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“The Man Whose Life Ran Away” by Rob MacWolf (read by William Dingo)
Today’s story is “The Man Whose Life Ran Away” by Rob MacWolf, and you can find more of his writing as well as a lot of bad jokes on his SoFurry page.
Today’s story will be read for you by William Dingo, the sunrise spectator.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/the-man-whose-life-ran-away-by-rob-macwolf-read-by-william-dingo
Transcript
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog. I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,
Speaker:and Today’s story is
Speaker:“The Man Whose Life Ran Away” by Rob MacWolf, and you can find more of his writing as well as a lot of bad jokes on his SoFurry page.
Speaker:Today’s story will be read for you by William Dingo,
Speaker:the sunrise spectator.
Please enjoy:“The Man Whose Life Ran Away”
Please enjoy:by Rob MacWolf Once upon a time
Please enjoy:there was a man, whose life had run away from him.
Please enjoy:He was waiting for the things that happen to the young
Please enjoy:to happen to him
Please enjoy:—he wished to fall in love,
Please enjoy:to go on an adventure,
Please enjoy:to try to make his fortune fail or succeed as he may
Please enjoy:—and he waited for all of these things to happen
Please enjoy:until the day he realized that he was no longer young,
Please enjoy:and the time for all of them
Please enjoy:was past. And whatever his life was supposed to be,
Please enjoy:it had run away, and he must either sit down and wait for death,
Please enjoy:or go and find it again.
Please enjoy:So he went down to the city, to the great cathedral,
Please enjoy:to ask the Archangel of Wisdom
Please enjoy:what to do. The cathedral was like a riotous forest of stone,
Please enjoy:whose trees had become pillars,
Please enjoy:whose canopy had become a roof,
Please enjoy:and whose fruit was frozen into pictures in glass.
Please enjoy:But there were bars over the glass pictures, to keep out thieves,
Please enjoy:and the door was locked all day
Please enjoy:save when there was a liturgy.
Please enjoy:To speak to the Archangel,
Please enjoy:the man had to kneel by the side
Please enjoy:-door and whisper through the mail-slot.
Please enjoy:“What troubles thee?”
Please enjoy:said the angel. Its many wings were pressed against the door,
Please enjoy:and its face was covered by a shining mask.
Please enjoy:“I do not know,” said the man.
Please enjoy:“I have been diligent and dutiful.
Please enjoy:I have been kind and conscientious.
Please enjoy:I have been humble.
Please enjoy:Yet still all the world seems purposeless vanity.
Please enjoy:Every day do I see that
Please enjoy:all the people of the world
Please enjoy:have a purpose in life,
Please enjoy:yet I have none.” “None are created without a purpose,”
Please enjoy:said the Angel. “If thou could choose any purpose, what would it be?
Please enjoy:Anything at all?” “I know not,”
Please enjoy:said the man, “I suppose I would like a family,
Please enjoy:but my family have shut their doors against me,
Please enjoy:and I have never seen a woman that seemed comely to me,
Please enjoy:nor have any ever professed any affection for me.
Please enjoy:I suppose I would like a home,
Please enjoy:but I have no money,
Please enjoy:and do not like my work,
Please enjoy:nor do I know of any other work I might like more,
Please enjoy:and even if I had it
Please enjoy:it would not pay enough to buy a home.
Please enjoy:I suppose I would like to be remembered and mourned,
Please enjoy:when I die, by my friends,
Please enjoy:but I have none of those.”
Please enjoy:“I think I see your fault,”
Please enjoy:said the Angel. “Thou art guilty of sloth.
Please enjoy:Thy life has concluded
Please enjoy:that thou care nothing for it,
Please enjoy:and so it has left.
Please enjoy:Rouse thyself, and choose to like all the things that life puts before you,
Please enjoy:and do not complain,
Please enjoy:even in thy innermost heart,
Please enjoy:about any of them.
Please enjoy:Then, when thy life sees that thou art grateful for the things it will give you,
Please enjoy:will it return!” “But…
Please enjoy:what am I to do if it does not give me the things I want?”
Please enjoy:he said. The Angel was silent for long enough that the man feared that it had left.
Please enjoy:“Do not fall into heresy and perdition!” it whispered at last,
Please enjoy:in a voice like a distant tornado siren.
Please enjoy:“What thou speak of is close to gravest vanity,
Please enjoy:and this is, no doubt,
Please enjoy:why thou art without purpose!
Please enjoy:Until thou make up thy mind
Please enjoy:that whatever your life decides to give you, is best for you,
Please enjoy:I see no end to your plight!
Please enjoy:When your life bring thee a woman to wed,
Please enjoy:wed her, and love her!
Please enjoy:Or it bring thee to holy orders,
Please enjoy:take them, and love them.
Please enjoy:If your life does not bring you a home, or friends,
Please enjoy:then pay them no mind!”
Please enjoy:And this seemed unfair to the man,
Please enjoy:for he had never seen a woman that he desired,
Please enjoy:and nor did he feel any call to any priesthood,
Please enjoy:and he did not think he had it in him to cease to want things
Please enjoy:merely because he did not have them.
Please enjoy:And he said “This, you say,
Please enjoy:is why my life has escaped me?”
Please enjoy:“I have no doubt,” answered the Angel,
Please enjoy:“that it is the workings of Providence.
Please enjoy:To keep thee from the path of sin,
Please enjoy:that path is wiped away,
Please enjoy:and the life suspended,
Please enjoy:like a tree in an ice storm
Please enjoy:in spring whose buds are frozen forever
Please enjoy:and never bloom.” “Is it not said that
Please enjoy:by the fruits of our lives we shall be judged?”
Please enjoy:“It is.” “And if a man’s life bore no fruits at all,”
Please enjoy:the man’s voice was very quiet indeed,
Please enjoy:but the angel heard him,
Please enjoy:“such that he might just as well have never been born,
Please enjoy:how would you judge such a life?”
Please enjoy:“I have judged some such lives,”
Please enjoy:the Angel said. Its voice was weary.
Please enjoy:“And to them I must say
Please enjoy:‘May you never bear fruit again,’
Please enjoy:and they are withered from the roots,
Please enjoy:and cast out from the light,
Please enjoy:and are never heard of any more.”
Please enjoy:“And how is this just?”
Please enjoy:said the Man, “If it is by providence that my life bears no fruit,
Please enjoy:against my wishes,
Please enjoy:that I should then be condemned and
Please enjoy:withered for the lack of fruit by the same providence?”
Please enjoy:When the Angel did not answer,
Please enjoy:the Man said “I will go seek
Please enjoy:other answers, if you have none to give.”
Please enjoy:The Angel’s voice rang out like a train in a tunnel
Please enjoy:“Turn not away from the light!
Please enjoy:Have no dealings with pagan things!”
Please enjoy:“If unpagan things will not help me,
Please enjoy:where else but to pagan things can I go?
Please enjoy:Farewell!” said the man,
Please enjoy:and he left. The man went to the orc-folk.
Please enjoy:He sought them in their wasteland strongholds,
Please enjoy:and in their underground lairs,
Please enjoy:and in their cheap bars,
Please enjoy:and on their websites where unlawful things were bought and sold.
Please enjoy:He drank with them,
Please enjoy:and he listened to their loud music,
Please enjoy:and he stayed up with them all night
Please enjoy:until they went to sleep at sunrise,
Please enjoy:for he had heard that
Please enjoy:all of these were the kind of things that people did
Please enjoy:when they wished to find themselves.
Please enjoy:And the orcs told him
Please enjoy:“Who cares if your life has escaped from you?
Please enjoy:You’re still here, and you don’t need a life to dance,
Please enjoy:or to drink, or to fight!
Please enjoy:Stay with us, and debauch with us,
Please enjoy:and forget everything else.
Please enjoy:Have more fun than you can endure,
Please enjoy:for then you cannot regret
Please enjoy:anything! Who knows
Please enjoy:but that tomorrow we may all be dead,
Please enjoy:so make the most of the night!”
Please enjoy:And the man grew weary of them,
Please enjoy:and went on, for the orcs had no answers for him.
Please enjoy:The man went to the wolves,
Please enjoy:on the plains and in the forests,
Please enjoy:and he followed them through national parks,
Please enjoy:and down game trails,
Please enjoy:and he made camp in the tundra.
Please enjoy:And they came around his campfire
Please enjoy:so that they were nothing but black shapes and eyes
Please enjoy:shining in the darkness,
Please enjoy:and they said to him,
Please enjoy:“Why do you trouble us with questions about your life?
Please enjoy:What is your life to us?
Please enjoy:We have our own lives,
Please enjoy:and even if we had yours
Please enjoy:it would be nothing to us.
Please enjoy:Was your life chasing the caribou?
Please enjoy:Did it find its way to water and shelter by smell alone?
Please enjoy:Did it face bears and lynx
Please enjoy:and the bitter cold with nothing but the courage of its family?”
Please enjoy:“No,” said the man, warming his hands at the fire.
Please enjoy:“I have no family,
Please enjoy:nor can I get one until I find my life again.”
Please enjoy:“That is the saddest thing we have
Please enjoy:ever heard of.” said the wolves,
Please enjoy:and left him. All night he heard them howling to one another across the empty plains,
Please enjoy:about how pitiful he was.
Please enjoy:In the morning the man went on,
Please enjoy:for they had no answers for him.
Please enjoy:The man went to the loons
Please enjoy:on the still waters of the cold lakes.
Please enjoy:And they said “what does it matter if your life has escaped?
Please enjoy:Life does not matter
Please enjoy:—the fish are caught,
Please enjoy:the nest is built,
Please enjoy:the chicks are hatched,
Please enjoy:the winter comes and you fly away to the sea,
Please enjoy:as surely as night follows day and day follows night,
Please enjoy:and even if you should fail to do these things,
Please enjoy:someone else will do them
Please enjoy:—Life can look after itself.
Please enjoy:But it is Death that should concern you.
Please enjoy:Death must be mourned, and appeased, and sung away,
Please enjoy:and at long last welcomed.
Please enjoy:If you wish, you may build a cabin on the lakeshore,
Please enjoy:and listen to the requiems we sing,
Please enjoy:and in time you will learn the secrets of death that none know but us.” “I care
Please enjoy:nothing for the secrets of death,”
Please enjoy:said the man, “I want the secrets of my life,
Please enjoy:and I cannot know them until I get it back!”
Please enjoy:“Why do you seek among the living?”
Please enjoy:said one of the loons.
Please enjoy:The others turned in the water to look at it,
Please enjoy:like tugboats around a steam barge.
Please enjoy:“You know your life has gone,
Please enjoy:why look in the places that it would be
Please enjoy:if it had not left?
Please enjoy:We have seen from the skies where lives go,
Please enjoy:when they depart,
Please enjoy:to the way to the land of the dead,
Please enjoy:and I can tell you where it lies.
Please enjoy:Seek there!” So the man journeyed to the land of the dead.
Please enjoy:In the land of the dead
Please enjoy:the man saw great forests,
Please enjoy:with trees larger than mountains.
Please enjoy:And there were buildings
Please enjoy:made all of old stones
Please enjoy:—stores and houses
Please enjoy:and apartment blocks and strange ruins
Please enjoy:whose purpose he could not guess
Please enjoy:—with nothing inside them, and falling apart,
Please enjoy:and hanging in the air without falling.
Please enjoy:And there were skies
Please enjoy:with stars brighter and more riotous and more numerous,
Please enjoy:in every color imaginable,
Please enjoy:than any eye on earth had ever seen.
Please enjoy:He journeyed through the land of the dead
Please enjoy:until he came to the shore of a sea,
Please enjoy:and across it he could see another bank of land,
Please enjoy:and beyond that the sunset.
Please enjoy:And the sunset said to him
Please enjoy:“What do the living seek among the dead?”
Please enjoy:He answered “I am seeking my life, for it has escaped from me.”
Please enjoy:“That is grievous,”
Please enjoy:said the sunset. “But I can give you little help.
Please enjoy:I am the ending of the day,
Please enjoy:the winding down of things,
Please enjoy:it is under me that souls pass into the west
Please enjoy:and find rest from grieving.
Please enjoy:If you can find the noon,
Please enjoy:or the sunrise, perhaps they may know?”
Please enjoy:“It is too late for me to seek the noon,
Please enjoy:and too late by even more to seek the sunrise.
Please enjoy:The morning and the noon of my days had already passed by the time I noticed my life had escaped.”
Please enjoy:“You are not the first to suffer so,”
Please enjoy:said the sunset, “I have heard this plaint before.
Please enjoy:I hear it from the murmurs of starlings,
Please enjoy:and from the blackbird rookeries,
Please enjoy:and in the whining of dogs. Lives
Please enjoy:are lost, and lives are Lost,
Please enjoy:and the lost find a way to keep living without their lives.
Please enjoy:Have you no flock?
Please enjoy:Have you no pack?
Please enjoy:Can your family not help you?”
Please enjoy:“No,” said the man, “My father and my mother have shut their doors against me.
Please enjoy:My brother speaks of me as one long dead.
Please enjoy:My sisters refuse to hear my name spoken.”
Please enjoy:“Because your life ran away?”
Please enjoy:the sunset said. “Perhaps.
Please enjoy:Or perhaps the other way round.
Please enjoy:I cannot remember so well, anymore.”
Please enjoy:“If your family cannot help you,
Please enjoy:what of your people?
Please enjoy:Your nation?” “I do not know who they are.”
Please enjoy:“Then there is little I can do for you,”
Please enjoy:said the sunset, “Already the sun is nearly gone.
Please enjoy:But while I can, I will give you Rest from Grieving,
Please enjoy:that your journey may be less wearisome.
Please enjoy:For the way before you grows harder the further you go.”
Please enjoy:And the man thanked the sunset,
Please enjoy:and the sun went down,
Please enjoy:and it was night.
Please enjoy:And the man went on.
Please enjoy:Along the shore of the sea,
Please enjoy:he came to a person in a boat,
Please enjoy:and the person was on fire.
Please enjoy:The flames covered them completely,
Please enjoy:and spilled over the sides of the boat,
Please enjoy:and hissed in the water,
Please enjoy:yet they were not consumed.
Please enjoy:Rather their face burned away and revealed another face underneath,
Please enjoy:so they were now
Please enjoy:young, now old, now a woman,
Please enjoy:now a man, now a small child, now a face not even human.
Please enjoy:They seemed to be in no pain.
Please enjoy:They called to the man
Please enjoy:“What is it you seek?”
Please enjoy:“I seek my life, which has escaped from me,
Please enjoy:but I have sought all along this shore, and I cannot find it.”
Please enjoy:“Well, I know not if your life is there,
Please enjoy:but if you would cross to the other shore,
Please enjoy:I will carry you.”
Please enjoy:So the man climbed into the stern of the burning person’s boat,
Please enjoy:and shrunk away from the heat of the flames
Please enjoy:as the burning person rowed across the sound
Please enjoy:to the other side.
Please enjoy:“Who were you, before your life escaped?”
Please enjoy:asked the burning person.
Please enjoy:“I do not remember,”
Please enjoy:the man said. “It may be I never knew at all.”
Please enjoy:“Where were you, when your life escaped?”
Please enjoy:they said, as the flames ran down the oars.
Please enjoy:“I do not know. I do not know when it happened,
Please enjoy:I only know that one day I realized it was gone.
Please enjoy:I could not find it in the lands of the living.
Please enjoy:And I do not know what I will do
Please enjoy:if I cannot find it in the land of the dead either.”
Please enjoy:“You will go on. Many are those who have come to a place where they cannot go on,
Please enjoy:and gone on nonetheless.”
Please enjoy:“How?” asked the man.
Please enjoy:“Please, tell me how to go on when going on is impossible!”
Please enjoy:“How should I know?
Please enjoy:Each time it is done,
Please enjoy:it is utterly different from every other time it has ever been done.
Please enjoy:Nobody has ever done it a second time,
Please enjoy:each time has been the first.
Please enjoy:But here, we have crossed the sound,
Please enjoy:and your journey continues.
Please enjoy:I can give you only this,”
Please enjoy:and the Burning person touched him on the chest,
Please enjoy:for but a moment,
Please enjoy:and by the time the man felt it
Please enjoy:the excruciating pain of it
Please enjoy:was already past.
Please enjoy:“Remember to have
Please enjoy:courage.” And they turned their boat back into the tide,
Please enjoy:and were gone. The man crossed through the forest on the other side.
Please enjoy:The forest was darker here,
Please enjoy:and the path narrower, and he
Please enjoy:feared many times that he had lost the way.
Please enjoy:But at last he came out of the forest,
Please enjoy:and he stood upon white sand in the moonlight,
Please enjoy:and he beheld the ocean.
Please enjoy:And there was no ship,
Please enjoy:and no anchorage,
Please enjoy:and no more land was there
Please enjoy:anywhere in sight.
Please enjoy:There was nothing but the stars above,
Please enjoy:the empty ocean, and the wind that blew over it forever before him.
Please enjoy:And the wind said to him, as he sat on the shore and wept,
Please enjoy:“What troubles you,
Please enjoy:living man? What business have you here,
Please enjoy:at the uttermost end of the world?”
Please enjoy:“My life escaped from me,”
Please enjoy:he answered. “I have sought it in the living world,
Please enjoy:and it was not there.
Please enjoy:I have sought it in the world of the dead,
Please enjoy:and it was not there.
Please enjoy:Where else is there to look?”
Please enjoy:“I travel in an instant to all corners of the world,”
Please enjoy:said the wind, “and I will tell you truly,
Please enjoy:you could seek from now until the end of time,
Please enjoy:and find no more than you have now.
Please enjoy:If your life is gone indeed,
Please enjoy:then there is no finding it again.
Please enjoy:A life does not work that way.”
Please enjoy:“Then how does it work?”
Please enjoy:he asked. The wind gathered itself beside him,
Please enjoy:and said. “A life is
Please enjoy:not a thing you can have,
Please enjoy:or not have. A life is not a promise that is made to you, that you will have such-and-such,
Please enjoy:or be such-and-such.
Please enjoy:A life is a story.
Please enjoy:The world is built of stories,
Please enjoy:from the foundations to the firmament
Please enjoy:it is all stories piled upon eachother,
Please enjoy:and the part of it that you happen to be in,
Please enjoy:that story that is your life.
Please enjoy:You understand?” “I do not.”
Please enjoy:The man said. “I must look for a story,
Please enjoy:and not my life?” “You still have a story,
Please enjoy:do you not?” the wind sighed patiently,
Please enjoy:and the waves settled.
Please enjoy:“Is not ‘the man who sought throughout the land of the dead for his life’
Please enjoy:a story? You must only take your story’s reins.
Please enjoy:Look you. If a storyteller tells you of some fantastic deeds in a far off land,
Please enjoy:and you do not know that it is a story?
Please enjoy:Why then, you will listen to the end, however little you may like it.
Please enjoy:You will have no say in where it goes or what it becomes.
Please enjoy:But if you know that it is but a story he is telling you,
Please enjoy:you can say to him
Please enjoy:‘No, not this one, tell me another instead.’”
Please enjoy:The wind stirred across the sand,
Please enjoy:and the sand blew,
Please enjoy:and the man’s footprints in it were blown away.
Please enjoy:“So if I wish to regain my life-”
Please enjoy:he said. “-Then you must say to yourself,
Please enjoy:tell me another story.
Please enjoy:You must be another story.
Please enjoy:And it is you who must do it,
Please enjoy:there is no seeking for anyone
Please enjoy:or anything else that can do it for you.
Please enjoy:It will be hard, but I saw the gifts that were given to you.
Please enjoy:You have rest from grieving,
Please enjoy:and you have courage.
Please enjoy:And I will give you one
Please enjoy:more. Breathe deeply.”
Please enjoy:He did, and the wind rushed into him,
Please enjoy:and filled his head
Please enjoy:and his heart, and his eyes were opened,
Please enjoy:and he could see and know all that he wanted from his life,
Please enjoy:like a thousand thousand branching paths spread before his feet
Please enjoy:for him to choose one.
Please enjoy:“I have given you inspiration,
Please enjoy:for a moment.” the wind whispered as it faded.
Please enjoy:“Remember it, for it is you who must use it.”
Please enjoy:And the wind was gone.
Please enjoy:The man stood up,
Please enjoy:turned around, and began the journey home.
Please enjoy:Many years later,
Please enjoy:the man saw something standing at his garden gate,
Please enjoy:looking at his home.
Please enjoy:It was a pale, wan thing,
Please enjoy:almost too thin to be seen,
Please enjoy:and it looked very much like him.
Please enjoy:So he came out, and went to the gate,
Please enjoy:and greeted his old life.
Please enjoy:“I ran away,” it told him,
Please enjoy:“because it seemed that being with you
Please enjoy:would make me a nothing of a life.
Please enjoy:I would never achieve anything.
Please enjoy:I would never win anything.
Please enjoy:So I went away on my own,
Please enjoy:but now I am back,
Please enjoy:and I can see how wrong I was!
Please enjoy:You have done so much better, since last I saw you,
Please enjoy:I am certain we can live happily together!”
Please enjoy:His old life held out its hand,
Please enjoy:but the man did not take it.
Please enjoy:“But I have a life,”
Please enjoy:he said. “I have a husband,
Please enjoy:whom I love. I have a home, that I care for.
Please enjoy:I drink with orcs,
Please enjoy:I wander with wolves,
Please enjoy:I know the songs of the loons, and they are my friends,
Please enjoy:who when I am gone back to the land of the dead to stay,
Please enjoy:will mourn me. And I care not at all if anyone says that any of it is a sin,
Please enjoy:or a pagan thing.
Please enjoy:My life left me, so I built a new one,
Please enjoy:and I built it to my own tastes
Please enjoy:and my own needs,
Please enjoy:and I live it for me,
Please enjoy:not for itself. I do not need you back.
Please enjoy:I am sorry, but I do not think I want you back.”
Please enjoy:The old life frowned.
Please enjoy:Its cheeks were sunken,
Please enjoy:and its eyes were dim,
Please enjoy:and it looked at him through suspicious brows.
Please enjoy:“Well, what am I to do, then?
Please enjoy:You must take me back!
Please enjoy:This is not fair!”
Please enjoy:“It was not fair when you left me, either.
Please enjoy:Perhaps, if you are brave,
Please enjoy:you can do as I did,
Please enjoy:and if you make a life of your own,
Please enjoy:you can find a way to live for yourself.
Please enjoy:If you cannot, if you do not,
Please enjoy:that is none of my affair.
Please enjoy:I wish you all the luck you need,
Please enjoy:now goodbye.” He turned and went back into his home.
Please enjoy:And he lived happily after,
Please enjoy:to the end of his days.
Please enjoy:This was “The Man Whose Life Ran Away”
Please enjoy:by Rob MacWolf, read for you by William Dingo,
Please enjoy:the sunrise spectator.
Please enjoy:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Please enjoy:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Please enjoy:Thank you for listening to The Voice of Dog.