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“Hostage” by Reid Minnich
Today’s story is “Hostage” by Reid Minnich, who co-writes scifi, furry and furry scifi with his wife, Stacy Bender.
Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
Transcript
You’re listening to The Voice of
Speaker:Dog. I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,
Speaker:and Today’s story is
Speaker:“Hostage” by Reid Minnich,
Speaker:who co-writes scifi, furry and furry scifi with his wife,
Speaker:Stacy Bender. Please enjoy:
Speaker:“Hostage” by Reid Minnich
Speaker:Tuesday mornings were always slow.
Speaker:The afternoon sun coming through the large tinted window gave the bank’s lobby a brown-grey cast.
Speaker:A crash from the teller's booth next to mine
Speaker:made me see red. Once again,
Speaker:Opy, the opossum and trainee cashier,
Speaker:lay still on the floor with his paws in the air.
Speaker:His last attack of thanatosis was caused by finding a Canadian coin in a mouse's deposit.
Speaker:The customers in front of his window
Speaker:groaned and fell in line behind my three.
Speaker:Except for the first one,
Speaker:a raccoon, who leaned on an elbow and drummed his fingers on the counter.
Speaker:I kicked Opy’s rigid body,
Speaker:half in anger and half in hope he would snap out of it.
Speaker:You would think Opossums would only work low stress jobs,
Speaker:but they worked cheaper than rabbits.
Speaker:Rabbits should be paid three times as much.
Speaker:Everyone knew we were fast,
Speaker:so my line was always longer but shrank quickly.
Speaker:After all these years, Mr. Silver, the bank’s manager, never gave me a raise.
Speaker:The tiger in a gray suit,
Speaker:white shirt and black tie,
Speaker:looked over and snarled at Opy’s still form
Speaker:and stood. For a split second,
Speaker:I thought he would come help.
Speaker:He slipped out the door for his usual early, extended lunch.
Speaker:Why is it all managers were predators?
Speaker:It was impossible for rabbits to make ends meet.
Speaker:My own account was overdrawn.
Speaker:With twenty kits at home and more on the way,
Speaker:there was no chance things would get better.
Speaker:When my last customer left,
Speaker:I tapped on the window and waved at the raccoon.
Speaker:“Sorry for the delay
Speaker:and thank you for your patience.
Speaker:How may I help you?”
Speaker:The Raccoon’s tail jerked upright.
Speaker:He turned slowly
Speaker:with his head hung so low,
Speaker:his wide-brimmed argyle hat almost slipped off his torn ears.
Speaker:His chipped incisors
Speaker:peeked out of his greying muzzle.
Speaker:When he raised his head,
Speaker:his identity was hidden by a thin black mask with wide holes where his eyes darted from side to side.
Speaker:What he was looking for was a mystery as his right eye didn't point straight.
Speaker:Tense, the alarm button was under my foot.
Speaker:In ten years, no one ever pushed the button.
Speaker:Except for the cleaning crew when they vacuumed every first Sunday night.
Speaker:The moles always managed to miss large areas of the floor
Speaker:but never missed pushing that button.
Speaker:The raccoon slid a withdraw slip
Speaker:from in front of Opy’s window
Speaker:and pushed it through the hole in the glass that separated us.
Speaker:Twisting and turning it around,
Speaker:the block letters were unreadable as if written by someone with palsy.
Speaker:I pushed it back.
Speaker:“Sorry. I can’t read it.”
Speaker:The raccoon’s shoulders bunched
Speaker:and his eyes drooped.
Speaker:“My penmanship is usually pretty good, but I was trying to disguise it by writing with my left hand.
Speaker:It says, put all the money in the bag.
Speaker:This is a stickup.”
Speaker:The button clicked under foot, but nothing happened.
Speaker:I would have run, but there was no easy way to get out of the bank without going through the lobby.
Speaker:An older chap, the ragged raccoon was as worn out as his clothes.
Speaker:I didn’t want him to get into trouble.
Speaker:Whenever the cleaning crew set off the alarm, the police only showed up early Monday morning.
Speaker:Perhaps he could walk away and forget his moment of foolishness.
Speaker:“Look, You’re not very good at this.
Speaker:Maybe you should go back home and try again after you’ve practiced a bit.”
Speaker:“Practice? How could I do it better?”
Speaker:He took off his hat and scratched the thinning fur on his head.
Speaker:I turned the paper around and pointed.
Speaker:“If you must use a note,
Speaker:type it out. You should have a period after bag, not a comma.
Speaker:Otherwise it is a comma-splice.
Speaker:Stickup is one word,
Speaker:and you left out the A.
Speaker:For that matter, you could just take the note with you or say it aloud.”
Speaker:He slapped his forehead.
Speaker:“Why didn’t I think of that?”
Speaker:His head dipped and his eyebrows bunched.
Speaker:“It’s my first time.
Speaker:I’m a little nervous.”
Speaker:“You’ll do much better next time.
Speaker:Now if there’s nothing else I can help you with, it’s my lunch time.
Speaker:Several police cars screeched to a stop outside.
Speaker:Wolves in police uniforms and bulletproof vests poured out
Speaker:and leveled their guns at the windows.
Speaker:"This is the police.
Speaker:We have the place surrounded.
Speaker:Come out with your hands up.
Speaker:up." The raccoon balled his fists.
Speaker:“Now look what you’ve done.
Speaker:You delayed me.”
Speaker:Reaching into his pocket, he raised a gun and pointed it at me.
Speaker:He yelled at the window.
Speaker:“I’ve got two tellers in here.
Speaker:If anyone comes in,
Speaker:the rabbit dies and the other gets it next.”
Speaker:The shadows ducked down.
Speaker:"Stay back, men. Hold your fire."
Speaker:The pity I felt turned to dread.
Speaker:Would he really shoot me?
Speaker:The robber turned and waved the gun in my face.
Speaker:“Put the money in the bag.
Speaker:Hurry.” There was nothing on the counter.
Speaker:I looked up and tilted my head.
Speaker:“What bag?” The gun swung erratically as he patted his pockets.
Speaker:He pulled out a paper bag embossed with the logo of a discount store
Speaker:and pushed it through the hole in the window.
Speaker:The handful of hundreds covered the bottom,
Speaker:but the twenties, tens,
Speaker:fives and ones filled it full.
Speaker:Too large to fit through the hole,
Speaker:I tossed it over the glass.
Speaker:The raccoon tried to catch it
Speaker:but slapped it sending it spinning,
Speaker:flinging bills in the air.
Speaker:With his free hand,
Speaker:he swept them off the floor
Speaker:and counted as he pushed them back into the bag.
Speaker:“That’s all?” He gritted his teeth
Speaker:and shook the gun at me.
Speaker:“Sorry. We’re a small branch.”
Speaker:“What about his drawer?” He nodded toward Opy.
Speaker:“Do you have another bag?”
Speaker:The raccoon’s eyebrows disappeared under his hat.
Speaker:His shoulders slumped
Speaker:and he shook his head slowly.
Speaker:I pointed at the garbage can near the forms desk
Speaker:with the blank deposit and withdrawal slips.
Speaker:“There is a bag in there.”
Speaker:He looked over, turned back to me, and gave me a friendly smile.
Speaker:“Thanks.” Keeping the gun pointed in my general direction,
Speaker:he fumbled with pulling the top off the can
Speaker:and dumped the receipts on the floor before lifting the bag out and handing it over.
Speaker:He trembled as he looked out the tinted window.
Speaker:I wasn’t any happier about the police being here than he was.
Speaker:Being a prey animal,
Speaker:and him a lessor predator,
Speaker:the police viewed our deaths as a public service.
Speaker:Opy’s drawer was more disappointing than mine.
Speaker:The robber looked up from the second bag and shook his head.
Speaker:The hand holding the gun sagged.
Speaker:“There's not much here.
Speaker:What about the vault?”
Speaker:“There’s no money in the vault, only safety deposit boxes.
Speaker:All that is left are coins.”
Speaker:He held out the bag
Speaker:as I shoved them through.
Speaker:When the bottom of the bag burst, coins spilled out around his feet.
Speaker:As he shifted to stem the flow,
Speaker:his feet slipped out from under him.
Speaker:“We have the place surrounded.
Speaker:Release your hostages and you will not be harmed.
Speaker:You’ve got five minutes.”
Speaker:The raccoon stopped trying to get up.
Speaker:His head lolled from side to side.
Speaker:His cheek fur grew wet under his eyes.
Speaker:The gun slipped from his hand
Speaker:and chattered on the floor with a plastic click.
Speaker:"I can’t do anything right.
Speaker:Go on. Take your friend with you.
Speaker:I only wanted enough to pay off the credit card and a few house payments.
Speaker:Maybe my wife can still collect the life insurance.
Speaker:insurance." Those same words were in my head every morning.
Speaker:In my ten years of growing desperation at my own financial woes, I dreamed up several plans
Speaker:but never had the courage to act.
Speaker:The raccoon had the same problems and the courage,
Speaker:but no plan. I came around to the lobby,
Speaker:sat on the floor beside him,
Speaker:and rubbed his shoulders.
Speaker:"Don't give up. I'll get us both out of this.
Speaker:this." He snorted and wiped his eyes.
Speaker:"You'll help me?"
Speaker:I pulled him to his feet.
Speaker:"I'm going to help us both.
Speaker:Trust me. You and I will both walk out of here with our bills paid."
Speaker:"How?" The robber bit his lip.
Speaker:I hurried back to the teller booths.
Speaker:“There's not enough cash for even one of us.
Speaker:We’re going to rob the bank electronically.
Speaker:electronically.“ The raccoon cocked an eye.
Speaker:"Huh?" Stepping over Opy's form,
Speaker:I was glad to see his terminal was still logged in.
Speaker:Ten years of practice was going to finally pay off.
Speaker:"Do you have an account here?"
Speaker:"Yeah." He handed me his card.
Speaker:I read the card. "Konny?"
Speaker:He crossed his arms.
Speaker:"That's the male spelling.
Speaker:spelling." I patted the air.
Speaker:“Fine. Sure." My hands flew over the keyboard.
Speaker:I began running transfers of small amounts from random accounts into Konny's account.
Speaker:“There’s a shredder by the manager’s desk.
Speaker:Grind up all the money.
Speaker:money." “You’re kidding; right?”
Speaker:I shook my head but didn’t look up from the terminal.
Speaker:“We are going to make an accounting nightmare that they'll never figure out by hiding the money.
Speaker:It will take them weeks to find it all.
Speaker:Maybe they never will.
Speaker:Meanwhile, they won't be looking for hundreds of small mistakes in the electronic records.”
Speaker:The clicking of the keys was almost a musical note.
Speaker:I’ve never typed so fast in my life.
Speaker:A voice boomed, "There's no escape.
Speaker:Let the hostages go and you won't be harmed.
Speaker:You have four minutes and we’re coming in.” Konny cringed as the shredder chewed through fistfuls of bills.
Speaker:"That’s not much time.
Speaker:time." “It will be enough.
Speaker:Trust me.” I lost count of how much I transferred.
Speaker:It was a tidy sum,
Speaker:but was it enough for both of us?
Speaker:I started entering
Speaker:larger amounts. “While the shredder is busy,
Speaker:hide wads of the scraps in every cranny you can reach.”
Speaker:He worked quickly for a raccoon,
Speaker:sprinkling the bits on the floor,
Speaker:stuffing them into the air vents,
Speaker:and shooting them through the pneumatic tube.
Speaker:The shadows outside the plate glass
Speaker:dodged back and forth
Speaker:trying to see in but kept their distance.
Speaker:“You’ve got three minutes and we’re coming in.” My hands were
Speaker:growing tired, but I was still entering a dozen transactions a minute.
Speaker:“Do you do online banking?”
Speaker:“My wife pays the bills, but I think she does.
Speaker:Why?” “I’ll explain later.
Speaker:Call her and ask her to pay off the credit card and make a house payment. Be quick about it.”
Speaker:Konny nodded and dialed.
Speaker:“Um…Hello dear.” He jerked the phone from his ear.
Speaker:“Yes. Of course, dear. I won’t forget the eggs,
Speaker:but could you –” A shrill voice cut the air and he put his hand over the phone.
Speaker:Trying to get a word in between the screeching,
Speaker:he handled the phone like he was trying to eat a very hot pizza,
Speaker:getting it to his face
Speaker:and jerking it away.
Speaker:“It’s the traffic, dear. I’ll be home soon.”
Speaker:“You have two minutes to surrender or we’re coming in.”
Speaker:He covered the phone.
Speaker:“Nothing dear. Just a parade.”
Speaker:Responding to my outstretched hand,
Speaker:he reluctantly gave me the phone.
Speaker:Working the computer with one hand,
Speaker:I ignored the tirade
Speaker:and imitated the smooth, deep tones of the manager.
Speaker:“Hello. This is Branch Manager Silver.
Speaker:I wanted to thank you for letting your husband come into the bank on such short notice to fill out the paperwork on a long-term note that just came due.
Speaker:Could you please verify that you can see the balance?”
Speaker:The seconds of blessed silence were punctuated
Speaker:with a distorted scream.
Speaker:“Ah, very good. Now, how much of this money do you want to roll over into another twenty-five-year note?
Speaker:None of it? I see.
Speaker:Thank you. Goodbye.”
Speaker:He caught the phone as I flung it away.
Speaker:“She’s really very nice.”
Speaker:I nodded in exaggerated agreement.
Speaker:“I can tell.” My hands were growing stiff.
Speaker:I was pretty sure I had entered enough for us both, but wanted to enter a few more transactions.
Speaker:The tips of my fingers were bruised
Speaker:and the joints were frozen in sharp angles.
Speaker:“Unroll those coins into the paper bag.
Speaker:bag." I set two dye bombs on the counter.
Speaker:“Put these on top,
Speaker:but be careful not to drop them.”
Speaker:“You have one minute.”
Speaker:The police readied their weapons and gathered at the front door.
Speaker:“We’ve got to keep them guessing a little while longer.
Speaker:Take some of the bills
Speaker:and blow them out the pneumatic tube.”
Speaker:Konny did as instructed,
Speaker:and the shadows vanished from the front window.
Speaker:The police raced around the parking lot,
Speaker:chasing the fluttering bills.
Speaker:“Now,” I pointed to the floor,
Speaker:“get back here, drag Opy over there by the manager’s desk,
Speaker:and prop him up against the wall.
Speaker:Put the gun in his hands
Speaker:and raise his arms like he is taking aim.”
Speaker:Konny slid the rigid form
Speaker:and propped him up in a sitting position on the floor.
Speaker:After a last transaction,
Speaker:I jogged over to help Konny twist Opy into position.
Speaker:Pulling the desk lamp down to the floor,
Speaker:I angled the light up.
Speaker:The outline of someone holding a gun shone on the opposite wall.
Speaker:All seemed ready
Speaker:until I realized I forgot a step.
Speaker:“Wait here.” I hurried into the back
Speaker:and opened the refrigerator.
Speaker:To my horror, the ketchup bottle that had more seniority than I had
Speaker:was almost empty.
Speaker:Fortunately, there was a full container of guacamole.
Speaker:I smeared it down my chest.
Speaker:“A big van just arrived.”
Speaker:Konny fidgeted in the hallway.
Speaker:“What’s that for?” He pointed to my shirt.
Speaker:“Blood.” “It’s green,” he whined.
Speaker:“Wolves are color-blind.”
Speaker:Rolling the manager’s chair near the inner door,
Speaker:I balanced the bag of coins on the edge of the seat.
Speaker:“Now take off that mask.
Speaker:When I say go, carry me out the door and yell for the cops to call an ambulance. Got it?”
Speaker:He nodded. I patted his shoulder.
Speaker:“Then it’s show time.”
Speaker:Twisting the lamp,
Speaker:Opy’s shadow fell on the front windows.
Speaker:The silhouettes of the officers reacted by readying their guns.
Speaker:Taking a deep breath,
Speaker:I shouted. “I surrender.
Speaker:I’m sending the hostages out.”
Speaker:I nodded to Konny.
Speaker:“Go.” He grunted heavily
Speaker:as I jumped backward into his arms,
Speaker:and he staggered toward the door.
Speaker:He smacked my head into the handle trying to push through.
Speaker:“Sorry.” Sunlight warmed my face
Speaker:and I waited. “Go. Go. Go.”
Speaker:Fur covered boulders crashed into us
Speaker:and slid past. We fell on the road.
Speaker:I cracked open an eye but lay still.
Speaker:The sound of the bag of coins spilling onto the floor was followed
Speaker:by two pops. The remaining wolves leaped over us and dashed inside.
Speaker:The sound of a million jingling coins and cursing police
Speaker:was our cue. “Get up. Let’s go.”
Speaker:Konny got to his feet
Speaker:and followed me as we ran past confused onlookers.
Speaker:We jumped the fence at the back of the parking lot
Speaker:and jogged for half a mile before we rested.
Speaker:I punched his arm.
Speaker:“One line. You only had to remember one line.
Speaker:Call an ambulance. He’s hurt.
Speaker:hurt.” “Huh?” Konny’s head bowed
Speaker:and he worried his fingers.
Speaker:“Was that important?”
Speaker:I patted his arm.
Speaker:“Nah, guess not. Just try to follow instructions next time.”
Speaker:Konny’s eyes widened.
Speaker:“Next time?” This was
Speaker:“Hostage” by Reid Minnich,
Speaker:read for you by Khaki,
Speaker:your faithful fireside companion.
Speaker:You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog
