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“Cat Problems” by James Stone
You know how sometimes you think you see your cat walk by and you look across the room only to realize it’s over asleep on the couch? What was it you saw? You might be better off not knowing the answer to that.
Tonight’s story is “Cat Problems” by James Stone, published in Dread by Sinister Stoat Press. He mostly writes horror, SciFi, and fantasy. His works can also be found in A Swordmaster’s Tale by Armoured Fox Publishing and Bleak Horizons by Furplanet.
Read by Rob MacWolf, Werewolf Hitchhiker.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/cat-problems-by-james-stone
Transcript
You’re listening to The Ghost of Dog
Speaker:on the Voice of Dog,
Speaker:and Tonight’s story is
Speaker:“Cat Problems” by James Stone,
Speaker:published in Dread
Speaker:by Sinister Stoat Press.
Speaker:He mostly writes horror, SciFi, and fantasy.
Speaker:His works can also be found in
Speaker:A Swordmaster’s Tale
Speaker:by Armoured Fox Publishing
Speaker:and Bleak Horizons
Speaker:by Furplanet. Read by Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:Werewolf Hitchhiker.
Speaker:Be cautioned. Our story tonight concerns both blood and injury.
Speaker:Weigh carefully the decision to proceed, for none can make it but yourself.
Speaker:Anyone who has a pet will admit to some frustrations.
Speaker:Housetraining. Barking.
Speaker:Demanding food and attention.
Speaker:But is there any amount of frustration that would make a pet we love more trouble than it is worth?
Speaker:Most would say not.
Speaker:Perhaps even when they should.
Speaker:By way of demonstration,
Speaker:Please enjoy “Cat Problems”
Speaker:by James Stone
Speaker:Roger was a cat person.
Speaker:There’s no end to the irony of a big Golden Lab guy with cats for pets.
Speaker:It started years ago with one gray kitten.
Speaker:One became two, then a handful.
Speaker:He had fifteen cats at his peak. They were always around. Sleeping on his lap.
Speaker:Brushing by his legs.
Speaker:Little purring reminders that he wasn’t alone,
Speaker:and that he was loved.
Speaker:One by one over the years, Roger’s beloved cats passed away.
Speaker:Some were old and some died of cancer.
Speaker:He didn’t get any new cats. That would feel like
Speaker:betrayal. Like he was cheating the memory of little Jeeves.
Speaker:Of Rory. Of Sally and Splinter and Beruthiel.
Speaker:At last only old Scratch, his one black cat, was left to keep Roger company in his lonely house.
Speaker:Roger was a programmer.
Speaker:He worked from home,
Speaker:and it made him depressed. He didn’t see
Speaker:a lot of people, at least not in any meaningful way.
Speaker:He knew the name of the cashier at the grocery, and the
Speaker:cashier always asked about Roger’s cats.
Speaker:Cat. Still, Roger didn’t get any real attention from anyone other than Scratch.
Speaker:As Roger would sit in the dark back corner of his basement and type line after line of code,
Speaker:he sometimes wondered what he would do when Scratch was gone.
Speaker:He was a loyal guy.
Speaker:He couldn’t replace any of them. What would he do when he woke up at 3am if there wasn’t a little purring bundle weighing his chest down?
Speaker:To be honest, the thought made Roger very anxious.
Speaker:He had told the doctor this a while back,
Speaker:and the doctor kinda shook his head understandingly. He gave Roger some pills to help with his anxiety.
Speaker:Not for all the time. Just for those times when Roger felt his ears going back and
Speaker:his hackles raising
Speaker:and a deep growlllll
Speaker:starting back in his throat.
Speaker:He’d reach up to the shelf and take down his pill bottle
Speaker:and shake out a pill. Then he’d walk over to the basement mini-fridge and pull out a slice of American cheese.
Speaker:He’d unwrap it carefully,
Speaker:and wad it up around his pill,
Speaker:and then gobble it down hurriedly.
Speaker:His tail would wag as
Speaker:he imagined it working already
Speaker:to make him less of a scaredy-cat.
Speaker:Scaredy-dog. One day, after an ears-hackles-growllll session, Roger was sitting at his computer. He was
Speaker:trying to figure out why his methods in his class weren’t being recognized by his package.
Speaker:Old Scratch was rubbing against his legs and meowing.
Speaker:Roger was trying to concentrate so he would reach a paw down and
Speaker:maybe get a brush of Scratch’s tail before
Speaker:the cat disappeared under the desk out of reach,
Speaker:and Roger returned his paw to the keyboard only to reach down again the next time Scratch’s dark form wandered past his legs.
Speaker:At one point, Scratch well…scratched
Speaker:him. Roger yelped and
Speaker:yanked his paw back.
Speaker:He looked at it in the glow of his monitor and a trickle of dark blood dripped down his pawpad.
Speaker:He stuck his finger in his muzzle and sucked on it, whimpering a little.
Speaker:Anyone who’s owned a cat has got scratched before,
Speaker:but Scratch was always a nice cat in that way and
Speaker:had never scratched or bit Roger.
Speaker:Roger felt a little betrayed as he sucked on his wounded finger
Speaker:and tasted his blood.
Speaker:He decided he was tasting too much blood and needed a bandaid.
Speaker:He started to get up
Speaker:and glanced across the room
Speaker:only to see Scratch curled up
Speaker:and blissfully asleep
Speaker:in Roger’s easy chair.
Speaker:How had Scratch got over there so quickly and fallen asleep so soundly,
Speaker:thought Roger. He was still thinking about this when
Speaker:his leg was brushed again
Speaker:-under the desk
Speaker:-by something. Roger glanced again at the sleeping Scratch.
Speaker:He felt that his hackles would have been raising,
Speaker:and his ears would have been going back,
Speaker:and his throat would have been growly except
Speaker:that pill he took was doing whatever it did.
Speaker:If it hadn’t being doing that,
Speaker:Roger would never have had the courage to do what he did next:
Speaker:He slid a little backwards
Speaker:and looked under the desk.
Speaker:Two eyes glowed red
Speaker:in the dim reflected gleam of the monitor.
Speaker:Something brushed his leg again.
Speaker:The two eyes became five.
Speaker:Then eight. Another couple things brushed his leg.
Speaker:Roger stopped counting eyes
Speaker:at eighteen. He had stopped looking altogether
Speaker:to be honest. Whatever it was under Roger’s desk
Speaker:-sitting by Roger’s paws
Speaker:-mewled and stroked his legs again.
Speaker:Roger knew, in that way that anyone who has owned a cat knew,
Speaker:what that mewling meant.
Speaker:He glanced up at his bottle of pills, and over at his mini-fridge
Speaker:with its cheese slices.
Speaker:He glanced over at Scratch
Speaker:who was now standing with his own hackles raised
Speaker:and his tail all puffed.
Speaker:The mewling sounds changed.
Speaker:Roger could barely make out
Speaker:whispered words. “Cat.
Speaker:Food.” He turned his chair
Speaker:and looked back at the bag of cat food.
Speaker:More whispers.
Speaker:“No. Food. Cat. Please.” Roger looked back at Scratch.
Speaker:He took a deep breath,
Speaker:clamped his eyes shut again,
Speaker:and reached his bleeding finger
Speaker:down under his desk
Speaker:instead. Mrs. Abernathy was standing on Roger’s stoop, talking.
Speaker:He had his head stuck through the crack in his front door as she went on and on,
Speaker:nervously wringing her hands and saying something about
Speaker:blood. Roger wasn’t really listening to her.
Speaker:His missing finger hurt a lot,
Speaker:and there was a nice voice telling him what a good boy he was.
Speaker:The voice wasn’t under his desk anymore.
Speaker:It seemed to come from somewhere just out-of-the-corner of his vision.
Speaker:His ears moved to try and hear it better
Speaker:but Mrs. Abernathy was now shouting about her missing son.
Speaker:That made Roger anxious. He wanted to shut the door to listen closer to the voice
Speaker:because it seemed, well,
Speaker:so nice. Roger hadn’t felt this loved
Speaker:in years This was
Speaker:“Cat Problems” by James Stone,
Speaker:read for you by Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:Werewolf Hitchhiker,
Speaker:and this concludes this year’s Ghost of Dog.
Speaker:Now that Halloween —
Speaker:and Fat Bear Week are behind us we’re
Speaker:going to take it a little easier,
Speaker:and The Voice of Dog is moving to its winter schedule,
Speaker:with one new story per week,
Speaker:coming out every monday.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:And on behalf of my co-host Rob
Speaker:and all the Friends of the Fireplace who contributed their words and voices
Speaker:to this year’s spooky season:
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.
