“Ham” by Killick

Speaker: 00:00:04

You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

Speaker: 00:00:06

I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

Speaker: 00:00:09

and Today’s story is

Speaker: 00:00:11

“Ham” by Killick, who has short stories published in several furry anthologies,

Speaker: 00:00:16

and is currently working on his first novel.

Speaker: 00:00:18

You can find more of his writings on his blog, or on Fur Affinity.

Please enjoy: 00:00:23

“Ham”

Please enjoy: 00:00:26

by Killick It was as hot,

Please enjoy: 00:00:30

like the saying goes,

Please enjoy: 00:00:32

as balls. The bus window dripped with condensation,

Please enjoy: 00:00:36

air conditioner struggling to keep the outside heat at bay.

Please enjoy: 00:00:40

Scrub and paperbark trees whizzed past,

Please enjoy: 00:00:43

letting through quick flashes of red tiled roofs.

Please enjoy: 00:00:46

Beyond them, a wide mountain

Please enjoy: 00:00:48

covered in thick tree growth

Please enjoy: 00:00:50

dominated the horizon.

Please enjoy: 00:00:53

Linda, a black and white speckled blue heeler,

Please enjoy: 00:00:55

stared through the window at the mountain and tried to focus on how beautiful it was.

Please enjoy: 00:01:00

The view from this particular suburban road was gorgeous,

Please enjoy: 00:01:04

but Linda still felt her ears droop,

Please enjoy: 00:01:06

just a little. The bus stopped

Please enjoy: 00:01:09

and Linda collected her things.

Please enjoy: 00:01:11

She dug in her shorts pocket for her GoCard,

Please enjoy: 00:01:13

and tapped it against the electronic reader which beeped at her in thanks.

Please enjoy: 00:01:17

“Thank you, Merry Christmas,”

Please enjoy: 00:01:19

she called to the bus driver who just waved a paw in response.

Please enjoy: 00:01:22

The side door hissed open.

Please enjoy: 00:01:25

Heat slapped into Linda’s body like a wet towel,

Please enjoy: 00:01:28

instantly destroying even the memory of the wonderful chill of the air conditioned bus.

Please enjoy: 00:01:33

Her glasses, big round ones,

Please enjoy: 00:01:35

fogged up for several seconds,

Please enjoy: 00:01:37

and she felt an immediate stickiness in the fur under her armpits.

Please enjoy: 00:01:41

She swore in resigned horror at the sudden temperature hike,

Please enjoy: 00:01:45

as was the great Australian tradition of literally anyone walking outside from a cooled place during the summer.

Please enjoy: 00:01:51

She still wasn’t used to this kind of heat.

Please enjoy: 00:01:54

Each day she swore that it could not possibly get any hotter, and then each new day

Please enjoy: 00:01:58

would usually prove her wrong.

Please enjoy: 00:02:01

She breathed in a lungful of thick,

Please enjoy: 00:02:03

humid air, and started to walk.

Please enjoy: 00:02:07

Cicadas roared around her,

Please enjoy: 00:02:09

almost as loud as the bus as it took off.

Please enjoy: 00:02:12

Above her in the trees,

Please enjoy: 00:02:13

magpies’ gentle warbles would turn into aggressive screams when she passed below.

Please enjoy: 00:02:19

The fog finally vanished from her glasses

Please enjoy: 00:02:21

letting her see clearly the haze of heat that rose from the concrete path ahead of her.

Please enjoy: 00:02:26

It wasn’t even noon yet.

Please enjoy: 00:02:29

Linda’s paws clutched at a tupperware container full of hand-iced Christmas biscuits,

Please enjoy: 00:02:34

and a plastic Woolworths bag that contained a bottle of wine

Please enjoy: 00:02:37

and a wrapped present.

Please enjoy: 00:02:39

A tiny part of her resented what she was doing.

Please enjoy: 00:02:42

It was her first Christmas in Brisbane,

Please enjoy: 00:02:43

and more importantly, her first away from family.

Please enjoy: 00:02:47

She already missed the family traditions.

Please enjoy: 00:02:49

French toast for breakfast,

Please enjoy: 00:02:51

followed by the present exchange at nine sharp.

Please enjoy: 00:02:54

Table set for eight with the good plates and fancy napkins,

Please enjoy: 00:02:57

everyone wearing their best shirts and jackets

Please enjoy: 00:02:59

(except for Uncle Dan, who insisted on wearing the brightest, most ridiculous hawaiian clothes possible),

Please enjoy: 00:03:05

and Dad divvying up the slices of glazed ham

Please enjoy: 00:03:07

with the fervour of a circus ringleader.

Please enjoy: 00:03:10

Not to mention the fresh prawns.

Please enjoy: 00:03:12

Oh man, those prawns.

Please enjoy: 00:03:15

Linda couldn’t imagine prawns from anywhere else tasting as good as they did back home.

Please enjoy: 00:03:20

She balanced the box of biscuits

Please enjoy: 00:03:21

in the crook of her elbow

Please enjoy: 00:03:23

and dug her phone out of her pocket,

Please enjoy: 00:03:24

quickly wiping it against her shorts to remove the thin layer of sweat from the screen.

Please enjoy: 00:03:29

She checked for any updates on the group chat that doubled as the party invitation.

Please enjoy: 00:03:34

A few friends had reported as being on their way or already arrived,

Please enjoy: 00:03:37

which was good, as Linda hated being the first to show up at social events.

Please enjoy: 00:03:42

This party was a barbeque,

Please enjoy: 00:03:44

according to the invite.

Please enjoy: 00:03:46

Linda liked barbeques,

Please enjoy: 00:03:47

but on Christmas Day?

Please enjoy: 00:03:49

It seemed way too casual.

Please enjoy: 00:03:51

She liked a bit of pomp on the most

Please enjoy: 00:03:53

wonderful day of the year.

Please enjoy: 00:03:57

She also liked it about twelve degrees cooler.

Please enjoy: 00:04:01

Linda closed the chat,

Please enjoy: 00:04:02

but her black nail hovered over the text app.

Please enjoy: 00:04:05

No! She thought, pulling her paw away and shoving the phone

Please enjoy: 00:04:09

into the recesses of her shorts.

Please enjoy: 00:04:10

Don’t read it again.

Please enjoy: 00:04:12

It’ll just piss you off more.

Please enjoy: 00:04:14

The last thing she wanted was to be angry on Christmas day.

Please enjoy: 00:04:19

The walk from the bus stop was only about eight minutes,

Please enjoy: 00:04:21

but it may as well have been an eight kilometre run.

Please enjoy: 00:04:24

By the time she walked up the driveway of the house, Linda was panting like crazy

Please enjoy: 00:04:28

and she could smell herself.

Please enjoy: 00:04:30

Swatting away a few flies,

Please enjoy: 00:04:31

she briefly considered that she could probably kill a man for a drink of ice cold water.

Please enjoy: 00:04:37

The house was an old Queenslander style, timber,

Please enjoy: 00:04:39

built on stilts to avoid the occasional tropical flood and, apparently,

Please enjoy: 00:04:43

to keep them cooler in the heat.

Please enjoy: 00:04:45

Linda was convinced the latter feature was a complete myth,

Please enjoy: 00:04:48

as every Queenslander house she’d stayed in

Please enjoy: 00:04:50

got just as hot as any other.

Please enjoy: 00:04:53

The colour of the house

Please enjoy: 00:04:54

had once been white,

Please enjoy: 00:04:55

but decades of weather had stripped much of the paint away, along with several chips of wood.

Please enjoy: 00:05:00

Its current condition

Please enjoy: 00:05:01

screamed cheap and shitty student share house,

Please enjoy: 00:05:05

but as with all houses of that calibre,

Please enjoy: 00:05:07

it wasn’t the outside

Please enjoy: 00:05:08

but the people inside that made it a home.

Please enjoy: 00:05:12

Linda breathed deeply of the jasmine

Please enjoy: 00:05:14

that grew up the front latticework

Please enjoy: 00:05:16

and threatened to tear down the front gutter.

Please enjoy: 00:05:19

It was in full bloom and smelled

Please enjoy: 00:05:21

wonderful. Hopefully it would also mask a little of her own stink.

Please enjoy: 00:05:26

She wished she’d brought a can of deodorant with her.

Please enjoy: 00:05:29

She knocked. The thumping of heavy footfalls approached,

Please enjoy: 00:05:32

almost shaking the entire wooden frame of the house,

Please enjoy: 00:05:35

and a large kangaroo

Please enjoy: 00:05:37

appeared wearing a tank top,

Please enjoy: 00:05:38

bright orange board shorts,

Please enjoy: 00:05:40

and fuzzy santa hat on her head.

Please enjoy: 00:05:42

“Hey, girl! Merry Christmas!” said Kay,

Please enjoy: 00:05:45

pushing the screen door open and then pulling the dog into a hug.

Please enjoy: 00:05:50

Linda did her best to hug the tall young woman back,

Please enjoy: 00:05:52

while still balancing the plastic container and bag of goodies.

Please enjoy: 00:05:55

“Merry Christmas, Kay.

Please enjoy: 00:05:57

I brought biscuits and some wine.”

Please enjoy: 00:05:59

“Ooh, fancy,” said the kangaroo,

Please enjoy: 00:06:02

peeking in the bag at the bottle. “Come on

Please enjoy: 00:06:04

in. Everyone’s out back.

Please enjoy: 00:06:06

If you have anything that needs to go in the fridge...

Please enjoy: 00:06:08

then you might be out of luck.

Please enjoy: 00:06:10

Me and Erick went a bit crazy with the salads.

Please enjoy: 00:06:12

And Angus brought a huge bowl of trifle, it’s bloody insane.”

Please enjoy: 00:06:17

Kay led Linda through the house as she talked.

Please enjoy: 00:06:20

The living room, usually packed with textbooks,

Please enjoy: 00:06:22

abandoned crochet projects and old guitars,

Please enjoy: 00:06:25

was even more cramped with the Christmas decorations up.

Please enjoy: 00:06:28

Anything that could support tinsel was heavily tinsel-ified.

Please enjoy: 00:06:31

A plastic christmas tree stood in the corner.

Please enjoy: 00:06:34

Only four feet tall and radiating cheapness,

Please enjoy: 00:06:36

it had still been lovingly decorated

Please enjoy: 00:06:38

with glitter spattered baubles.

Please enjoy: 00:06:41

At the very top sat a felt angel dingo,

Please enjoy: 00:06:44

dressed in a white gown and lace wings,

Please enjoy: 00:06:46

a stereotypical cork slouch hat,

Please enjoy: 00:06:48

and holding what was unmistakably

Please enjoy: 00:06:50

a can of VB. It was much too heavy for the plastic tree,

Please enjoy: 00:06:54

making the entire thing droop to one side.

Please enjoy: 00:06:56

A far cry from the elegant glass and gold star

Please enjoy: 00:06:59

that would be adorning the top of Linda’s parent’s tree,

Please enjoy: 00:07:02

but it still made her giggle.

Please enjoy: 00:07:05

Kay turned and spoke over her shoulder.

Please enjoy: 00:07:08

“We got an esky out back with softies, ciders and beers.

Please enjoy: 00:07:11

You’re welcome to help yourself.” “Beer? It’s not even noon.”

Please enjoy: 00:07:15

Kay grinned. “Nothing wrong with a cheeky Christmas bevvy. Although most of us will probably wait until lunch is ready.”

Please enjoy: 00:07:22

Linda followed Kay through the kitchen and sniffed at the air.

Please enjoy: 00:07:26

“What’s cooking?” “My famous Christmas ham!”

Please enjoy: 00:07:29

Kay said, puffing her chest out.

Please enjoy: 00:07:31

“Ham?” Linda licked her muzzle,

Please enjoy: 00:07:34

the melancholy lifting just some of its weight from her mind.

Please enjoy: 00:07:38

“I thought it was just a barbeque?”

Please enjoy: 00:07:41

She regretted the word “just” as soon as she spoke it.

Please enjoy: 00:07:44

Just a barbeque. Like she was too good for her friend’s party.

Please enjoy: 00:07:47

Like it was beneath her.

Please enjoy: 00:07:50

However, Kay didn’t seem to notice.

Please enjoy: 00:07:52

“I always do a ham.

Please enjoy: 00:07:54

Doesn’t feel like Christmas without one to me.

Please enjoy: 00:07:56

I’ve got a bunch of snags and chicken as well for the barbie to keep us all fed though.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:00

Linda forced a smile,

Please enjoy: 00:08:02

her brain working overtime trying to decide if she needed to apologise or not.

Please enjoy: 00:08:06

This, Kay noticed. She placed a paw on the dog’s shoulder

Please enjoy: 00:08:10

and spoke softer,

Please enjoy: 00:08:11

privately, knowingly.

Please enjoy: 00:08:14

“Linda, how is everything going?

Please enjoy: 00:08:16

Are you doing okay?”

Please enjoy: 00:08:18

“Oh, yes, yeah, I’m fine.

Please enjoy: 00:08:20

I’m just hot, really.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:21

Kay shook her head.

Please enjoy: 00:08:24

“Your muzzle’s saying one thing, but your tail’s saying another.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:27

The kangaroo crossed her arms.

Please enjoy: 00:08:29

“Is it your Dad again?”

Please enjoy: 00:08:32

Linda sighed. “Have you called them yet?”

Please enjoy: 00:08:35

Kay asked. “No. I want to,

Please enjoy: 00:08:38

but I also really don’t want to.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:41

“I get it. I’m not going to tell you whether you should or not,

Please enjoy: 00:08:45

but whatever happens,

Please enjoy: 00:08:46

I got your back, girl.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:48

The affirmation brought back the tiny smile to Linda’s muzzle.

Please enjoy: 00:08:51

“Thanks, Kay.” “C’mon,

Please enjoy: 00:08:54

let’s go round the back.”

Please enjoy: 00:08:56

A cluster of fold out camping chairs,

Please enjoy: 00:08:58

the cheapest that Bunnings had to offer,

Please enjoy: 00:09:00

formed a rough circle around an inflatable kiddies paddle pool,

Please enjoy: 00:09:03

with a yellow, scraggly lawn stretching beneath them from fence to fence.

Please enjoy: 00:09:08

The animals in the occupied chairs looked up,

Please enjoy: 00:09:10

waved, and shouted a rousing round of

Please enjoy: 00:09:12

“Merry Christmaaaas!” as Linda and Kay descended the steps from the house to the backyard.

Please enjoy: 00:09:18

Kay introduced Linda to the small group.

Please enjoy: 00:09:21

Angus the rat gave a smile

Please enjoy: 00:09:23

and simple hello;

Please enjoy: 00:09:24

Linda had no idea how he was wearing black skinny jeans in this weather.

Please enjoy: 00:09:29

Erick the rabbit, a fellow theatre geek she already knew.

Please enjoy: 00:09:32

And finally, a thickly built boar named Maso

Please enjoy: 00:09:35

who lazily wandered between the circle of chairs and an old, flat-topped barbeque. “G’day, Linda, howyagaahn?”

Please enjoy: 00:09:43

Maso slurred loudly,

Please enjoy: 00:09:45

a stubby of Four X dangling from his trotter.

Please enjoy: 00:09:50

“I’m doing alright. How are you?” “Yeah, not bad. Fuckin’ buggered though.

Please enjoy: 00:09:53

This fuckin’ heat, aye?

Please enjoy: 00:09:55

Fuck.” Erick the rabbit turned and smiled.

Please enjoy: 00:10:00

“How are you enjoying your first Brisbane Christmas?”

Please enjoy: 00:10:04

I’m not, Linda thought, trying to stop her tail from drooping.

Please enjoy: 00:10:07

It’s too hot, I didn’t get any French toast,

Please enjoy: 00:10:09

I can’t afford any decorations for my garbage apartment, I miss my family but I also hate them right now.

Please enjoy: 00:10:15

Out loud she said,

Please enjoy: 00:10:17

“Oh, I’m still getting used to things.”

Please enjoy: 00:10:19

“So, Linda, where are you from?”

Please enjoy: 00:10:21

asked Angus in a voice that was light, but way too cool. “Launceston.

Please enjoy: 00:10:26

Tasmania. I moved up in June to finish Uni.”

Please enjoy: 00:10:30

“That’s awesome,” said Angus. “I’ve been to Tazzy.

Please enjoy: 00:10:33

Only Hobart though.

Please enjoy: 00:10:34

Decent drinking scene. Amazing art gallery.”

Please enjoy: 00:10:38

Linda felt her phone buzz,

Please enjoy: 00:10:40

and her attention tore away from the conversation.

Please enjoy: 00:10:43

Damn it. She hated how wound up she still was.

Please enjoy: 00:10:46

Jumpy, even. She pulled out her phone, without thinking, and checked it.

Please enjoy: 00:10:51

It was a message.

Please enjoy: 00:10:53

From Dad. Call us please.

Please enjoy: 00:10:58

Three little words and a full-stop that screamed louder than any Caps Lock could.

Please enjoy: 00:11:03

Linda started breathing in sharp breaths.

Please enjoy: 00:11:06

What did it mean? No ‘Merry Christmas’,

Please enjoy: 00:11:08

no ‘hello’, no ‘love you.’ Just three

Please enjoy: 00:11:11

words. Was it an order?

Please enjoy: 00:11:14

A demand? Were they angry? Or was it a plea?

Please enjoy: 00:11:17

A desperate scratch for validation?

Please enjoy: 00:11:20

Or was she just completely over-analyzing a message sent by a boomer who didn’t understand text etiquette?

Please enjoy: 00:11:25

Dad could be oblivious when he wanted to.

Please enjoy: 00:11:29

Why did she have to call them?

Please enjoy: 00:11:31

Why the hell couldn’t they call her, if they wanted to talk to her so desperately?

Please enjoy: 00:11:35

Linda realised she was squeezing her phone.

Please enjoy: 00:11:38

She stood up suddenly,

Please enjoy: 00:11:40

quicker than she meant to,

Please enjoy: 00:11:41

mumbled “excuse me,”

Please enjoy: 00:11:42

and shuffled away from whatever conversation she’d interrupted.

Please enjoy: 00:11:46

She stared into her phone.

Please enjoy: 00:11:49

Moving from Launceston to Brisbane

Please enjoy: 00:11:51

had been the plan for quite some time.

Please enjoy: 00:11:53

Work prospects were more promising,

Please enjoy: 00:11:55

but honestly it was because most of her friends lived up here.

Please enjoy: 00:11:59

She’d met so many wonderful people online

Please enjoy: 00:12:01

and made the kind of strong connections that she just couldn’t seem to find in her hometown.

Please enjoy: 00:12:06

At first her parents were doubtful.

Please enjoy: 00:12:08

In time that doubt had turned into support,

Please enjoy: 00:12:11

and six months ago

Please enjoy: 00:12:12

Linda had made the move,

Please enjoy: 00:12:14

something she’d feared would always be out of her reach.

Please enjoy: 00:12:17

It was the happiest she had ever been.

Please enjoy: 00:12:20

Then the holiday season started to loom.

Please enjoy: 00:12:23

The regular phone calls to her parents became increasingly strained as December approached.

Please enjoy: 00:12:28

At first they simply asked what her plans for Christmas were.

Please enjoy: 00:12:31

When she truthfully told them she had no idea,

Please enjoy: 00:12:34

they had responded with

Please enjoy: 00:12:35

“You’re always welcome here with us.”

Please enjoy: 00:12:38

Linda assumed they were just curious in that

Please enjoy: 00:12:40

parental kind of way,

Please enjoy: 00:12:41

letting her know they still loved her by offering a symbolic place at the table.

Please enjoy: 00:12:46

Truthfully, Linda would love to fly back home for Christmas.

Please enjoy: 00:12:50

But the final say in the matter came from her bank account.

Please enjoy: 00:12:53

There was no way she could afford a plane ticket to Tasmania, not in December.

Please enjoy: 00:12:57

The airfares were always so jacked up for Christmas.

Please enjoy: 00:13:00

So in Linda’s mind

Please enjoy: 00:13:02

that was the end of it.

Please enjoy: 00:13:05

But then the hints got heavier and more overt.

Please enjoy: 00:13:08

About two weeks before Christmas day,

Please enjoy: 00:13:10

her Dad called and said,

Please enjoy: 00:13:11

“You should come down and spend Christmas with us.”

Please enjoy: 00:13:14

The way he’d said it was final.

Please enjoy: 00:13:17

A demand without being an order.

Please enjoy: 00:13:19

She knew what her Dad could be like,

Please enjoy: 00:13:21

and she dreaded what came next.

Please enjoy: 00:13:23

“It won’t be the same without you.”

Please enjoy: 00:13:26

“You’re breaking traditions”

Please enjoy: 00:13:28

“Moving up there wasn’t a smart idea.”

Please enjoy: 00:13:30

“Why are you trying to upset us?”

Please enjoy: 00:13:34

The calls and texts

Please enjoy: 00:13:35

came like little pinches,

Please enjoy: 00:13:36

making her wince and hesitate everytime her phone buzzed.

Please enjoy: 00:13:40

On the rare occasion she got to talk to Mum instead,

Please enjoy: 00:13:43

she told Linda not to stress.

Please enjoy: 00:13:45

“You know what Dad’s like.”

Please enjoy: 00:13:48

She did know. But it was hurting her, and she didn’t know how to tell her parents that.

Please enjoy: 00:13:53

They were her parents.

Please enjoy: 00:13:55

She loved them. The last message between them

Please enjoy: 00:13:58

was a text from Dad.

Please enjoy: 00:14:01

I just don’t see why you can’t come down here for Christmas. We always have Christmas together.

Please enjoy: 00:14:06

That was three days ago.

Please enjoy: 00:14:08

She’d never responded.

Please enjoy: 00:14:10

She didn’t know how.

Please enjoy: 00:14:13

Her feet twisted against the yellow grass,

Please enjoy: 00:14:15

almost digging into the dirt.

Please enjoy: 00:14:17

Her lips tensed up

Please enjoy: 00:14:18

revealing teeth and she caught herself about to snarl at her phone.

Please enjoy: 00:14:22

A strong, tanned paw caught her shoulder.

Please enjoy: 00:14:26

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Please enjoy: 00:14:28

The touch of Kay’s paw on Linda’s shoulder soothed the dog,

Please enjoy: 00:14:31

as it had done several times before.

Please enjoy: 00:14:34

Still trembling, Linda showed the kangaroo the most recent message.

Please enjoy: 00:14:39

“Ah. Right.” Kay nodded slowly.

Please enjoy: 00:14:43

“Honey, maybe you should call them.

Please enjoy: 00:14:45

Otherwise this is going to eat at you all day.

Please enjoy: 00:14:48

It might not be so bad. They can’t exactly order you to get on a plane right now.”

Please enjoy: 00:14:53

Linda sighed. “You really think so?”

Please enjoy: 00:14:57

“You should. I hate to see you like this.

Please enjoy: 00:15:00

If you talk to them you might feel better.

Please enjoy: 00:15:02

It’s worth a shot.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:05

“I hate that I think you’re right.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:07

“You deserve to be happy.

Please enjoy: 00:15:09

Especially today.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:11

Linda smiled weakly.

Please enjoy: 00:15:13

“Thanks Kay.” “You gonna need backup?”

Please enjoy: 00:15:17

Kay said, crossing her arms over her muscular chest and frowning.

Please enjoy: 00:15:20

“I wouldn’t mind having a couple a’ words with your Dad.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:23

“I’ll be right.” “No worries then.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:28

The kangaroo stepped away.

Please enjoy: 00:15:30

Linda was grateful for the space.

Please enjoy: 00:15:32

She took a deep breath

Please enjoy: 00:15:34

and dialed. “Oh, Linda! Merry Christmas!”

Please enjoy: 00:15:38

“G’day, luv. Good to see you.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:41

The two dogs on the other end of the video call were blue heelers like her,

Please enjoy: 00:15:45

but the black fur around their muzzles had started to fade into a dark grey.

Please enjoy: 00:15:49

“Hi Mum, hi Dad, Merry Christmas.”

Please enjoy: 00:15:53

Linda tried to put as much smile into her muzzle as she could without looking insane.

Please enjoy: 00:15:57

She was glad they couldn’t see her tail in the video call as it would have given away her true mood.

Please enjoy: 00:16:03

Mum beamed through the camera.

Please enjoy: 00:16:05

“Sweety, I miss you so much.

Please enjoy: 00:16:08

How is everything up there?

Please enjoy: 00:16:09

Are you having a good Christmas?”

Please enjoy: 00:16:11

“Everything’s fine,” she lied.

Please enjoy: 00:16:13

Everything would be a hell of a lot better if Dad would stop pestering her,

Please enjoy: 00:16:17

but she would never say that.

Please enjoy: 00:16:18

Besides, she wanted to keep this call pleasant,

Please enjoy: 00:16:20

simple, and most of all short.

Please enjoy: 00:16:24

“I’m at Kay’s. She’s making Christmas lunch.”

Please enjoy: 00:16:27

Dad nodded and smiled.

Please enjoy: 00:16:29

“It’s a real shame you couldn’t get down here.

Please enjoy: 00:16:31

It’s not the same without you.”

Please enjoy: 00:16:34

Linda’s tail started to move in short strokes.

Please enjoy: 00:16:37

She hoped the same anxiety wasn’t showing in her face.

Please enjoy: 00:16:40

“That’s fair, Dad.

Please enjoy: 00:16:41

sometimes that’s just how things go.”

Please enjoy: 00:16:44

She was about to ask what kind of crazy shirt Uncle Dan was wearing this year,

Please enjoy: 00:16:48

desperate to keep the conversation light,

Please enjoy: 00:16:50

when Dad decided he just couldn’t help himself.

Please enjoy: 00:16:54

“You still could have come down.

Please enjoy: 00:16:55

We could have paid half the air fare.”

Please enjoy: 00:16:59

A hollow buzz started at the base of Linda’s skull,

Please enjoy: 00:17:02

eating up her words.

Please enjoy: 00:17:04

Dad had never offered to pay any part of the plane ticket before.

Please enjoy: 00:17:07

Why would he say this now?

Please enjoy: 00:17:09

What did he think it would achieve except to make her feel even more like a villain for not thinking to ask it herself?

Please enjoy: 00:17:15

Not that it would have mattered anyway;

Please enjoy: 00:17:17

she still would not have been able to afford even half a plane ticket at Christmas prices.

Please enjoy: 00:17:22

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, eyes darting around.

Please enjoy: 00:17:24

“But I couldn’t-” “I know you’re up there to visit friends, but it’s left me and your Mum in a bit of a position.”

Please enjoy: 00:17:31

Linda’s jaw clenched tight. ‘Visit

Please enjoy: 00:17:34

friends?’ This wasn’t some holiday,

Please enjoy: 00:17:37

it was permanent.

Please enjoy: 00:17:39

His complete dismissal of the change that she’d forged for herself

Please enjoy: 00:17:42

made her blood boil.

Please enjoy: 00:17:44

Treating it like some temporary schtick,

Please enjoy: 00:17:46

like it wasn’t a permanent and meaningful decision she’d made on her own,

Please enjoy: 00:17:49

like she was supposed to scurry home any day now with her tail between her legs.

Please enjoy: 00:17:53

“Dad, I…” Dad’s brow rose minutely,

Please enjoy: 00:17:57

barely a twitch of muscle.

Please enjoy: 00:17:59

“Just try to be more prepared in the future, please.” Linda’s careful grip around her phone turned into a clawed vice

Please enjoy: 00:18:07

as something inside her snapped.

Please enjoy: 00:18:10

“It’s literally Christmas Day and I have no money.

Please enjoy: 00:18:13

What the fuck do you want me to do?

Please enjoy: 00:18:14

Run to the airport right now and hijack a plane?”

Please enjoy: 00:18:17

“Linda!” he barked. “Do not talk to me like that.”

Please enjoy: 00:18:21

“I’m not allowed to say ‘fuck’ but you’re allowed to make me feel terrible for-”

Please enjoy: 00:18:25

“I just want us to have Christmas as a family like we’ve always done.

Please enjoy: 00:18:28

You moved up there without considering anyone’s feelings but your own.”

Please enjoy: 00:18:33

Linda’s grip around the phone

Please enjoy: 00:18:34

tightened. “I… How dare you,

Please enjoy: 00:18:38

you… you hypocrite.

Please enjoy: 00:18:41

Do you have any idea how shitty you’ve been making me feel with all that guilt shaming you’ve thrown at me?

Please enjoy: 00:18:45

You act like I don’t want to come back, but I do, I so do. I can’t afford it right now, because I don’t have any money, because I don’t have a decent job, because I haven’t finished Uni yet!

Please enjoy: 00:18:55

Patience, Dad, is all I’m asking for.

Please enjoy: 00:18:57

It’s really that simple.

Please enjoy: 00:18:59

But you’re turning it into this weird feud,

Please enjoy: 00:19:01

and it’s making me feel like a worthless piece of shit!”

Please enjoy: 00:19:05

Dad opened his mouth to retort,

Please enjoy: 00:19:07

but Linda was damned if she was going to let him interrupt her again.

Please enjoy: 00:19:10

“Shit changes, Dad. Things don’t always stay the same.

Please enjoy: 00:19:14

I’ve had to make some hard decisions to make sure my life is going to be a good one, and I’m sorry that’s making your perfect holiday uncomfortable!”

Please enjoy: 00:19:21

The inside of Dad’s ears turned a bright pink.

Please enjoy: 00:19:24

“I… Stop making this about you!”

Please enjoy: 00:19:29

Mum, whose muzzle had slowly moved out of frame of the video as Dad dominated the call,

Please enjoy: 00:19:33

suddenly spoke up.

Please enjoy: 00:19:35

“Andy, I think that I’d like to talk to Linda now please.”

Please enjoy: 00:19:39

“Not now, Luv, I-” “Andrew!”

Please enjoy: 00:19:42

Mum said the name short and sharp.

Please enjoy: 00:19:44

An order. Linda stood,

Please enjoy: 00:19:47

frozen in the middle of the hot sun filtering through the leaves of a mango tree,

Please enjoy: 00:19:51

watching a confused burst of images on her phone

Please enjoy: 00:19:54

as her parents’ device was manhandled over seventeen hundred kilometres away,

Please enjoy: 00:19:58

the movement too quick for the camera to keep up with.

Please enjoy: 00:20:01

Her ears twitched of their own accord,

Please enjoy: 00:20:03

trying to focus on individual sounds,

Please enjoy: 00:20:05

but stayed confused when all that noise came from the same tinny speaker. She heard her parents

Please enjoy: 00:20:10

voices but not the words;

Please enjoy: 00:20:12

dull claws clacking against the device drowned those out.

Please enjoy: 00:20:16

Eventually, Linda heard Mum say, “Alone, please,

Please enjoy: 00:20:18

Andrew,”

Please enjoy: 00:20:20

followed by the slam of a door.

Please enjoy: 00:20:23

“Really, I could bloody belt him one,”

Please enjoy: 00:20:26

said Mum, more to herself than Linda.

Please enjoy: 00:20:28

“Oh sweety. I’m so sorry,

Please enjoy: 00:20:30

I didn’t realise we were upsetting you so much.

Please enjoy: 00:20:33

I’ll make sure to have words with your Dad.”

Please enjoy: 00:20:36

She shook her head,

Please enjoy: 00:20:37

paused, and looked sheepishly at the screen.

Please enjoy: 00:20:40

“He’s being very immature about this isn’t he?”

Please enjoy: 00:20:43

“Yeah, he is,” Linda said softly.

Please enjoy: 00:20:47

“What you’re doing is very brave, I hope you know that.

Please enjoy: 00:20:50

Your Dad’s just not quite ready to move on yet.

Please enjoy: 00:20:53

We’ve always lived here.

Please enjoy: 00:20:55

He loves you, and misses you.

Please enjoy: 00:20:57

I suppose he’s just not dealing with it very well.”

Please enjoy: 00:21:00

“He can’t expect me to stay around forever.” “You’re right,

Please enjoy: 00:21:03

and it’s selfish of him to think that you should.”

Please enjoy: 00:21:05

She sighed. “I’ll let you get back to your party now.

Please enjoy: 00:21:09

Can you call us again, please?

Please enjoy: 00:21:11

Perhaps in a day or two?”

Please enjoy: 00:21:13

“Sure Mum, I can do that.”

Please enjoy: 00:21:16

Great another call to wait anxiously for.

Please enjoy: 00:21:19

But maybe Mum could talk some sense into Dad.

Please enjoy: 00:21:22

Maybe. “I love you, Linda.

Please enjoy: 00:21:26

Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas, Mum.”

Please enjoy: 00:21:31

The phone went silent in her paw.

Please enjoy: 00:21:33

Linda stared at the screen for way too long.

Please enjoy: 00:21:36

It was easier to just stand there,

Please enjoy: 00:21:38

analysing the bright pixels,

Please enjoy: 00:21:40

that it was to interact with the outside world again.

Please enjoy: 00:21:43

“How’d it go?” Kay’s voice pulled Linda out of her trance.

Please enjoy: 00:21:49

“Not as bad as I thought, but somehow also much worse than I could have imagined.”

Please enjoy: 00:21:53

“Christ, nothing awful happened did it?” “I don’t…

Please enjoy: 00:21:57

I don’t know.” Her face brightened.

Please enjoy: 00:22:02

“Mum’s being reasonable.”

Please enjoy: 00:22:04

“That’ll help deal with your Dad, won’t it?”

Please enjoy: 00:22:07

“Yeah. I hope so.” Kay leaned in for a hug.

Please enjoy: 00:22:12

The kangaroo always made Linda feel soft and warm,

Please enjoy: 00:22:14

even if Kay herself was sturdy and lean. Kay pulled

Please enjoy: 00:22:18

back and held the dog by the shoulders.

Please enjoy: 00:22:21

“Lunch is ready. C’mon.

Please enjoy: 00:22:23

A good feed’ll help you feel better.”

Please enjoy: 00:22:26

The kangaroo didn’t take her eyes off Linda until the dog gave her a nod.

Please enjoy: 00:22:30

Then she turned and called out,

Please enjoy: 00:22:31

“Okay you filthy animals,

Please enjoy: 00:22:33

lunch is officially served!”

Please enjoy: 00:22:36

Whoops and hollers marked the migration to the plastic picnic table,

Please enjoy: 00:22:39

weighed down by the various glad-wrapped plates and tupperware containers that had been brought to share.

Please enjoy: 00:22:44

More friends of Kay’s had arrived,

Please enjoy: 00:22:46

each bringing their own tribute to the midday feast.

Please enjoy: 00:22:49

A tray of sliced watermelon,

Please enjoy: 00:22:51

pineapple and aromatic mango cheeks sat next to a bowl of shiny cherries.

Please enjoy: 00:22:56

A green salad, pasta salad, and potato salad

Please enjoy: 00:22:59

were lined up in descending order of healthiness,

Please enjoy: 00:23:01

and ascending order of which would be eaten first.

Please enjoy: 00:23:05

Slices of cold turkey breast

Please enjoy: 00:23:06

were arranged in a careful circle,

Please enjoy: 00:23:08

right next to a bamboo bowl full of fried pork dumplings with soy sauce.

Please enjoy: 00:23:13

A foil tray of still sizzling snags and chicken wings.

Please enjoy: 00:23:16

And prawns, of course,

Please enjoy: 00:23:18

bright orange in their shells.

Please enjoy: 00:23:21

Linda’s biscuits were yet to join the table,

Please enjoy: 00:23:23

laying in wait with the other desserts in the cool refuge of Kay’s fridge.

Please enjoy: 00:23:28

In the very centre of the table

Please enjoy: 00:23:29

sat the undisputed champion of the lunch:

Please enjoy: 00:23:32

Kay’s Christmas ham.

Please enjoy: 00:23:35

Surrounded by little pots of mustard,

Please enjoy: 00:23:37

cranberry and apple sauce,

Please enjoy: 00:23:39

the baked ham glistened from the juicy pink meat to the almost black sheen of the thick glaze.

Please enjoy: 00:23:45

Linda caught a whiff of the scent

Please enjoy: 00:23:47

and immediately started to salivate.

Please enjoy: 00:23:49

The smell alone was enough to shake away the funk of the phone call.

Please enjoy: 00:23:54

Plastic forks and paper plates were handed out,

Please enjoy: 00:23:56

and then crammed with enough food to compromise the structural integrity of the waxed paper.

Please enjoy: 00:24:01

Linda filled hers

Please enjoy: 00:24:02

with mostly the ham,

Please enjoy: 00:24:04

potato salad, and a pile of prawns.

Please enjoy: 00:24:06

She’d go back for the other salads later.

Please enjoy: 00:24:09

The potatoes were soft and creamy,

Please enjoy: 00:24:11

with a little too much mustard for her liking

Please enjoy: 00:24:13

but it was still the perfect comfort food.

Please enjoy: 00:24:16

She balanced the paper plate on her knees

Please enjoy: 00:24:18

and cut herself a big forkful of the ham,

Please enjoy: 00:24:20

making sure to get a hefty scraping of the black,

Please enjoy: 00:24:23

goopy glaze. Kay sat down next to her.

Please enjoy: 00:24:27

“How is it?” She looked expectantly at Linda,

Please enjoy: 00:24:30

or more accurately,

Please enjoy: 00:24:32

at Linda’s ambitious forkfull.

Please enjoy: 00:24:35

Linda smiled and shoved the meat into her muzzle.

Please enjoy: 00:24:38

Her tongue lit up,

Please enjoy: 00:24:39

followed quickly by her eyes.

Please enjoy: 00:24:42

Citrus and earthiness washed over her tongue,

Please enjoy: 00:24:44

ultimately carrying the buttery,

Please enjoy: 00:24:46

fatty, ham flavour with it.

Please enjoy: 00:24:49

It was so juicy! How?

Please enjoy: 00:24:52

And she was very surprised by how salty it wasn’t,

Please enjoy: 00:24:54

if that made any sense.

Please enjoy: 00:24:56

Her Dad’s ham needed a good spoonful of cranberry or apple sauce to cut through the briny flavour,

Please enjoy: 00:25:00

but this ham needed nothing.

Please enjoy: 00:25:02

It did it all on its own.

Please enjoy: 00:25:04

She chewed for a moment and then almost squealed.

Please enjoy: 00:25:07

“What is that?” she asked through a muffled smile.

Please enjoy: 00:25:12

A dark, treacle like sweetness spread over her tongue as a piece of glaze crusted fat

Please enjoy: 00:25:17

danced over her taste buds.

Please enjoy: 00:25:19

“Marmalade,” Kay answered.

Please enjoy: 00:25:21

“Found the recipe online a few years ago.

Please enjoy: 00:25:23

Haven’t had any complaints since.”

Please enjoy: 00:25:26

“It’s fuckin’ amazing.”

Please enjoy: 00:25:28

Linda greedily wolfed down the rest of the meat,

Please enjoy: 00:25:30

then just sat and let her mouth hang on to the flavour,

Please enjoy: 00:25:33

committing it to memory.

Please enjoy: 00:25:35

The prawns were next.

Please enjoy: 00:25:37

Linda removed the head and shell

Please enjoy: 00:25:38

with delicate, precise movements,

Please enjoy: 00:25:40

then popped the flesh into her muzzle.

Please enjoy: 00:25:43

It tasted just like it did at home.

Please enjoy: 00:25:46

Fresh ocean. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Please enjoy: 00:25:51

She finished the prawns,

Please enjoy: 00:25:52

despite them making her think of her family.

Please enjoy: 00:25:55

They were still delicious after all.

Please enjoy: 00:25:57

But now she wished she’d eaten them first.

Please enjoy: 00:26:01

Shaking the memory from her head was about as easy as shaking cobbler’s pegs from her fur,

Please enjoy: 00:26:06

but perhaps another round of ham would help.

Please enjoy: 00:26:09

She also collected a spoonful of each salad,

Please enjoy: 00:26:11

like she promised,

Please enjoy: 00:26:12

before returning back to her chair.

Please enjoy: 00:26:14

Kay was waiting for her,

Please enjoy: 00:26:16

and held up Linda’s Woolworths bag.

Please enjoy: 00:26:18

Linda chuckled. “That’s mine.”

Please enjoy: 00:26:22

“Then why,” Kay responded,

Please enjoy: 00:26:24

reaching into the bag and pulling out a gift wrapped in white and gold,

Please enjoy: 00:26:27

“does it have my name on it?”

Please enjoy: 00:26:30

“I was going to give that to you later.”

Please enjoy: 00:26:33

Linda snatched the present away,

Please enjoy: 00:26:34

but felt a small grin pulling at her cheeks.

Please enjoy: 00:26:37

Kay just laughed. “Now is the perfect time for presents.

Please enjoy: 00:26:41

But…” She paused to reach behind her generous tail.

Please enjoy: 00:26:46

When her paw came back up

Please enjoy: 00:26:48

it clutched a swaddle of bright pink paper

Please enjoy: 00:26:50

held in place with what looked like half a roll of tape.

Please enjoy: 00:26:53

“I think you should go first.”

Please enjoy: 00:26:55

Checking for ants before placing the plate of food on the grass,

Please enjoy: 00:26:59

Linda took the badly wrapped gift

Please enjoy: 00:27:01

and tore away the paper with her claws.

Please enjoy: 00:27:03

Inside was a cardboard box that held a wine glass,

Please enjoy: 00:27:07

deep, and patterned with a slight twist.

Please enjoy: 00:27:10

“Oh my god, it’s crystal,”

Please enjoy: 00:27:12

said Linda, pulling it out of the box and letting the sun shine through it.

Please enjoy: 00:27:16

“It’s beautiful.” “Just like you.”

Please enjoy: 00:27:20

Kay said it as a fact,

Please enjoy: 00:27:21

confident and certain.

Please enjoy: 00:27:23

“It’s a shame we don’t have any wine to christen it with-

Please enjoy: 00:27:25

Oh wait we do!” She pulled Linda’s bottle out of the bag,

Please enjoy: 00:27:29

cracked it open and started pouring.

Please enjoy: 00:27:32

“Don’t worry, I already washed it.”

Please enjoy: 00:27:34

Then she poured herself some into a clear plastic cup.

Please enjoy: 00:27:37

“Classy,” said Linda.

Please enjoy: 00:27:40

They touched their glasses

Please enjoy: 00:27:41

and drank. Kay twitched her nose.

Please enjoy: 00:27:44

“Mmm.” “That’s, um...” Linda started.

Please enjoy: 00:27:49

“Really cheap,” Kay finished with a smile.

Please enjoy: 00:27:53

Linda laughed, and finished the glass.

Please enjoy: 00:27:55

“Now open yours.” She handed back the neat,

Please enjoy: 00:27:58

white and gold coloured present.

Please enjoy: 00:28:01

The kangaroo ripped open the wrapping paper to reveal a plastic container.

Please enjoy: 00:28:05

Inside were a dozen biscuits,

Please enjoy: 00:28:07

cut and iced to look like kangaroos. “Aren’t

Please enjoy: 00:28:10

these…” Kay glanced up at the kitchen,

Please enjoy: 00:28:13

where Linda’s other box of biscuits sat.

Please enjoy: 00:28:16

“I made these for you first.

Please enjoy: 00:28:18

They’re for you and you only,”

Please enjoy: 00:28:20

said Linda. “The others are leftover dough, and a few burnt ones.”

Please enjoy: 00:28:24

“You little scamp.” Kay pulled her into a hug.

Please enjoy: 00:28:28

Then they relaxed into their chairs,

Please enjoy: 00:28:30

the jabber of friends drifting over them.

Please enjoy: 00:28:33

It felt good to take a moment.

Please enjoy: 00:28:35

“These are really good,” said Kay, biting a biscuit in half.

Please enjoy: 00:28:39

“How’d you get the icing so straight?”

Please enjoy: 00:28:42

“Practice,” Linda breathed.

Please enjoy: 00:28:45

A breeze rustled the mango tree.

Please enjoy: 00:28:48

It wrapped around them like silk,

Please enjoy: 00:28:50

slowly beating away the humidity of the day.

Please enjoy: 00:28:53

Kay finished the biscuit.

Please enjoy: 00:28:56

“How you doing?”

Please enjoy: 00:28:58

Linda let out a sigh.

Please enjoy: 00:29:00

One of those deep sighs that fills the lungs,

Please enjoy: 00:29:03

leaving a feeling of satisfaction when it all rushes out again.

Please enjoy: 00:29:07

“Still kinda shaky about Mum and Dad.

Please enjoy: 00:29:09

I have no idea how I’m going to deal with that.”

Please enjoy: 00:29:12

“Family’ll do that to you.”

Please enjoy: 00:29:15

“But I’m finally having a good time today.

Please enjoy: 00:29:17

I’m glad I came. I feel a lot better.”

Please enjoy: 00:29:20

Kay smirked. “And friends’ll do that.

Please enjoy: 00:29:25

Linda’s paw drifted to the kangaroo’s.

Please enjoy: 00:29:28

“Merry Christmas, Kay.”

Please enjoy: 00:29:30

“Merry Christmas, Linda.”

Please enjoy: 00:29:34

This was “Ham” by Killick,

Please enjoy: 00:29:37

read for you by Khaki,

Please enjoy: 00:29:38

your faithful fireside companion.

Please enjoy: 00:29:40

You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

Please enjoy: 00:29:43

or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Please enjoy: 00:29:46

Thank you for listening

Please enjoy: 00:29:48

to The Voice of Dog.