“Teatime on the Titanic” by Reid Minnich (read by William Dingo)

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog,

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and Today’s story

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is “Teatime on the Titanic”

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by Reid Minnich, who co-writes with his wife, Stacy Bender.

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Today’s story will be read for you by William Dingo,

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the sunrise spectator.

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“Teatime on the Titanic”

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by Reid Minnich Titan Boltz fought his way through the crowd of crying children and

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growling parents to the front of the line for the carousel. A chipmunk much

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younger than himself trembled at

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the controls as

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a mother fox stared down at him

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while comforting her crying kit.

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Boltz stepped between them and pushed the start button. There

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was a faint click from the first relay,

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then another, but the latter one wasn’t right. He

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looked at the children waiting on the ride

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and spotted the hippo family sitting on one side.

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It was easier to make the adjustment

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than try to explain load balancing to the kid.

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“Twenty seconds.”   He scampered to the center of the ride

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pulling the screwdriver from his toolbelt.

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With the practiced twist and flick of his wrist,

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the screws of the access panel popped into the air.

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He caught them in his mouth and pushed them to one side of his cheeks.

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Leaving one loose screw holding the panel,

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he shorted the actuator with the screwdriver

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while turning the adjustment in his fingers.

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When the led popped on,

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he put the tip of the screwdriver in his mouth.

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His tongue moved the first screw to the magnetic tip.

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He put the screw in the plate and tightened it

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in one twist of his wrist.

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He repeated the motion a dozen more times and

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nodded to the attendant who slapped the button.

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The ride moved under his feet

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as he stepped off at the ride’s exit.

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Behind him, a soft cheer went up

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as the music began to play.  As he left Kiddie Land,

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his wristband buzzed.

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He swiped across it

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and the face of squirrel appeared.

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It was Krackar Nutse, the

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park’s top engineer. His tail

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flicked with irritation.

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“Meet me at Teatime on the Titanic. It’s

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happening again worse than before.”

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“On my way.” Boltz swiped the image closed

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and cut across the concession boulevard

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to Time Travel Land. In

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the three months since the park added the new area,

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the crowds doubled,

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but so did his overtime.

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Time travel rides were finicky.

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As a chipmunk, it was easy for him to maneuver through the throng of children of larger species,

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but here in Time Travel Land the patrons were mostly large.  To

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get to Teatime, he had to cross the lines of the other rides.

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The speakers in the castle-shaped entrance of the first ride blared,

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“Enjoy a good fight to the death in history’s most epic battle.”

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Terror in Troy was the favorite of large predators. Behind

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the plastic fronts,

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each ride was a long box the size of a tractor trailer

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with a door at the front.

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He dodged between the legs of three laughing teenaged lions.

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“Wow. Did you see the size of the one I fought?

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I got in a few hits before he cut me in half.”

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“Yeah. He was huge.

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I saw everything lying there with an arrow in my chest.

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I never got to fight.”

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The third one grumbled, “I don’t

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know what killed me.

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I didn’t get to fight at all.

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all.”   Boltz made a mental note to check the temporal alignment on that ride.

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It tended to drift from the relatively calm start of the battle to the violent end.

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Since the guests were fighting for their lives against the Trojan army,

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most assumed they had been killed if the ride suddenly spit them out early.

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He timed crossing the exit of Party in Pompeii

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to avoid the cloud of sulfur and ash as dragons in togas filed out. The

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sign over the entrance showed burning ash falling on running animals.

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How anyone found this entertaining was a mystery,

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but then who could understand dragons? Their

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togas were singed, and

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they reeked of sulfur.

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That meant the new entanglement module was holding,

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keeping the quantum lock dome big enough to cover the volcano.

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The entrance for Teatime was a tasteful collage of pictures.

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“Come experience the greatest luxury cruise ship of all time.”

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Creatures of all types were in line here.

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This ride had a dedicated following who loved to speak in Queen’s English

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and wear Victorian costumes. For

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all their refined appearance and practiced manners,

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this crowd got ugly if the temporal lock drifted

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and the ship hit the iceberg while they were dancing or

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the quantum lock barrier prevented them from playing shuffleboard.

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Boltz walked up the exit and into a side door that opened with his badge. He found Nutse’s behind Teatime fumbling

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with a screwdriver.    “Let

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me.” Boltz popped the screws from the panel and caught them in his mouth.

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“You know that is unsanitary.”

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Nutse shook his head

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and plugged in the handheld diagnostic. “Guests

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are complaining about ghosting.”

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The screen displayed numbers and graphs that made no sense to Boltz. Boltz

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scratched his head. “I’ve

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never heard of ghosting,” he

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mumbled through the screws.

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“It’s not in the manual.

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Guests are complaining that things are fading in and out or disappearing. I’ve looked

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through every technical manual I can find.

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There is nothing like that in any of them. My

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guess is a crack in the shielding around the phase

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-lock causing the temporal positioning to flicker.

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That would look like people disappearing. He disconnected

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the device. “There

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is no problem on this side, but it looks like the qubit phase lock might be dirty. We’ll

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need to look at it from the other side.” He

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dropped the device into a toolkit of high-tech equipment and parts.

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Boltz screwed the plate into place, ignoring the disapproving looks from Nutse.

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They entered they ride through a side door where the crowd faced the portal at the back and a

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mole standing in front of it.

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Over one side of the round portal, a

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display was counting down from twenty. Through

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the portal you could see into an engine room as

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long as the food boulevard

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where giant gears and levers moved.

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In the distance, dragons shoveled coal into a furnace.

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Voices emanated from a curved

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horn. "40 knots, sir."  "Engine room.

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What's going on down there?"

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The mole standing on a platform to one side of the portal

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held one end of a velvet rope. “I’m

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Kiki, your tour guide.

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In a minute, you will board the Titanic. You can

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eat, dance, and stroll

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the ship,

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interacting with the people.” She

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paused and the voices from the horn blared,   "Iceberg ahead. Hard to port. Engines full stop."

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She smiled and pointed up to an empty area on the wall. “The

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portal resets every hour. Do try

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to get back on time. It

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is unpleasant to be outside the containment shield when the field resets.” Kiki’s

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hands searched the velvet rope for the clasp and

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hooked it to a chrome stand. “Any

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questions?”  A tiger cub in front waved her hand over her head.

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“Very well, as soon as the counter reaches zero, follow me for a guided tour.”

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The tiger cub cleared her throat. “Can

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we get stuck in the past?”

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Kiki opened her mouth, but her first word was drowned out by a bellow from the horn. She smiled

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and waited a second for the noise to stop.

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"We've hit."   Kiki shook her head. “No, if someone

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could, then someone would have,

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but since no one has, we can't. It’s

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simple when you think about it.”

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Behind her, dragons ran past the portal waving their arms. "The

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sea door won't close.

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close." The sound of creaking metal reverberated through the room followed by the sound of rushing water. There

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was sudden silence as a

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dark water and debris formed a wall across the portal.

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A dragon was swept along with arms flailing.

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The counter over the portal reached zero. All

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was dry and bright. Dozens

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of smiling creatures appeared in the portal

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and filed out the exit.

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Kiki let the velvet rope fall

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and picked up her cane.

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Feeling her way through the portal and tapping her cane before her she called, "Now

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if you will follow me.

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me." The crowd surged through the portal and around the guide.

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Soon she was alone,

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tapping her cane along the floor.

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“This is the engine room.”

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Boltz followed Nutse through the portal. He took

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a moment to admire the incredible machinery

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and smell the fumes of the engine. “Isn’t

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it beautiful?”

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The sound of metal fighting metal was deafening,

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and the burning oil stung his nose.” A

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few squirts of lubricant quieted the nearby machinery. Sadly,

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in thirty minutes, everything was going to reset, and

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the noise would return.

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But they should be finished by then.

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Nutse shrugged. “Let's take some readings.” He set

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the toolbox on the floor and fished out an entanglement meter.

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Boltz could barely make out his partner’s words over the rumbling of poorly fitted pistons and

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metal grinding against metal,

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yet he marveled at the mammoth machine. What

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it lacked in technology, it made up for in beauty and size.

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The power of this monster was unimaginable.

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His eyes analyzed each

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part. It astonished him that it even worked.

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The bushings and fittings were so crude. On

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this side, the portal appeared on the side of a nondescript metal box the size of a train car with

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a few access panels and an antenna on top.  Nutse plugged his scanner into the diagnostic port at the back of the machine. “That’s

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interesting.

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The electronics are fine, but there’s an oscillation in the field.

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It’s too irregular to be a malfunction.” He closed

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the scanner and took a field strength meter from his toolbelt. Something else

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is happening. We need to take some field measurements.”

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They made their way to a metal spiral staircase and

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climbed to a higher deck where rabbits carrying armloads of vegetables scurried through a door held open by a polar bear

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wearing a white apron.

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“Field strength seems strong,

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but the oscillation is worse up here.” Nutse continued up

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the stairs with his face on the meter.

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A penguin in a tuxedo raced down the stairs toward Nutse carrying

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a silver tray of cheese.

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Boltz was about to warn them,

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but the image of the penguin flickered.

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For an instant, there were two penguins,

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one collided with Nutse,

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the other dodged around him with practiced grace. They merged

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together behind Nutse

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who never looked up from his meter. It

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happened so quick Boltz wasn’t sure he saw it.

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They climbed to the next landing where a hallway stretched into the distance on both sides.

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It was lit by glass bulbs under shades set into sconces on the wall. Boltz

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squinted and peered into to glass.

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A thin wire glowed white hot.

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The concept of producing light by such a wasteful means horrified him,

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but the warm light added a luster and opulence of the doors and walls that

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no one in the modern age could emulate.

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Nutse waved the meter around before veering down the hall.

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A walrus with a handlebar mustache

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and top hat popped out of a stateroom with a cane in his hand and white gloves draped over his arm.

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He pressed his back against the wall to avoid Nutse. His

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wide eyes followed the squirrel as he passed.    “Pardon

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us.”  Boltz bowed quickly and hurried to catch up with Nutse who paused by another staircase and climbed.

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They followed the direction the device sent them

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to the foot of a wide staircase.

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It was a glorious structure that took them up and onto the deck of the ship.

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The sea rolled around a cold, dark sky.

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“The oscillations are getting stronger.

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This way.” Nutse followed the signal to the bow of the ship.

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A flying squirrel stretched out her arms

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and leaned over the edge. Boltz held

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his breath.

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His legs trembled as he considered running to her rescue. The

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flying squirrel flickered.

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Nutse walked by him with his face on the meter. “Wow.

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The meter is going crazy.

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Something is really messing with the field.”

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Boltz took a deep breath and called out,

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“Please come away from there, miss.”

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She turned her head. The

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image flickered. A

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scruffy opossum who was no where to be seen moments before rushed

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to the flying squirrel and escorted her from the edge.

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Boltz felt relief wash over him.

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Nutse looked up. “What are you doing?”

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Boltz pointed at the squirrel strolling away in the arms of the opossum.

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“She was about to fall.”

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Nutse gave him a sideways look. “She is

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going to fall or not.

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There is nothing you can do about it.

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Stop wasting time and do your job.”

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He looked down. “See what you did? I’ve lost

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the trace. Now

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we’ll have to pick it up again.” He

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waved the meter around.

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“We’re going to have to triangulate. We’re at

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the front of the ship. We’ve been to the bottom center. Let’s start

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with the center top and work our way down.”

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They measured the sporadic signal back into the ship

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and up to a control room where a bear in a dark blue uniform stood in the center of a small room where various species monitoring archaic machines.

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An eagle scanned the horizon through binoculars.

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“Clear ahead.”  “Ahead ten knots,”

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the bear growled.  “Ahead ten knots,”

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a mockingbird yelled into a circular horn connected to a flexible tube.

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A rabbit hopped up to them and pushed his paws forward.

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“No guests are allowed on the bridge.”

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“We’re not guests. We’re here to fix something,”

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Boltz apologized as Nutse walked around the rabbit.

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“You’re out of uniform,”

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the bear growled. “What

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is that thing?

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It has lights that move.”

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The bear stared in wonder.

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Nutse waved the meter around.

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“Nothing here.” He pocketed the meter and walked between the captain’s legs.

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“I’m the captain. I demand to know what needs to be fixed.”

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Nutse turned in the doorway. “Come

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on, Boltz. Nothing here. Let’s go.”

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“Wait, Nutse.” Boltz called him back. Confident

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he was on the right,

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Boltz walked up to the captain.

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“Sir, in twenty minutes, this ship is in danger of hitting an iceberg and sinking.”

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The captain puffed out his chest and his neck bulged. He

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roared with laughter.

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“Have you ever seen an iceberg, son?

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They are mountains of ice, easy to avoid. Are

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you drunk, sailor?”

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Boltz was a downcast. There

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was no flickering.

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His half-formed theory was falling apart. “But

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they are hard to see at night.”

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He scrutinized the image of the captain. There

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was no trace of ghosting.

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“Everyone knows this ship is unsinkable. Now

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get off the bridge or spend the day in the brig.”

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The captain turned his back on Boltz.

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Nutse grunted in frustration outside the bridge. “What

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was that about?”

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“Maybe some of the guests are interacting with the crew causing the problem.

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I thought if I made them make some other decision, I could reproduce the ghosting.”

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“Nonsense. If that were possible, someone would have done it

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and history would be rewritten. This

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is clearly an electrical problem, so stop wasting time. We

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need to find the source in twenty minutes,

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or we’ll have to start over.”

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They descended the stairs until it ended at floor

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where a beaver in a formal white uniform stood before large double doors. “Good

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evening,

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sirs. Back tie is required for the main dining room.”

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Nutse swung the meter around and froze.

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He stepped around the beaver and toward the main doors.

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“Excuse me, sir, but you cannot go into the formal dining room dressed like that.”

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The beaver pointed to the tool belt.

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Nutse sidestepped the beaver and entered.

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The beaver’s shoulders slumped.

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Boltz grinned sheepishly.

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“We’re dressed for a private costume party. We won’t be long. Two please?”   “Well,” the beaver shook his head slowly, “at

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this hour, we could make an exception.” He pulled two

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menus from a sliding drawer.

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One with the outline of a squirrel,

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the other with a chipmunk.

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He rushed in front of Nutse and slapped his wide tail on the marble floor for attention.

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“Follow me.”  Boltz allowed the waiter to seat him at a table while

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Nutse scanned the room.

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“There is something wrong here. I’m getting fluctuations in the field now.”

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They sat at a table with a lace tablecloth, a candelabra,

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and more spoons and forks around the plates than anyone knew what to do with. The

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waiter placed the menus beside them,

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bowed, and left.   Boltz looked at the long menu.

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Everything sounded so good.

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“Do we have time for a snack?”

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Nutse didn’t look up from the meter.

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“This is a time machine.

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We have all the time in the world.”

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Boltz scanned the desserts.

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It all looked so tempting.

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The meter in Nutse hand buzzed.

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He looked down at it resting on the table. “Whoa. Off the scale. We’ve

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got to be close.”

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Nutse waved the meter around. “It

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stopped. We’re going to have to wait here for another spike.”

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“What? It’s gone again.” Boltz

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looked around and spotted the waitress he saw last time.

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He let his eyes rest on her.

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She was so polite

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and had a lovely voice.

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A penguin with a monocle came beside their table

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with a pencil and a pad of paper in his hands.

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“May I take your drink order, gentlemen.”

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“Just a bag of pistachios for me.”

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Boltz nodded at the engineer.

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“And a cup of hazelnut coffee for him.”

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“Very good, sir.” The penguin hurried through swinging doors at the back of the dining area.

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Somewhere behind the doors, glass and china shattered.

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The doors parted for the lone form of Kiki swinging her cane in a wide arc

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and knocking a pitcher of water onto the floor.

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Her cane tapped the wet carpet

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and she stepped around the puddle.

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“And here we have the swimming pool.

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The popular dances of the time are the foxtrot and the waltz.”

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She tapped her way along the wall

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toppling a statue.

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“Pardon me.” The beaver dived and caught the statue before it hit the floor.

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“Now stay close and I’ll show you the gambling hall.“

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A penguin waddled up to the table and placed a bag of nuts before Boltz

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and poured coffee from a silver pot into a china cup in front of Nutse.  Nutse adjusted the meter as he sipped the beverage. At

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that moment, the meter buzzed and light up. “There.

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up. “There.” He looked up.

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“Something in this room is the cause.”

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Boltz tried to keep focused,

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but the lovely waitress approaching the table held his attention.

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“Nice to see you again, sirs.

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Do you wish anything from the menu?”

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“It’s off the scale.”

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Nutse pointed the meter in an arc around the room.

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Boltz blinked and looked into her eyes.

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“Do you recognize us?”

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“Your pardon, good sirs.

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Perhaps I was mistaken.”

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Her eyes fell to the floor.

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Her tail bristled in embarrassment.

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Boltz’ mind raced.

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A small amount of variation had to exist to make interact with people of the past possible,

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but they would always make the same decisions

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and be in the same places. Memories

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were not possible.

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Or were they? “Do you remember what I had the last time I was here?”

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“A piece of rhubarb pie, I believe.

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believe.”  Boltz gasped. His legs kicked involuntarily, sending his chair tipping backward.

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When it righted, he grabbed the table with both hands.

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“That’s right. Nutse, did you hear that?”

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“What of it? She has mistaken you for someone else. Pay

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attention, will you?”

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He waved the meter around frantically.

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Look for something that would interfere with a signal or cause a reflection.”

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“I think she is the problem. She remembers us.”

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Boltz shouted and pointed to the waitress.

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The waitress’ shoulders shook, and her head was bowed to her chest. “My

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apologies, sir.

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I meant no offense.”

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“Impossible.” Nutse crossed his arms.

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“It is all the same moment to her.

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Otherwise, she’d be terrified right now knowing what is going to happen in,”

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he checked the time,

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“nine minutes.” He took another sip of tea and cleaned the face of the meter.

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The waitress squeaked.

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“Sir?”  “Was that necessary?”

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Boltz rasped.  “What does it matter?” Nutse’

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cocked his head and he raised a hand palm up.

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“That was cold.” Boltz shook his head.

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He turned to the waitress.

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“Pay him no mind.” He patted the waitress’ hand.

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Nutse took a sip of his coffee and dropped

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his cup in the saucer.

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“I’ll prove it.” He turned to the waitress.

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“If you remember us,

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when were we in here?”

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She looked perplexed.

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“I… can’t remember.

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It seems like a day ago.

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Why can’t I remember?”

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“You see?” Nutse shouted and crossed his arms.

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The beaver in the white coat hurried to their table.

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He took the waitress by the elbow.

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“Has she been rude, sirs?

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I shall see she is properly punished for her insubordination.”

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Boltz waved a hand.

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“No, she was very nice.

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Please don’t punish her.”

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The beaver bowed.

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“As you say, sir.” He glared at the waitress.

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“You have duties to perform. Come with me.”

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He turned on his heel and marching to a doorway.

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She followed slowly and got halfway

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across the floor before the beaver turned on her.

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“I’ve warned you before. Now I’ve had enough.”

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His voice was hushed

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but grated through his teeth.

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“You’re fired. I’ll see you are not paid for the rest of the trip.”

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The waitress fell to her knees,

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“I did nothing.”  “Don’t make a spectacle of yourself.

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Leave this dining room at once.”

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The beaver pulled her to her feet

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and shoved her toward the kitchen door.

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The waitress stumbled forward but turned.

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The meter in the table Nutse’ hand buzzed non

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-stop and he paced the room.

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The waitress hurried back to the table.

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“I’ve been afraid all day as if

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something was going to happen.

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What is going to happen in nine minutes?”

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Nutse returned to the table and turned off the buzzing meter off. “We’re

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out of time. We’ll have to try again and start here next time.” He

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finished his cup and wiped his mouth with the napkin. “Let’s

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go.”  The beaver’s face poked out of the doorway.

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His eyebrows formed a V and his nose wrinkled.

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There was a slapping sound as his tail pounded the floor.

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The waitress stood within arm’s reach,

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her shoulders trembling.

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Boltz took her hand.

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“Come with us.”  “What.

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No.” Nutse rushed around the table and pulled Boltz hand from hers.

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“You can’t. It won’t work.”

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Boltz shoved him back and took her hand.

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“I have to try.”   Nutse strode away

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and threw a hand in the air. “Fine.

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air. “Fine.”  “You’re going to see some things that may frighten you.

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Just say with us and you’ll be fine.”

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Boltz pulled her close.

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She looked over her shoulder at the scowling beaver then

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nodded.  Boltz kept her hand in his and hurried after Nutse.

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“Where are we going?

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What’s going to happen?”

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The waitress struggled to keep up.

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Her breathing was strained.

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“We’re going to the engine room. This

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ship is about to hit an iceberg and sink.”

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“I remember now. I had a dream. It

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was terrible, cold water,

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people crying. It wasn’t a dream,

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was it?” She collapsed to the floor.

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Boltz helped her to her feet and slowed his pace. Nutse hurried

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on out of sight. Not

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that it mattered. He

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knew the way. The worst that could happen to him was he’d be caught outside the containment field

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and experience the ice-cold water,

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maybe even drowning,

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but he’d be fine in a few seconds.

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He worried more for the waitress.

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Was is hopeless for her?

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He didn’t have the deep understanding of relativity tensors that the engineer had,

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but something in his gut told him there was hope for her. Her

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breathing was ragged gasps.

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As he rounded the spiral stairs into the engine room,

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Nutse stood halfway up the stairs and pointed. “There’s

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the real problem.”

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Boltz followed Nutse direction to the top of the time machine.

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The antenna on top was bent over at ninety degrees.

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“How did that happen?”

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Nutse shrugged. “Well, we’ve got five minutes. I’ll have

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to order a replacement. I’ll

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straighten the best I can, but the load balancer will need adjusting

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and you’ll have to put in key in the new calibration settings manually.”

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A steady stream of smiling park guest was coming from every direction, descending on the portal. One

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by one, they touched the side of the box and disappeared.  Kiki’s

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tapping and talking could be heard by no one

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as she felt her way along the wall.

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The waitress’s eyes filled with tears. “Where

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did they go?

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What is happening?”

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“They are safe. Stay here and rest for a minute.”

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Boltz steadied the waitress who was doubled over trying to catch her breath.

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She nodded.   He and Nutse went to the back of the time machine.

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Nutse climbed the ladder. Boltz

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popped the screws of the tensor transmitter plate and caught them in his mouth.

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The readouts glowed.

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One by one, they flashed the word fault

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as Nutse straightened the antenna. Boltz finger

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poised over the keypad ready to enter the new settings. Beside

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the keypad, a number was counting down.

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The digits flew by faster than he could read except for the zeros which advanced to fill the end of the readout.

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Nutse’ voice was drowned in the engine noise. Boltz

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could barely make out but a few disconnected syllables.

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He spit the screws into his hand.

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“I can’t hear you.

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What was the number?”

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Nutse call out louder this time.

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His voice cracked with effort,

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but it still wasn’t loud enough.

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Boltz thought about climbing the ladder,

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but he doubted he could get up there,

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remember a nine-digit number,

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return, and enter it in time. He

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removed a spray can from his tool belt and sprayed all the engine parts thoroughly.

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The noise dropped and the engine moved with a speed and silence that it had never been able to achieve before.

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“What?” he called up.

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“I said four five seven eight one six zero five five.”

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Boltz keyed in the numbers and hit save.

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A panicked voice echoed from the horn on the wall.

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“Captain. We have increased speed. 30 Knots.  "Impossible,”

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the captains voice growled.

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“This ship can't go that fast.

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fast."   "40 knots, sir," a timid voice quavered.

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“Come down now.” Boltz waved frantically.

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The waitress straightened

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and picked her way down, her

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heels catching the holes of the metal steps.

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The captain’s voice bellowed,

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"Engine room. What's going on down there?"

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A low sound like the beating of large wings erupted from the horn.

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horn. "Iceberg ahead.”    “Hard to port.

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Engines full stop."

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The ship lurched to the side.

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The waitress screeched and clutched the handrail.

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"We've hit,” the horn bellowed.  Boltz dropped his screwdriver and let the last of the screws fall through the floor grating, leaving the access panel to shake

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and the ship shuddered beneath his feet. He

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took a few steps before he fell sideways.

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Nutse shook his head as he descended the ladder of the time machine.

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“You’re wasting your time.”

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Water poured from the hissing boilers.

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One of the dragons yelled,

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"Close the sea doors.

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doors." The others turned wheels on the wall.

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Dragons pulled frantically against the red wheel on the wall nearby.

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Metal screamed in protest.

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“Look out.” The waitress stood on a stair and pointed.  Boltz looked up. Movement

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overhead caught his eye.

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A heavy lever was coming down on top the time machine.

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It caught on the antenna and bent

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it over. The heavy iron bar bent as it came down against the top of the time machine and

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stopped.  The dragons ran past the time machine yelling, "The

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sea door won't close.

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close."  “Hurry.” Boltz waived the waitress on,

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but she froze as sea water washed across the floor.

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Rushing water threatened to knock Boltz’ leg out from under him as he ran to the stairs.

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He held the waitress in his arms and helped her into the water.

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They fought their way against the rushing water to the time machine. A

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wall of water raced toward them, and

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with a final leap, he

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threw them into the portal.

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He fell on the floor and opened his eyes in time to see a dragon, twisting and thrashing,

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get swept by. Boltz turned his head.

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The waitress lifted herself on hands and knees

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and looked around. “What

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is this place?”

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Behind her, Nutse’ mouth hung open as he stared at her back. “That’s

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impossible,”

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he sputtered.  Head engineer, Titan Boltz chewed his pistachios and gazed into the candelabra. Teatime had

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not had the slightest problem in the five years

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since he did the unthinkable.

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It made the perfect place to take lunch.

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He mouthed the words in perfect sync with the beaver’s angry protest.

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“Where is that waitress?”

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At that moment, Boltz phone rang.

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“Hi dear. I was just thinking about you.”

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This was “Teatime on the Titanic”

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by Reid Minnich, read for you by William Dingo,

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the sunrise spectator..

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You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening to The Voice of Dog.