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“A Different Kind of Make-Believe” by Renee Carter Hall (part 2 of 2, Live)
Ricky Rex is a dinosaur hiding in plain sight on a children’s television show, but his biggest problem is his crush on his human co-star.
Today's story is read before a live audience at Anthrocon 2024.
Today’s story is the second and final part of “A Different Kind of Make-Believe” by Renee Carter Hall, author of the Coyotl-Award-winning fantasy Huntress, and you can find more of her stories on her Patreon.
Last time, Ricky Rex, a dinosaur hiding in plain sight on a children’s TV show, finally told his human co-star how he feels about him. But there’s more for Ricky to discover, about himself and about just how brave this new love can help him to be.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/a-different-kind-of-make-believe-by-renee-carter-hall-part-2-of-2-live
Transcript
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today's story is being read before a live audience at Anthrocon 2024. [Now, as before, I’ll do the reading, I’ll mark flubbed lines with Edit Edit Edit, please react as the story moves you as long as you don’t do it in words… and here we go. Edit Edit Edit.]
Speaker:Today’s story is the second and final part of
Speaker:“A Different Kind of Make-Believe” by Renee Carter Hall,
Speaker:author of the Coyotl-Award-winning fantasy Huntress,
Speaker:and you can find more of her stories
Speaker:on her Patreon. Last time,
Speaker:Ricky Rex, a dinosaur hiding in plain sight on a children’s TV show,
Speaker:finally told his human co-star how he feels about him.
Speaker:But there’s more for Ricky to discover,
Speaker:about himself and about just how brave this new love can help him to be.
Speaker:Please enjoy“A Different Kind
Speaker:of Make-Believe” by Renee Carter Hall,
Speaker:Part 2 of 2 That night, I pace restlessly through my rooms,
Speaker:unable to stand the anonymity of the place anymore.
Speaker:It feels like a hotel suite. (Okay,
Speaker:I’ve never actually been in a hotel, but I’ve seen plenty of video reviews.)
Speaker:Finally I go online
Speaker:and start browsing home furnishing sites. For the next three hours I scroll through the options, looking at
Speaker:framed art, vases, rugs,
Speaker:bookshelves, little lamps that glow so dim they feel pointless.
Speaker:Some of it’s pretty, some of it’s colorful,
Speaker:all of it’s interesting,
Speaker:but it all gives me the same kind of feeling as talking to Katie about names:
Speaker:How do I know which one is me?
Speaker:I’ve been taking what’s handed to me
Speaker:for so long, I don’t even know what I like.
Speaker:I feel almost angry with myself.
Speaker:Shouldn’t I know this?
Speaker:Shouldn’t I know who I am?
Speaker:After scrolling past the same paisley ottoman
Speaker:on three different sites,
Speaker:I growl and give up.
Speaker:I look up from the screen and stare at the wall
Speaker:—one of those white-framed watercolors, a splash of red and orange
Speaker:that looks like a bowl of tomato soup splashed on the wall.
Speaker:Start here, I tell myself.
Speaker:What do I wish were here,
Speaker:in place of this one bland, not-me thing?
Speaker:I think for what feels like
Speaker:an hour, and then I open up another tab and go to an auction site.
Speaker:A few keywords and an opening bid later,
Speaker:and I can’t stop grinning.
Speaker:Matt chokes on his wine when he sees it.
Speaker:“They made posters?”
Speaker:“Vintage,” I say proudly.
Speaker:“I bet! Probably hauled out of a vintage Dumpster.”
Speaker:Still, there’s something in his eyes as he takes it in,
Speaker:the Rocket Racers logo
Speaker:and the collage of all the characters,
Speaker:and I wonder what memories he’s reliving.
Speaker:This time I’ve cued up an ambient playlist so
Speaker:the silences feel less empty.
Speaker:Or maybe we’re just more comfortable with each other now, music or no music.
Speaker:His gaze falls then on the silver picture frame on a side table,
Speaker:a picture of Les and Linda I cut out of a magazine years ago.
Speaker:Smiling, posing,
Speaker:all dressed up for some gala,
Speaker:maybe an awards show.
Speaker:He speaks quietly after a moment.
Speaker:“Hard to believe it’s been...
Speaker:what, four years?” “Three and a half,”
Speaker:I say, just as quietly.
Speaker:“Were you close? I mean, I always
Speaker:figured you were, but...”
Speaker:“Not really.” I try to think of how to put it.
Speaker:“I think I was... sort of a
Speaker:project to them. But then, they always said they built the show around me
Speaker:as a way of hiding me in plain sight. To keep me safe.
Speaker:So it’s not that they
Speaker:didn’t care, exactly, but—”
Speaker:“As producers, not parents.”
Speaker:I nod. “Do you remember your parents?”
Speaker:“I don’t remember anything from before.
Speaker:They thought maybe I would eventually,
Speaker:that maybe bits and pieces would come back.
Speaker:But nothing ever showed up.”
Speaker:I swallow. “It’s not a big deal, though.”
Speaker:He looks back at the picture and nods.
Speaker:“What about you?” I ask.
Speaker:“Your parents.” “Mom passed away five years ago. My dad
Speaker:and I... don’t talk much.
Speaker:But I have a sister here in town,
Speaker:and a nephew who’s almost big enough now to watch the show.”
Speaker:“I bet you’re a good uncle.”
Speaker:He laughs. “If spoiling him within an inch of his life means I’m a good uncle, then I’m the best.”
Speaker:He takes another sip of his wine.
Speaker:“I guess, though, that’s something I’ve liked about this business.
Speaker:A good show, with a good crew... it’s like family.”
Speaker:I think about Katie and the others.
Speaker:She’s like what I always imagined
Speaker:a big sister to be, but she’s also the only one
Speaker:who’s made any effort over the years to get to know me.
Speaker:Then again, Matt’s the first one
Speaker:who’s ever seen this apartment,
Speaker:so I haven’t exactly been hosting cocktail parties myself.
Speaker:I look down at my wine glass.
Speaker:“Matt... Why’d you take the job?”
Speaker:“Well, like I said, it just
Speaker:feels like time to stretch a little—”
Speaker:“No, I mean this job.
Speaker:The B.C. Club. Why’d you agree to a job
Speaker:that was just a cover story in the first place?”
Speaker:He heads to the couch,
Speaker:and I tuck myself next to him, turning
Speaker:sideways a bit to allow for my tail.
Speaker:He gazes into his wine for a few moments before he speaks.
Speaker:“Well… At the time, I told myself it was another kind of acting.
Speaker:A different kind of make-believe that took a level of...
Speaker:tact and subtlety
Speaker:and public presence that I’d
Speaker:never been called on to do before.”
Speaker:“A challenge.” “That’s what I thought.
Speaker:Until I met you.” “And then?”
Speaker:He takes a sip of wine.
Speaker:“Do you remember that day?”
Speaker:I try, but so many of those early days are a blur,
Speaker:and it’s like he’s just always been there.
Speaker:Finally I shake my head,
Speaker:and Matt nods and goes on.
Speaker:“There was still part of me that thought the whole thing was a joke.
Speaker:Some big elaborate prank,
Speaker:even if I had no idea why
Speaker:they’d go to all the trouble.
Speaker:They’d told me about...
Speaker:who you were. What you were.
Speaker:I expected to be scared,
Speaker:honestly. Teeth and claws and...”
Speaker:He makes his hands into claws.
Speaker:“Rarrr, you know?” He laughs a little, and I chuckle, too.
Speaker:I’ve never been the rarrr
Speaker:type. “And then the L’s introduced me,
Speaker:and you said—” I remember now.
Speaker:“‘You’re the one who’s going to be me.’“
Speaker:“And I said, ‘Well, I’ll do my best,’ or whatever.
Speaker:And then you said—”
Speaker:We say it together.
Speaker:“‘Will it hurt when you get inside me?’“
Speaker:Humans blush in situations like this.
Speaker:I just close my eyes like it’s going to make the memory go away.
Speaker:When I open them,
Speaker:he’s gazing at me,
Speaker:soft and intent. “You were real
Speaker:to me then. You were a person.”
Speaker:“Not a very smart person.”
Speaker:“More like a very young one.”
Speaker:He traces a finger along the rim of his wine glass.
Speaker:“You were so... open, to everything. In a way
Speaker:I wished I could be.
Speaker:“And from then on,” he finishes,
Speaker:“it wasn’t just another job.
Speaker:It was about protecting that wonder I saw in you.
Speaker:Keeping it safe, keeping you safe. It was an honor. It was...
Speaker:a gift.” And now there’s something else I want to know,
Speaker:because I still can’t quite believe it.
Speaker:“And when did you…
Speaker:I mean…” Matt smiles.
Speaker:“Do you remember when that little girl came to the set, the one in the dinosaur hat, in the wheelchair?”
Speaker:“Riley,” I say quietly.
Speaker:He nods. “They were supposed to be here for like
Speaker:ten minutes, tops.
Speaker:They stayed three hours.
Speaker:Threw everything off schedule.
Speaker:Stewart was livid.
Speaker:He kept trying to drop hints that they had to leave,
Speaker:and you weren’t taking any of them.”
Speaker:“She wanted to have pebble tea with me,
Speaker:and rock cakes. In the cave.”
Speaker:“And you sent catering scrambling to set it up.
Speaker:By the time it was all over, we were behind two days of shooting.”
Speaker:I shrug. “We had plenty of days.
Speaker:She didn’t.” “I’ve never seen a kid look so happy.
Speaker:Her parents were...”
Speaker:He shakes his head and swallows.
Speaker:“They met with me later
Speaker:—when I was out of costume, supposedly.
Speaker:They couldn’t stop thanking me for taking her so seriously.
Speaker:For taking that time.
Speaker:For making it all real.”
Speaker:He takes my hands in his,
Speaker:brushing his fingertips over my scales.
Speaker:“That wasn’t someone just reading from a script.
Speaker:That wasn’t the Ricky Rex from the juice boxes and the toy shelves. That was you.
Speaker:And that’s when I knew how special you were.
Speaker:To them, and to me.”
Speaker:I remember that day.
Speaker:And I remember the day months later,
Speaker:when we got a note at the studio
Speaker:from Riley’s mother,
Speaker:the one that used words like
Speaker:peacefully and brave.
Speaker:There was a picture of Riley tucked inside,
Speaker:taken before she got sick.
Speaker:It’s in a drawer here somewhere.
Speaker:It’s something else, I realize, I should have on my wall.
Speaker:Something else that’s part of the journey of who I am. Matt sets his empty wine glass on the coffee table.
Speaker:“I never thought about how lonely it must have been, up here all this time,
Speaker:by yourself.” I don’t know what to say to that.
Speaker:For a long time, I might have lied and said,
Speaker:no, not really, it’s okay,
Speaker:I’m used to it. Or I can say yes, it has been,
Speaker:and worry that this—this, right now, all of this, him on the couch next to me, the two of us here together
Speaker:—is only pity, just a nice guy
Speaker:feeling sorry for the poor weird lonely talking dinosaur that nobody could ever really love.
Speaker:Instead, I rest my hand over his and tell him
Speaker:the whole truth, the only thing that matters,
Speaker:in four words. “I’m not lonely now.” * * *
Speaker:I spend a lot of time that night
Speaker:thinking about the first days of the show.
Speaker:I wind up turning on the computer and searching for season one,
Speaker:and I stare at the screen for a long time before I click play.
Speaker:I haven’t watched our pilot in
Speaker:—well, actually I’ve never watched our pilot, not from this side of the camera.
Speaker:I cringe my way through the opening scene.
Speaker:There was so much I hadn’t learned yet
Speaker:—timing, phrasing, inflection.
Speaker:I remember, now, Katie coaching me scene by scene through rehearsals.
Speaker:Now she’s on the screen too, and I’d forgotten how Topsy was a little different then,
Speaker:more hyper and giggly. Katie toned her down over the course of the first season.
Speaker:There are some wardrobe differences, too.
Speaker:Topsy has dangly earrings attached to her frill, which just looks weird,
Speaker:and I’m wearing a yellow bandanna around my neck, which got axed early on
Speaker:because, according to the focus groups,
Speaker:it looked too much like I was wearing a napkin.
Speaker:(Like I said, I don’t even like raw meat.)
Speaker:The story is mostly just an excuse to introduce all the main characters
Speaker:—after all, the episode’s called “Meet the B.C. Club.”
Speaker:Everybody gets a song,
Speaker:and since the show’s only 24 minutes long, it feels like there’s a song about every twelve seconds.
Speaker:As I sit there, watching my bandanna
Speaker:-ed self bopping awkwardly to the music, it’s like
Speaker:watching some other person,
Speaker:somebody I maybe used to know a long time ago.
Speaker:It’s like it’s not even me.
Speaker:Because it isn’t.
Speaker:It isn’t me. And all of a sudden I get what Katie was saying that night
Speaker:on the set. That’s Ricky Rex, there on that screen, looking at the camera.
Speaker:That’s his cave. Those are
Speaker:his friends. Maybe back then, we really were the same.
Speaker:But every day since then,
Speaker:with every show, every conversation, every new thought and new experience,
Speaker:he and I have been drifting farther
Speaker:and farther apart.
Speaker:I stop the video,
Speaker:open a new tab, and call up a baby-name site.
Speaker:It takes a lot of scrolling and some time making lists
Speaker:and narrowing them down,
Speaker:but finally, close to midnight,
Speaker:one of them fits quietly but firmly into place,
Speaker:like finding that puzzle piece you’ve been searching for
Speaker:for ages. “Ryan.” I say it carefully,
Speaker:testing it. It sounds right, and in fact it
Speaker:reminds me a little of
Speaker:tyrannosaur, which makes me giggle
Speaker:uncontrollably for a few minutes after I think of it.
Speaker:“Ryan,” I say again,
Speaker:deciding. No last name yet, though I’ll need one eventually.
Speaker:But that can come in time.
Speaker:Or maybe... “Ryan Wilkins,”
Speaker:Matt’s last name, like I’m some kind of ‘50s schoolgirl.
Speaker:And then I’m giggling again, giddy and half-drunk on this
Speaker:brand-new, terrifying, exhilarating feeling of being…
Speaker:myself. * * * The next day during filming, I look down at the floor, where
Speaker:Topsy has supposedly
Speaker:just dropped the giant birthday cake she made for Ricky, with a
Speaker:dramatic crash and splat
Speaker:to be added in post.
Speaker:“That’s okay, Topsy.
Speaker:Let’s just have rock cakes instead.”
Speaker:We finish the take,
Speaker:but that line nags at me.
Speaker:“Um,” I say. “Actually...?”
Speaker:Everyone stares at me.
Speaker:“I was just thinking...
Speaker:It seems like Ricky’s more focused on the cake here than anything else.
Speaker:I think he’d be more concerned about
Speaker:her, making sure her feelings weren’t hurt.
Speaker:So maybe something like... ‘That’s
Speaker:okay, Topsy. It was a nice cake,
Speaker:but having you here is the sweetest part of the whole day.’“
Speaker:I’ve never questioned a line before.
Speaker:Everybody else does it all the time, no big deal. It’s part of what actors do.
Speaker:But I’ve never even considered it,
Speaker:because I never thought of myself as an actor playing a character,
Speaker:until now. We change the line and go on with the scene.
Speaker:It’s just another tiny step away from Ricky and toward Ryan,
Speaker:but it’s enough to have Katie give me a thumbs-up after we cut. * * *
Speaker:The moment I’ve dreaded
Speaker:comes a few days later,
Speaker:the very same day I’m finally listed
Speaker:as Ryan Rex on the call sheet
Speaker:(something else for my wall, maybe).
Speaker:Matt and I have gotten into the habit of having tea after work.
Speaker:“Sorry I don’t have any pebble tea,” I say, setting the mugs down.
Speaker:“Darjeeling’s close enough.
Speaker:Any rock cakes?” “Fresh out.
Speaker:But Katie made us oatmeal cookies.”
Speaker:“Katie bakes?” He takes one,
Speaker:bites in,
Speaker:and chews. And chews. And chews.
Speaker:His eyes meet mine, and then we’re both laughing.
Speaker:“On second thought,” I say finally, “maybe they are rock cakes.”
Speaker:“Ancient family recipe.”
Speaker:He shakes his head and takes a sip of his tea.
Speaker:“So… The studio bought the pilot.
Speaker:Ten episodes for the first season.”
Speaker:I try to remind myself that this is what I want for him,
Speaker:and that I’m happy for him.
Speaker:I try to remind myself I’m not losing anything. I’m not losing him.
Speaker:But it still sort of feels
Speaker:like I am. “I wanted to tell you first,” he adds.
Speaker:“I’ll tell Stewart tomorrow, so they’ll have plenty of time to hire
Speaker:someone. With all the rumors around, they’ve probably got a short list already.”
Speaker:I choke down one of Katie’s cookies, but it’s
Speaker:lost any flavor it might have had.
Speaker:I think about meeting someone else who’ll pretend to be me,
Speaker:who’ll do interviews
Speaker:as if they can climb into my skin.
Speaker:It isn’t fair. None of this is fair.
Speaker:I’m me. And if Katie can work with me and call me a friend, if the whole
Speaker:cast and crew can be side by side with me for years—
Speaker:If Matt can see me as I am, and love me—
Speaker:Then why can’t everyone else?
Speaker:“Ry?” He looks worried.
Speaker:“You with me?” My tea’s gone cold.
Speaker:I take a gulp. “I think I know who they should hire.”
Speaker:He frowns. “Who?” I want to sound decisive, but the word comes out
Speaker:more like a squeak.
Speaker:“Me.” * * * The meeting lasts for hours
Speaker:—me and Matt, the show producers, and the studio brass.
Speaker:By the end of it,
Speaker:to my surprise and excitement and terror,
Speaker:they agree. I think it’s more Matt’s influence than mine, but we make the case together.
Speaker:“You still won’t be able to walk down the street without being recognized, of course,” Matt muses over tea afterward.
Speaker:“And like they said, there’ll be plenty of people who’ll think it’s a hoax or a publicity stunt.
Speaker:But that just means
Speaker:reasonable precautions and a few more people on security detail.
Speaker:It sounds like they have a good handle on it.”
Speaker:“So you still think I should do it.”
Speaker:“I think you’re perfect for the job.”
Speaker:He sets his tea on the table and takes my hands in his.
Speaker:“But I also think it has to be your choice—and just your choice, alone.
Speaker:I don’t want you to do it for me,
Speaker:or for the good of the show,
Speaker:or for anybody else besides yourself.”
Speaker:“I know.” I just wish I could feel certain about it,
Speaker:the way I felt in that instant I first got the idea.
Speaker:Now every doubt comes shouldering in.
Speaker:(The words “trophy hunters” will do that to you, I guess.
Speaker:guess.) Matt sighs as if he can hear my thoughts.
Speaker:“There’s a cost to being fully yourself, Ry.
Speaker:And there’s a cost to keeping yourself hidden.
Speaker:What everyone has to decide is
Speaker:which one they’d rather pay.” * * *
Speaker:That night, I dream in headlines and TV news chyrons.
Speaker:SHOCKER. DANGEROUS. INVESTIGATION.
Speaker:CAPTURED. I know how these things go. I remember the scientists from E.T.
Speaker:And the ones from Jurassic Park.
Speaker:How can I be so stupid? There’s no way this can end well.
Speaker:Somewhere around two-thirty I
Speaker:give up on sleep
Speaker:and decide to head down to the set.
Speaker:As soon as the elevator doors open, Katie looks up from a chair in the lobby.
Speaker:She’s wrapped in a fleece throw, and there’s a giant cup of takeout coffee on the table next to her.
Speaker:“Katie?” She puts a finger to her lips.
Speaker:“Shhh. I’m on a stakeout.”
Speaker:“Oh.” I drop my voice to a whisper.
Speaker:“What are we waiting for?”
Speaker:She grins and stretches.
Speaker:“You. I figured you’d be up.
Speaker:Thought you might need some company tonight.”
Speaker:“You’ve been here all night?” “More
Speaker:or less.” She shrugs, takes a gulp from the cup,
Speaker:and makes a face. “Gah. This was lousy coffee three hours ago, and it isn’t any better cold.”
Speaker:“Do you like tea?” “Right now, anything hot sounds good.”
Speaker:I open the elevator doors and wave her inside.
Speaker:“Right this way.” For so many years, no one came into my apartment but me. My sanctuary. My cell. How can it be
Speaker:that I’ve never let Katie in?
Speaker:She falls onto the couch like she lives here,
Speaker:and I get water heating in the kitchen.
Speaker:I suppose I should I buy a coffeemaker if I’m going to keep having guests.
Speaker:Or maybe I’ll still buy one
Speaker:even if nobody but Katie uses it.
Speaker:When I bring back mint tea for both of us, she practically
Speaker:wraps herself around the mug.
Speaker:“Much better.” She takes a sip and studies me over the rim.
Speaker:“Big day tomorrow, huh?”
Speaker:“The biggest.” “Well, no matter what, I’m proud of you.
Speaker:You’re officially the bravest person I know.”
Speaker:“I wish I felt brave.”
Speaker:“Nobody ever feels brave.
Speaker:If they did, it wouldn’t count.
Speaker:You gotta be scared to be brave.”
Speaker:“In that case, I guess I’m
Speaker:really, really brave.”
Speaker:I have to set my mug down because I’m shaking.
Speaker:“What if…” I don’t even know how to finish;
Speaker:it’s too much. Katie puts her mug down. “Hey,
Speaker:I’m here. It’ll be okay.
Speaker:How can I help?” It feels weird to ask,
Speaker:but we did a whole show about asking for what you need.
Speaker:“Maybe… a hug?” Even as I say it, I’m already tensing up.
Speaker:What if Matt’s the only one who can bear to touch me?
Speaker:If I see any hesitation…
Speaker:She can’t get her arms around me, but it’s not for lack of trying.
Speaker:“How’s that?” “Good.” The shaking eases off.
Speaker:“Okay. What next?” “Well…”
Speaker:I look at the clock,
Speaker:and then my gaze falls on my laptop.
Speaker:“Have you ever seen Rocket Racers?”
Speaker:We watch one after another,
Speaker:and I lose myself in the rhythms of the dialogue, the bright colors on the screen, and the comforting bouncy jingle of the theme song.
Speaker:Katie falls asleep curled up next to me, and eventually I guess I fall asleep too,
Speaker:because I wake up wrapped in her blanket.
Speaker:She’s still asleep,
Speaker:and I watch the screen’s light flicker over her face,
Speaker:wondering how I managed to make such a good friend without even trying at all.
Speaker:I don’t feel anywhere near ready for that press conference tomorrow,
Speaker:but at least I know I’m not going out there alone.
Speaker:“You’re the tops, Katie,”
Speaker:I whisper. “Always.”
Speaker:Before I know it, the weather icon in the corner of my screen goes from a moon to a sun.
Speaker:A new day. My first day.
Speaker:Suddenly I’m wishing for a window to stand at,
Speaker:to look out at the city.
Speaker:To say hello to it, for the first time. * * *
Speaker:“Well, kids, it’s time for me to send you back to your own time.
Speaker:But don’t worry—my trusty Rex Reverse-inator will bring you back soon for more adventures with me,
Speaker:Ricky Rex and the B.C. Club!
Speaker:See you in time!” I do my thing with the knobs and dials,
Speaker:and we wave goodbye,
Speaker:and the director calls cut.
Speaker:The smiles are especially enthusiastic this time
Speaker:—it’s our one-thousandth episode,
Speaker:and counting. Katie throws her arms around me as soon as she’s out of costume.
Speaker:“And many more!” I hug her back as much as I can with my short arms.
Speaker:“A bunch of us are going to Stewart’s place to celebrate, if you want to come along.”
Speaker:“Actually...” I glance past her to see Matt approaching with a pink box from the bakery uptown.
Speaker:“We have plans.” Katie’s beaming at us so brightly they can probably see it from space.
Speaker:“It’s so good to see you two together.
Speaker:For both reasons.”
Speaker:She blows us a kiss.
Speaker:“Catch you later, guys.”
Speaker:Part of me wants to go with her, but even
Speaker:after the chaos of the last six months,
Speaker:I’m still getting used to public appearances as...
Speaker:well, myself. I never had a problem being in crowds as Ricky Rex, but I’m never sure how people might react
Speaker:now that they know the claws and teeth are real.
Speaker:One time a mother pulled her kid away from me, and that wrecked me for days.
Speaker:And yes, the word “monster”
Speaker:has been used. I’ve had to get used to it,
Speaker:at least as much as anybody ever does.
Speaker:Nothing truly bad’s happened so far,
Speaker:but at best I get a bit anxious in public, and at worst
Speaker:overwhelmed. Still...
Speaker:I glance at Matt.
Speaker:“If you’d rather go—”
Speaker:He’s already shaking his head.
Speaker:“I figured you’d rather have a...
Speaker:quiet celebration.
Speaker:Besides, I put in a special order.”
Speaker:He opens the bakery box.
Speaker:Inside are half a dozen thick,
Speaker:lumpy cakes covered in gray frosting
Speaker:and sprinkled with sugar crystals.
Speaker:“Rock cakes!” “Just like great-great-great grandma used to make.”
Speaker:His eyes sparkle,
Speaker:and then he smiles
Speaker:—a new kind of smile,
Speaker:open and soft and sweet, one I never see on camera anywhere.
Speaker:One that I like to think is all mine.
Speaker:“Mr. Rex?” I turn to see a trim young woman with a guest ID that marks her as press.
Speaker:“Sophie Thomson, with Hollywood Hoopla.
Speaker:I was hoping we could make plans to sit down and talk sometime?”
Speaker:I smile (carefully, no teeth)
Speaker:and hold out my hand.
Speaker:She clasps it,
Speaker:and there’s no fear in her ice-blue eyes,
Speaker:just a slow, widening wonder that mirrors what I see in the kids.
Speaker:Yes, Sophie, it’s me.
Speaker:It’s me, and I’m real.
Speaker:“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I tell her.
Speaker:“Call me Ryan.” * * * “So I’ve been thinking about looking for a new place,” I tell Matt as we sit curled together on the couch later that night,
Speaker:surrounded by empty takeout boxes and the mostly empty box of rock cakes.
Speaker:“What do you have in mind?”
Speaker:“Windows.” I lean in closer,
Speaker:breathing in the scent of his hair,
Speaker:his skin. “Lots of windows.”
Speaker:“Security’ll love that.
Speaker:But it sounds good.”
Speaker:I imagine it for a moment, the feeling of
Speaker:searching, weighing, choosing, all on my own.
Speaker:I’ve never done it before,
Speaker:but compared to everything that’s already happened,
Speaker:finding an apartment is
Speaker:minor enough to feel like an adventure.
Speaker:We don’t see each other every day now; we’re both too busy.
Speaker:I’m doing more interviews, of course, and Matt’s on a new show now,
Speaker:an experimental mix of traditional puppetry and CGI that’s caught the attention of both kids and critics.
Speaker:It’s just the challenge he wanted, and he’s loving every minute of it.
Speaker:Matt gets up then and
Speaker:picks up a package near the door,
Speaker:one I hadn’t seen him carry in.
Speaker:It’s wrapped in newspaper from the day of my “debut,” as Katie calls it,
Speaker:so my own slightly anxious face is looking back at me as he sets the box in my lap.
Speaker:Matt smiles sheepishly.
Speaker:“Only paper I had on hand.”
Speaker:I tear off the paper and use a claw to cut open the packing box.
Speaker:Inside, under crumpled balls of more newspaper, is...
Speaker:“The Reverse-inator.”
Speaker:“Thought you might like it as a souvenir.”
Speaker:He shrugs. “Props said they won’t need it anymore.”
Speaker:I nod. Next season they’re giving me a time machine I can get into,
Speaker:so I can do segments anywhere,
Speaker:including some on-the-street stuff with real kids.
Speaker:I picture myself finding a spot for the Reverse-inator
Speaker:in my new home, maybe a special shelf for it somewhere.
Speaker:A souvenir of this incredible, dizzying, precious time.
Speaker:“It’s perfect. Thank you.”
Speaker:I rest my claws on the dial,
Speaker:and when I look up, Matt’s eyeing me.
Speaker:“Better be careful with that.
Speaker:You don’t know where you might end up.
Speaker:Or when.” I put it on the table,
Speaker:come back to the couch,
Speaker:and wrap myself around him again.
Speaker:What the future looks like, I don’t know,
Speaker:but I’m in no hurry to see it.
Speaker:Right now is all that matters,
Speaker:and for the first time in my life,
Speaker:there’s nowhere else
Speaker:I’d rather be.This was the second and final part of
Speaker:“A Different Kind
Speaker:of Make-Believe” by Renee Carter Hall,
Speaker:read for you live at Anthrocon 2024
Speaker:by Rob MacWolf, werewolf hitchhiker.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.
