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“To Find You” by Kandrel [18+]
[18+] Today’s story is “To Find You”, a treatise on the dangers of starship repair was written by Kandrel. He’s a fox without thumbs and an impressive collection of golf balls he’s stolen.
The story was originally published in Heat 16 by Sofawolf press. If you’d like to read more of Kandrel’s stories, you can find his entire bibliography available at www.foxyonline.com.
Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
Transcript
Today I'm reading an adult story for mature listeners.
Speaker:If that's not your cup of tea,
Speaker:or if there are youngsters listening,
Speaker:you can skip this one and
Speaker:I'll have a new story for you next time.
Speaker:You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,
Speaker:and today’s story is
Speaker:“To Find You,” a treatise on the dangers of starship repair
Speaker:was written by Kandrel.
Speaker:He’s a fox without thumbs
Speaker:and an impressive collection of golf balls he’s stolen.
Speaker:The story was originally published in Heat 16
Speaker:by Sofawolf press.
Speaker:If you’d like to read more of Kandrel’s stories,
Speaker:you can find his entire bibliography available at
Speaker:www.foxyonline.
Speaker:www.foxyonline.com. Please enjoy:
Speaker:“To Find You” by Kandrel ---
Speaker:Raise the cups and give a toast!
Speaker:It was New Year’s Eve,
Speaker:and I didn’t want to be there.
Speaker:A shy girl more used to books than drinks,
Speaker:and here was a crowd looming in from every side.
Speaker:There was my friend, Becky,
Speaker:who declared she’d watch over me,
Speaker:then deposited me at the drinks table and never looked back.
Speaker:But then there you were,
Speaker:with fur of gold
Speaker:and a comforting expression.
Speaker:I knew you, if only at a distance.
Speaker:Everyone who's anyone knows you're David,
Speaker:and you know everyone who's someone.
Speaker:Your eyes caught mine,
Speaker:and I saw a moment of confusion.
Speaker:Frustration and anxiety rose.
Speaker:I should go home before this gets awkward.
Speaker:Before I could grab my jacket,
Speaker:you were there. I can smell you still,
Speaker:hints of wood smoke and astringent cologne
Speaker:doing its very best to cover the fact that you’re a ferret.
Speaker:It failed, but I didn’t mind.
Speaker:You handed me a glass
Speaker:and said you knew how it felt,
Speaker:being dragged out and left to face people on your own.
Speaker:You asked my name,
Speaker:and I told you it's Leslie.
Speaker:A smile and a nod.
Speaker:The question had been building since our eyes met.
Speaker:I braced. You asked if maybe I had another name,
Speaker:and I said none that I still answer to.
Speaker:Leslie is a good name, you said,
Speaker:and it suits me. Good name for a deer.
Speaker:I looked away, but you take my hand.
Speaker:You said that it's a mistake
Speaker:that you hadn't taken the time to get to know me before,
Speaker:and it wasn't one you intended on repeating.
Speaker:By that time, we were having to shout over the music,
Speaker:so when you offered someplace a bit quieter,
Speaker:I was all too eager to follow.
Speaker:You had glowing bracelets around your wrists
Speaker:and the fur over your temples was dyed green.
Speaker:You said you were a traveler and a stargazer,
Speaker:a poet and a sensitive soul.
Speaker:You even claimed to be an alien,
Speaker:though you were laughing at the time.
Speaker:I asked if it was tough,
Speaker:coming down from the stars to walk among us poor earthlings.
Speaker:You smiled and admitted
Speaker:it was probably harder to be who I was.
Speaker:I almost laughed at you,
Speaker:with the way you were dancing around not having to say it out loud.
Speaker:I pointed my head at you
Speaker:and told you that you could touch my antlers if you wanted to.
Speaker:It turned out you did.
Speaker:You even made a joke about no girl like me having such a fine rack,
Speaker:at least not this time of year.
Speaker:You were such a gentleman.
Speaker:You made sure I was comfortable,
Speaker:and said I should sip instead of gulp
Speaker:because I’d hate myself in the morning.
Speaker:You’d been everywhere, you said.
Speaker:Africa, where you met the spirits of your ancestors
Speaker:and learned their true names!
Speaker:The Far East, where at the tops of mountains the ancients of wisdom sat
Speaker:and communed with the universe!
Speaker:I sipped at your stories
Speaker:and gulped at the champagne.
Speaker:Then it was ten, nine, eight!
Speaker:Big Ben was ticking down to midnight, and your hand was on my shoulder.
Speaker:Seven, six, five, I kissed you,
Speaker:and I’m not even sure why.
Speaker:Four, three, two, and you were gripping my antlers
Speaker:as you rolled me onto my back
Speaker:and slid inside. Leslie,
Speaker:you whispered into my ear
Speaker:as you showed me something new.
Speaker:One, zero, Happy New Year!
Speaker:You were so warm and alive as you shivered in my arms.
Speaker:You stole a towel from the host’s kitchen
Speaker:and helped me clean up your mess.
Speaker:It was definitely a new experience.
Speaker:I can see why everyone liked it.
Speaker:Even if my head was swimming a bit from all the gulping instead of sipping I’d done,
Speaker:I enjoyed myself.
Speaker:You said I should probably put my pants back on before we went back out into the party,
Speaker:because you didn’t want Sharlene to know what we’d done in her guest bedroom.
Speaker:But hey, it was New Year’s Eve,
Speaker:and there were lots of other parties.
Speaker:One had been enough.
Speaker:Especially since that party had you in it.
Speaker:I was worn out. I was spent.
Speaker:Thank you, David. I wanted to go home and be with my books,
Speaker:but thank you for seeing me
Speaker:as, well, me. You couldn't resist a beautiful lady, you said.
Speaker:Okay, no more parties, you promised,
Speaker:but I was with David now.
Speaker:David the alien, you reminded me.
Speaker:David the ferret.
Speaker:Alien, you reminded me. The alien ferret.
Speaker:And if I took your hand,
Speaker:you’d show me amazing things I’ve never imagined before.
Speaker:Things I’ve never even read about.
Speaker:Look at your mask, you said
Speaker:you’re a thief. Look at these fingers, you said
Speaker:you must be a rock star.
Speaker:Follow you and you’ll show me the world.
Speaker:More than the world,
Speaker:because you’re a roguish rock star
Speaker:alien. Take your hand
Speaker:and don’t let go,
Speaker:and you’ll take me to outer space.
Speaker:You winked. I should see your space ship!
Speaker:And if I left with you,
Speaker:you’d show me the universe.
Speaker:You took my hand
Speaker:and we ran out into the rain.
Speaker:I said I should go back for my umbrella,
Speaker:but you said I looked good with the drops on my antlers
Speaker:and my ears slicked down.
Speaker:No one had ever said that about me!
Speaker:You pulled me on,
Speaker:down into the underground where we could go anywhere in the city.
Speaker:Where’s your space ship, I asked?
Speaker:You winked again,
Speaker:and we rode the tube to Kings Cross,
Speaker:where the celebration was so thick
Speaker:that we could barely move.
Speaker:The party had been bad,
Speaker:but this was worse.
Speaker:Shoulder to shoulder,
Speaker:moving like a single creature that surrounded me on all sides.
Speaker:Take my hand and don’t let go,
Speaker:you said. I tried.
Speaker:I really tried, but the crowd stole my grip,
Speaker:and it carried you away in a peristaltic wave.
Speaker:I saw the golden glow of your pelt beneath the neon lights fade,
Speaker:your hand still held outstretched to me.
Speaker:I don’t know where I went, then.
Speaker:First, I think I went a little out of my mind.
Speaker:The crowd was a beast,
Speaker:and it swallowed me whole.
Speaker:Bodies shoving and pushing,
Speaker:shoulders in my back and elbows in my stomach.
Speaker:A poor wolf met the business end of my antlers when it got too much,
Speaker:but he was gone before I could apologize.
Speaker:The buzzing in my head had me gulping for air,
Speaker:but as time passed,
Speaker:the crowd ebbed, then left entirely.
Speaker:When it was through with me,
Speaker:I found myself at the shore of the Thames,
Speaker:gazing off over the water
Speaker:and wondering where you’d gone. Call it fascination.
Speaker:Call it obsession.
Speaker:I wanted to see you again.
Speaker:I desired it so physically I felt sick.
Speaker:Or maybe that was the champagne.
Speaker:It was four in the morning.
Speaker:The streets were empty.
Speaker:I traced my steps back to the tube,
Speaker:just hoping you’d gone back.
Speaker:You hadn’t. It was my own fault, really.
Speaker:I had let go of your hand
Speaker:—the one thing you said I shouldn’t do.
Speaker:I cried, and a wise guru standing near a burning barrel showed me the way.
Speaker:A golden ferret,
Speaker:of course he’d seen you.
Speaker:An alien? Oh, sure. He knew all about that.
Speaker:Go ask the Madame, he said.
Speaker:She knows all about the aliens, and where to find them.
Speaker:I thanked him and threw some change into the guru’s bowl,
Speaker:and destination firmly in mind,
Speaker:I followed you. The sign at the old lighthouse read
Speaker:“Fates Sought And Destiny Revealed!
Speaker:Ten Pound Reading.”
Speaker:Madame Bloodhound crouched at her crystal ball,
Speaker:badly hidden electric cord drooping.
Speaker:She held shaking hands over the orb
Speaker:and claimed that upon its surface my fate would be revealed to her.
Speaker:“Wouldn’t it feel better, dear, to know when you’ll meet the perfect girl?”
Speaker:“Oh no,” I said. “I already know who.
Speaker:And he’s a he.” “Well, it takes all types,”
Speaker:said Madame with haste.
Speaker:I had grown to hate the phrase,
Speaker:but I didn’t let it show.
Speaker:“Then where is he?
Speaker:I meant to hold his hand,
Speaker:but I lost him, and now I regret ever letting go.”
Speaker:“Don’t you worry,” said Madame,
Speaker:“I can see he is with the spirits now,
Speaker:and content.” “Oh.” I was confused,
Speaker:but not for very long.
Speaker:The spirits! Of course!
Speaker:You knew the spirits.
Speaker:You visited the ancestors,
Speaker:you said as you roamed wherever wayward feet led.
Speaker:Still tipsy from the gulping,
Speaker:that morning, I packed everything I thought I would need.
Speaker:I was wrong, of course, but how else should an adventure begin, if not naively?
Speaker:I slept on the plane.
Speaker:I saw you on the horizon,
Speaker:hand still outstretched for my grasp.
Speaker:Fingers reaching as mine slipped free
Speaker:in the ravening crowd,
Speaker:dragging apart our clasp.
Speaker:I woke with a jerk
Speaker:as light pierced the dream.
Speaker:Outside, sand and sun and scrub was the theme.
Speaker:Airport became city.
Speaker:Crowd thronged, and I cowered.
Speaker:Cars brayed. Weasels hawked cheap tat from metal wagons.
Speaker:The air was full of noise and musk and sand.
Speaker:Then the towering steel monstrosities of the metropolis
Speaker:became bowed and squat,
Speaker:like the pride of youth descending in age.
Speaker:Warehouses gave way to cheap homes
Speaker:beyond number, which then gave way to asphalt,
Speaker:which then gave way
Speaker:to sand. Confident in my ignorance,
Speaker:I walked into the sunlight.
Speaker:Beneath a tall baobab tree,
Speaker:I found a lion made entirely of sand.
Speaker:I asked him if he was a spirit,
Speaker:and he told me of the world after the walking earth.
Speaker:I took that for a yes,
Speaker:and asked him if he’d seen you. He had not heard
Speaker:your name, but he offered to teach me how to survive the long walks of the savanna
Speaker:in exchange for the chocolate I had bought at the airport.
Speaker:I had not the heart to tell him that restaurants sold salads.
Speaker:I didn’t need to stalk and kill my prey through the long grass,
Speaker:but still I watched and learned
Speaker:as he showed me how to move without sound.
Speaker:That night, he devoured the chocolate, wrapper and all,
Speaker:and I had my first taste
Speaker:of meat. Lion and I laid beneath the tree,
Speaker:and he told me the stories of the stars
Speaker:that only the spirits know.
Speaker:Beneath the roots of the tree,
Speaker:he had kept his favorite piece of jade,
Speaker:and in that jade he’d
Speaker:kept his favorite memory
Speaker:of the hunt. He wanted me to have it,
Speaker:since I’d been such an apt student.
Speaker:I thanked lion, pocketed the jade,
Speaker:and took my leave.
Speaker:If the spirits of the earth could not help me,
Speaker:perhaps the wise men at the tops of their mountains would know where to find you.
Speaker:I traveled to Nepal,
Speaker:where the mountains were so high they made the sky look short.
Speaker:Foot in front of foot,
Speaker:I braved the stone.
Speaker:Once, I fell,
Speaker:but my guide held me by a rope
Speaker:until I could catch my grip again.
Speaker:That far into the sky,
Speaker:my head felt light,
Speaker:just like it had
Speaker:when I’d been sipping—no,
Speaker:gulping—the champagne.
Speaker:At the top of the mountain I met a wise lemur
Speaker:who levitated in meditation.
Speaker:“He who you seek is not here,” he said,
Speaker:before I had opened my mouth.
Speaker:“But tell me what he said, and perhaps I can help you find him.”
Speaker:“He said he had a mask.
Speaker:He must have been a bandit.”
Speaker:“Don’t be foolish,”
Speaker:the guru said. “It was only fur.”
Speaker:“He had long, delicate fingers.
Speaker:He must have been a rock star.” “Did he sing for you? Idle boasts, most likely.” “He had an amazing jacket and sunglasses. He must have been an alien.” “Of course.” The guru nodded his head.
Speaker:“That makes better sense.
Speaker:If you will trade me the stone you keep in your pocket,
Speaker:I will call my friends from the stars, and they will carry you up to find him.”
Speaker:Grateful for his help,
Speaker:I gave him the jade that Lion had given me.
Speaker:Down from the sky came a slim space ship,
Speaker:barely larger than a truck.
Speaker:It hovered above the guru of the mountain,
Speaker:and stairs descended from its belly.
Speaker:An alien descended,
Speaker:with long ears that drooped over his curled horns,
Speaker:which framed a face from which four eyes glared at me with distrust.
Speaker:“There’s no room on my ship for freeloading.
Speaker:I’ll take you, if you can work.”
Speaker:“Of course.” I said.
Speaker:“Can you navigate by star chart?”
Speaker:I admitted that’s something I’d never done.
Speaker:“Too bad. How many intergalactic languages do you speak?”
Speaker:With head downcast,
Speaker:I admitted that this was the only language I understood.
Speaker:He lifted my head with fingers that were covered in scales.
Speaker:“I can get you a few planets out,
Speaker:and you can find another ride there, if you want?”
Speaker:We stopped in at a little spot in the rings of Saturn,
Speaker:where I asked if anyone had seen a golden ferret pass through.
Speaker:They asked me what a ferret was.
Speaker:I said thank you anyway.
Speaker:Eta Eridani was his last stop before he left the cluster,
Speaker:the freighter said,
Speaker:but I could hitch with him that far, at least.
Speaker:I should have known better than to trust an interstellar freighter,
Speaker:but I was naive and experience is a currency that can only be bought
Speaker:with sweat and blood.
Speaker:When we arrived, the freighter locked a collar around my neck,
Speaker:and I was sold to a local tribe,
Speaker:whose feathers were iridescent
Speaker:and beaks were cruel.
Speaker:For a month and a week,
Speaker:I worked their hydrogen farms with other slaves.
Speaker:My back bore the tracts of their cruelty,
Speaker:and only the kind hands of the other slaves salved my wounds.
Speaker:By day we worked under a barium sun,
Speaker:and by night I listened to them sing songs of their homes
Speaker:in an asteroid belt where air is as precious as love.
Speaker:Long days I spent beneath the whips,
Speaker:but a sisterhood
Speaker:is born from blood
Speaker:violently spilled.
Speaker:A distraction would spare the whip of one frilled-neck vulture on the old.
Speaker:An intentional mistake
Speaker:would draw the wrath of the overseer
Speaker:when he beat a hatchling.
Speaker:My fellow slaves were canaries with feathers of yellow and voices of gold,
Speaker:but underneath, we all bled red.
Speaker:Well, except they didn’t.
Speaker:They bled green, but the bleeding was the important part,
Speaker:and we did it as a team.
Speaker:Those who could survive a few blows
Speaker:took them for those who were at the end of their endurance.
Speaker:Over weeks, the softness of my books melted away to reveal muscle underneath.
Speaker:The pick was feather-light in my hands
Speaker:—or perhaps that was because of the microgravity.
Speaker:All the while, my fellow slaves sang of home
Speaker:and asteroid. Their tones rang soft
Speaker:and shrill between the cracks of picks
Speaker:on pyroxene crystals.
Speaker:Only after I had acclimated to the hot days and somber nights
Speaker:did pirates raid our farms.
Speaker:They took the hydrogen to fuel their junker ships
Speaker:and stole those slaves they thought most interesting
Speaker:and most valuable.
Speaker:The captain herself,
Speaker:an Altairian with purple scales and a head like an iguana,
Speaker:picked me because she’d never seen an Earthen deer.
Speaker:Aboard their fleet of modified haulers and junk trawlers I was shown the ropes,
Speaker:starting with the fact that there were no ropes.
Speaker:I learned to read a holographic star chart,
Speaker:and to recognize a Canis fleet dreadnought warp signature.
Speaker:The work was hard,
Speaker:but I was treated well,
Speaker:at least compared to my time with the sadistic vulture slaver-masters.
Speaker:I was put to work cleaning the barrel of the laser cannons,
Speaker:and when we flew into the shadow of the moons to hide from notice,
Speaker:the captain would pull me by the antlers
Speaker:into her bed. My first time with an alien began with uncomfortable embarrassment.
Speaker:The captain laid me on her bed,
Speaker:and stared as she stripped the tatters of my old earth clothing from my legs.
Speaker:“It’s nothing,” I said, covering myself.
Speaker:“It’s not who I am anymore.”
Speaker:“But where are your armored claspers?”
Speaker:she asked. The look of confusion I gave her must have answered that question.
Speaker:“I see that my complete and accurate guide to exotic species of the Orion arm is not nearly as complete or accurate as advertised.”
Speaker:The concept of what she’d expected of my anatomy so shocked me
Speaker:that it must have shown on my face.
Speaker:She took my hands and asked,
Speaker:“Would you feel better just going back to your bunk?”
Speaker:“Shouldn’t you be telling me what to do?
Speaker:You’re a pirate and a captain.”
Speaker:“Yes, but I’m not a monster,”
Speaker:she said. Anxiety flared,
Speaker:but was smothered by curiosity.
Speaker:“I think I’d like to stay. If you’re okay with that.”
Speaker:The captain laid back on her bed,
Speaker:nude and challenging.
Speaker:Across her body her purple scales were large and supple,
Speaker:but they grew smaller across her belly,
Speaker:until they blended together so smoothly
Speaker:that they were nigh invisible between her legs.
Speaker:She spread herself with fingers,
Speaker:and with a hand on my snout
Speaker:she taught me where and how to please an Altarian.
Speaker:In her passion, her legs tangled in my antlers.
Speaker:She didn’t allow me up until my tongue was sore
Speaker:and my muzzle was soaked with her pleasure.
Speaker:Pirate scuttlebutt is efficient.
Speaker:By the following morning
Speaker:I heard the whispering that the captain had picked a new plaything.
Speaker:The ribbing was good-natured.
Speaker:I’d endured far worse back on Earth.
Speaker:If anything, it made my time among the pirates easier.
Speaker:They were a loyal crew,
Speaker:and being the captain’s toy opened doors
Speaker:—both metaphorically
Speaker:and literally.
Speaker:Through the rings of Luyten eight
Speaker:we terrorized unwise freighters with valuable cargo
Speaker:and no escort. In the far side of the planet’s gravity well we waited to pounce like a hunting spider.
Speaker:And on the long days when military cruisers swept the system for us,
Speaker:we hid silent and dark
Speaker:behind the planet’s moon.
Speaker:On those days, with the crew bored and hours dragging by at glacial speed,
Speaker:the captain would drag me back to her bed.
Speaker:So elated was she with my service that after a year I was given my freedom.
Speaker:When my pirate captain heard of my quest to find you,
Speaker:she gave me her own vibro-cutlass
Speaker:and, with tears in her reptilian eyes,
Speaker:put me to port at Beta Orionis,
Speaker:where the whole sector comes to trade.
Speaker:Have you seen my David,
Speaker:I asked? His body is long,
Speaker:and his fur is made out of gold.
Speaker:I was about to give up
Speaker:when I heard of a race of space-faring nomads
Speaker:who fit your description.
Speaker:Perhaps that was where you came from!
Speaker:If anyone knew, perhaps they would.
Speaker:With all I had learned from the pirates,
Speaker:I hijacked a pleasure skiff from the port
Speaker:and flew it out to Arcturus,
Speaker:the red star where the gold-furred nomads played in between the comets.
Speaker:I found them cavorting in the rings of a great gas giant,
Speaker:with long ships that were sleek and maneuverable.
Speaker:When they heard my story,
Speaker:they greeted me with open arms,
Speaker:and bade me play with them for a while.
Speaker:The stories had been true.
Speaker:They were long of body,
Speaker:and their fur was gold,
Speaker:but they weren’t ferrets like you.
Speaker:Instead, they were otters,
Speaker:with phosphorescent blue trails
Speaker:dyed into their fur.
Speaker:So close, yet I knew I had hit a dead end.
Speaker:Still, I could hardly blame them,
Speaker:it wasn’t their fault.
Speaker:So I stayed with them for a time,
Speaker:learning the way they siphoned alcohol from vast interstellar clouds to make wine.
Speaker:Perhaps ironically,
Speaker:I finally learned to sip
Speaker:rather than gulp.
Speaker:By day, we swam through the stars,
Speaker:and by night we curled in plush chambers together.
Speaker:They gathered to hear me tell stories of my world.
Speaker:When I told them of my own struggles with self and image,
Speaker:they were fascinated by a species
Speaker:represented by not one,
Speaker:but two genders. Each and every one of the alien otters was the same sex
Speaker:—the only one their species had.
Speaker:They comforted me in my anxiety,
Speaker:and by my second week cavorting with them through the alcoholic threads of the nebula
Speaker:I had shed my earthly preconceptions.
Speaker:When I finally accepted their invitation,
Speaker:they welcomed me with open arms.
Speaker:As we lazily orbited a small wandering planetoid,
Speaker:the otters swarmed over me,
Speaker:with tickling whiskers
Speaker:and curious fingers
Speaker:and combined male/female genitalia rubbing against my fur.
Speaker:A pair of paws caught my hips,
Speaker:and a slippery length slid up into me.
Speaker:A whiskery muzzle smelling of space wine kissed me
Speaker:while something smooth and slick
Speaker:lowered itself around me.
Speaker:Two more of the squirming animals coupled next to my head, and I watched in wonder
Speaker:as their exotic anatomy curled and danced
Speaker:and slid into and out of each other.
Speaker:Hot liquid squirted across my belly from a source unseen
Speaker:and tingled as it absorbed into my fur.
Speaker:I still have trouble remembering exactly how they all fit together,
Speaker:but I have no trouble remembering how they felt
Speaker:as their prehensile members curled within me,
Speaker:or how their sweet and tangy spices
Speaker:danced on my tongue
Speaker:as they sat on my face and wriggled.
Speaker:But all dreams must end,
Speaker:and while I learned much from the Arcturian nomads,
Speaker:I still had not heard hide nor hair of you.
Speaker:When I announced that I would be taking my leave,
Speaker:they threw me a feast to remember our time together.
Speaker:They celebrated my body until the sun Arcturus
Speaker:rose over curved horizon of their home planet.
Speaker:As I lay there naked and spent,
Speaker:the otters dyed my fur in permanent glowing blue swirls
Speaker:with their secret rituals
Speaker:to show that I was a sister of their tribe.
Speaker:On the way back to Beta Orionis,
Speaker:my ship was violently pulled from warp.
Speaker:Around me, great hulks of military dreadnoughts
Speaker:darkened the spaces between stars.
Speaker:The planet Vega Eight spun as my ship cartwheeled.
Speaker:Lasers flashed and missiles stalked the dark void of space.
Speaker:The flotilla had no time for a civilian vessel that had
Speaker:accidentally been pulled into their war with the Beta Lyrians.
Speaker:Engines ruined and spiraling out of control towards a nearby planet,
Speaker:I fled to the life pod
Speaker:and crashed into the back-water planet
Speaker:of Lyr-Nine. Given no time to recover from the crash,
Speaker:I was caught by a clan of natives.
Speaker:They were canny foxes,
Speaker:clad in leather and loincloths.
Speaker:They had seen the flashes in the sky far above,
Speaker:the lasers and the explosions of the space war taking place above their atmosphere.
Speaker:I was a god, fallen from heaven, they said,
Speaker:with glowing spirals of blue
Speaker:and my noble ‘battle-spikes’,
Speaker:which is what they called my antlers.
Speaker:With me to lead them,
Speaker:they would surely defeat their rival tribe!
Speaker:I argued that, while I was well-versed
Speaker:in the forms of godly combat
Speaker:—a blatant lie—they would need to show me how they intended me to fight for them.
Speaker:Honored to take his place as my personal trainer in the way of combat
Speaker:and my concubine,
Speaker:a dashing rogue of a fox
Speaker:named C’Tul’a’Was was given to my care while I deigned to spend my time among these humble mortals.
Speaker:He showed me how to handle a spear
Speaker:—the thrust and the parry.
Speaker:The stab and the riposte.
Speaker:Then he showed me how to handle a different spear
Speaker:and though the parry and riposte were less important techniques,
Speaker:I found that one thrust was very much like another.
Speaker:Was I becoming jaded?
Speaker:I had expected more,
Speaker:but his lessons left me unfulfilled.
Speaker:While he took his rest,
Speaker:the student became the teacher.
Speaker:It turns out he had much to learn about the proper use of his weapon,
Speaker:and when I had finished showing him the skills I had learned as a space stow-away,
Speaker:he cried my name in supplication.
Speaker:The Lyrian foxes were enthusiastic,
Speaker:but they hadn’t had the countless generations of unconventional warfare
Speaker:that my Earth upbringing had gifted to me.
Speaker:From my long-distance books,
Speaker:I remembered lessons of warfare that,
Speaker:up until then, had been nothing but flowery prose.
Speaker:Concepts of flanking charges and high ground recalled themselves to me,
Speaker:and by the time the day of the battle arrived,
Speaker:I had called a privy war-council to discuss strategy and tactics.
Speaker:On the evening of the battle
Speaker:while the second sun set in the north,
Speaker:C’Tul’a’Was stood with me at the apex of the tribal mount,
Speaker:our warriors arrayed beneath us.
Speaker:As our skald drummed the advance,
Speaker:a cataclysmic flash lit the sky.
Speaker:Far above, the forgotten Vegan-Lyrian war reached its climax.
Speaker:A dreadnaught as large as a moon splintered,
Speaker:and wayward shrapnel that was thrown in our planet’s direction
Speaker:disintegrated violently in the upper atmosphere.
Speaker:In that moment of wasteful destruction far above us,
Speaker:I looked down upon my foxes
Speaker:and their enemies.
Speaker:I didn’t want this.
Speaker:Did I want to lead them
Speaker:to be just like their technologically advanced brethren up there in orbit?
Speaker:As shooting stars spent themselves in the upper atmosphere,
Speaker:I called to the tribal leaders.
Speaker:I told them that new star that glowed far above,
Speaker:where the dreadnaught’s engine core still fissioned out of control,
Speaker:was an omen that this war was not blessed by the gods
Speaker:—of which I was clearly one.
Speaker:The proclamation didn’t go down well.
Speaker:The tribe elders bickered and fought.
Speaker:Our opposing tribe
Speaker:brought forth their own god.
Speaker:I recognized the uniform of an engineer of the Vega army
Speaker:adorning the white-furred mink that posed as their “god”.
Speaker:I repeated my prophecy to her,
Speaker:with a wink of understanding and a glance up towards the quickly receding glow of the destroyed flagship.
Speaker:No words needed to be spoken.
Speaker:I could see the terror on her face
Speaker:as the foxes brandished their primitive weapons at each other.
Speaker:She mirrored my omens.
Speaker:A motion caught my eye.
Speaker:A younger me, back on Earth with books in her hands and likely to freeze in the headlights of any oncoming emergency
Speaker:wouldn’t have caught it in time.
Speaker:One of the elders drew a knife
Speaker:and dove for me.
Speaker:Reflex drew my cutlass,
Speaker:which cut as if fur and muscle and bone hadn’t been there.
Speaker:A year with the pirates had sharpened my will and wit.
Speaker:I asked if any of the other elders would like to disagree with the god’s decree.
Speaker:As one, they fell to their knees before me.
Speaker:In the fireworks high above of the end of the space war,
Speaker:two tribes became one,
Speaker:and where once their fierce warriors had fought to prune the collective family trees,
Speaker:now they nourished new seeds together
Speaker:that the strengths of two tribes
Speaker:might bear a greater next generation.
Speaker:I hadn’t intended to join the celebration, but I must admit
Speaker:my judgment was impaired
Speaker:—just as it had been so long ago
Speaker:when I’d been gulping rather than sipping.
Speaker:I told them that a mortal’s seed was unlikely to bear fruit within a god,
Speaker:but that didn’t stop them from trying.
Speaker:And try they did.
Speaker:They worshiped me atop the battle-mount with words and fingers and mouths and their exotic members, and by the end of the evening
Speaker:their goddess could really have used a shower.
Speaker:Once recovered from our celebration, the other “god” and I
Speaker:sat out of hearing of the rest of the tribe
Speaker:to hear each other’s stories.
Speaker:She had crashed here too, just as I had,
Speaker:her tribe had treated her similarly as mine.
Speaker:We quibbled about our fox lovers,
Speaker:their features and their failings.
Speaker:Fortunately for me,
Speaker:not only was she an accomplished god,
Speaker:she was also wise in the ways of atmospheric engine repair.
Speaker:I conspired with her to “re
Speaker:-ascend to our godhood,”
Speaker:or in other words re
Speaker:-jig my crashed life pod with enough thrust to escape the planet
Speaker:and rejoin the fleet.
Speaker:Before we left, the clan held a feast in our honor,
Speaker:and C’Tul’a’Was
Speaker:gave me his personal spear,
Speaker:with its feathers and carved handle.
Speaker:By the time we made it back into orbit,
Speaker:the battle was over.
Speaker:Burned out hulks of defeated cruisers
Speaker:and battleships littered the space lanes.
Speaker:We met back up with the mink’s command,
Speaker:and in thanks for returning their engineer,
Speaker:they told me of a sisterhood of mystics
Speaker:who knew all, saw all,
Speaker:and for the price of a secret they had never heard,
Speaker:would answer one question.
Speaker:The sisters were hooded and mysterious,
Speaker:with black cat-like tails
Speaker:trailing from beneath their robes.
Speaker:In confidence, I divulged to them
Speaker:the otter’s secret
Speaker:—the recipe for their special space wine
Speaker:—in return for a single question.
Speaker:Where were you? They told me that they couldn’t answer my question directly,
Speaker:but they could train me to learn how to discover it on my own.
Speaker:They took my hands
Speaker:and gave me my own robe to hide my glowing blue swirls.
Speaker:The hood wouldn’t fit over my antlers,
Speaker:but they said it wasn’t important.
Speaker:I sipped at their spirituality and gulped at their lessons.
Speaker:The names of the stars,
Speaker:and the nature of the galaxy.
Speaker:I learned the correct way to eat oysters from the asteroids over Cygnus.
Speaker:They taught me the three forbidden magics that only females could learn:
Speaker:how to change a man’s mind,
Speaker:how to live with a broken heart,
Speaker:and how to teleport through solid stone.
Speaker:And then they stood me at the portal.
Speaker:Behind me were stars.
Speaker:Ahead of me was the great devourer. Cygnus X-1.
Speaker:A dark blot in the fabric of space and time.
Speaker:I took a step, and fell into the black hole.
Speaker:Time held still, but the training of the sisterhood had prepared me well.
Speaker:I saw all. I understood all.
Speaker:I had become one
Speaker:with the universe.
Speaker:That’s how I came to stand here, today,
Speaker:at your door. A little flat in Brixton, London,
Speaker:with a broken street lamp
Speaker:and a bicycle parked out front in a driveway
Speaker:that isn’t even large enough for a car.
Speaker:You look at me with shock on your face.
Speaker:I realize you don’t recognize me.
Speaker:Well, the stars can change a girl,
Speaker:not to mention the way slavery and battle and otters had changed my body.
Speaker:I remind you of a party downtown
Speaker:where you met this shy girl named Leslie.
Speaker:“Oh yes,” you say. It takes a few more seconds for you to realize that Leslie is me,
Speaker:and I am her. “Oh! Yes.
Speaker:Wow. You’ve changed!”
Speaker:“You haven’t,” I say.
Speaker:You still have your ferrety mask,
Speaker:even though it doesn’t make you a thief.
Speaker:“So,” you stumble. “How have things been?”
Speaker:“I’m sorry I let go of your hand,”
Speaker:I say. You fold your clever fingers in front of yourself awkwardly.
Speaker:Clearly, you’re no rock star.
Speaker:“That’s okay.” You give me a ghost of the smile
Speaker:I’d seen all those moons and stars ago.
Speaker:“Do you remember what you told me that night?”
Speaker:I ask. You blush, then look at my glowing fur,
Speaker:the pirate’s cutlass in its scabbard at my hip,
Speaker:and the tribal spear that’s strapped across my back. “Didn’t
Speaker:you say you were an alien?”
Speaker:“Well, yes.” You lick your lips.
Speaker:“But of course, I’m not.”
Speaker:“I know.” “I don’t even have a space ship,”
Speaker:you joke. “I do.” I tell the truth.
Speaker:Your eyes are wide.
Speaker:“Take my hand, David,”
Speaker:I propose, and you shy away.
Speaker:“I’ll show you amazing things you’ve never even imagined before.
Speaker:You don’t have to just boast about being a roguish alien rock star.
Speaker:Instead, you could be one.
Speaker:Don’t you want to dance in the nebulas around Arcturus?
Speaker:Want to risk the space lanes of Eta Eridani?
Speaker:Don’t worry about the pirates. They’re
Speaker:my friends. Come with me,
Speaker:and I’ll show you the universe!”
Speaker:I offer. You avert your eyes.
Speaker:And you close the door.
Speaker:I guess I don’t blame you.
Speaker:It’s a scary place out there,
Speaker:and not everyone gets to come home.
Speaker:It stings, but the sisterhood taught me well.
Speaker:I’ve learned the second forbidden magic, which,
Speaker:when the magic is revealed,
Speaker:is just realizing that what I had set my heart on
Speaker:had never really been real to begin with.
Speaker:Leslie the timid little deer at Sharlene’s party
Speaker:would have been desolate,
Speaker:but now, looking around at my tired old planet,
Speaker:I can’t wait to get back to space.
Speaker:My quest is over.
Speaker:I’m glad I found you again,
Speaker:and now that I have,
Speaker:it’s time to leave.
Speaker:I think I’ll go to Betelgeuse.
Speaker:I’ve heard there’s a bar there that serves a mean cocktail.
Speaker:This was “To Find You”
Speaker:by Kandrel, read for you by Khaki,
Speaker:your faithful fireside companion.
Speaker:Thank you for listening to the Voice of Do
