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“Dragonslayer” by Gre7g Luterman
A story about British manners getting in the way.
Today’s story is “Dragonslayer” by Gre7g Luterman, who won the Ursa Major last year for his novel “Small World”. Gre7g has several novels up on Amazon, but after they banned his erotica for being too spicy, he now asks everyone to shop for his books directly from his website at www.gre7g.com or to support him through his Patreon.
Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
Transcript
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,
Speaker:and today’s story is
Speaker:“Dragonslayer” by Gre7g Luterman,
Speaker:who won the Ursa Major last year for his novel “Small World”.
Speaker:Gre7g has several novels up on Amazon,
Speaker:but after they banned his erotica for being too spicy, he now asks everyone to shop for his books directly from his website
Speaker:at G-R-E-seven-G dot com (gre7g.
Speaker:(gre7g.com) or to support him through his Patreon at patreon.com slash G-R-E-seven-G (patreon.com/gre7g)
Please enjoy:“Dragonslayer” by Gre7g Luterman How I managed to miss Sir Henry clanking through the chambers that lead to my cavern, I certainly do not know.
Please enjoy:It was quite a surprise,
Please enjoy:considering his lavish costume,
Please enjoy:but when I get busy, I can just tune the entire world out.
Please enjoy:Mair teases me to no end about that!
Please enjoy:He was dressed from head to toe in a lovely suit of armor that had been polished to a mirror surface.
Please enjoy:The edges were trimmed with copper and his breast plate was painted
Please enjoy:with a forest green fleur-de-lis.
Please enjoy:His jackal head shaped helm had
Please enjoy:been made by Glamorgan's finest smith.
Please enjoy:I had just set the kettle to boil and was running in a hundred different directions
Please enjoy:(as is my way at parties),
Please enjoy:making sure my guests were comfortable and had something to eat.
Please enjoy:"Oh, goodness!" I gasped and put a claw to my heart.
Please enjoy:"You gave me such a shock."
Please enjoy:Henry said nothing for a moment, and when he did,
Please enjoy:he sounded so terribly formal.
Please enjoy:I had heard that southerners were that way,
Please enjoy:so it did not really surprise me.
Please enjoy:"I have come to slay you, dragon!"
Please enjoy:"Dragon? Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.
Please enjoy:Where are my manners today?"
Please enjoy:I apologized with a smile.
Please enjoy:I gave him my best curtsy and started over with an introduction.
Please enjoy:"My name Gwenyth Bynon,
Please enjoy:but you may call me Gwen,
Please enjoy:everybody does." Henry stuttered for a moment
Please enjoy:and opened his visor.
Please enjoy:He had handsome, green eyes and a ruddy mustache.
Please enjoy:His complexion looked a bit pale
Please enjoy:and I guessed him to be shy.
Please enjoy:"I am Sir Henry of the land of Glamorgan.
Please enjoy:Glamorgan..." "The south! I knew it.
Please enjoy:it." I was so excited that I could not help interrupting.
Please enjoy:"I've never met a southerner before,
Please enjoy:and certainly never a knight.
Please enjoy:knight." I blushed bright yellow
Please enjoy:and put my claws over my mouth.
Please enjoy:"Oh, please forgive.
Please enjoy:Whatever can I do for you, Sir Henry.
Please enjoy:Henry." I batted my eyes
Please enjoy:and waited for him to continue.
Please enjoy:"The king has sent his four bravest knights to the corners of the land,"
Please enjoy:he explained and waited for me to see where he was leading.
Please enjoy:When he saw that I was confused
Please enjoy:he continued. "Sir Richard to Porthmadog,
Please enjoy:Sir George to Pendine,
Please enjoy:Sir Arthur to Ebbw Vale, and myself here
Please enjoy:to Llangollen...
Please enjoy:to slay you." "Oh, what unfortunate timing," I exclaimed.
Please enjoy:"I only wish I had known.
Please enjoy:Mair and Bronwen are already here."
Please enjoy:Mair peeked around the corner and I waved her closer.
Please enjoy:"Mair, come here. You must meet Sir Henry.
Please enjoy:The king has sent him to slay me!"
Please enjoy:"What a lovely sword!" she gasped.
Please enjoy:"Would you mind?" she said,
Please enjoy:taking it from his hand.
Please enjoy:"Gwen, dear, did you see the workmanship on this sword? It is absolutely spiffing."
Please enjoy:Henry stared at Mair for the longest time.
Please enjoy:I can't really blame him.
Please enjoy:She is a stunning creature.
Please enjoy:Her scales are a deep
Please enjoy:ruby red and in the sunlight they gleam like wet paint.
Please enjoy:She is slim in the waist
Please enjoy:and her wide wings are jet black.
Please enjoy:Not that I'm jealous of my best friend, mind you.
Please enjoy:"And this handle! Did you see the intricate wire work?"
Please enjoy:Mair brought it closer and held it to the light.
Please enjoy:"Oh yes, indeed," I had to agree.
Please enjoy:"You must think us so provincial, Sir Henry.
Please enjoy:We've always heard about the Glamorgan artisans,
Please enjoy:but I've never actually seen any of their works before.
Please enjoy:before." I slapped my forehead.
Please enjoy:"Mair Lloyd, this is Sir Henry. Sir Henry this is Mair,
Please enjoy:the Dragon of Ebbw Vale."
Please enjoy:"Actually, I'm from Nantynglo,"
Please enjoy:she explained. "It's a little village just outside of Ebbw Vale.
Please enjoy:You really must come and visit if you are ever in Gwent."
Please enjoy:"Bronwen, come here and meet Sir Henry,"
Please enjoy:I called. "Sir Henry? Why, what lovely armor!" she said.
Please enjoy:"Yes, and you must see his sword,"
Please enjoy:Mair added. "This is a real work of art,"
Please enjoy:Bronwen said, turning the delicate weapon over in her large claws. "Sir Henry said that the king himself sent Sir Richard to slay you in Porthmadog,"
Please enjoy:I told her. "It was Sir Richard, wasn't it, Sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:"Yes, ma'am," he managed.
Please enjoy:"Oh, goodness no! I didn't even tidy up before I flew here,"
Please enjoy:Bronwen said, clapping her claws to her charcoal colored cheeks.
Please enjoy:"How very embarrassing.
Please enjoy:embarrassing." "Pish. If I know you, you could probably eat off your floors." To
Please enjoy:Henry I explain,
Please enjoy:"Bronwen has a lovely crag in the mountains.
Please enjoy:You can see the sea from her nest."
Please enjoy:Bronwen blushed and tugged at the knight's arm,
Please enjoy:trying to lead him back to the dining room.
Please enjoy:"You must have had an exciting journey.
Please enjoy:Tell us about it, please?"
Please enjoy:Henry's cheeks grew rosy.
Please enjoy:"I haven't
Please enjoy:come here to tell stories. I've come to slay a dragon."
Please enjoy:"Oh, that's right." Presently, the kettle began to whistle.
Please enjoy:"Botheration! Let me get that.
Please enjoy:Why don't you slay Mair, Sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:Mair sighed. "I don't want to sound like a stick-in-the-mud, but I just flew in from the Rhondda.
Please enjoy:I really am quite exhausted.
Please enjoy:Why don't you slay Bronwen instead?"
Please enjoy:"Oh, no. I couldn't,"
Please enjoy:Bronwen giggled, covering her face with her claws.
Please enjoy:"Besides, it just wouldn't be right.
Please enjoy:We're only guests, after all."
Please enjoy:"Oh, very well. Why don't you slay me after tea, Sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:Bronwen lead him away
Please enjoy:and twittered questions about the south.
Please enjoy:"Milk or lemon in your tea, sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:I called after them. # # # Sir Henry
Please enjoy:sat politely at the table, looking only a little uncomfortable.
Please enjoy:His eyes darted occasionally between the lace-trimmed tablecloth,
Please enjoy:my other guests, and the "Thou shalt not...
Please enjoy:not..." embroidered text on the wall.
Please enjoy:"What a marvelous tea service,"
Please enjoy:Mair said. "Wherever did you find it?"
Please enjoy:"Oh, do you like it?"
Please enjoy:I couldn't help smiling.
Please enjoy:"Mrs. Morgan down in the village fired them just for me."
Please enjoy:"And these cucumber sandwiches are beautiful,"
Please enjoy:Bronwen said, taking her eyes from Sir Henry for only a moment.
Please enjoy:God bless her, she can be such a flirt.
Please enjoy:"I hope you don't mind, Sir Henry,
Please enjoy:I used your sword to slice and butter the bara brith.
Please enjoy:brith." He looked pale again.
Please enjoy:"I washed it and put it in the drying rack beside the sink. Now, you mustn't dash off and leave without it."
Please enjoy:"Oh, no, you mustn't dash off at all," Bronwen said,
Please enjoy:shamelessly putting her claws over his hand.
Please enjoy:"We were just waiting for Bened so we could begin our weekly bridge game."
Please enjoy:I snapped my claws.
Please enjoy:"Sir George must have caught up with Bened before he left Pendine.
Please enjoy:That would explain why he is so late."
Please enjoy:"You're right!" Bronwen giggled.
Please enjoy:"Oh, Sir Henry, you must be my partner instead.
Please enjoy:Please say you will." I exchanged places with Bronwen, and Henry finally conceded to her relentless wheedling.
Please enjoy:He took off his helm and gauntlets,
Please enjoy:and proceeded to shuffle.
Please enjoy:Despite the large deck,
Please enjoy:Henry had little difficulty.
Please enjoy:He held the stacks with his elbows and feathered the cards with each hand. Mair cut and Henry dealt. "Tell us of the Glamorgan castles, please, Sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:Bronwen begged. "We've heard all about them, but we haven't been so far south yet."
Please enjoy:Henry told us tales of Glamorgan
Please enjoy:and we sat in rapt fascination.
Please enjoy:He really is a wonderful storyteller once he loosens up.
Please enjoy:He told us of carnival,
Please enjoy:and of court, but only when Mair pried did he confirm some of the scandalous rumors we had heard.
Please enjoy:"Did she really go on holiday with the Duke, Sir Henry?"
Please enjoy:Mair asked. "I saw them get in the carriage together myself.
Please enjoy:And do please call me Henry."
Please enjoy:"But isn't the Duke old enough to be her father?"
Please enjoy:Bronwen giggled. Henry blushed
Please enjoy:and sloughed a high spade.
Please enjoy:"Well, you didn't hear any of this from me,"
Please enjoy:he added. # # # When the game was over, Henry collected his gear and headed back to Glamorgan.
Please enjoy:He even kissed the back of Bronwen's claws on his way out.
Please enjoy:Mair and I kept our laughter to ourselves. "He forgot
Please enjoy:to slay you!" Mair
Please enjoy:reminded me. "Oh botheration.
Please enjoy:I do hope he doesn't get all the way back to Glamorgan before he recalls.
Please enjoy:Well, I suppose he will just have to come back then,"
Please enjoy:I said, collecting up the dishes.
Please enjoy:"Now what would 'slaying' be, I wonder?" Bronwen asked, her voice somewhat dreamy. Mair shrugged and I shook my head. "I haven't the faintest idea. I assumed it was some sort of Glamorganian ceremony. It's the first time I've heard of it.
Please enjoy:it." "So sorry I'm late!" Bened called as he entered my cavern. "Bened!" Mair roared and squeezed him tight. "We were afraid you would not make it." "I'm dreadfully sorry," he said. "I was just getting ready to leave when
Please enjoy:a nice young man from
Please enjoy:Glamorgan popped by."
Please enjoy:"That must have been Sir George,"
Please enjoy:I said. "His friend, Sir Henry, was just here.
Please enjoy:Let me put the kettle back on."
Please enjoy:"Oh did I miss him?"
Please enjoy:Bened said, looking around for our former guest.
Please enjoy:"He did mention something about the other knights being on a quest as well.
Please enjoy:well." "Henry said something about slaying Gwen,"
Please enjoy:Bronwen tittered.
Please enjoy:"Have you ever heard of such a thing?"
Please enjoy:Bened scratched the bright green scales behind his ear as he thought.
Please enjoy:"I can't say that I have."
Please enjoy:"So what is Sir George like?"
Please enjoy:Mair asked. "He's a wonderful chess player,"
Please enjoy:Bened said, booming a laugh.
Please enjoy:"I could tell he was playing down to my level and still he cleaned the table with me.
Please enjoy:me." "One lump or two?" I asked Bened when he looked up.
Please enjoy:"One, please. Oh! What a lovely tea service,"
Please enjoy:he added. "Wherever did you find it?"
Please enjoy:This was “Dragonslayer”
Please enjoy:by Gre7g Luterman, read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
Please enjoy:For more stories you can find us wherever you get your podcasts, or on the web
Please enjoy:at thevoice.dog.
Please enjoy:Thank you for listening
Please enjoy:to The Voice of Dog