“Chump Change” by Alex Katz

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

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This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,

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and Today’s story is

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“Chump Change” by Alex Katz,

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who swears they’ll finish that novel someday,

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and you can find more of their stories on their blog,

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Wayside Parliament.

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Please enjoy “Chump Change”

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by Alex Katz "...and he asks me if I can make change for a Senator."

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"Yeah, pull the other one."

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"Exactly. Nobody walks around with a hundred bucks in gold,

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and I sure as Sid don't keep that much behind the bar. So I ask to see it.

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An' he reaches fer his breast pocket-

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-an' then he stops,

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an' says he'd really rather not."

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"Amateur." "You've played dice with lionfolk before, yeah?"

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"Not our regulars,

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but yeah, in other places."

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"Ever meet one with a twitchy ear?"

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"'Course I have, boss,

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an' every time it's

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a tell." "This guy had it.

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So now I know for certain he's tryin'a' grift me

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outta almost a hundred bucks in my own establishment.

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And he's bein' so clumsy about it a kid'd see right through him

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an' call the Sheriff."

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"No shit." "So I grit my beak,

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an' I count to ten,

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an' once I'm feelin'

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a mite more ladylike I say to him,

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look, if yer gonna pass a fake Senator,

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y'gotta have some confidence in it.

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Let the mark take the coin, let 'em think it's real

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fer long enough to leave the shop, if not to skip town altogether.

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Yours is scrap steel on the inside, ain't it?

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Gotta use somethin' soft, so they can bite it

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and buy it." "Hah! An' what'd he say

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to that?" "Well, he stared at me like a fresh-caught fish for a while,

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went a little pale under his fur,

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an' then he said,

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an' I almost couldn't hear him at first, he said,

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please don't call the Sheriffs on me,

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I can't go back. "Now, I was feelin' generous

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this afternoon, an' I told him to thank Saint Jane

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an' his lucky star that I was, 'cause

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I had better things t'do than throw him on the tender mercies of the law.

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In fact, if he needed somewhere to stay for a while,

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I supposed I could find him a way to

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earn room 'n' board here."

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"Generous my ass. You've been lookin' fer someone new to work the back room ever since ol' Garrett went missin' on the way to Metropolis."

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"An' why shouldn't I give that job t'someone who obviously needs it, and was nice enough

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to fall straight into our lap,

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and can't afford to rat out our business?"

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"Yer not wrong, boss, only..."

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"Yeah?" "He's an outta-towner,

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we dunno who's after him,

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who could end up findin' us 'cause of him."

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"An' that's where you come in.

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He's on your shift;

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find out everythin' you can tonight while yer teachin' him t'pack spellbooks the right way.

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An' see if his penmanship's as good as Garrett's.

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Maybe we'll make a real criminal outta him."

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"Arright, you're the boss."

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This was “Chump Change” by Alex Katz,

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read for you by Rob Macwolf, werewolf hitchiker.

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You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog.