”

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Barada cried out.

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“It can’t hear the panic induction bomb or smell the stench grenade.

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The Pandora hardly phased it.

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The colony ships haven’t got a chance.

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We have to turn the fleet around.” The giant continued walking to another room

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carrying Klaatu away.

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Blacktail was grateful when Klaatu’s screams were too far away to be heard.

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Blacktail looked at the time.

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He had ten tocks, not that it mattered.

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Nikto and Barada were right.

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It was hopeless.” Blacktail pressed a few buttons.

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“This is Captain Blacktail of the Royal Chinchillan Space Fleet.

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The planet below is – “Wait,” Nikto cried out.

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“Wait for the rest of us to be eaten before we send the message that will prolong thousands of lives?” Blacktail snapped.

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“Sir. If you’ll allow me to try something.”

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Blacktail sneered.

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“What can you do?” Nikto went running after the giant.

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Blacktail shook his head

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and turned to his only remaining crewmember.

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“The idiot is going to get himself killed.”

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He pushed a button

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and continued his recording.

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“This is Captain Blacktail.

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The planet is infested with giants.

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We are hopelessly unable to defeat or defend against them.

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With deep regret,

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I – “Sir?” “What?” he exploded.

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“What if Nikto has a good idea?”

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she pleaded. “Listen to yourself.

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You can’t use his name and good idea in the same sentence.”

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She placed a hand lightly against the glass.

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“He is giving his life.

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Shouldn’t we at least allow him to try?”

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He chided himself for being too fond of the female, but nodded to her.

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“Very well.” They crept their pods to follow the monster

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and hid under a table with full view of the horrific spectacle.

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“Another one?” The giant set Nikto and Klaatu on a table. Klaatu lay

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twitching at the edge,

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but Nikto reached toward the giant.

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A puzzled look came over the giant

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who leaned close.

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“Hungry,” Nikto yelled.

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The giant staggered back.

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“You talk.” Again Nikto gestured

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and repeated his message into the tiny ear of the giant.

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“Hungry? You are hungry?

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Why didn’t you say so?”

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it opened a cabinet and set several cylinders before the pair.

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Each cylinder was as tall as they were.

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The giant put a mound of food on the counter from each container.

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Each mound would have fed them all for several days.

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Nikto nibbled at one

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then another. “Nuts, Sir.

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Dried fruit. So much food!”

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He raised one in each hand.

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“And it’s delicious.”

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The giant ran its finger down Klaatu’s back.

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“You are so soft,” it crooned hypnotically.

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Blacktail felt his stomach tighten

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the giant turned its head.

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“More …?” He backed away as the giant approached.

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Barada steered her pod at the monster’s feet

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and opened the hatch as it reached for her,

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but the zark came running and reached her first.

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“Fifi,” the giant warned.

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The zark obediently slowed

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and merely sniffed Barada.

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The giant gently lifted Barada

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and rubbed her against its cheek.

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“So soft and cute.”

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Blacktail pressed the delete button and began a new message.

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“This is Captain Blacktail.

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The world below you is teeming

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with willing slaves…

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This was “Chinchilla Attack”

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by Reid Minnich, read for you by Khaki,

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your faithful fireside companion.

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You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening to