“Variables” by Roland Jovaik (part 2 of 2)

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

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I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and Today’s story is the second and final part of

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“Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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who wrote this story as a submission for Roar 5, by Bad Dog Books.

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He hopes you enjoy listening to one of his earlier works

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and if you’re intested Ain reading more,

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he is currently working on reviving his SoFurry page

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where he will be posting any future works.

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Last time, Esten’s date with his local barista lands him in hot water when their evening doesn’t go as planned.

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Corey offers to walk himself home and when Esten returns to the coffee shop the next morning,

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Corey is nowhere to be found.

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“Variables”

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by Roland Jovaik,

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Part 2 of 2 The next day Esten caught a glimpse of Corey

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loitering behind the counter,

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but the fox was quick to run to the back room when he saw the ferret coming.

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His escape was short-lived when his coworkers noticed his absence.

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When he did come out to serve Esten, Corey didn’t make eye contact.

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He looked down and to the side as he took the ferret’s change.

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The fox’s usual smile that Esten had grown accustomed to was gone

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and his chatter to the other patrons was limited.

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Esten watched carefully,

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tipping his coffee in that practiced motion while pretending to drink.

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All of the things that seemed to define the fox had vanished

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—the energetic flick in his tail, the smile on his muzzle,

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and the perkiness of his ears

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—ears that could touch the ceiling with his enthusiasm.

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It made more logical sense, he supposed,

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that the two of them not become romantically involved after all.

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Before Esten had thought to make the decision final,

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Corey stepped out from behind the counter with a carafe in hand.

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His eyes crawled along the floor with his ears stooped low.

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He didn’t approach Esten’s table,

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but the ferret managed to catch him making sidelong glances.

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Esten took another sip.

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Too many variables.

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May 28, 2014 10:45am

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– Exploration into the subject of dating has been unsuccessful.

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Participant Corey was not receptive to dinner and has grown distant.

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Due to recent circumstances it may no longer be favorable

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to frequent the coffee vendor downstairs.

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Esten tried throughout the day to complete just one of his many tasks, but whenever he sat down to work,

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his mind wandered to thoughts of his one failed date

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and Corey’s recent odd behavior.

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Was he malfunctioning?

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He couldn’t think of any other reason for his lack of concentration.

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When he checked, all of his internal tests passed flawlessly.

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Any external equipment gave him the same answer. So what was wrong?

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Esten plugged himself into his computer in an effort

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to complete his work sub-routines.

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The spreadsheets that appeared before him shimmered for a split-second.

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Esten shook his head

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and allowed the image to refocus.

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The cursor blinked,

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but nothing would come.

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His accounting contracts would just have to wait one more day.

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He unplugged himself from the computer and picked up

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The Art of Dating and Gun Maintenance.

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He flipped through the pages, but none of them offered any assistance.

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He set the book down and stared back at the computer.

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Much like him, it had been designed for the purpose of computing and, under the right conditions, learning.

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It wasn’t designed to malfunction,

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so why was he having such a hard time concentrating?

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His phone lit up from under his monitor.

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He plugged the small interface cable into his phone

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and closed his image receptors.

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The text message was from Corey.

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“So thats it huh?”

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Esten processed the message multiple times, but without context,

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the message was useless.

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“I don’t understand,”

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he wrote back utilizing a common English phrase he’d commonly written

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when he first learned about the various methods of communication.

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“I guess u wouldnt.

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figures u would be back to acting like nothing ever happened after a night like that.

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Do u care about anyone other than yourself?”

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Nothing in his life or the dating book had taught him about scenarios like this.

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He was unsure of how to react.

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Contrary to his diary, he had no interest in changing venues for his morning coffee.

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It was inefficient, unfamiliar

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and it took so much time to train new baristas to his morning rituals.

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He tried his best to formulate an appropriately objective response;

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“I do observe other people.

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Adapting is... difficult.

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I do not know what you want me to do.”

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He confirmed the message and sent it on its way.

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He wanted to understand, but the customs of people were difficult at the best of times.

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“Stop talking like ur a freaking robot!

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I want u to apologize, but its a little late for that.”

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The situation might be easier, he supposed,

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if Corey knew he was an android,

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but telling him was out of the question,

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and against his programming.

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He was supposed to adapt,

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mingle, blend in. From what he could tell,

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he was not doing an adequate job.

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“Apologies would not remedy what happened.

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I can take care of your dry cleaning as penance for purchasing the wine that stained your clothing.”

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The delay between messages was getting shorter.

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“U really dont get it.

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I dont want your money.

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I didnt want it at dinner

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and I dont want it now.

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i cant bar you from the cafe

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but don’t think ill be the one serving you.

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have a nice life.”

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Even with Esten’s limited scope of human behavior,

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he understood the finality of the message.

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He left the phone on his desk

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and went to his bedroom to recharge for the night.

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He would revisit the concept of dating another time.

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The next few days were spent finding a new locale to incorporate into his morning social routine.

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The search was more difficult than anticipated.

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Service elsewhere was

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slow, inefficient and apathetic.

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It was difficult choosing a new venue when the fox provided such a unique,

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favorable experience to his morning routine.

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Later that week he came upon a cafe with a bubbly ringtail

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standing alone behind the counter, who seemed more than happy to serve Esten his morning coffee.

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“Hi, my name’s Jessie. How can I help you, Cutie?”

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The cacomistle’s tail flipped up,

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threatening to fling fur everywhere.

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“Medium coffee, three-quarters full please.”

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Esten dug into his pocket for appropriate change, but the ringtail waved his paw

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and bounced over to the carafe behind him.

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“It’s on the house,

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but only if you’ll tell me your name,”

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he giggled. “Esten,”

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he replied, unsure how his name could hold any monetary value.

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“Nice to meet you. Are you new around here?

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I’d definitely remember if a mug as cute as yours came walking in here.”

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He set Esten’s steaming coffee on the counter in front of him.

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“I recently had to make new arrangements,” he stated before taking the coffee.

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The cacomistle whistled with a grin.

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“Troubles at home, Sweetie?”

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“No.” “Oh,” Jessie paused, but only enough long to write his number down on the back of a napkin.

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“Well give me a call if you need anything else, okay Hon?”

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Jessie gave another giggle

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and bounced away.

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Esten examined the number,

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guessing this might be another form of flirting.

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It seemed that his study of dating would to be resuming sooner than expected.

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Esten inspected the number for a few moments before dialing.

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The voice that answered was just as chipper as before.

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“Hellooo?” “Hi, it’s Esten,”

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he responded, unsure if he was supposed to respond to the

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elongated string of vowels in any particular fashion.

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“Hey Esten, calling already?

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Aren’t we the eager one,”

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he said with a giggle.

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“I wasn’t aware there was a set waiting period.

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Should I call back later?” “No,

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this is fine, silly.

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I like a guy who’s punctual.

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So what’s the plan, Handsome?”

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Esten hesitated,

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remembering what an apparent disaster his date with Corey had been.

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This time he would execute his plans effortlessly.

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“I was thinking dinner, if that would be all right with you,”

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he replied, finally.

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“Dinner sounds great.

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On you, right?” He giggled, perhaps a subtle hint at a joke,

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but not the kind that Esten was familiar with.

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“Yeah, sure.” He wasn’t sure what else to say.

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“Great! I’ll text you my address.

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Pick me up at eight, Handsome.”

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There was a click from Jessie hanging up before Esten had a chance to get a word in otherwise.

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He set the phone down and looked at his watch;

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six forty-five. Might as well get ready, he figured.

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By the time seven-thirty rolled around, Esten was prepared in a more casual manner than the last time,

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wearing only a clean, collared golf tee

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and blue jeans. The neck opened up just enough to show off

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a light tuft of brown fur and the sleeves stopped just short of his lightly toned biceps

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that had been crafted to his father’s design.

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Esten sent out a quick text after arriving at Jessie’s door.

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The ringtail appeared shortly after,

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wearing fur-tight jeans that did not look comfortable

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and a pink V-neck t-shirt that showed off

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more chest than seemed necessary to the android.

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Jessie’s eyes widened when he took note of Esten’s car.

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The feminine ringtail jumped into the passenger seat, curling his tail comfortably into his lap.

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His fur shone, luxurious and silky.

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It matched Jessie’s bubbly smile

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and energetic demeanor.

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Though the ringtail must have been considered

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incredibly attractive by normal standards,

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Esten found it paled in comparison to Corey’s gentle smile and subtle movements.

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“Nice car,” Jessie swooned.

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“So where are we going?”

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Esten remembered the trouble he had had with Corey over his dining plans and decided not to repeat his previous failed date.

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“I was thinking of someplace like Italiano’s.”

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“Yeah, that sounds fine.”

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Jessie agreed, but some of the enthusiasm had fallen out of the ringtail’s otherwise over-the-top demeanor.

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Esten looked over,

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concerned that he might have made yet another grave mistake in his planning.

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“Is everything all right?”

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“Yeah,” he muttered while looking out the window.

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Esten shrugged to himself, figuring the ringtail had no reason to lie if everything wasn’t okay,

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so he threw the car into gear and they were off.

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Italiano’s was a smaller Italian restaurant where business-casual was recommended,

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but not necessary.

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Among the rest of the patrons,

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Esten looked slightly overdressed for the occasion.

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“Evening, gentlemen,”

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an ocelot in a white button shirt greeted from behind the counter.

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“Two for this evening?”

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He already had the menus cradled in his arms.

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“Yes, thank you.” Esten replied.

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Esten waved the wine menu away once they were seated, though Jessie quickly snapped it back before the server could reach for it.

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The ocelot coughed

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and turned to Esten.

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“My name is Evan, I’ll be your waiter.

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Can I get you something to drink?”

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“Water, please.” He smiled to Evan as he opened the menu in front of him.

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Evan looked to Jessie out of the corner of his eye.

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“And for the Missus?” Jessie made the sound of mock-laughter.

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“There goes your tip,

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Mister. I’ll have a bottle of the house Merlot, and make it quick.”

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The ocelot wrote something down on his notepad

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while keeping very tight-lipped before turning away,

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muttering “charming little thing, aren’t you?”

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in a way that only Esten seemed to hear.

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Esten was confused where this lack of a tip would be coming from, since he was the one paying.

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As for the server’s comment, Esten supposed that, at a glance, Jessie could be mistaken for a woman of the flat-chested variety.

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The idea of Jessie as a woman made Esten smile.

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He recognized the feeling as ‘mirth’, though he wasn’t sure where this sense of emotion was coming from.

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However, this was a feeling he could get used to.

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Jessie didn’t have to wait long for his wine to arrive.

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The server came out with two glasses and set them in front of both Esten and Jessie,

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throwing a raised eyebrow in Esten’s direction.

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As the server poured Jessie’s glass,

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Esten decided he would have some wine, after all.

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When it came time to order,

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Jessie had picked the most expensive thing on the menu.

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Simply coincidence, Esten figured as he opted for a smaller appetizer.

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He had been designed to consume meals and beverages when the situation called for it,

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but there was no sense in ordering too much food he wouldn’t really enjoy anyway.

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His circuitry did, however,

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experience wine and alcohol as if he were flesh and blood.

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His ability to comprehend logic became muddled and finer tasks would have to wait until the effects had worn off.

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Unlike his previous date, Jessie appeared

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happy to speak with little input from Esten,

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though the cacomistle’s only concerns were fashion and celebrity gossip.

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Even with the help of his eidetic memory

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he had issues keeping focused on Jessie’s conversation,

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his mind drifting instead to what Corey might be doing tonight.

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It was irrelevant, considering he hadn’t seen Corey in a week

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and the fox was far from similar to his current date.

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“Oh, shit!” Jessie exclaimed

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and grabbed Esten by the collar, pulling him forward into an unexpected kiss.

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Esten tried to pull away,

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but Jessie’s grip was insistent.

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Jessie eventually let go,

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leaving Esten to fix his collar.

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Evan was standing awkwardly nearby with two dishes in paw.

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“Should I come back later?”

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He looked between the two of them.

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“No,” Esten said as he brushed the wrinkles from his shirt.

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“Thank you.” The ocelot set the plates down and

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quietly excused himself, glancing back to keep an eye on their table.

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Esten munched on his fried shrimp, not sure what kind of conversation would be appropriate after a first kiss.

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Jessie burst out into laughter, shattering the silence between them without notice. “Oh Esten, that’s hilarious!”

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He continued to giggle as he stuffed a scallop into his muzzle.

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Esten finished his first mouthful with

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some confusion. “I’m sorry?”

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“At least act like you said something funny,”

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he glared. “My ex just walked through the door and I want him to know what he’s missing.”

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Esten had never felt awkward during a smile before,

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but somehow it didn’t feel appropriate for the situation.

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He smiled nonetheless and nodded in acknowledgment.

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“The things I’m going to do to you when we get back to the apartment, dear, you won’t walk for hours!” Jessie continued

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with a shrill laugh that resonated through the restaurant.

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Esten looked around to the number of tables looking at them now,

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helpless to respond to the situation.

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He looked back to Jessie,

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but his attention was now turned to a snow white fox in a leather blazer

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with black dress pants who was approaching their table.

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“Amair, have you met my new boyfriend Esten? He’s such a charmer.”

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The white fox turned to Esten

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and looked him up and down.

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“Take it from me darling, you can do so much better.”

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With a shrug of his shoulders

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he returned to the podium at the front where an equally well-dressed wolf was waiting for him.

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Jessie scoffed and waved a paw, turning back to Esten.

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“Forget him, he’s totally jealous.

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Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

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Without another word the ringtail dug into his lobster and scallops,

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not making a single attempt at conversation until well after he was done.

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He wiped his lips and tossed the napkin on the table.

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“Man, I need a smoke. You’ve got the bill, right?”

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Put up, and they’ll put out.

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The words repeated in Esten’s mind,

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but Esten had sparingly little interest in “putting out” for the obnoxious ringtail.

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“Yeah, I got it,” the perplexed mustelid responded, but Jessie was already halfway out the door.

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It was only then that the ocelot returned

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and Esten felt a rise in his internal temperatures.

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“I feel like I should apologize.”

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The ocelot smiled and shook his head.

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“You have nothing to apologize for.

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Your boy toy, on the other hand,”

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he trailed off. “Look, it’s not my business,

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but there are worse things than being single.”Esten

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nodded while he reflected on what future dates with the cacomistle would be like.

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He certainly didn’t look forward to seeing him again.

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“Thanks.” Esten tucked a handful of bills into the ocelot’s hand

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and smiled. “Thank you for the excellent service.”

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“H—hey,” he stuttered as Esten turned to the door.

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“This is like, a fifty dollar tip!”

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“Yes, it is.” His smile turned to a grin as he stepped outside.

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Esten waved a paw in front of his muzzle as he walked right into a cloud of smoke.

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It left an unpleasant haze on his sensors

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“Was all of that necessary?”

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Esten asked, looking back to Jessie’s ex through the window.

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The question had been more of an inquisitive one than an accusation.

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“Are you kidding?” He seemed far more excited than the situation called for as he puffed excitedly on his cigarette.

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He was giddy and lashing his tail about.

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“Did you see the look on his face?

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He was totally jealous!”

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“If you say so.” Esten turned his head back to the restaurant,

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looking to the table where Amair and his apparent date

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were seated. He seemed completely unconcerned about the two of them as they stood outside.

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Esten couldn’t help but think about what both Amair and Evan had said to him before they left.

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Though he knew little about the intricacies of dating,

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he knew considerably more about things such as decorum

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and commonly accepted manners for acting in public, and Jessie was meeting none of those specifications.

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He simply nodded in between words

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as the ringtail laughed and blew smoke in the ferret’s general direction,

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fuzzing up his delicate nose receptors.

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Corey knew how to act appropriately, he thought.

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Even though their date had ultimately ended in tragedy,

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he’d never been vulgar towards Esten or anyone else.

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“So my place or yours, cutie?”

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Jessie said with a giggle.

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“What?” Esten blinked,

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jarred from distracted thoughts.

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He was forced, once again, to focus on Jessie.

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The cacomistle waved his hips from side to side

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and grinned broadly.

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“Whaddaya say we go back to my place and have some real fun, huh?”

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“Oh, yeah, sure.” Esten grabbed keys from his pocket.

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“What kind of fun did you have in mind?”

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He had a pretty good idea of what Jessie was planning, but hoped the cacomistle would change his mind, given the chance.

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“Don’t be coy,” he gave Esten a playful push on the shoulder.

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“You and I are going to do things that would make Satan himself blush.”

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“Satan is a statistical improbability—”

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“Don’t get technical with me, Mister!”

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He grabbed Esten by the arm

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and dragged him back towards the car, barely able to contain his excitement.

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Esten groaned. The cacomistle was insistent, and it was starting to become problematic.

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Jessie couldn’t hide his grin as they got into the car and drove off.

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Five minutes into the drive the effeminate cacomistle had unbuckled his seat belt

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and was leaning over into the driver’s seat,

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running a paw up and down Esten’s

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leg. “Please put your seat belt on,”

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Esten protested.

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“It’s not safe.” “Aw, come on sweetie.

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What do you say to a little ‘warm up’ session?”

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Jessie’s fingers trailed up the ferret’s legs,

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letting his paw come to a rest between Esten’s legs.

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His grip was rough and very unwelcome.

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Esten glanced down at the ringtail.

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He couldn’t adequately describe the feelings that were beginning to build inside him, but Jessie was quickly becoming someone that he did not want to be around.

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“Please stop what you’re doing.”

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“Just getting a little sample!”

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His paw squeezed again, the ringtail’s movements jagged and unrefined.

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“Sort of like a ‘try before you buy’ to make sure the package is any good.”

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Everything the ringtail did defied logic and reason.

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His lack of regard for anyone else around him was something that Esten greatly disapproved of.

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Hostile thoughts clouded his judgment

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and caused him to grit his teeth.

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He had had enough of the ringtail.

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If there was ever a lesson on what not to do on a first date, he was sure this was it.

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He couldn’t explain why,

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but the only thing he wanted at that moment was to talk to Corey,

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to apologize to him for things he still didn’t understand.

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“Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

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Jessie unzipped Esten’s pants

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and started working on his belt.

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Esten stomped on the brakes, sending the ringtail into the dashboard with a loud, pained yelp.

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The result made him smile, despite his frustration.

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“Get out.” “The nerve of you!

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First you slam me into your dashboard and now you’re telling me that I have to

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find my own way home?

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My house is miles from here!”

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“You were told to buckle up.

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As for getting home, that’s no longer my problem. This date is over.”

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Esten’s responses were short,

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the inflections harsh and unfamiliar.

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He was beginning to understand that

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what he felt towards the ringtail was anger;

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a concept he had studied,

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but had previously been sheltered from experiencing.

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“You are obligated to drive me home!”

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The ringtail’s hair was standing on end,

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his features wrinkled and distorted through his angry glares.

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He looked to the ringtail and slowed his words,

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making them careful and deliberate.

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“I believe they call what you did tonight sexual assault.

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If you don’t want any more trouble tonight, I suggest you find your own way home.”

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“You wouldn’t!” “I would.”

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The ringtail stepped out and slammed the car door shut

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before rubbing at the parts of his body

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that had become intimate with the dashboard.

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Esten drove, leaving the ringtail in his rear-view mirror.

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Once the heat of the situation had died down,

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Esten recalled the emotions he had felt, the raw and unfamiliar nature of them

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and what it meant for his programming.

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He still couldn’t explain why, but the urge to call Corey was now stronger than ever. “Hello?”

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“Corey, it’s Esten.”

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“I don’t want to talk to you.”

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“I’m sorry.” There was a pause on the other line.

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“What?” “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

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“I still don’t fully understand what happened during our date, but I want to see you.”

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There was another long pause.

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Esten could hear Corey breathing heavily on the other line.

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“I don’t want to see you.”

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Corey’s hesitation gave Esten the impression

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that the fox was lying, but only slightly.

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“I want to understand, Corey.

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I’m unable to stop thinking about you and I don’t know why.”

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“Unless you have a damn good reason for acting the way you’ve been acting,

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I don’t want anything more to do with you.”

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There’s only one way, he thought.

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But you can’t. The seed of doubt crept into his thoughts.

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Telling Corey went against the very core of his programming.

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There had to be another way.

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“I can’t tell you,”

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he whispered, though he didn’t mean to.

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“Then this conversation is over—” “Wait!”

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Esten listened for signs that Corey had hung up,

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that had terminated the call.

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Indescribable tension and nervousness flooded his entire being.

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His only purpose, he felt,

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would be crushed the moment Corey hung up that phone.

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He would do it, he decided.

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“I have something I need to tell you.”

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“What is it?” “In person.

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Please,” he begged.

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There was another long,

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contemplative pause. “Meet me

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at the shop in fifteen minutes.”

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Esten was downstairs in two.

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He had no reason to wait otherwise.

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The night was quiet and desolate, powered only by streetlamps and the few cars that drove by.

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He counted the minutes until Corey arrived,

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each one making him increasingly anxious.

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Eleven minutes and thirty-two seconds later,

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Corey arrived. “This had better be good, Esten.

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I had... company.” His ears flicked with a hint of shame as he said it.

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“I’m sorry. About our date,”

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he said, hoping that might be enough to appease the fox.

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“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for,”

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spat Corey, obviously still bitter at how their night had gone.

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Esten tried to put into words

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what he was only now beginning to understand, though the explanation seemed intangible and unexplainable.

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He wanted to speak, to say anything,

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but his mind and his thoughts would not let him.

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He stood there in silence.

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“I knew coming here was a waste of time.”

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Corey turned from Esten and started walking.

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“Don’t leave!” Esten reached forward and grabbed Corey’s arm.

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“Let go,” Corey hissed. He pulled his arm away and started to walk faster.

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There was no way that Corey could understand

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—not without Esten going against his programming, to reveal his true identity.

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But somehow a life without the fox seemed like no life at all.

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His inexplicable attachment to the fox was undeniable,

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and regardless of what he had been programmed for, none of it mattered

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if the fox wasn’t there for it.

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“I’ll tell you!” He shouted loud enough that he was sure the people in the apartments nearby could hear him.

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Corey stopped and turned.

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“I’ll tell you,” he repeated.

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Esten’s body was trembling.

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He hadn’t been programmed for any of this. So what was happening to him?

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Corey walked back, still keeping his distance from Esten.

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“Tell me what? Why are you so desperate for my approval now?

Please enjoy: 00:23:31

You sure as hell didn’t want it before.”

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I’m an android. I’m not flesh and blood. These were things he wanted badly to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Please enjoy: 00:23:40

The world isn’t ready, he told himself. Programming or not, the world simply wasn’t ready.

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“I’ve never been on a date before.”

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He regretted saying those words as soon as they left his muzzle.

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He felt silly and his ears pressed back against his head.

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Corey’s shoulders slumped

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as he breathed a sigh in disbelief.

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“That’s it?” “That’s it.”

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Esten looked away, embarrassed under Corey’s

Please enjoy: 00:24:03

incredulous stare.

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“I’m sorry Esten, but that doesn’t really explain how you’ve been acting.

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I get that you’re nervous, but you were completely self-centered that night.”

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He trailed off, laying an arm across his chest to rub at his elbow.

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“I’m sorry about the restaurant.”

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Esten repeated himself to the point

Please enjoy: 00:24:21

where he felt broken.

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He strained to think about what had gone wrong that night, for just what he was supposed to be apologizing for.

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“I didn’t listen to you, and I imposed on you at the restaurant.”

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These were still stabs in the dark,

Please enjoy: 00:24:33

but if he thought hard enough he could begin to understand.

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“It’s a start,” Corey muttered.

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Esten stepped forward and before Corey could react

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pressed his lips against the fox’s muzzle.

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He sensed a brief

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flickering of Corey’s warm lips before the fox pulled back with a gasp.

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“Esten, what hell was that?”

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“I thought that was how one showed affection.”

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Esten’s ears flicked back against his head.

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He was so sure he was starting to get the hang of this,

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how could he possibly be so inept?

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Corey stepped back. “I can’t do this, Esten.”

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He turned and ran off into the night.

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Esten walked back to his apartment,

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defeated and confused.

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He hadn’t been able to convince Corey to stay after all.

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He had failed in his main objective, to blend in,

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to mingle as people often did,

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through courtship and dating.

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He sat in his computer chair, lost and alone.

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He shouted to the empty apartment before grabbing the wireless mouse on his desk

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and throwing it against a wall.

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Batteries scattered as the mouse exploded into several pieces underneath the windowsill,

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directly beneath the small wooden box his father had given him.

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He gazed at the box

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and its tauntingly plain exterior

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as his father’s words echoed in his head.

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“You’ll know when to open it, Esten.”

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Why was the box so damned important,

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and why wasn’t he allowed to open it?

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It had been so insignificant before, but now it insulted his senses,

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teasing him with yet another riddle he could not solve.

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“You’ll know when to open it.”

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“I don’t know what you mean!”

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His voice echoed off the walls,

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fading quickly into nothing.

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He grabbed the box from its perch

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and clutched it tight

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until the wood cracked beneath his grip.

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Everything made even less sense to him now,

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just like the rest of the world around him.

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Esten had no way to know when it would ever be the right time to open it.

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“To hell with it.” He popped the latch and opened the box.

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There was a lone slip of paper inside, a far cry from anything Esten thought might have been inside.

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He removed the note,

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observing that the scribble was his father’s handwriting.

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Esten, The very fact that you’re reading this means your journey is ready to begin.

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Your learning processes and natural curiosity,

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along with your ability to experience emotions, means you are ready to become one

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with the world around you.

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You may think that you are broken,

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or are experiencing a malfunction, but I promise

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that this transition is deliberate.

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I hid parts of your programming from you

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that were designed only to activate

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when you had matured enough to handle the ramifications of raw emotion.

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You have no doubt you’ve opened my present to you because you are alone,

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scared and angry.

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You’re learning how to deal with all of these traits on your own and I am so proud of you.

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I knew that when I designed you,

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I would never get to see you grow up and experience life for yourself.

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However, there was no question in my mind that you would reach maturity and grow into your own person,

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and what a wonderful person I imagined you would become.

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You will learn to experience love,

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to hold onto it and to never let go.

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Should you find that special someone,

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do not fail to tell them you love them,

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and to share with them your deepest secrets.

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This is what I’ve programmed you for;

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to experience the best of what life has to offer,

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in the hopes that you may one day understand how to share those gifts

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with the people you hold dear.

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I bless you with the gift of life, my son.

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Love, Charles. Esten crumpled the paper in his hand

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and sighed. The next morning did not come quickly.

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He knew time was constant, but nothing seemed to be acting as it should, and that included himself.

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His subroutines were a mess:

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tasks lay undone,

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papers weren’t organized, and Esten was being plagued with thoughts

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that he no longer controlled.

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Eight o’clock rolled around,

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marking the end of the morning rush at the coffee shop downstairs.

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Now was the time for Esten to make one last effort:

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to try and make Corey understand.

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Even if his efforts were doomed to fail, he had to try.

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Esten pushed through the door to the shop, making his way to the front counter

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and making eye-contact with Corey.

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Though Corey looked away,

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he did not retreat to the back as he had before.

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Instead he put his head down,

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not returning eye contact with Esten,

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as if trying to convince himself that the ferret was not really there.

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“Can I take your order, sir?”

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Corey didn’t look up, his fingers at the ready on the cash register.

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“Can we talk about last night?”

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“There’s nothing to talk about.”

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Corey gripped the sides of the register.

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“I think you should go.”

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Esten reached his hand out to touch Corey’s.

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He felt the fox’s muscles tense immediately and twitch,

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but he did not pull it out of Esten’s reach.

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“Look, I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few weeks.

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There’s a lot that I still don’t know, but I was hoping that I could figure it out;

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with you.” The cash drawer interrupted the conversation with a loud ding

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and a harsh clang as it jutted out.

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“That’ll be a dollar forty-seven.”

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Esten patiently handed over the change,

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not taking his eyes off of Corey.

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Corey looked down at the till with his ears canted off to the side.

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Corey was silent until a line had begun to form behind Esten.

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He spoke, but in harsh, whispered tones.

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“What about your new beau?”

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“I don’t know—” “Amair texted

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me during his date last night.

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Told me he saw his ex with someone that met your description.

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Couldn’t keep his lips off you, I heard.”

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“And I made him walk home after he tried to molest me in the car.”

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Esten squeezed Corey’s hand.

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“After all that, all I wanted was to call you.

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Please.” Corey pulled his paw back.

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“Look, I’m off at five.

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You’re holding up the line.”

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Traffic filtered seamlessly in and out of the cafe.

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Though Esten was always aware of the time, he found himself looking to his time piece anyway.

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A short, stocky cougar passed by,

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taking a sidelong glance at Esten.

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The ferret recognized him as the manager.

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“Busy day today, huh?”

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The passing cougar questioned,

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his tail flicking back and forth skillfully out of the way of any nearby tables.

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“Just a bit of unfinished business,”

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he said with a smile,

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waving his paw over the pile of papers in front of him.

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With a smile and a nod the feline turned back to his business,

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wiping down tables and paying Esten no mind.

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Esten passed the time by watching as people entered and left.

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The shop was nearly empty when five o’clock rolled around.

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Corey busied himself with some last minute duties before disappearing

Please enjoy: 00:31:07

into the back room. Time to tidy up.

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Esten shuffled his papers back into their folder.

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Outside the cafe

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Corey shifted his tail uneasily

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and Esten stood with his hands in his pockets, unsure how to initiate the conversation.

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Corey cleared his throat.

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“So.” “Yeah.” “You’re certainly persistent,”

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Corey said with a nervous laugh.

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Esten wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he simply nodded.

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“What do you want, Esten?”

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“A second chance.” Corey crossed his arms with a grumble.

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“You expect me to just give you a second chance after all...”

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He threw his arms up in the air.

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“Whatever you would call all of that?”

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Frustration seeped into Esten’s thoughts.

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He had done everything in his power to understand, to make things right.

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“I’ve done my best to understand what I’ve done wrong.

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I have apologized and I’ve groveled.

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In spite of all that has happened, I still want to be with you.

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Do you not feel the same?”

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“I used to,” he grumbled while looking off to the side.

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Esten took a step forward.

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“Corey, I don’t know how to explain how I feel about you,

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but I do know that when I’m around you, I feel...

Please enjoy: 00:32:16

different. I feel complete.”

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He didn’t quite know what that meant, but it sounded like the right thing to say.

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“I know I’m not perfect,”

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at least he sure didn’t feel like it.

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“That’s an understatement,”

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Corey muttered. “And I’ve messed up.

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A lot,” he added. “But each mistake brings me to a better understanding of how my actions affect you.”

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Corey was silent, waiting expectantly for Esten to continue.

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“When you’re around,

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I feel like the day gets a little bit brighter.

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When I’m with you, I feel like I can be a better person.”

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Esten stepped forward

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and took Corey’s paws in his.

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When Corey didn’t pull back,

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he stared into the fox’s eyes.

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“Let me make it up to you.”

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The vulpine’s shoulders

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sagged with a sigh.

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Corey met Esten’s gaze with the slightest hint of a smile on his muzzle.

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“Alright, but let’s take it slow.

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slow.” December 20, 2014 9:45

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AM – The Christmas holidays are coming, and it will be the first year I’ve spent them with anyone aside from you, Father.

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It turns out Corey

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was the perfect candidate after all.

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I’ve learned so much about love and heartbreak,

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and I couldn’t have done it without the both of you to guide me.

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I love him, father,

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and I make sure to tell him every day.

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I understand now why you programmed me never to reveal my secret to anyone.

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I could never have truly understood the repercussions of such an act without knowing what I do today.

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I’ve decided that Christmas will be the day I tell him everything,

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and I pray that it goes well.

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I miss you, Father. This was the first of two parts of “Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion. Tune in next time to find out how Esten will complete his studies in the art of dating.

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As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog