full

[18+] “Shame and Desperation Will Kill You Someday” by Pascal Farful (part 2 of 2)

[18+] Fame and fortune. Burnt to the ground. It only took one secret to destroy their lives. But it only takes one promise to start over again.

Today’s story is the second and final part of “Shame and Desperation Will Kill You Someday” by Pascal Farful, who has been featured in multiple books by the Furry Historical Fiction Society and hosts the April writing workshop GoFourth!, and you can find more of his stories on his SoFurry page.

Last time, metal singer Randy and race car driver Thomas found their “fuck-and-forget” relationship completely unforgettable. As their lust brought them together, the fear of being outed made them force one another apart. Years after their second fuck and second argument, both men found themselves in Italy, and at rock bottom. Thomas suffered a horrific accident during a race and Randy suffers a drink and drug overdose. Both end up meeting in the same hospital, just in time to discover that their secret, that they had gone through so much meticulous trouble and mental and physical torture to keep secret, has just landed on the front page of the Italian press.

Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.

thevoice.dog | Apple podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts

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https://thevoice.dog/episode/18-shame-and-desperation-will-kill-you-someday-by-pascal-farful-part-2-of-2

Transcript
Speaker:

You’re

Speaker:

listening

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

Pride

Speaker:

Month

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

Voice

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

Dog. This

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

Rob MacWolf, your

Speaker:

fellow

Speaker:

traveler,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Today’s

Speaker:

story

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

second

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

final

Speaker:

part

Speaker:

of “Shame

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Desperation

Speaker:

Will

Speaker:

Kill

Speaker:

You

Speaker:

Someday”

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

Pascal

Speaker:

Farful,

Speaker:

who has

Speaker:

been

Speaker:

featured

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

multiple

Speaker:

books

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

the Furry

Speaker:

Historical

Speaker:

Fiction

Speaker:

Society

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

hosts

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

April

Speaker:

writing

Speaker:

workshop

Speaker:

GoFourth!, and

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

find

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

stories

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

SoFurry page.

Last

Speaker:

time,

Speaker:

metal

Speaker:

singer

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Randy

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

race

Speaker:

car

Speaker:

driver

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

found

Speaker:

their “fuck-and-forget”

Speaker:

relationship

Speaker:

completely

Speaker:

unforgettable.

Speaker:

As

Speaker:

their lust

Speaker:

brought

Speaker:

them

Speaker:

together,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

fear

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

being

Speaker:

outed

Speaker:

made

Speaker:

them

Speaker:

force

Speaker:

one

Speaker:

another

Speaker:

apart.

Speaker:

Years

Speaker:

after

Speaker:

their

Speaker:

second

Speaker:

fuck

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

second

Speaker:

argument,

Speaker:

both

Speaker:

men

Speaker:

found

Speaker:

themselves

Speaker:

in

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Italy,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

rock bottom.

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

suffered

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

horrific

Speaker:

accident

Speaker:

during

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

race

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Randy

Speaker:

suffers a

Speaker:

drink

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

drug

Speaker:

overdose.

Speaker:

Both

Speaker:

end

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

meeting

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

hospital,

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

discover

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

their

Speaker:

secret,

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

gone

Speaker:

through

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

much

Speaker:

meticulous

Speaker:

trouble

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

mental

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

physical

Speaker:

torture

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

keep

Speaker:

secret,

Speaker:

has

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

landed

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

front

Speaker:

page

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

Italian

Speaker:

press.

Please

Speaker:

enjoy


“Shame

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Desperation

Speaker:

Will

Speaker:

Kill

Speaker:

You

Speaker:

Someday”

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

Pascal

Speaker:

Farful,

Speaker:

Part 2

Speaker:

of 2

Tuesday 28th April 1992.
An undisclosed hospital,

Speaker:

Monza,

Speaker:

Italy

I

Speaker:

always

Speaker:

figured

Speaker:

someone

Speaker:

would

Speaker:

work

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

gay.

Speaker:

Whether

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

lyrics

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

stage

Speaker:

theatrics.
I

Speaker:

suspected

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

hit-piece

Speaker:

column

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

rumours

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

swat

Speaker:

aside

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

ignore.
But

Speaker:

this…

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

life-ruining.
They

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

its

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want.
I don’t even

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

how

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

did

Speaker:

it.

I

Speaker:

turn

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

page

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

there’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

photograph from Daytona in 1987, of me and

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

getting

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

motorhome.
Someone

Speaker:

saw

Speaker:

us.
“This

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

it.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

whisper. “We’re

Speaker:

done

Speaker:

for.”
I

Speaker:

waited

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

blame

Speaker:

me.

Speaker:

In

Speaker:

fact,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

waited

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

blame

Speaker:

me.
But

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

sat,

Speaker:

staring

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

revelation.
As we

Speaker:

sat,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

ambient

Speaker:

sound

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

complaining,

Speaker:

shouting

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

struggling

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

corridors

Speaker:

grew

Speaker:

louder.

“I

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

drink.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

whimper.
“No.”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

grunts. “No

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

hell

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

don’t.”
“What’s

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

use

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

fighting

Speaker:

it?

Speaker:

Our

Speaker:

lives

Speaker:

are

Speaker:

over.”
“I

Speaker:

refuse

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

die

Speaker:

until

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

come

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

here

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

me.”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

said

Speaker:

calmly.
I

Speaker:

nod. “We’ve

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

out of

Speaker:

here.”
“We?”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

grunts. “Who

Speaker:

says

Speaker:

there’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

we?”
I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

disbelief.
“You’re

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

serious,

Speaker:

are

Speaker:

you?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

demand.
“I

Speaker:

never

Speaker:

said

Speaker:

we’re

Speaker:

an

Speaker:

item.

Speaker:

We

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

happened

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

end

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

hospital

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

days

Speaker:

during

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

time frame,

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

ward

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

someone

Speaker:

happened

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

stitch

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

together.”

Speaker:

There’s

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

grumble

Speaker:

again. “I

Speaker:

remember

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

said

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

first

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

together.

Speaker:

And

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

right.”
“That

Speaker:

we’d

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

caught

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

killed?

Speaker:

That

Speaker:

shame

Speaker:

would

Speaker:

kill

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

someday?”
“No.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

looks

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

again. “That

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

will

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

desperate

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

will

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

death

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

us.”

He

Speaker:

struggles

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

feet.
“Easy!”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

begin,

Speaker:

getting

Speaker:

ready

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

catch

Speaker:

him.
“I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

help!”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

growls.
“Listen,

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

somewhere

Speaker:

private,

Speaker:

somewhere

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

talk

Speaker:

without

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

these

Speaker:

people

Speaker:

around.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

insist.
I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

voices

Speaker:

outside

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

louder

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

louder.
There. A

Speaker:

closet

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

water

Speaker:

cooler.
I

Speaker:

try

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door.
It

Speaker:

opens.
I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Thomas,

Speaker:

scowl

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

face,

Speaker:

steps

Speaker:

inside.
I

Speaker:

follow

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

close

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door.
The

Speaker:

room

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

tiny

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

smells

Speaker:

weird,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

it’ll

Speaker:

do.
Outside

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

stampede of

Speaker:

people

Speaker:

grows

Speaker:

louder.

Speaker:

They’ve

Speaker:

made

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

waiting

Speaker:

room.

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

stands

Speaker:

infront

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me.

“Look,

Speaker:

there’s

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

running

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

hiding

Speaker:

anymore.

Speaker:

We

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

career,

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

future,

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

hopes,

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

dreams,

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

nothing.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

him. “Except

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other.

Speaker:

You’re

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

only

Speaker:

thing

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

left,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

only

Speaker:

thing

Speaker:

you’ve

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

left.

Speaker:

You

Speaker:

told

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

much

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

day

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

photo

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

taken.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

care

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

wronged

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

before.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

wronged

Speaker:

you.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

care

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

open

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

gun

Speaker:

us

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

dead,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

love

Speaker:

you,

Speaker:

I’d die

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

and I won’t

Speaker:

ever

Speaker:

hide

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

again.”
Before

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

answer

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

there

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

an

Speaker:

abrupt

Speaker:

bang

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door.
“Excuse

Speaker:

me?

Speaker:

This

Speaker:

room

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

staff

Speaker:

only!”

--

Randy

Speaker:

looks

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

me.
I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

him.
He

Speaker:

puts

Speaker:

something

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

pocket

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

gown,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

turns

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

opens

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door.

He

Speaker:

pushes

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

room.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

hear

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

apologising

Speaker:

half-heartedly

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

reporters

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

shoves

Speaker:

them

Speaker:

aside.
I

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

words

Speaker:

ring

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ears

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

a while.

Speaker:

I wait

Speaker:

as long as I

Speaker:

can,

Speaker:

before a doctor

Speaker:

orders me out too.
Randy could at least storm out in his own clothes, I had to

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

due

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

gown

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

crutches.
Fortunately,

Speaker:

Randy had

Speaker:

drawn

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

large

Speaker:

number

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

paparazzi

Speaker:

away,

Speaker:

those that

Speaker:

remained

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

doctors

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

lot

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

forceful

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

keeping

Speaker:

away

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

me.

I

Speaker:

hobble

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

room

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

bed.
The

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

closes

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me.
Finally,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

am

Speaker:

alone.
Randy’s words ring

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ears.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

thinks

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

going

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

blow

Speaker:

over.

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

isn’t.
I

Speaker:

reached

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

gown and

Speaker:

pulled

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

scrap

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

paper.
It

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

name,

Speaker:

an

Speaker:

address

Speaker:

and a

Speaker:

telephone

Speaker:

number.

It’s

Speaker:

been

Speaker:

five

Speaker:

years

Speaker:

since

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

seen

Speaker:

him.

Speaker:

Five

Speaker:

years

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

nose-to-the-grind

Speaker:

hard

Speaker:

work

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

off

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

race

Speaker:

track.

Speaker:

Five

Speaker:

years

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

find

Speaker:

something

Speaker:

better. And

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

everything

Speaker:

falls

Speaker:

apart,

Speaker:

who

Speaker:

just so

Speaker:

happens

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

there?
And worst

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

all,

Speaker:

deep

Speaker:

down…

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

happy

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

was.

--

Wednesday 29th April 1992
Truck stop, Monza,

Speaker:

Italy

“Why

Speaker:

didn’t

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

us

Speaker:

you were

Speaker:

a faggot?”
It’s the

Speaker:

first

Speaker:

thing

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

hear

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

tour

Speaker:

bus.
Not ‘Are

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

ok?’
Not ‘Are

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

ready

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

continue

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

tour?’
I

Speaker:

thought

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

talk

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

it.
Thought

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

maybe

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

wouldn’t

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

yet.

The

Speaker:

fox

Speaker:

glares

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

expectantly.
“Why

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

think?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ask.
“Because

Speaker:

you’re

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

coward?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

moves

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

cut

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

off.
I’m

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

ready

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

fight.

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

doesn’t

Speaker:

seem

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

choice. “We

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

talk

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

now.

Speaker:

We’ve

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

show

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

and-”
“You’re

Speaker:

fired.”
I

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

end

Speaker:

already. “Alright,

Speaker:

lemme

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

stuff-”
“We

Speaker:

dumped

Speaker:

them

Speaker:

outside

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

hotel.”

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

fox

Speaker:

laughed.
There’s

Speaker:

nothing

Speaker:

else

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

it.
Violence

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

is.
I

Speaker:

swing

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

fist

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

foot

Speaker:

buries

Speaker:

itself

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

guts

Speaker:

before

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

hit

Speaker:

him.
I

Speaker:

lurch

Speaker:

back,

Speaker:

falling

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

steps

Speaker:

and out of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

vehicle,

Speaker:

onto

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

hard

Speaker:

concrete

Speaker:

forecourt.

For

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

moment

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

worry

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

bus

Speaker:

running

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

over.
Then

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

stop

Speaker:

worrying

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

start

Speaker:

hoping.
I

Speaker:

slowly

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

up,

Speaker:

rubbing

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

sure

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

bleeding,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

bus

Speaker:

lurches

Speaker:

forward

Speaker:

without

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

arguing

Speaker:

audible

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

within

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

vehicle

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

pulls

Speaker:

away.
It’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

long

Speaker:

walk

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

hotel.

Speaker:

If

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

start

Speaker:

now,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

might

Speaker:

still

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

some

Speaker:

belongings

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

get there...

--

Monday 7th May 1992
Home of Randy

Speaker:

Adams,

Speaker:

Los

Speaker:

Angeles,

Speaker:

California

“Were

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

followed?”
“Randy!”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

snarl. “Who

Speaker:

gives

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

damn? The

Speaker:

secret is

Speaker:

out.”
He

Speaker:

pulls

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

expensive

Speaker:

house

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

shuts

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me. “Yeah

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

now

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

thousands

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

people

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

me.”
I

Speaker:

expect

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

arguing

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

instead

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

storms

Speaker:

off

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

start

Speaker:

taking

Speaker:

things

Speaker:

off of

Speaker:

walls. “What

Speaker:

are

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

doing?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ask.
“God

Speaker:

fucking

Speaker:

damnit,

Speaker:

Thomas.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

growls,

Speaker:

throwing

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

magazine at

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

head. “Get

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

butler

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

read

Speaker:

news

Speaker:

articles

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

now

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

again.”
I

Speaker:

glare

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

cover.
‘RANDY

Speaker:

ADAMS FIRED FROM URBAN

Speaker:

KARNAGE’

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

headline.
“Who’s

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

twink?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ask.
“Just

Speaker:

some

Speaker:

breeder

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

found in

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

tribute

Speaker:

band.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

replies

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

another

Speaker:

room.
“Can he

Speaker:

sing?”
“He

Speaker:

likes

Speaker:

tits.”

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

golden

Speaker:

retriever

Speaker:

returns to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

room. “That’s

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

care

Speaker:

about.”

He

Speaker:

places

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

painting

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

neatly

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

front

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

two

Speaker:

others. “Band’s

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

going to

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

anyway.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

landscape

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

music

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

changing

Speaker:

fast.

Speaker:

They’d have to

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

smart

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

keep

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

and…

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

ain’t

Speaker:

smart.”
“And

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

are

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

doing

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

it?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ask. “Throwing

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

all of

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

belongings?”
Randy

Speaker:

shrugs,

Speaker:

picking

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

guitar

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

putting

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

into a

Speaker:

case. “I

Speaker:

can’t

Speaker:

afford

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

big

Speaker:

house

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

getting

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

royalties.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

places

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

instrument

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

few

Speaker:

others

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door. “Sell

Speaker:

up,

Speaker:

move

Speaker:

somewhere

Speaker:

small.

Speaker:

Give

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

dream…

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

something

Speaker:

else

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

life.”

He

Speaker:

turns

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

heads

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

another

Speaker:

room. “Want

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

last

Speaker:

coffee

Speaker:

I’ll ever

Speaker:

make in

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

kitchen?”
I

Speaker:

place

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

magazine

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

table

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

follow

Speaker:

him. “Sure.”
I

Speaker:

step

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

an

Speaker:

expensive,

Speaker:

reasonably

Speaker:

lavish

Speaker:

kitchen

Speaker:

with all

Speaker:

sorts

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

shiny

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

fancy

Speaker:

amenities

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

features.

He

Speaker:

pours

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

a cup of coffee

Speaker:

and hands

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

me.
“Is

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

true?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

whispers
I

Speaker:

take

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

cup

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

sip

Speaker:

it.

Speaker:

After

Speaker:

a moment, I nod. “It’s over. I’m not cleared

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

race

Speaker:

again.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

said. “I

Speaker:

black out

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

anything

Speaker:

above

Speaker:

about 3G,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

get in

Speaker:

another

Speaker:

impact,

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

reckon it’s

Speaker:

a 1 in 10 chance

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

live.”
“I’m

Speaker:

sorry.”

Speaker:

Randy

Speaker:

whispers,

Speaker:

putting

Speaker:

a paw on

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

shoulder.
For

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

moment

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

gaze

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

others

Speaker:

eyes.
I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

away

Speaker:

first.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

curse

Speaker:

myself

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

doing

Speaker:

so,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

it’s

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

coming

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

quickly.
“Why

Speaker:

did

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

change

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

mind?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

asked. “About

Speaker:

us.”

“I

Speaker:

nearly

Speaker:

died,

Speaker:

Thomas.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

says

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

last. “I

Speaker:

drank

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

drugged

Speaker:

myself

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

coma.

Speaker:

And d’you know

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

last thing I thought before I

Speaker:

blacked

Speaker:

out?

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

thought

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

would

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

like

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

grow

Speaker:

old

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

you.

Speaker:

To

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

two

Speaker:

old

Speaker:

men

Speaker:

sharing

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

home,

Speaker:

dying

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

old

Speaker:

age

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

others

Speaker:

arms.

Speaker:

How

Speaker:

much

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

waste

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

fucking

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

because

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

only

Speaker:

thing

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

really

Speaker:

wanted

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

been

Speaker:

squandered

Speaker:

away

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

some

Speaker:

stupid

Speaker:

machismo

Speaker:

bullshit.”
“It

Speaker:

wasn’t

Speaker:

stupid.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

him. “You

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

scared.”
He

Speaker:

looks

Speaker:

away

Speaker:

again. “Scared

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

loosing

Speaker:

everything.

Speaker:

Scared

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

really

Speaker:

loved

Speaker:

you.

Speaker:

Scared

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

didn’t

Speaker:

deserve

Speaker:

you.

Speaker:

Scared

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I…

Speaker:

I...”
The

Speaker:

emotions overwhelm me. I snarl

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

yank him

Speaker:

close,

Speaker:

slamming

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

lips

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

his.

Speaker:

As

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

kiss

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

voice

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

wishes

Speaker:

he’d

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

bare his

Speaker:

claws

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

cleave

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

asunder,

Speaker:

tear

Speaker:

these emotions

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

body ‘cause

Speaker:

I can’t get them out any other way.
He’s surprised

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

moment, but then his lips catch up and he

Speaker:

kisses

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

back and

Speaker:

holds

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

tight.
“I

Speaker:

won’t

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

them

Speaker:

hurt

Speaker:

us.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

promise

Speaker:

him.
“They can’t hurt us in a way

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

matters.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

whispers. “We

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other,

Speaker:

and we’re

Speaker:

never

Speaker:

giving

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other

Speaker:

up.

Speaker:

They

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

shoot

Speaker:

us

Speaker:

dead

Speaker:

tomorrow

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

always

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

you.”

--

Friday, 7th August 1992
Palmetto Studios, Los

Speaker:

Angeles

Speaker:

CA.

“That

Speaker:

ain’t

Speaker:

going

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

cut

Speaker:

it.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

them. “If you wanna take 10 and

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

sure

Speaker:

you’ve

Speaker:

practised-”
“Fuck

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

Randy!

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ain’t tak-”.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

mute

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

talkback

Speaker:

microphone

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

yell

Speaker:

slurs

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

silence

Speaker:

through

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

two

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

glass. I

Speaker:

wonder how

Speaker:

often

Speaker:

producers

Speaker:

did

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

his shoes...
I

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

zebra

Speaker:

frontman

Speaker:

storm

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

room

Speaker:

where

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

skunk

Speaker:

guitar

Speaker:

player

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

yelling

Speaker:

at me.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

former

Speaker:

shoves

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

later and

Speaker:

now

Speaker:

they’re

Speaker:

rolling

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

floor.
Beautiful.
Hang

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

Smithsonian.

“Shall I go

Speaker:

break

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

up?”

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

bassist asks

Speaker:

me.
I

Speaker:

pick

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

magazine. “The

Speaker:

fight

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

band?”
The

Speaker:

bassist

Speaker:

puts

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

hands.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

drummer

Speaker:

sits

Speaker:

silently

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

dumbbells

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

corner.

Speaker:

At

Speaker:

least

Speaker:

someone’s

Speaker:

practising

Speaker:

something.

The

Speaker:

studio

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

opens

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

skunk

Speaker:

sticks

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

through. “Hey faggot!

Speaker:

You’re

Speaker:

fucking

Speaker:

fired!”
I

Speaker:

calmly

Speaker:

lower

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

magazine. “You

Speaker:

can’t

Speaker:

afford

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

fire

Speaker:

me.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

say

Speaker:

softly. “In

Speaker:

case

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

daddy

Speaker:

didn’t

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

you,

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

paid

Speaker:

upfront

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

entire

Speaker:

recording

Speaker:

session.

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

already

Speaker:

been

Speaker:

paid,

Speaker:

whether

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

cut

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

record

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

not.

Speaker:

Fire

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

ain’t

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

any

Speaker:

money

Speaker:

left

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

hire

Speaker:

someone

Speaker:

else.”
“I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

fag

Speaker:

working

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

shit.”

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

skunk

Speaker:

growls. “I’ll

Speaker:

produce

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

myself.”
I

Speaker:

snort. “Maybe

Speaker:

you’ll

Speaker:

find

Speaker:

something

Speaker:

you’re

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

yet.”
He

Speaker:

grabs

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

shoulder

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

tries

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

yank

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

chair.

Speaker:

He’s

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

strong

Speaker:

enough,

Speaker:

but,

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

own

Speaker:

amusement

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

anything,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

stand

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

him.

“Billy,”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

barks at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

bass

Speaker:

player. “Get out there and play.”
The

Speaker:

mole

Speaker:

stands

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

nervously

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

steps

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

control

Speaker:

room.
“You

Speaker:

should

Speaker:

pack

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

things

Speaker:

Randy!

Speaker:

When

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

father

Speaker:

hears

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

this,

Speaker:

you’ll

Speaker:

never

Speaker:

produce

Speaker:

anything

Speaker:

ever

Speaker:

again!”
I

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

everything

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

keep

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

straight

Speaker:

face

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

leave

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

control

Speaker:

room.
The

Speaker:

phone

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

ringing

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

break room.
I

Speaker:

close

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

answer

Speaker:

it.

“Hello?”
“Hello

Speaker:

Randy,

Speaker:

how’s

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

new

Speaker:

job?”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

hear

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

ask.
“I’ve

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

worse.

Speaker:

Currently

Speaker:

getting

Speaker:

paid

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

front

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

four

Speaker:

spoilt

Speaker:

brats

Speaker:

kick

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

shit

Speaker:

outta

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other.”
“They

Speaker:

gonna

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

it?”
I

Speaker:

peek

Speaker:

through

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

window as

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

once-docile

Speaker:

drummer

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

finally

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

feet

Speaker:

yelling

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

something.
“God

Speaker:

no.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

say. “Even

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

these

Speaker:

guys

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

solve

Speaker:

their

Speaker:

attitude

Speaker:

problem,

Speaker:

they

Speaker:

practice

Speaker:

arguing

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

than they

Speaker:

practice

Speaker:

their

Speaker:

instruments.

Speaker:

They have

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

talent,

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

rich

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

well-connected

Speaker:

parents

Speaker:

who

Speaker:

wanna

Speaker:

show

Speaker:

off

Speaker:

how

Speaker:

much

Speaker:

cash

Speaker:

they’ll

Speaker:

splash

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

their

Speaker:

kids 21st birthday present.” I rub

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

nose. “How’s

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

new

Speaker:

gig?”

--
Friday, 7th August 1992
Workshop of

Speaker:

Interstate

Speaker:

Racing,

Speaker:

Riverside,

Speaker:

California.

I

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

telephone

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

shop

Speaker:

floor.
“Hard

Speaker:

graft.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

say,

Speaker:

staring at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

old

Speaker:

Chevy

Speaker:

Camaro

Speaker:

sat

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

centre

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

dusty

Speaker:

workshop. “I don’t

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

gym

Speaker:

membership

Speaker:

any more.

Speaker:

Lifting

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

these

Speaker:

wheels

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

tyres around

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

exercise

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

need.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

chuckle. “I

Speaker:

did

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

choose

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

colour

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

paint

Speaker:

the car though.”
“What

Speaker:

colour did you pick?”

Speaker:

Randy

Speaker:

asks.
“Blue.” I

Speaker:

smile “Matches

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

eyes.”
I

Speaker:

feel the weight

Speaker:

in my shoulders ease as

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

laughs down the

Speaker:

phone.

“You

Speaker:

going to

Speaker:

win

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

Sunday?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

asks.
“I

Speaker:

severely

Speaker:

doubt

Speaker:

it. They’re

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

lot

Speaker:

faster

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

are.

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

it’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

motor.

Speaker:

Surprisingly

Speaker:

easy

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

work

Speaker:

on.

Speaker:

As

Speaker:

long

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

dentist

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

keep

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

shiny

Speaker:

stuff,

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

sure

Speaker:

we’ll

Speaker:

finish

Speaker:

somewhere.”

“What

Speaker:

time are

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

heading

Speaker:

back tonight?”

Speaker:

Randy asked.
“I have

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

help load

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

car,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

heading

Speaker:

home.

Speaker:

Need

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

early

Speaker:

tomorrow

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

track.

Speaker:

Used

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

able

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

fly

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

there,

Speaker:

we haven’t

Speaker:

got

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

sort

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

money.

Speaker:

So

Speaker:

it’s

Speaker:

hours

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

bus.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

say,

Speaker:

checking

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

alone

Speaker:

before adding “Humping

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

pillow

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

wishing

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

you.”

I

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

whine

Speaker:

means. “You’ll

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

home

Speaker:

before

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

then.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

confirms,

Speaker:

before

Speaker:

whispering “Once

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

home

Speaker:

though…

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

shy

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

please?”
A

Speaker:

grin

Speaker:

smears

Speaker:

itself

Speaker:

across

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

muzzle. “Consider

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

done.

Speaker:

Special

Speaker:

occasion?”
“Day

Speaker:

ending

Speaker:

in ‘Y’” He

Speaker:

whimpers.
“Oh

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

course,

Speaker:

how

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

forget?”

--

Friday, 7th August 1992
Home of

Speaker:

Randy

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Thomas,

Speaker:

Undisclosed

Speaker:

Location,

Speaker:

California.

I

Speaker:

arrive

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

house.

Speaker:

Tiny

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

place.
What’s

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

knock

Speaker:

pattern,

Speaker:

it’s…
Wait…

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

need

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

anymore,

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

I?
I

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

just…

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

sex

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

boyfriend.

Speaker:

In

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

comfort

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

our

Speaker:

home.

Speaker:

Like

Speaker:

everyone

Speaker:

else…
No

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

secrets.

Speaker:

No

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

double

Speaker:

entendre…
Just

Speaker:

sex.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

everyone

Speaker:

else

Speaker:

gets

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

it.

Opening

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

see

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

inside, sat

Speaker:

naked

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

sofa,

Speaker:

rock

Speaker:

hard.
I

Speaker:

shuffle

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

close

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

door as

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

stands

Speaker:

up,

Speaker:

turning

Speaker:

away

Speaker:

only

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

sure

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

locked

Speaker:

it,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

focusing

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

attention

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

proud

Speaker:

length.
“This

Speaker:

forward

Speaker:

enough?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

grins.
“It’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

start.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

smile,

Speaker:

hurriedly

Speaker:

stripping

Speaker:

off.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

wanna

Speaker:

waste

Speaker:

any

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

time.
Once

Speaker:

naked,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

step

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

close,

Speaker:

pressing

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

lips

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his,

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

stiffness

Speaker:

rubbing

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

hips,

Speaker:

mine

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

his.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

remember

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

urgency.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

cocktail

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

fear,

Speaker:

arousal

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

pain.
All

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

absent.

His

Speaker:

paws

Speaker:

slowly

Speaker:

explore

Speaker:

me.

Speaker:

Up

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

back,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ass.

Speaker:

His

Speaker:

tongue

Speaker:

works

Speaker:

slowly

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

firmly

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

mine.

Speaker:

My

Speaker:

tail

Speaker:

thrashing

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

behind

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

kissing

Speaker:

becoming

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

frantic

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

mind

Speaker:

starts

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

melt.
“Alright!

Speaker:

Alright!”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

laughed,

Speaker:

gasping

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

air. “It’s

Speaker:

nice

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

I’m

Speaker:

wanted.”

We

Speaker:

stare

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

our

Speaker:

lengths,

Speaker:

tips

Speaker:

rubbing

Speaker:

eagerly

Speaker:

together. “So,

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

special occasion

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

a day ending in ‘y’,

Speaker:

what does it

Speaker:

call

Speaker:

for?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

asks.
“I… I

Speaker:

dunno!”

Speaker:

I grin. “It doesn’t have to be sex, but I want you

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

touch

Speaker:

me!

Speaker:

And

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

touch

Speaker:

you!

Speaker:

And

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

things

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

afraid

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

doing

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

long.”
I

Speaker:

go

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

jabber

Speaker:

some

Speaker:

more,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

puts

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

paw

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ass and

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

tongue

Speaker:

gets

Speaker:

tied. “Only

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

promise

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

hold

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

yourself.”
I gasp and

Speaker:

take

Speaker:

hold of

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

ass. “Deal!”

My

Speaker:

paws

Speaker:

make

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

squeak

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

feel his

Speaker:

length

Speaker:

twitch.
“Sex.” He

Speaker:

decides. “Sex

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

good.

Speaker:

Does

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

suit

Speaker:

you?”
“Of

Speaker:

course!”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

nod.
Gently,

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

pulls

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

sofa.

Speaker:

Him

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

back,

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

sprawled astride

Speaker:

him.
“You’ll

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

done

Speaker:

that’s so

Speaker:

special,

Speaker:

because

Speaker:

you’re

Speaker:

even

Speaker:

randier

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

usual.”

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

grins.
“That

Speaker:

might be

Speaker:

because

Speaker:

I…

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

whole

Speaker:

day.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

admit

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

grin.
Thomas

Speaker:

purrs

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

delight

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

squeezes

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ass

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

firmly. “Is it

Speaker:

still

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

there?”
“Of

Speaker:

course.”
“Good

Speaker:

dog.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

leopard

Speaker:

spread

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

raise

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

legs. “So’s

Speaker:

mine.”
Wh-what?

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

gawp

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

fat

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

shoved

Speaker:

under

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

tail. “I

Speaker:

thought

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

top?”
“I’m

Speaker:

too

Speaker:

old for

Speaker:

that.” The

Speaker:

leopard

Speaker:

grinned. “I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

all.

Speaker:

All

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

you,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

me.”
My

Speaker:

eyes

Speaker:

move

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

length.
I

Speaker:

move

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

start

Speaker:

sucking

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

moves

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

suck

Speaker:

me.
We

Speaker:

bump

Speaker:

awkwardly

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other.

Speaker:

We

Speaker:

giggle

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

snort

Speaker:

and it’s

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

awkward

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

clumsy,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

wasn’t

Speaker:

until

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

were

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

realised

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

wished we’d

Speaker:

always

Speaker:

been

Speaker:

awkward and

Speaker:

clumsy.

Speaker:

Not

Speaker:

paranoid

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

combative.
“You

Speaker:

first?”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

offered.
I

Speaker:

grin “If

Speaker:

you’re

Speaker:

sure!”
“Don’t

Speaker:

worry,

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

turn.”

Eagerly,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

lean

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

swallow

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

starting

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

bob

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

suck.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

feeling,

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

time, is

Speaker:

so…

Speaker:

peaceful.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

used

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

think

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

dominance, the

Speaker:

submission,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

degradation

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

submitting

Speaker:

to another

Speaker:

man,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

thrill

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

debasement…

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

point?

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

isn’t.

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

point

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

feels

Speaker:

good.

Speaker:

Damn

Speaker:

good.

Speaker:

My

Speaker:

mind

Speaker:

gives away

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

senses.

Speaker:

Big,

Speaker:

warm,

Speaker:

musky,

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

heavy,

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

comfortable

Speaker:

feeling

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

back

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

throat

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

swallow

Speaker:

it.
I

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

Thomas

Speaker:

wants

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

feel

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

too.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

share

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

me.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

ease

Speaker:

myself

Speaker:

around,

Speaker:

swinging

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

leg

Speaker:

over

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

body and

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

face.
“Why

Speaker:

thank

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

very

Speaker:

much.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

hear

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

say.
Suddenly,

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

tongue

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

over

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

cock.

Speaker:

Then

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

mouth

Speaker:

wraps

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

length.

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

sucks

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

leisurely

Speaker:

pace,

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

same

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

suck

Speaker:

him.

Speaker:

Like

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

remained

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

while.

Speaker:

Sucking

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

slurping,

Speaker:

licking

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

loving.

Speaker:

This

Speaker:

would

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

our

Speaker:

future,

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

anything

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

say

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

it.

Speaker:

No

Speaker:

rush,

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

fear.

Speaker:

Just

Speaker:

good,

Speaker:

comfy

Speaker:

dicksuckin’.

Eventually,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

slid

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

length

Speaker:

free

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

lips

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

lapped

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

while

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

caught

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

breath.

Speaker:

With

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

free

Speaker:

paw, I

Speaker:

reach

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

pat

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

base

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

stuffed up

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

ass. “Nice

Speaker:

plug.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

him,

Speaker:

squeezing

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

one

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

tighter. “How

Speaker:

big

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

it?”
He eases my length from his throat

Speaker:

and I

Speaker:

can’t

Speaker:

help

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

hump

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

air

Speaker:

for the

Speaker:

lack

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

mouth. “Feels

Speaker:

huge,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

I bet

Speaker:

yours

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

bigger.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

teases. “I’m

Speaker:

still

Speaker:

new

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

putting

Speaker:

big

Speaker:

things in

Speaker:

there.

Speaker:

Was hoping

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

might

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

willing

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

teach

Speaker:

me.”

No

Speaker:

way

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

earth

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

say no

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

that.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

grin

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

shuffle

Speaker:

around

Speaker:

between

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

spread

Speaker:

legs,

Speaker:

stealing

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

muzzle

Speaker:

coated in

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

pre. “I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

know

Speaker:

if

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

ever

Speaker:

topped

Speaker:

before.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

admit “But

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

really

Speaker:

really

Speaker:

wanna

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

you.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

smile as

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

reach

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

tease

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

plug,

Speaker:

pulling

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

pushing

Speaker:

very

Speaker:

gently

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

base. “Did

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

wanna

Speaker:

sort

Speaker:

out

Speaker:

dinner

Speaker:

first

Speaker:

before

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

settle

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

this?

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

intend

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

rush.”
Thomas

Speaker:

grinned “We’ll order

Speaker:

something

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

once

Speaker:

we’re

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

spent.”
“But…”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

glance at the

Speaker:

clock

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

grin. “They

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

deliver

Speaker:

pizza

Speaker:

at 5AM.”
Thomas grinned. “Their

Speaker:

loss.

Speaker:

Our gain.”

--

I

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

Randy

Speaker:

grin

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

me.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

feel

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

take

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

base

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

again, and

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

pulls

Speaker:

enough

Speaker:

that it

Speaker:

slides

Speaker:

clear.
I

Speaker:

gasp

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

whine,

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

all-consuming

Speaker:

emptiness

Speaker:

fills

Speaker:

me.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

reach

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

spread

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

cheeks,

Speaker:

making

Speaker:

sure

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

knows

Speaker:

what

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want.
I

Speaker:

watch

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

bring

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

lube-coated

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

lips,

Speaker:

looking

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

eye as

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

licked

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

sucked

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

it.
“You’re

Speaker:

still

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

fucking

Speaker:

freak.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

grin.
“Good.

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

teach

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ways.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

smiles.
“You

Speaker:

promise?”
Randy

Speaker:

laughs,

Speaker:

stuffs

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

toy in his

Speaker:

muzzle and

Speaker:

grabs

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

condom.
Oh

Speaker:

gods,

Speaker:

it

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

happening.
I

Speaker:

spread

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

cheeks

Speaker:

more and

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

submissive

Speaker:

desires

Speaker:

assert

Speaker:

themselves

Speaker:

unhindered. “If

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

cum

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

put

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

love

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

god,

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

stop.

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

tell

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

had

Speaker:

enough.”
He

Speaker:

nods,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

slicks up

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

length.

Fuck...
I

Speaker:

feel

Speaker:

it.
That

Speaker:

which

Speaker:

I’ve

Speaker:

dreamt

Speaker:

of for

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

life.
His

Speaker:

length

Speaker:

presses to

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

hole,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

pushes

Speaker:

gently,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

firmly

Speaker:

inside.
The

Speaker:

stretch

Speaker:

hurts

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

first,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

it’s

Speaker:

thrilling.

Speaker:

Hurts a

Speaker:

little

Speaker:

the same way

Speaker:

all

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

things

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

when

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

start.

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

now

Speaker:

he’s

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

entire

Speaker:

being

Speaker:

agrees

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

leave.
I’m

Speaker:

so

Speaker:

lost

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

sensation

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

I don’t

Speaker:

notice

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

withdraw,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

thrust

Speaker:

within

Speaker:

me.
My

Speaker:

toes

Speaker:

curl.

Speaker:

My

Speaker:

tail

Speaker:

coil.

Speaker:

My

Speaker:

legs

Speaker:

try and

Speaker:

spread

Speaker:

wider

Speaker:

still.
Something

Speaker:

inside

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

clicks

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

place.

Speaker:

A

Speaker:

deep

Speaker:

part

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

finally

Speaker:

complete.

I

Speaker:

manage

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

control

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

gaze

Speaker:

enough

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

look

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

Randy’s

Speaker:

eyes.

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

looks

Speaker:

shy,

Speaker:

like

Speaker:

he’s

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

apologise for

Speaker:

not

Speaker:

being

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

enough

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

this.

Speaker:

I can’t

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

do

Speaker:

that.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

reach

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

push

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

firmly

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

mouth,

Speaker:

then

Speaker:

pull

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

me. “No

Speaker:

being

Speaker:

shy.

Speaker:

You

Speaker:

told me so yourself.”
He whimpers around the silicone, then

Speaker:

nods

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

keep

Speaker:

working.
I

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

care

Speaker:

about

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

technique.

Speaker:

He’s

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

asshole

Speaker:

where

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

him.
I

Speaker:

run

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

paw through his

Speaker:

long, teased

Speaker:

hair.

Speaker:

I roll

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

into

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

lap.
It’s

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

important

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

anything

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

earth that he knows

Speaker:

how

Speaker:

much I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

him.

Speaker:

How

Speaker:

much

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

love

Speaker:

this.
So

Speaker:

many

Speaker:

teasing

Speaker:

words

Speaker:

I would

Speaker:

otherwise

Speaker:

say.

Speaker:

So

Speaker:

many

Speaker:

ways

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

demand

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

he

Speaker:

fucks

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

harder,

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

rougher

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

nastier.

Speaker:

But

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

now,

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

just

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

him.

Speaker:

Forever.

Finally,

Speaker:

he slobbers out

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

plug

Speaker:

from

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

mouth,

Speaker:

panting

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

gasping.

Speaker:

His

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

press

Speaker:

deep

Speaker:

within

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

hold.
“Did

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

cum?” I

Speaker:

ask.
“Fuh… hhhh”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

pants,

Speaker:

before

Speaker:

shaking

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

head.

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

feel

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

hips

Speaker:

shivering and shuddering. “That’s

Speaker:

all I

Speaker:

got.

Speaker:

Hips ain’t…

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

for…

Speaker:

thrusting.”
He

Speaker:

tries

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

hide

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

face

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

shame,

Speaker:

but

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

turn

Speaker:

him

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

face

Speaker:

me, then

Speaker:

press

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

lips

Speaker:

firmly

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

his. “You’ve

Speaker:

already

Speaker:

given

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

dream

Speaker:

of.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

smiled. “You’re

Speaker:

still

Speaker:

balls

Speaker:

deep

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

me,

Speaker:

how

Speaker:

could

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

want

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

than

Speaker:

that?”
He

Speaker:

pants

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

flusters. “You…

Speaker:

should

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

more.”
“Our night’s

Speaker:

barely

Speaker:

started.” I

Speaker:

smile. “But

Speaker:

this

Speaker:

also

Speaker:

means

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

have

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

good

Speaker:

excuse

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

fuck

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

up

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

butt

Speaker:

every

Speaker:

day,

Speaker:

now

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

we?”
He

Speaker:

laughs

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

gives

Speaker:

me

Speaker:

that

Speaker:

grin

Speaker:

again. That

Speaker:

grin

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

fell

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

love

Speaker:

with

Speaker:

years

Speaker:

ago.

Speaker:

He gives

Speaker:

me another thrust

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

flops

Speaker:

down

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

me.
We

Speaker:

hold

Speaker:

each

Speaker:

other

Speaker:

tight,

Speaker:

his lips

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

my

Speaker:

ear,

Speaker:

mine

Speaker:

against

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

cheek.
“Please…”

Speaker:

I pant. “Please

Speaker:

don’t

Speaker:

go.”
“Never

Speaker:

again.”

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

whispers. “Never,

Speaker:

ever

Speaker:

again.”
“Whatever

Speaker:

happens.”

Speaker:

I

Speaker:

promise. “I

Speaker:

love

Speaker:

you.

Speaker:

And

Speaker:

I’ll

Speaker:

be

Speaker:

yours.”
He

Speaker:

lifts

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

head

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

starts

Speaker:

thrusting

Speaker:

again.

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

presses

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

lips

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

mine,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

we

Speaker:

kiss.
For

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

long

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

will

Speaker:

let

Speaker:

us.



This

Speaker:

was

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

second

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

final

Speaker:

part

Speaker:

of “Shame

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Desperation

Speaker:

Will

Speaker:

Kill

Speaker:

You

Speaker:

Someday”

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

Pascal

Speaker:

Farful,

Speaker:

read

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

you by Rob MacWolf, werewolf

Speaker:

hitchhiker.

As

Speaker:

always,

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

can

Speaker:

find

Speaker:

more

Speaker:

stories

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

web

Speaker:

at

Speaker:

thevoice.dog,

Speaker:

or

Speaker:

find

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

show

Speaker:

wherever

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

get

Speaker:

your

Speaker:

podcasts.

Speaker:

Happy

Speaker:

Pride,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Thank

Speaker:

you

Speaker:

for

Speaker:

listening

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

Voice

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

Dog.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Voice of Dog
The Voice of Dog
Furry stories to warm the ol' cockles, read by Rob MacWolf and guests. If you have a story that would suit the show, you can get in touch with @VoiceOfDog@meow.social on Mastodon, @voiceofdog.bsky.social on Blue Sky, or @Theodwulf on Telegram.

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Khaki