full
[18+] “Squirrel Your Stuff” by Field T. Mouse
[18+] From the creator of Mouse Your House comes the newest hit show on SCURRY-TV: Squirrel Your Stuff! Five squirrels, one mission: to unclutter your sorry home!
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog. This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler, and Today’s story is “Squirrel Your Stuff” by Field T. Mouse, who is a purveyor of critter-centric tales. You can find more of his work at squirrel.sofurry.com.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
thevoice.dog | Apple podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts
If you have a story you think would be a good fit, you can check out the requirements, fill out the submission template and get in touch with us.
https://thevoice.dog/episode/18-squirrel-your-stuff-by-field-t-mouse
Transcript
The
Speaker:Voice
Speaker:of
Speaker:Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler, and Today’s
Speaker:story
Speaker:is “Squirrel
Speaker:Your
Speaker:Stuff”
Speaker:by Field
Speaker:T.
Speaker:Mouse,
Speaker:who is
Speaker:a
Speaker:purveyor
Speaker:of
Speaker:critter-centric
Speaker:tales.
Speaker:You can
Speaker:find
Speaker:more
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:work at squirrel.sofurry.com.
Please
enjoy
“Squirrel
Your
Speaker:Stuff”
Speaker:by
Speaker:Field
Speaker:T.
Speaker:Mouse
It’s 9-o’clock
at night.
A
narrator
Speaker:welcomes you.
“Thanks
for
Speaker:watching
Speaker:Mouse
Speaker:Your
Speaker:House
Speaker:and
Speaker:Mouse
Speaker:Your
House:House:
Apartment
House:Edition!
House:Now,
House:stay
House:tuned
House:to
House:SCURRY-TV
House:for
House:even
House:more ‘programming
House:to
House:gnaw on’!
“Up next,
from the creators of
House:Mouse
House:Your
House:House,
House:it’s
House:Squirrel
House:Your
House:Stuff.
House:Tonight,
House:the
House:team
House:goes into
House:a
House:literal
House:fox’s
House:den!
House:Can
House:they
House:organize
House:it?
House:Find
House:out!
“Then,
on
House:Rat
House:Your
House:Ride,
House:the
House:guys
House:try
House:to
House:get
House:a
House:fixer-upper
House:ready
House:for a
House:classic
House:car
House:show.
House:Guess
House:who
House:locks
House:the
House:keys
House:inside?!”
“It’s ‘Your
Reality
House:Wednesday.’
House:Real
House:rodents.
House:Real
House:places.
House:Real
House:fun!”
Cut
to
House:black.
Program
starts.
A
sleeping
House:male
House:fox,
House:on
House:his
House:side
House:in
House:bed,
House:rolls
House:onto
House:his
House:back.
House:He
House:gives
House:a
House:wide,
House:toothy yawn, snout in a sunbeam. Body is shirtless, of medium
House:build.
The
camera
House:closes
House:in
House:on
House:him.
Eyes
half-open,
House:he
House:snarls
House:and
House:swipes
House:at it.
Camera
shakes!
Cut to
kitchen.
“Sorry
about
House:that,”
House:he
House:says,
House:clutching
House:a
House:mug
House:of
House:coffee,
House:wearing
House:only ‘Super
House:Mario’
House:boxers.
House:His
House:arms
House:are
House:black
House:from
House:elbows
House:down (legs
House:also
House:black
House:from
House:knees
House:down),
House:a
House:contrast
House:to
House:the
House:bright,
House:autumnal
House:orange and
House:white
House:fur
House:covering
House:the
House:rest
House:of
House:him.
He
takes
House:a
House:sip
House:of
House:hot
House:Jamaican
House:Blue
House:Mountain ‘breakfast
House:blend.’
“Wasn’t
fully
House:awake
House:yet.”
Another
sip.
House:More a
House:slurp,
House:really.
“Not
used
House:to
House:having
House:anyone
House:else
House:in
House:my
House:bedroom, ha, ha!”
After
saying
House:this,
House:he
House:ponders and sighs dejectedly.
Camera cuts to fox,
now
House:fully
House:dressed,
House:giving
House:a
House:tour
House:of
House:his
House:home.
House:It
House:is …
House:cluttered.
A
voiceover
House:plays
House:over
House:the
House:visuals, the
House:fox
House:going
House:from
House:room
House:to
House:room.
“My
name’s
House:Harlan.
House:I’m
House:an
House:American
House:red
House:fox.
House:Even
House:though
House:I’m
House:orange!
House:What
House:the (BLEEP!), ha, ha.
House:Whatever.
House:I
House:work
House:from
House:home.
House:Remote
House:tech
House:support.
House:I
House:guess
House:I
House:enjoy
House:not
House:having
House:a
House:daily
House:commute?
House:But,
House:sometimes,
House:I
House:get
House:stir-crazy,
House:and
House:it’s
House:reflected
House:in
House:my
House:living
House:space.
“I
used
House:to
House:have
House:an
House:apartment.
House:Then
House:I
House:inherited
House:this
House:house
House:from
House:my
House:paternal
House:grandparents.
House:I
House:mean …
House:can’t
House:turn
House:down
House:a
House:freaking
House:house
House:that’s
House:already
House:paid
House:for!
House:Right?
House:And,
House:uh …
House:so
House:some
House:of
House:this
House:stuff
House:is
House:mine,
House:but
House:a
House:lot
House:was
House:theirs!”
He
skips
House:a
House:beat,
House:admitting, “I
House:just
House:don’t
House:know
House:what
House:to
House:do
House:with
House:it
House:all.”
Harlan
leads
House:the
House:camera
House:into
House:a
House:room
House:that
House:looks
House:like
House:a
House:living
House:room.
House:Only,
House:there’s
House:not
House:much
House:space
House:to
House:live
House:in.
House:Literally
House:everything
House:in
House:this
House:particular
House:room
House:is
House:covered
House:with—
“No,
they’re
House:not
House:toys.”
The
camera pans
House:around
House:the
House:room,
House:then
House:returns
House:to
House:Harlan.
“Mom is always
giving
House:me (BLEEP!)
House:for
House:that. ‘You’re
House:thirty,
House:you
House:need
House:to
House:grow
House:up!
House:Get
House:rid
House:of
House:your
House:toys!’
House:Uh, yeah,
House:mom,
House:read
House:the
House:package.
House:Right
House:here.”
He
picks
House:up
House:a
House:figurine
House:still
House:in
House:the
House:package,
House:shoving
House:it
House:at
House:the
House:camera,
House:which
House:takes
House:a moment
House:to refocus.
“What does it
say?
House:Toy?!
House:No!
House:Adult,”
House:he
House:emphasizes, “collectible.”
Jump
cut
House:to
House:the
House:kitchen.
House:Pots
House:and
House:pans
House:and
House:dishes
House:everywhere.
Jump
cut to
House:porch.
House:Cluttered
House:with
House:lawn
House:tools and
House:random
House:sports
House:balls.
House:And
House:tennis
House:rackets.
“I don’t
even
House:play
House:tennis!”
Jump
cut to
House:the
House:study,
House:full of
House:his
House:grandparents’
House:dusty
House:old
House:books.
“Why couldn’t they have been interested in comic books?”
Back
to
House:Harlan.
The
fox
House:tilts
House:his
House:head,
House:telling
House:the
House:camera, “I
House:really
House:need
House:help
House:organizing.
House:Family
House:wants
House:to
House:have
House:Thanksgiving
House:and
House:Christmas
House:here,
House:cause
House:I’m ‘centralized.’ Psh,
House:yeah,
House:invite
House:yourselves
House:over,
House:fam!
House:Not
House:like
House:I
House:had
House:plans.”
He
scrunches
House:his
House:muzzle,
House:paws
House:on
House:hips.
“I
mean,
House:I
House:could’ve if I wanted to, but … it’s
House:the
House:principle,
House:right?”
The
camera
House:remains
House:a
House:dispassionate
House:observer.
Another
sigh.
“Anyway.
It’s
House:already
House:October.
House:I’m
House:running
House:out
House:of
House:time.”
House:He
House:pauses,
House:swishing
House:his
House:tail and
House:looking
House:straight
House:into
House:the
House:camera, “I
House:need
House:to
House:squirrel
House:my
House:stuff!”
Cut to
Main Title
House:sequence, a
House:short little montage
House:set to a lively
House:jingle, ending with
House:the
House:show’s
House:logo.
Immediately
after,
House:we
House:see
House:the
House:arrival of the S.Y.S. team.
Five squirrels,
all
House:different
House:species
House:and
House:personalities.
House:One
House:mission!
House:To
House:get
House:homes
House:uncluttered.
“The
front
House:yard
House:doesn’t
House:look
House:so
House:bad,”
House:Cerise,
House:a
House:petite
House:female
House:red
House:squirrel
House:says,
House:as
House:she
House:gets
House:out
House:of a van with
House:the
House:show’s
House:name
House:on
House:it.
House:She is
House:habitually
House:polite.
House:A cutie with
House:tufted,
House:pixie-like ears. The
House:prototypical ‘squirrel
House:next
House:door.’
“Poor,
naïve
House:Cerise,”
House:a
House:striking
House:black,
House:white,
House:and
House:maroon
House:Prevost’s
House:squirrel
House:says.
House:Piedmont.
House:Fancy
House:in
House:both
House:appearance
House:and
House:temperament.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:“Spare
Piedmont:me.
Piedmont:I’ve
Piedmont:already
Piedmont:heard
Piedmont:all
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:jokes,”
Piedmont:he
Piedmont:says,
Piedmont:reeling them
Piedmont:off. “‘What,
Piedmont:was
Piedmont:Poindexter
Piedmont:already
Piedmont:taken!’ ‘Oh, so
Piedmont:that’s
Piedmont:why
Piedmont:you’re
Piedmont:suck
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:dick!’”
“Wait.”
He
Piedmont:pauses. “Did …
Piedmont:did
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:say
Piedmont:suck ?”
Piedmont:He
Piedmont:thinks,
Piedmont:eyes
Piedmont:darting,
Piedmont:muttering a bit
Piedmont:before
Piedmont:insisting, “I
Piedmont:meant
Piedmont:such!
Piedmont:Such a dick!”
Camera pushes in on him.
“Yeah,
I’m
Piedmont:gay,
Piedmont:okay?”
Piedmont:He
Piedmont:fiddles
Piedmont:with
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:glasses,
Piedmont:tail
Piedmont:swishing
Piedmont:flippantly. “Sue me.”
Back
to
Piedmont:Harlan’s
Piedmont:driveway.
A
truck with
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:dumpster
Piedmont:pulls
Piedmont:up
Piedmont:behind
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:van,
Piedmont:for
Piedmont:all
Piedmont:the ‘stuff’
Piedmont:they’ll have to toss.
“He
definitely
Piedmont:doesn’t
Piedmont:have
Piedmont:kits,”
Piedmont:Waverly,
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:grey
Piedmont:squirrel,
Piedmont:reasoned. “Or
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:mate.
Piedmont:Else
Piedmont:there’d
Piedmont:be
Piedmont:more
Piedmont:stuff
Piedmont:out
Piedmont:here.”
“Don’t
get
Piedmont:your
Piedmont:hopes
Piedmont:up
Piedmont:for
Piedmont:an
Piedmont:easy
Piedmont:job,
Piedmont:you
Piedmont:two,” Clay,
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:brawny
Piedmont:bronze
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:silver
Piedmont:fox
Piedmont:squirrel,
Piedmont:warns.
Piedmont:Paws
Piedmont:on
Piedmont:hips,
Piedmont:eyes
Piedmont:narrowing. “The
Piedmont:producers
Piedmont:didn’t
Piedmont:choose this
Piedmont:place
Piedmont:for
Piedmont:no
Piedmont:reason.
Piedmont:Inside’s
Piedmont:probably
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:battlefield.
Piedmont:Also,
Piedmont:what
Piedmont:about
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:backyard?
Piedmont:Bet
Piedmont:it’s
Piedmont:full of
Piedmont:landmines.”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Cerise:“Clay
Cerise:is,
Cerise:um …
Cerise:how
Cerise:should
Cerise:I
Cerise:put
Cerise:this … ”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:“Aggressively
Piedmont:male. He’d
Piedmont:be
Piedmont:what
Piedmont:we
Piedmont:call
Piedmont:a ‘top’s
Piedmont:top’.”
Back
to
Piedmont:yard.
Piedmont
scoffs
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:informs Clay
Piedmont:that, “Landmines
Piedmont:were
Piedmont:largely
Piedmont:banned
Piedmont:under
Piedmont:an
Piedmont:amendment
Piedmont:regulated
Piedmont:by
Piedmont:the Geneva Convention in 1997.”
Clay’s tail twitches as
he
Piedmont:shoots daggers
Piedmont:at
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:Prevost’s squirrel.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Clay:“Piedmont
Clay:is
Clay:such
Clay:a (BLEEP!)-ing
Clay:know
Clay:it
Clay:all.
Clay:The
Clay:group
Clay:just
Clay:thinks
Clay:I’m
Clay:here
Clay:to
Clay:do
Clay:the
Clay:heavy
Clay:lifting.”
A
pause.
“Literally,
to
Clay:move
Clay:heavy
Clay:objects.”
A
huff.
“I
have
Clay:a
Clay:high
Clay:school
Clay:degree,
Clay:too,
Clay:you
Clay:know!”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:“Smartest
Piedmont:of
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:group?
Piedmont:And
Piedmont:looking
Piedmont:like
Piedmont:this?”
He
folds
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:paws
Piedmont:behind
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:head.
“Squirrel
your
Piedmont:stuff? Ha!
Piedmont:More
Piedmont:like ‘stuff
Piedmont:your
Piedmont:squirrel,’
Piedmont:am
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:right?”
A
pause.
“I
don’t
Piedmont:know
Piedmont:why
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:said
Piedmont:that.”
Camera
cuts
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:Waverly
Piedmont:as
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:front
Piedmont:yard
Piedmont:exchange
Piedmont:is
Piedmont:going
Piedmont:on.
Piedmont:He
Piedmont:slowly
Piedmont:inches
Piedmont:into
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:fray.
INTERVIEW CHAIR –
“Everyone
Waverly:assumes
Waverly:grey squirrels
Waverly:are
Waverly:boring
Waverly:because we’re …
Waverly:y’know,
Waverly:grey.”
A
pause.
“I
mean,
Waverly:I
Waverly:guess
Waverly:I
Waverly:am
Waverly:a
Waverly:little
Waverly:boring?
Waverly:You
Waverly:got
Waverly:Piedmont
Waverly:over
Waverly:there
Waverly:being
Waverly:a
Waverly:smarty
Waverly:pants,
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:being
Waverly:macho,
Waverly:Cerise
Waverly:so
Waverly:helpful
Waverly:and
Waverly:sweet … ”
He
falters
Waverly:at
Waverly:mentioning
Waverly:the
Waverly:red
Waverly:squirrel,
Waverly:clearly
Waverly:having
Waverly:a
Waverly:crush
Waverly:on
Waverly:her.
“I,
uh …
Waverly:but
Waverly:me?
Waverly:I’m
Waverly:just
Waverly:the
Waverly:straight
Waverly:man.”
A
pause.
“Not
straight
Waverly:as
Waverly:in
Waverly:straight,
Waverly:though
Waverly:I
Waverly:am
Waverly:that.
Waverly:But,
Waverly:like,
Waverly:you
Waverly:know,
Waverly:the
Waverly:sane,
Waverly:reasonable
Waverly:guy? The
Waverly:glue
Waverly:that
Waverly:keeps
Waverly:all
Waverly:the
Waverly:disparate
Waverly:elements
Waverly:together?”
Camera
cuts
Waverly:to Waverly
Waverly:now between
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:and
Waverly:Piedmont,
Waverly:a paw on
Waverly:each
Waverly:of
Waverly:their
Waverly:chests,
Waverly:with
Waverly:Waverly’s
Waverly:voice-over.
“I’m
basically
Waverly:the
Waverly:group’s
Waverly:referee.”
Camera
cuts
Waverly:to
Waverly:interior
Waverly:of
Waverly:Harlan’s
Waverly:house,
Waverly:the
Waverly:group
Waverly:filtering
Waverly:in.
Cerise
puts
Waverly:a paw to
Waverly:her
Waverly:breast,
Waverly:audibly
Waverly:gasping.
There
is
Waverly:stuff
Waverly:everywhere.
“Looks
like
Waverly:we’re
Waverly:dealing
Waverly:with
Waverly:a
Waverly:classic
Waverly:hoarder,”
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:guesses.
“I
don’t
Waverly:think
Waverly:he’s
Waverly:a
Waverly:hoarder,
Waverly:I
Waverly:think
Waverly:he’s
Waverly:just
Waverly:lazy,”
Waverly:Piedmont
Waverly:says,
Waverly:getting
Waverly:the
Waverly:camera’s
Waverly:attention
Waverly:and
Waverly:pointing
Waverly:to
Waverly:a
Waverly:water
Waverly:ring
Waverly:on
Waverly:a
Waverly:coffee
Waverly:table.
Waverly:He
Waverly:shakes
Waverly:his
Waverly:head,
Waverly:mouthing
Waverly:the
Waverly:word, “Tragic.”
“We’re
gonna
Waverly:overflow
Waverly:the dumpster,” Waverly
Waverly:guesses.
Cerise asks, “What
if
Waverly:he
Waverly:doesn’t
Waverly:want
Waverly:anything
Waverly:thrown
Waverly:out?”
“Sometimes,
you
Waverly:gotta
Waverly:cut
Waverly:your
Waverly:losses,”
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:says,
Waverly:in
Waverly:agreement
Waverly:with Waverly.
Harlan
pokes his snout into the
Waverly:frame, then fully appears
Waverly:as they enter the
Waverly:living room.
“Yo, squirrels!
Bright
Waverly:eyed
Waverly:and
Waverly:bushy
Waverly:tailed!”
Waverly:He
Waverly:whisks
Waverly:his
Waverly:own
Waverly:tail
Waverly:around
Waverly:in
Waverly:solidarity,
Waverly:using
Waverly:both
Waverly:paws
Waverly:to
Waverly:point
Waverly:at
Waverly:them.
Waverly:He
Waverly:stands
Waverly:a
Waverly:good
Waverly:head
Waverly:taller
Waverly:than
Waverly:all
Waverly:of
Waverly:them. “Ha,
Waverly:that’s
Waverly:what
Waverly:I
Waverly:like
Waverly:to
Waverly:see.”
The
predator
Waverly:hungrily eyes Cerise while talking.
Waverly notices and squints.
INTERVIEW CHAIR –
“What?”
Pause.
“Red squirrels are the most (BLEEP!)-able
squirrels.”
He
smirks
Harlan:and
Harlan:leans
Harlan:back
Harlan:in
Harlan:the
Harlan:chair,
Harlan:crossing
Harlan:his
Harlan:arms.
“Change
my
Harlan:mind.”
Cut
back
Harlan:to
Harlan:living
Harlan:room.
Just
then,
Harlan:the
Harlan:fifth
Harlan:member of
Harlan:the
Harlan:group,
Harlan:who’s
Harlan:been
Harlan:taking
Harlan:a
Harlan:phone
Harlan:call
Harlan:in
Harlan:the
Harlan:van,
Harlan:bounds
Harlan:into
Harlan:the
Harlan:scene.
Harlan:An
Harlan:Indian
Harlan:giant
Harlan:squirrel
Harlan:named
Harlan:Zora.
Braless
breasts
Harlan:bouncing
Harlan:beneath
Harlan:her
Harlan:t-shirt
Harlan:and her
Harlan:impossibly
Harlan:large,
Harlan:fluffy
Harlan:tail
Harlan:painting
Harlan:invisible
Harlan:trails
Harlan:in
Harlan:the
Harlan:air,
Harlan:her pelt is
Harlan:too
Harlan:many
Harlan:colors
Harlan:to
Harlan:count.
Harlan:Orange,
Harlan:tan,
Harlan:russet,
Harlan:red,
Harlan:purple,
Harlan:deep
Harlan:navy
Harlan:blue.
Visibly
taller
Harlan:than
Harlan:the
Harlan:others,
Harlan:she
Harlan:stands
Harlan:almost at
Harlan:chin
Harlan:level
Harlan:with the
Harlan:fox.
“What’d
I
Harlan:miss?”
Harlan:she
Harlan:asks,
Harlan:smile as
Harlan:bright
Harlan:as
Harlan:a
Harlan:tropical
Harlan:sun.
Harlan
drinks
Harlan:her
Harlan:in
Harlan:with
Harlan:wide,
Harlan:unblinking
Harlan:eyes.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Harlan:“Mind,
Harlan:uh …
Harlan:mind
Harlan:changed,
Harlan:alright?”
Harlan:Clearing
Harlan:his
Harlan:throat,
Harlan:he
Harlan:sheepishly
Harlan:adjusts
Harlan:his
Harlan:pants. “You win.”
Begin
commercial
Harlan:break.
Morning,
and a
Harlan:squirrel
Harlan:enters
Harlan:a
Harlan:bathroom
Harlan:to
Harlan:shower and groom
Harlan:their
Harlan:tail.
Harlan:They
Harlan:shut
Harlan:the
Harlan:door.
A
clock
Harlan:ticks
Harlan:and
Harlan:text
reads:reads:
ONE
reads:HOUR
reads:LATER.
The
squirrel
reads:emerges,
reads:chittering
reads:with
reads:annoyance.
reads:Even
reads:after
reads:drying
reads:off,
reads:their
reads:proud,
reads:bushy
reads:tail is
reads:looking
reads:thin
reads:and
reads:unkempt.
“Tired
of
reads:wasting
reads:so
reads:much
reads:time
reads:grooming
reads:your
reads:tail?”
The
squirrel
reads:nods
reads:and
reads:says, “Yes!
reads:I
reads:can’t
reads:go
reads:out
reads:like
reads:this!” A
reads:sigh. “Makes
reads:me
reads:wish
reads:I
reads:had
reads:a
reads:mouse
reads:tail … ”
The
narrator
reads:chuckles. “Let’s
reads:not
reads:go
reads:that
reads:far!
reads:Take
reads:the
reads:maintenance
reads:out
reads:of
reads:being
reads:a
reads:squirrel.”
“But
I’ve
reads:tried
reads:everything!”
“Try ‘Terrific
Tailz
reads:Ten’!
reads:Our
reads:special,
reads:environmentally
reads:friendly
reads:blend
reads:instantly
reads:softens
reads:and
reads:detangles
reads:dry,
reads:frizzy
reads:fur,
reads:leaving
reads:your
reads:tail
reads:shining
reads:stylishly!
reads:All
reads:in
reads:less
reads:than
reads:ten
reads:minutes!”
A
bottle
reads:of
reads:the
reads:conditioner
reads:magically
reads:appears.
The squirrel seems
skeptical
reads:but shrugs
reads:and
reads:takes
reads:it. “What do I have to lose?”
Text reads: TEN
MINUTES
reads:LATER.
The squirrel
returns,
reads:not
reads:even
reads:fully
reads:dry,
reads:yet
reads:their
reads:tail
reads:is
reads:fluffy
reads:and
reads:buoyant,
reads:soft
reads:and
reads:luxurious, with
reads:just
reads:the
reads:perfect bit of bounce.
A bucktoothed
smile. “Wow, thanks ‘Terrific Tailz!”
“TT10,” the narrator
recites. “Take
reads:ten
reads:minutes
reads:to
reads:fluff
reads:yourself!”
End
commercial
reads:break.
The
camera
reads:drifts
reads:through
reads:the
reads:house,
reads:showing
reads:the
reads:team
reads:in
reads:the
reads:beginning
reads:stages
reads:of
reads:tackling
reads:their
reads:organizational
reads:makeover.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Cerise:“So, we all have initial roles. I take inventory. Waverly
Cerise:decides
Cerise:what
Cerise:stays out,
Cerise:what goes
Cerise:in storage, or even what can get tossed. Clay is the
Cerise:muscle.
Cerise:He
Cerise:moves
Cerise:things.
Cerise:Sorry,
Cerise:Clay!
Cerise:Um,
Cerise:Piedmont
Cerise:directs
Cerise:the
Cerise:arrangement,
Cerise:and ‘flowers’
Cerise:up
Cerise:the
Cerise:overall
Cerise:appearance.
Cerise:But by
Cerise:the
Cerise:end,
Cerise:though,
Cerise:it’s
Cerise:pretty much a free for all! Heh. Yeah, we’re pretty
Cerise:much
Cerise:all
Cerise:crossing
Cerise:over
Cerise:into—"
She
leans
Cerise:forward,
Cerise:ears
Cerise:cocking.
“Zora?”
A
pause.
“She’s the, uh …
the
Cerise:morale
Cerise:booster,” Cerise
Cerise:says
Cerise:politely,
Cerise:leaning
Cerise:back. “She
Cerise:knows
Cerise:how
Cerise:to
Cerise:deliver
Cerise:a
Cerise:good
Cerise:rally
Cerise:cry.
Cerise:Must
Cerise:come
Cerise:from her
Cerise:sports
Cerise:days!”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Zora:“Mm?
Zora:Oh,
Zora:yeah,
Zora:I
Zora:was
Zora:a
Zora:volleyball
Zora:pro
Zora:for
Zora:five,
Zora:six
Zora:years!
Zora:Beach
Zora:volleyball.
Zora:Which
Zora:is,
Zora:like,
Zora:the
Zora:only
Zora:serious
Zora:kind.”
She
puts
Zora:her
Zora:paws
Zora:around
Zora:her
Zora:muzzle
Zora:like
Zora:a
Zora:megaphone
Zora:and shouts, “Prepare to eat sand! Ha, ha.”
Stock
footage shows the
Zora:giant,
Zora:vivid
Zora:squirrel, in a
Zora:skimpy,
Zora:sky-blue two-piece
Zora:bikini,
Zora:jumping
Zora:toward
Zora:the
Zora:net
Zora:and
Zora:spiking
Zora:the
Zora:ball,
Zora:low-fiving
Zora:her
Zora:shorter
Zora:rabbit
Zora:teammate
Zora:as
Zora:they
Zora:get
Zora:the point.
“Got silver medal in the ’21 Worlds.”
She
flashes
Zora:a
Zora:Victory
Zora:sign.
“I
was
Zora:in
Zora:the
Zora:last
Zora:Olympics,
Zora:too!”
A
pause.
“As
an
Zora:alternate.
Zora:But
Zora:I
Zora:still
Zora:got
Zora:to
Zora:go!”
The
camera
Zora:jump-cuts
Zora:closer as
Zora:she
Zora:confides, “The
Zora:Olympic
Zora:Village?
Zora:It’s
Zora:all
Zora:true,
Zora:yeah.”
Zora:She
Zora:zips
Zora:her
Zora:lips. “Ha!
Zora:That’s
Zora:all
Zora:I
Zora:can
Zora:say.”
The
camera
Zora:jump-cuts
Zora:back.
“During
a
Zora:practice
Zora:match
Zora:one
Zora:day,
Zora:I
Zora:tore
Zora:a
Zora:ligament.
Zora:ACL.
Zora:That’s,
Zora:like,
Zora:the
Zora:worst
Zora:one
Zora:to
Zora:hurt,
Zora:for
Zora:sure.
Zora:Crumpled
Zora:right
Zora:to
Zora:the
Zora:sand.
Zora:Brutal!
Zora:Was
Zora:looking at,
Zora:like,
Zora:a
Zora:year
Zora:of
Zora:rehab,
Zora:with
Zora:no
Zora:guarantees
Zora:of
Zora:returning
Zora:to
Zora:my
Zora:peak. Did
Zora:I
Zora:really
Zora:want
Zora:to
Zora:push
Zora:to
Zora:get
Zora:back
Zora:out
Zora:there?
“So,
like,
Zora:I
Zora:was
Zora:at
Zora:the
Zora:physical
Zora:therapist for
Zora:my
Zora:first
Zora:appointment, and
Zora:I
Zora:see
Zora:this
Zora:hip, silver
Zora:rat.
Zora:He
Zora:was in
Zora:for
Zora:some back pain, maybe? Dunno. He’s lookin’ at me
Zora:and
Zora:blurts
Zora:out, ‘You’re
Zora:pretty hot’!”
The camera slowly pushes
in on
Zora:Zora’s
Zora:face.
“I
was,
Zora:like, ‘aw,
Zora:thanks,
Zora:but
Zora:I’m
Zora:not into you.’ And then he’s all, ‘It’s okay,
Zora:I
Zora:got
Zora:a boyfriend
Zora:anyway.’
Zora:Ha, ha! It was
Zora:funny.
Zora:No,
Zora:but
Zora:then
Zora:he’s,
Zora:like, ‘You
Zora:want
Zora:a
Zora:job
Zora:on
Zora:television’?”
Zora
idly
Zora:swipes
Zora:at
Zora:her
Zora:whiskers.
“I
say, ‘I’ve
Zora:always
Zora:wanted
Zora:to
Zora:be
Zora:a
Zora:broadcaster!
Zora:You
Zora:hiring
Zora:color
Zora:commentators?
Zora:I
Zora:won’t
Zora:do
Zora:play-by-play.’
“He
shakes
Zora:his
Zora:head
Zora:and
Zora:goes, ‘Nah,
Zora:I
Zora:work
Zora:for
Zora:SCURRY-TV,
Zora:and
Zora:you’d
Zora:be
Zora:great
Zora:on
Zora:a new
Zora:show
Zora:we’re developing.
Zora:Would
Zora:you
Zora:consider
Zora:yourself
Zora:an
Zora:organized
Zora:person’?”
The
giant
Zora:squirrel
Zora:pretends
Zora:to
Zora:think.
“I’m,
like, ‘How ‘bout …
Zora:no’!”
“And
he
Zora:snaps
Zora:his
Zora:fingers
Zora:and
Zora:says, ‘You’re hired’!”
She
giggles
Zora:brightly.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Waverly:“Zora
Waverly:was
Waverly:the
Waverly:last
Waverly:one
Waverly:to
Waverly:join
Waverly:the
Waverly:team,
Waverly:and the
Waverly:one
Waverly:with
Waverly:the
Waverly:least
Waverly:experience
Waverly:in
Waverly:whatever
Waverly:we’re
Waverly:supposed
Waverly:to
Waverly:be
Waverly:doing,
Waverly:so
Waverly:of
Waverly:course
Waverly:she
Waverly:becomes
Waverly:the
Waverly:fan
Waverly:favorite.
Waverly:Face
Waverly:of
Waverly:the
Waverly:advertising
Waverly:campaigns?
Waverly:Endorsement
Waverly:deals?”
A
pause.
“People
always
Waverly:choose
Waverly:color
Waverly:over
Waverly:greyscale,”
Waverly:the
Waverly:grey
Waverly:squirrel
Waverly:laments.
As
the
Waverly:team
Waverly:splits
Waverly:up
Waverly:to
Waverly:take
Waverly:stock
Waverly:of
Waverly:the
Waverly:house,
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:is
Waverly:already
Waverly:bringing
Waverly:trash
Waverly:bags
Waverly:of ‘stuff’
Waverly:to
Waverly:the
Waverly:dumpster.
Waverly:Meanwhile,
Waverly:Zora
Waverly:is
Waverly:in
Waverly:the
Waverly:kitchen
Waverly:with
Waverly:Harlan.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Harlan:“I’m
Harlan:just
Harlan:trying
Harlan:to
Harlan:lay
Harlan:low,
Harlan:y’know?
Harlan:I
Harlan:mean,
Harlan:I’ve
Harlan:seen
Harlan:this
Harlan:show
Harlan:before.
Harlan:It’s
Harlan:so
Harlan:predictable.
Harlan:The
Harlan:guests
Harlan:mug
Harlan:for
Harlan:the
Harlan:camera,
Harlan:trying
Harlan:to
Harlan:make
Harlan:a
Harlan:name
Harlan:for
Harlan:themselves.
Harlan:Fifteen
Harlan:minutes
Harlan:of
Harlan:fame.
Harlan:Sad,
Harlan:really.”
He
waves
Harlan:a paw and
Harlan:shakes
Harlan:his
Harlan:head.
“I’m
not
Harlan:like
Harlan:that! Mm.
Harlan:No,
Harlan:not
Harlan:me.
Harlan:I’m
Harlan:just
Harlan:here
Harlan:to
Harlan:watch
Harlan:and
Harlan:learn.”
Back
to
Harlan:kitchen.
Harlan
is
Harlan:practically
Harlan:drooling
Harlan:over
Harlan:Zora,
Harlan:hanging
Harlan:on
Harlan:her
Harlan:every
Harlan:word.
The
giant
Harlan:squirrel
Harlan:produces
Harlan:a
Harlan:magnetic
Harlan:whiteboard. “Now!
Harlan:We’re
Harlan:gonna
Harlan:keep
Harlan:this
Harlan:here
Harlan:on
Harlan:the
Harlan:fridge.
Harlan:That
Harlan:way
Harlan:you’ll
Harlan:see
Harlan:it
Harlan:before
Harlan:every
Harlan:meal.
Harlan:Which means
Harlan:at
Harlan:least
Harlan:three
Harlan:times
Harlan:a
Harlan:day,
Harlan:I
Harlan:hope!
Harlan:You
Harlan:look
Harlan:like
Harlan:you
Harlan:enjoy
Harlan:a
Harlan:bite
Harlan:to
Harlan:eat.”
“I
do
Harlan:like
Harlan:tasty
Harlan:morsels,”
Harlan:he
Harlan:replies.
Oblivious
to
Harlan:being
Harlan:hit
Harlan:on,
Harlan:Zora
Harlan:secures
Harlan:the
Harlan:board
Harlan:to
Harlan:the
Harlan:refrigerator
Harlan:door,
Harlan:grabbing
Harlan:some
Harlan:dry
Harlan:erase
Harlan:markers. “Keep
Harlan:lists
Harlan:of
Harlan:tasks.
Harlan:Set
Harlan:goals
Harlan:and
Harlan:reward
Harlan:yourself
Harlan:when
Harlan:you
Harlan:achieve
Harlan:them!”
Harlan:She
Harlan:taps
Harlan:the
Harlan:side
Harlan:of
Harlan:her
Harlan:head. “The
Harlan:power
Harlan:of
Harlan:positive
Harlan:thinking.”
“Genius,”
the
Harlan:fox
Harlan:says.
“Thanks!”
Long,
Harlan:bushy
Harlan:tail
Harlan:fluttering,
Harlan:Zora
Harlan:takes
Harlan:the
Harlan:cap
Harlan:off
Harlan:a
Harlan:blue
Harlan:dry
Harlan:erase
Harlan:marker
Harlan:and
Harlan:asks, “Okay.
Harlan:So!
Harlan:Task
Harlan:number
Harlan:one …
Harlan:what
Harlan:do
Harlan:you
Harlan:want
Harlan:to
Harlan:do
Harlan:first?”
“Um … ”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Harlan:Harlan:
Looks
Harlan:guiltily
Harlan:at
Harlan:camera.
Back
to
Harlan:kitchen.
“It
doesn’t
Harlan:have
Harlan:to
Harlan:be
Harlan:a
Harlan:chore!
Harlan:Think
Harlan:of
Harlan:this
Harlan:as
Harlan:preemptively
Harlan:saving
Harlan:you
Harlan:more
Harlan:work.”
“Uh-huh,”
Harlan
Harlan:replies,
Harlan:checking
Harlan:out
Harlan:the
Harlan:squirrel’s
Harlan:shapely
Harlan:rump.
Waverly
can
Harlan:be
Harlan:seen
Harlan:walking
Harlan:past
Harlan:the
Harlan:room,
Harlan:glancing
Harlan:at
Harlan:the
Harlan:camera.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Waverly:“Are
Waverly:you
Waverly:serious?
Waverly:They’re
Waverly:gonna (BLEEP!).”
He
skips
Waverly:a
Waverly:beat.
“Aren’t
they?”
A
sigh.
“I
mean … ”
The
camera
Waverly:pushes
Waverly:in.
“Jealous?
Why
Waverly:would
Waverly:I
Waverly:be
Waverly:jealous?”
He
rubs
Waverly:his
Waverly:neck,
Waverly:muscles
Waverly:tensing.
Waverly:Clearly
Waverly:pent up.
“I don’t
wanna (BLEEP!)
Waverly:a
Waverly:fox
Waverly:or
Waverly:a
Waverly:giant
Waverly:squirrel. I wanna (BLEEP!) Cer—”
He stops short, covering his
face
Waverly:with a
Waverly:paw.
Waverly:He
Waverly:remains
Waverly:frozen
Waverly:for
Waverly:a
Waverly:moment
Waverly:before
Waverly:saying
Waverly:hopefully,
Waverly:looking
Waverly:at the
Waverly:ceiling, “Maybe
Waverly:she
Waverly:won’t
Waverly:watch
Waverly:this
Waverly:episode … ”
Cut
to
Waverly:indoor
Waverly:porch.
“Clay!”
barks
Waverly:Piedmont,
Waverly:on
Waverly:his
Waverly:knees
Waverly:going
Waverly:through
Waverly:boxes
Waverly:of
Waverly:garden
Waverly:tools.
No
response.
“Cllaaa—”
“What?”
the
Waverly:fox squirrel
Waverly:barks,
Waverly:entering
Waverly:the
Waverly:room,
Waverly:carrying another
Waverly:trash
Waverly:bag for
Waverly:tossing. “I’m
Waverly:busy.”
“I need
you
Waverly:to move
Waverly:that
Waverly:bench
Waverly:for
Waverly:me.
Waverly:And
Waverly:the
Waverly:washer
Waverly:and
Waverly:dryer.”
Waverly:A
Waverly:pause,
Waverly:pointing
Waverly:nonchalantly
Waverly:to
Waverly:all
Waverly:the
Waverly:heavy
Waverly:furniture
Waverly:and
Waverly:appliances. “Oh,
Waverly:and
Waverly:the
Waverly:cushioned
Waverly:chair.”
Clay
rolls
Waverly:his
Waverly:eyes. “That’s
Waverly:basically
Waverly:everything.”
“Great!”
Clay
makes
Waverly:a
Waverly:throaty
Waverly:chittering
Waverly:noise,
Waverly:putting
Waverly:the
Waverly:bag
Waverly:down. “Where
Waverly:to,
Waverly:sir?”
Cut
to
Waverly:entertainment
Waverly:room.
Cerise
is
Waverly:going
Waverly:through
Waverly:a
Waverly:pile
Waverly:of ‘adult
Waverly:collectibles.’
“So,
to
Waverly:start,
Waverly:I’m
Waverly:trying
Waverly:to
Waverly:sort all
Waverly:this
Waverly:by ‘kind.’
Waverly:Looks
Waverly:like
Waverly:we’ve
Waverly:got …
Waverly:um,
Waverly:action
Waverly:figures,
Waverly:spaceships,
Waverly:and
Waverly:what
Waverly:I’m
Waverly:going to
Waverly:call
Waverly:accessories?
Waverly:Or
Waverly:props.
Waverly:Like
Waverly:this,
Waverly:um …
Waverly:ray
Waverly:gun?
Waverly:I
Waverly:think it
Waverly:lights
Waverly:up.”
She turns it end
over end. Pressing
Waverly:a
Waverly:button, a
Waverly:sound effect
Waverly:plays.
“Oh, phaser. Hah! Which show is that
again?”
Waverly,
who is
Waverly:walking
Waverly:by,
Waverly:hears this and pops in. “Is that … are those Star Trek
Waverly:toys?”
“I
guess?”
The
grey squirrel
Waverly:enters
Waverly:the
Waverly:room
Waverly:and
Waverly:drops
Waverly:to
Waverly:his
Waverly:knees,
Waverly:excitedly sorting
Waverly:through
Waverly:the
Waverly:pile
Waverly:of
Waverly:loot.
Waverly:He
Waverly:squeals. “No (BLEEP!)-ing way. Babylon 5?!”
Cerise giggles. “Didn’t realize you
were
Waverly:such
Waverly:a
Waverly:sci-fi
Waverly:geek!”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” He gets shy
and
Waverly:runs
Waverly:a
Waverly:paw
Waverly:through
Waverly:his
Waverly:head-fur. “I
Waverly:just …
Waverly:I
Waverly:don’t
Waverly:normally
Waverly:talk
Waverly:about
Waverly:it,
Waverly:but … ”
Trailing
off,
Waverly:Waverly
Waverly:continues
Waverly:looking
Waverly:through
Waverly:the ‘stuff’
Waverly:before
Waverly:saying, “Some
Waverly:of
Waverly:these
Waverly:are
Waverly:loose! You
Waverly:think
Waverly:he
Waverly:plays
Waverly:with
Waverly:them?”
Waverly:A
Waverly:pause. “Maybe
Waverly:we, uh,
Waverly:could
Waverly:play
Waverly:with
Waverly:them,
Waverly:too.”
Waverly:He clears his throat. “Together,
Waverly:you and me … ”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Cerise:“In
Cerise:the
Cerise:past,
Cerise:when
Cerise:guys
Cerise:have
Cerise:asked
Cerise:me
Cerise:to
Cerise:play
Cerise:with
Cerise:their ‘toys’ … it wasn’t this innocent.”
She wrinkles her muzzle.
After a pause, a slow
smile
Cerise:appears.
“But
Waverly’s
Cerise:a
Cerise:real
Cerise:sweetheart,
Cerise:isn’t
Cerise:he?”
Back
to
Cerise:entertainment
Cerise:room.
Cerise
says, “We
Cerise:can
Cerise:play
Cerise:as
Cerise:we
Cerise:go,
Cerise:but
Cerise:only
Cerise:a
Cerise:little.
Cerise:We
Cerise:have
Cerise:to
Cerise:remember
Cerise:our
Cerise:jobs!”
“Right,
right.
Cerise:Jobs,”
Cerise:Waverly mutters, picking up an Akira-Class
Cerise:starship.
Cerise:A
Cerise:grin
Cerise:as
Cerise:he
Cerise:proclaims, “Wicked!”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Waverly:“Sorry.
Waverly:Sometimes,
Waverly:the
Waverly:New
Waverly:Englander
Waverly:in
Waverly:me
Waverly:slips
Waverly:out.”
Back
to
Waverly:entertainment
Waverly:room.
Cerise
is
Waverly:trying
Waverly:to
Waverly:keep
Waverly:them
Waverly:on
Waverly:task,
Waverly:explaining, “How
Waverly:are
Waverly:we
Waverly:going
Waverly:to
Waverly:organize
Waverly:these?
Waverly:I
Waverly:say the ‘loose’
Waverly:ones
Waverly:all
Waverly:go
Waverly:together,
Waverly:and
Waverly:the
Waverly:boxed
Waverly:ones
Waverly:together.
Waverly:No
Waverly:mixing
Waverly:on
Waverly:the
Waverly:shelves.
Waverly:And,
Waverly:uh … but the
Waverly:loose
Waverly:ones
Waverly:take
Waverly:up
Waverly:less
Waverly:space.”
Waverly:She
Waverly:nibbles
Waverly:on
Waverly:her
Waverly:claw-tips. “Hmm.”
Waverly
is
Waverly:flying
Waverly:the
Waverly:ship
Waverly:around
Waverly:making ‘whoosh!’
Waverly:and ‘pew-pew!’
Waverly:noises.
Cut
to
Waverly:porch.
Clay,
in
Waverly:the
Waverly:midst
Waverly:of
Waverly:shuffling
Waverly:the
Waverly:heavier
Waverly:objects
Waverly:around,
Waverly:perks
Waverly:his
Waverly:ears.
Waverly:Piedmont
Waverly:now has
Waverly:music
Waverly:playing
Waverly:on
Waverly:a
Waverly:Bluetooth
Waverly:speaker. “What
Waverly:kind
Waverly:of (BLEEP!)
Waverly:is
Waverly:this?”
“Culture,”
Piedmont
Waverly:declares
Waverly:simply,
Waverly:now sorting
Waverly:through
Waverly:balls.
Waverly:Tennis
Waverly:balls,
Waverly:soccer
Waverly:balls,
Waverly:golf
Waverly:balls.
Waverly:He
Waverly:looks
Waverly:at the
Waverly:camera
Waverly:and warns, “I
Waverly:know
Waverly:what
Waverly:you’re
Waverly:thinking.”
“Who
are
Waverly:you
Waverly:talking
Waverly:to?”
“The
audience,”
Waverly:Piedmont
Waverly:stresses.
Waverly:He
Waverly:chitters,
Waverly:pushing
Waverly:his
Waverly:glasses
Waverly:up
Waverly:his
Waverly:snout. “You’re
Waverly:ruining
Waverly:my
Waverly:moment!
Waverly:Again.”
“Psh.
Cause
Waverly:I’m
Waverly:thrown
Waverly:off
Waverly:by this song.
Waverly:This isn’t work music,”
Waverly:Clay
Waverly:continues,
Waverly:not
Waverly:letting
Waverly:it
Waverly:go. “This
Waverly:is
Waverly:frilly
Waverly:stuff.”
Piedmont
frowns
Waverly:and
Waverly:tries
Waverly:to
Waverly:ignore
Waverly:him,
Waverly:humming
Waverly:the
Waverly:tune.
Clay
snorts. “Is
Waverly:this …
Waverly:wait,
Waverly:I’ve
Waverly:heard
Waverly:that
Waverly:voice
Waverly:before.
Waverly:Oh,
Waverly:my
Waverly:god!
Waverly:Is
Waverly:this
Waverly:the
Waverly:Call
Waverly:Me
Waverly:Maybe
Waverly:girl? Ha, ha,
Waverly:seriously?”
“Take
that
Waverly:back,”
Waverly:Piedmont
Waverly:enunciates
Waverly:slowly,
Waverly:fur
Waverly:bristling.
“Take
what
Waverly:back?
Waverly:I’m
Waverly:right,
Waverly:aren’t
Waverly:I?”
Piedmont
fumes,
Waverly:black
Waverly:tail
Waverly:flagging.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:Piedmont:
Aggressively
Piedmont:leans
Piedmont:forward
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:chair.
“That
was
Piedmont:over
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:decade
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:six
Piedmont:albums
Piedmont:ago!
Piedmont:Six!
Piedmont:Stop
Piedmont:bringing
Piedmont:that
Piedmont:song
Piedmont:up!
Piedmont:Carly
Piedmont:isn’t
Piedmont:some
Piedmont:one-hit
Piedmont:wonder.
Piedmont:Oh,
Piedmont:you
Piedmont:didn’t
Piedmont:know
Piedmont:she
Piedmont:keeps
Piedmont:releasing
Piedmont:stone
Piedmont:cold
Piedmont:masterpieces?”
He
gestures
Piedmont:at
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:camera.
“Educate
yourself!
Piedmont:She’s
Piedmont:a (BLEEP!)-ing
Piedmont:pop
Piedmont:queen.”
He chuffs.
“She
never
Piedmont:misses,
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:she
Piedmont:keeps
Piedmont:us
Piedmont:fed.”
He
puts
Piedmont:a paw on
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:forehead,
Piedmont:leaning
Piedmont:back
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:chair.
Piedmont:He lets
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:paw
Piedmont:dangle
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:air.
“And
by
Piedmont:us
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:mean
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:gays.
Piedmont:Straight
Piedmont:people
Piedmont:don’t
Piedmont:deserve
Piedmont:her
Piedmont:music.”
Back
to
Piedmont:porch.
“I
wanna
Piedmont:listen
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:rock
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:roll.”
“Of
course
Piedmont:you
Piedmont:do,”
Piedmont:Piedmont
Piedmont:says,
Piedmont:voice
Piedmont:dripping
Piedmont:with
Piedmont:sarcasm.
“What’s
that
Piedmont:mean?”
Camera cuts
to
Piedmont:entertainment
Piedmont:room,
Piedmont:where Cerise
Piedmont:and Waverly,
Piedmont:both
Piedmont:playing with the toys now, overhear
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:argument
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:exchange
Piedmont:glances.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Waverly:“Here’s
Waverly:an
Waverly:idea.
Waverly:Ear-pods.”
Start
commercial
Waverly:break.
A
network
Waverly:promo
Waverly:plays.
“Tomorrow
night,”
Waverly:the
Waverly:announcer
Waverly:says, “laugh,
Waverly:squeak,
Waverly:and
Waverly:chitter
Waverly:along
Waverly:with
Waverly:us!
Waverly:It’s
Waverly:comedy
Waverly:night
Waverly:on
Waverly:SCURRY-TV!
“At 8, another droll episode of Emmy-winner
The
Waverly:Capybaras.
Waverly:They’re
Waverly:relentlessly
Waverly:chill
Waverly:but
Waverly:always
Waverly:getting
Waverly:in
Waverly:hot
Waverly:water!
Waverly:See
Waverly:what
Waverly:happens
Waverly:when
Waverly:the
Waverly:family
Waverly:draws
Waverly:the
Waverly:ire
Waverly:of
Waverly:an
Waverly:apex
Waverly:predator
Waverly:at
Waverly:a
Waverly:harvest
Waverly:festival!
Waverly:You’ll
Waverly:be
Waverly:bobbing
Waverly:for
Waverly:oranges
Waverly:and
Waverly:laughs!”
“Then,
30,
:Taking it
:on
:the
:Chin.
:It’s
:hard
:being
:a
:chinchilla,
:but
:Conrad
:takes
:every
:pit
:and
:pratfall
:in
:stride.
:When
:the
:shipment
:of
:dust
:for
:his ‘dust
:bath’
:is
:mistaken
:for
:a narcotic
:substance,
:he
:ends
:up
:being
:taken
:to
:the
:police
:station!
:With
:hilarious
:results.
“At 9,
Nuts
:to
:You¸
:the
:new
:hit
:show
:everyone
:is
:talking
:about.
:It’s
:a
:nut
:factory …
:where
:almost
:everyone
:is
:a
:little
:crazy!
:What
:happens
:when
:the
:health
:inspector
:pays
:a
:surprise
:visit?!
:The
:diverse
:rodent
:cast
:will
:have
:you
:rolling.
“Finally,
30,
:Prick Me, a sitcom with feels. Parsons
:is
:looking
:constantly
:for
:love,
:but
:who
:wants
:to
:hug
:a
:porcupine?
:You
:will
:after
:watching
:his
:latest
:blind
:date!
“Tomorrow!
Only on
:SCURRY-TV.”
End
commercial
:break.
In the porch, Piedmont and Clay, still arguing,
start
:to
:taper
:off.
Piedmont
looks
:around,
:blinking.
Clay
asks, “Where
:is
:he?”
“Waverly?
I
:dunno.”
Camera cuts to the grey squirrel with Cerise, the two
giggling and
:blushing.
Back
to
:porch.
“Well,
if
:he’s
:not
:going
:to end
:our argument,
:I mean …
:are
:we
:gonna
:have
:to
:do
:it
:ourselves?”
Piedmont
blows
:out
:a
:reluctant
:breath. “I guess … ”
“Lame!”
“Maybe he’s
trying
:to
:teach
:us
:a
:lesson? If
:so,
:that’s
:awfully
:pert
:of
:him!”
“Huh?” Clay
echoes.
“Presumptuous.”
“Well,
whatever.
:Um …
:look,
:what
:do
:you
:wanna
:do
:now?
:I’ve
:moved
:all
:your
:stuff. Or
:the fox’s stuff,” Clay corrects,
:looking
:around
:for
:Harlan.
:Normally,
:homeowners
:were
:all ‘in
:your
:face’
:and
:trying
:to
:get
:on
:camera. “Where
:is
:he,
:by
:the
:way?
:We’re
:here
:to
:help
:him,
:and
:he’s (BLEEP!)-ing
:AWOL.”
“Never
mind
:who
:he’s
:getting
:himself
:into,”
:Piedmont
:quips. “I
:think
:we’re
:done
:with this
:room.”
“Oh.
Okay.”
A
pause.
Clay
crosses his
:arms
:and suggests, “Maybe
:we
:should
:take
:a
:snack
:break,
:then,
:before
:moving
:to
:the
:next.”
“Snacks?
What
:kind
:of
:snacks?”
:Piedmont
:asks,
:intrigued.
A shrug, and then a slow, mischievous grin. “We’re squirrels. Let’s raid his
cabinets and
:find
:out.”
Piedmont
smirks.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:“Temporary truce
Piedmont:for
Piedmont:snacks?
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:think
Piedmont:that’s
Piedmont:also
Piedmont:covered
Piedmont:by
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:Geneva
Piedmont:Convention.”
Cut
to
Piedmont:entertainment
Piedmont:room.
In
due
Piedmont:time,
Piedmont:Waverly
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:Cerise
Piedmont:have
Piedmont:organized
Piedmont:everything.
Piedmont:They sit
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:middle
Piedmont:of
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:space,
Piedmont:admiring
Piedmont:their
Piedmont:work.
“We
should
Piedmont:move
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:next
Piedmont:room,” Cerise says.
“Should,”
Waverly
Piedmont:agrees.
Neither
leaves.
“I
always
Piedmont:wonder
Piedmont:how
Piedmont:long
Piedmont:it
Piedmont:takes
Piedmont:after
Piedmont:we
Piedmont:leave
Piedmont:for
Piedmont:things
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:fall
Piedmont:apart
Piedmont:again,”
Piedmont:Cerise
Piedmont:says,
Piedmont:easing to
Piedmont:her
Piedmont:back
Piedmont:on
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:carpeted
Piedmont:floor,
Piedmont:staring
Piedmont:at
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:ceiling. “We
Piedmont:never
Piedmont:revisit
Piedmont:these
Piedmont:places.”
Waverly lays
down
Piedmont:beside her. “You
Piedmont:can
Piedmont:always
Piedmont:tell,
Piedmont:though,
Piedmont:right?
Piedmont:Who
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:chronic ‘mess-a-holics’
Piedmont:are?
Piedmont:Some
Piedmont:of
Piedmont:our
Piedmont:hosts
Piedmont:have
Piedmont:it
Piedmont:together,
Piedmont:and
Piedmont:others
Piedmont:are
Piedmont:just …
Piedmont:living
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:moment.”
Piedmont:A
Piedmont:pause. “Our
Piedmont:foxy
Piedmont:friend
Piedmont:seems
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:be
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:latter.”
“Nothing
wrong with
Piedmont:living
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:moment,”
Piedmont:Cerise
Piedmont:says,
Piedmont:giving
Piedmont:him
Piedmont:a harmless elbow. “Like when we were playing
Piedmont:just
Piedmont:now?
Piedmont:Wasn’t
Piedmont:planned.
Piedmont:Just …
Piedmont:happened.”
“Yeah … ”
He
turns
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:head,
Piedmont:looks
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:her.
She
looks
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:him.
Call it
magnetism. Or
Piedmont:gravity.
Piedmont:But,
Piedmont:soon,
Piedmont:he
Piedmont:is
Piedmont:rolling
Piedmont:toward
Piedmont:her,
Piedmont:and their
Piedmont:lips
Piedmont:are
Piedmont:meeting
Piedmont:in
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:soft,
Piedmont:tilting
Piedmont:kiss.
Which
is
Piedmont:immediately
Piedmont:interrupted
Piedmont:by
Piedmont:Clay,
Piedmont:bursting
Piedmont:in,
Piedmont:crumbs
Piedmont:tumbling
Piedmont:off
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:whiskers, “Guys.
Piedmont:Snacks.”
Piedmont:He
Piedmont:crunches and
Piedmont:nods at
Piedmont:them. “Mmf. Heeyyyyy! What’s goin’ on here?”
Crunch-crunch-crunch.
INTERVIEW CHAIR –
“Well,
Waverly:Clay,
Waverly:I
Waverly:was
Waverly:nibbling
Waverly:on
Waverly:the
Waverly:most
Waverly:beautiful
Waverly:red
Waverly:squirrel
Waverly:in
Waverly:the
Waverly:universe,
Waverly:but,
Waverly:sure,
Waverly:I’ll
Waverly:settle
Waverly:for
Waverly:flamin’
Waverly:hot
Waverly:dill
Waverly:pickle
Waverly:potato
Waverly:chips
Waverly:instead.”
Cut to
hallway,
Waverly:Zora
Waverly:and
Waverly:Harlan.
“What’s down there?” Zora asks.
“Oh, uh … y’know,
just
Waverly:some
Waverly:rooms?
Waverly:Bedroom,
Waverly:maybe,” the
Waverly:fox
Waverly:mumbles.
“Maaaybe?” Zora asks in a giggling, singsong tone.
She
Waverly:saunters toward
Waverly:that door, the camera captivated by the cadence of her hips, the way she
Waverly:twirls
Waverly:and
Waverly:moves.
Harlan
follows,
Waverly:sniffing
Waverly:at
Waverly:her,
Waverly:daring
Waverly:to
Waverly:touch
Waverly:that regal
Waverly:tail.
Waverly:When
Waverly:she
Waverly:doesn’t
Waverly:object,
Waverly:he
Waverly:starts
Waverly:to
Waverly:comb it
Waverly:with
Waverly:his
Waverly:fingers.
Waverly:She’s so
Waverly:warm!
Waverly:He can
Waverly:feel
Waverly:the
Waverly:heat
Waverly:of
Waverly:her.
He’s
shivering,
Waverly:almost
Waverly:panting.
Waverly:He’s
Waverly:rarely
Waverly:felt
Waverly:like
Waverly:this! “You’re
Waverly:like (BLEEP!)-ing
Waverly:ginger
Waverly:and
Waverly:nutmeg
Waverly:and …
Waverly:mmm.” A huff. “Allll
Waverly:the
Waverly:good
Waverly:spices.”
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Harlan:“Yeah, there are bad spices.
Harlan:Celery
Harlan:salt?”
Harlan:He
Harlan:makes
Harlan:a
Harlan:gagging
Harlan:noise. “(BLEEP!)
Harlan:that.
Harlan:Celery
Harlan:is
Harlan:gross.
Harlan:It’s
Harlan:like
Harlan:if
Harlan:seaweed
Harlan:were
Harlan:crispy.
Harlan:Fennel,
Harlan:mustard … ”
He
counts
Harlan:on
Harlan:his
Harlan:fingers.
“Cumin?”
He
tilts
Harlan:his
Harlan:head,
Harlan:spreading
Harlan:his
Harlan:paws.
Back
to
Harlan:hallway.
The
giant
Harlan:squirrel,
Harlan:with
Harlan:a
Harlan:fevered
Harlan:look
Harlan:in
Harlan:her
Harlan:eyes,
Harlan:says, “You
Harlan:like
Harlan:it spicy, foxy?”
He nods
eagerly. “Uh-huh!”
Zora
kicks
Harlan:open
Harlan:his
Harlan:bedroom
Harlan:door,
Harlan:demanding
Harlan:huskily, “Show
Harlan:me.”
Start
commercial
Harlan:break.
At
dusk, a
Harlan:red
Harlan:squirrel
Harlan:is
Harlan:sitting
Harlan:outdoors
Harlan:by
Harlan:a
Harlan:crackling
Harlan:fire
Harlan:with
Harlan:assorted
Harlan:rodent friends. The moon
Harlan:is full, and the
Harlan:leaves
Harlan:on
Harlan:the
Harlan:nearby
Harlan:trees
Harlan:are
Harlan:dry
Harlan:and
Harlan:golden.
The squirrel
goes
Harlan:to
Harlan:gnaw on a
Harlan:wood stick,
Harlan:which
Harlan:instantly breaks in half in their mouth. The squirrel grimaces, barking
Harlan:out
Harlan:in
Harlan:exaggerated
Harlan:pain.
“Has
this
Harlan:happened
Harlan:to
Harlan:you?”
Harlan:a
Harlan:voice
Harlan:asks.
The squirrel
nods,
Harlan:their
Harlan:friends
Harlan:oblivious to
Harlan:the
Harlan:omniscient
Harlan:narrator.
“Tired of
splinters
Harlan:on
Harlan:your
Harlan:tongue?
Harlan:Ready
Harlan:to
Harlan:move
Harlan:on
Harlan:from
Harlan:those
Harlan:old
Harlan:chew
Harlan:sticks?”
“Yes!”
the
Harlan:squirrel
Harlan:declares. “But
Harlan:what
Harlan:can
Harlan:I
Harlan:do?”
“Try
Ro-chews!”
In
a flash,
Harlan:the
Harlan:product
Harlan:finds itself
Harlan:magically
Harlan:transported into
Harlan:the
Harlan:squirrel’s
Harlan:paws.
The squirrel’s
eyes
Harlan:widen.
“Your
teeth
Harlan:are
Harlan:special,”
Harlan:the
Harlan:announcer
Harlan:says. “They
Harlan:don’t
Harlan:stop
Harlan:for
Harlan:anything,
Harlan:and neither
Harlan:should
Harlan:you!
Harlan:Ro-chews is
Harlan:the
Harlan:chew
Harlan:stick
Harlan:that’s
Harlan:hard
Harlan:on
Harlan:teeth
Harlan:but
Harlan:easy
Harlan:on
Harlan:your
Harlan:mouth!
Harlan:None
Harlan:of
Harlan:that
Harlan:bitter
Harlan:aftertaste.
Harlan:And
Harlan:less
Harlan:mess!”
The squirrel
can
Harlan:be
Harlan:seen
Harlan:gnawing
Harlan:on
Harlan:one,
Harlan:laughing
Harlan:at a
Harlan:friend’s
Harlan:joke.
“Now,
in
Harlan:limited
Harlan:edition
Harlan:pumpkin
Harlan:spice.
Harlan:It’s
Harlan:a
Harlan:fall
Harlan:festival
Harlan:for
Harlan:your
Harlan:mouth!
Harlan:Ro-chews.
Harlan:Recommended
Harlan:by
Harlan:four out of
Harlan:five
Harlan:ro-dentists!”
End
commercial
Harlan:break.
The
team
Harlan:filters
Harlan:out
Harlan:of
Harlan:Harlan’s
Harlan:front
Harlan:door.
Harlan:Their
Harlan:stay is
Harlan:over,
Harlan:their
Harlan:task
Harlan:complete.
Waverly and
Cerise
Harlan:walk side by
Harlan:side
Harlan:to the
Harlan:S.Y.S. van,
Harlan:paws
Harlan:brushing,
Harlan:close
Harlan:to
Harlan:holding.
Waverly
gives
Harlan:a
Harlan:shy,
Harlan:happy
Harlan:smile
Harlan:to
Harlan:the
Harlan:camera
Harlan:as
Harlan:he
Harlan:passes
Harlan:it.
The
camera
Harlan:then
Harlan:cuts
Harlan:away,
Harlan:showing
Harlan:before
Harlan:and
Harlan:after
Harlan:shots
Harlan:of all
Harlan:the
Harlan:rooms
Harlan:inside
Harlan:the
Harlan:house.
Harlan:Cleaned
Harlan:and
Harlan:organized!
Cut
back
Harlan:to
Harlan:front
Harlan:yard.
“Another
house ‘squirrelled’,”
Harlan:Clay
Harlan:says
Harlan:victoriously,
Harlan:giving
Harlan:a
Harlan:thumbs
Harlan:up
Harlan:to
Harlan:the
Harlan:camera
Harlan:before
Harlan:he
Harlan:gets
Harlan:into
Harlan:the
Harlan:van.
Harlan:He’s
Harlan:driving,
Harlan:of
Harlan:course. “There’s
Harlan:something
Harlan:rewarding
Harlan:about
Harlan:knowing
Harlan:you
Harlan:left
Harlan:a
Harlan:place
Harlan:better
Harlan:than
Harlan:you
Harlan:found
Harlan:it.”
In
the
Harlan:background,
Harlan:Piedmont
Harlan:gives
Harlan:the
Harlan:camera
Harlan:a
Harlan:withering
Harlan:look.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Piedmont:“Oh,
Piedmont:there
Piedmont:was
Piedmont:some
Piedmont:squirrelling
Piedmont:going
Piedmont:on, alright.”
He
crosses
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:arms.
“We
all
Piedmont:heard Zora
Piedmont:banging that
Piedmont:fox. And
Piedmont:Waverly
Piedmont:is
Piedmont:this
Piedmont:close
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:doing it
Piedmont:with
Piedmont:Cerise. And
Piedmont:what
Piedmont:about
Piedmont:me?
Piedmont:Hmm? Mm? What
Piedmont:about
Piedmont:your
Piedmont:handsome,
Piedmont:cultured
Piedmont:Prevost’s
Piedmont:squirrel?
Piedmont:I
Piedmont:mean … ”
He
shakes
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:head,
Piedmont:blowing
Piedmont:out
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:breath,
Piedmont:at
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:loss.
“What
are
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:odds
Piedmont:of
Piedmont:finding
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:single
Piedmont:gay
Piedmont:homeowner
Piedmont:who
Piedmont:is
Piedmont:also
Piedmont:tragically
Piedmont:unorganized?”
He
scrunches
Piedmont:his
Piedmont:muzzle.
“I’d
have
Piedmont:better
Piedmont:luck (BLEEP!)-ing
Piedmont:a
Piedmont:unicorn.”
A
head-tilt.
“Or
Clay.”
Back
to
Piedmont:front yard.
Zora, the
last to leave
Piedmont:the
Piedmont:house,
Piedmont:winks
Piedmont:at
Piedmont:Harlan,
Piedmont:who
Piedmont:is
Piedmont:understandably
Piedmont:sorry
Piedmont:to
Piedmont:see
Piedmont:her
Piedmont:go.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Zora:“So,
Zora:I
Zora:was
Zora:actually
Zora:in,
Zora:like,
Zora:crazy
Zora:heat.”
The
camera
Zora:pushes
Zora:in.
“Yeahhh. Thought
I
Zora:had
Zora:it
Zora:under
Zora:control, and
Zora:then
Zora:it
Zora:was,
Zora:like,
Zora:uhh, (BLEEP!).
Zora:Nature
Zora:spiked
Zora:the
Zora:ball
Zora:in
Zora:my
Zora:face.
Zora:By
Zora:then,
Zora:it
Zora:was
Zora:too
Zora:late.
Zora:Game,
Zora:set,
Zora:match.”
She
shrugs.
“Would’ve (BLEEP!)-ed
anyone
Zora:if
Zora:they’d looked
Zora:at
Zora:me
Zora:for more than three
Zora:seconds. Ha! Don’t worry,
Zora:I
Zora:took
Zora:a
Zora:pill
Zora:after,
Zora:so …
Zora:hmm?”
Camera
pulls
Zora:back.
“We were in there
quite a
Zora:while. Um, heh.”
She
rubs
Zora:her
Zora:neck,
Zora:sheepishly.
“Thing
is,
Zora:I
Zora:totally
Zora:forgot
Zora:foxes
Zora:had
Zora:knots …
Zora:I
Zora:mean,
Zora:until,
Zora:y’know.”
She
pauses.
“Oh,
yeah,
Zora:it
Zora:was
Zora:good.
Zora:Wasn’t
Zora:a
Zora:life-altering
Zora:experience,”
Zora:she
Zora:qualifies, “but he
Zora:scratched
Zora:my
Zora:itch.
Zora:I’m
Zora:still
Zora:a
Zora:little
Zora:sore,
Zora:though.”
A
big
Zora:smile.
“But
we
Zora:had
Zora:a
Zora:super
Zora:nice
Zora:chat afterward
Zora:while we were
Zora:waiting to
Zora:get
Zora:unstuck. Yeah. I
Zora:think
Zora:I
Zora:got
Zora:him
Zora:interested
Zora:in
Zora:beach
Zora:volleyball!”
Camera
cuts
Zora:to
Zora:shot
Zora:of
Zora:the
Zora:squirrels driving away, the fox waving goodbye. The dumpster truck follows,
Zora:nearly
Zora:overflowing.
End
credits
Zora:begin
Zora:to scroll.
INTERVIEW
CHAIR –
Harlan:“Holy (BLEEP!).”
The
camera
Harlan:jump-cuts
Harlan:to
Harlan:a
Harlan:close-up of
Harlan:his
Harlan:expression.
Then
jumps
Harlan:back.
“Yeah,
we
Harlan:were
Harlan:stuck
Harlan:together
Harlan:for …
Harlan:I
Harlan:don’t
Harlan:know,
Harlan:half
Harlan:an
Harlan:hour?
Harlan:Never
Harlan:been
Harlan:tied
Harlan:with
Harlan:anyone
Harlan:that
Harlan:long.
Harlan:Ever.
Harlan:Bet
Harlan:that’s
Harlan:a
Harlan:world
Harlan:record.
Harlan:Has
Harlan:to
Harlan:be.
Harlan:Can
Harlan:you look that up?”
His angular ears flick.
“Oh. Well, I’ll
do
Harlan:it
Harlan:later,
Harlan:I
Harlan:guess.
Harlan:But
Harlan:I’m
Harlan:telling
Harlan:you,
Harlan:her (BLEEP!)
Harlan:did
Harlan:a
Harlan:number
Harlan:on
Harlan:me.”
He
says
Harlan:conspiratorially, “Pretty
Harlan:sure
Harlan:she
Harlan:was
Harlan:in
Harlan:heat!
Harlan:Yeah.
Harlan:Jackpot! Heh.
Harlan:Seriously,
Harlan:like … ”
He grins
toothily, licking his fangs.
“I
was excited
Harlan:with
Harlan:a
Harlan:capital
Harlan:Erection.”
He
snorts
Harlan:at
Harlan:his ‘joke.’
A
pause, blinking.
“Am
I
Harlan:allowed
Harlan:to
Harlan:say
Harlan:that?”
Another
pause,
Harlan:scrunching
Harlan:his
Harlan:face.
“I
hope
Harlan:mom
Harlan:isn’t
Harlan:watching
Harlan:this … ”
End
of
Harlan:show.
The
narrator is
Harlan:back.
“Thanks
for
Harlan:watching
Harlan:Squirrel
Harlan:Your
Harlan:Stuff!
Harlan:We’ll
Harlan:be
Harlan:back
Harlan:with
Harlan:an
Harlan:all-new
Harlan:episode
Harlan:next
Harlan:Wednesday.
Harlan:When
Harlan:the
Harlan:S.Y.S. team
Harlan:is
Harlan:asked
Harlan:to ‘clean
Harlan:the
Harlan:cobwebs’
Harlan:out
Harlan:of
Harlan:a
Harlan:haunted
Harlan:house,
Harlan:they
Harlan:surely
Harlan:won’t
Harlan:get
Harlan:paranoid
Harlan:and
Harlan:see
Harlan:ghosts?
Harlan:Or
Harlan:will
Harlan:they?
“Stay
tuned
Harlan:for
Harlan:Rat
Harlan:Your
Harlan:Ride!
“Only
on
Harlan:SCURRY-TV.
Harlan:Programming
Harlan:to
Harlan:gnaw on.”
This
was “Squirrel
Harlan:Your
Harlan:Stuff”
Harlan:by
Harlan:Field
Harlan:T.
Harlan:Mouse, read for you by Rob MacWolf, Werewolf Hitchhiker. You can find more stories on
Harlan:the
Harlan:web
Harlan:at
Harlan:thevoice.dog,
Harlan:or
Harlan:find
Harlan:the
Harlan:show
Harlan:wherever
Harlan:you
Harlan:get
Harlan:your
Harlan:podcasts.
Be
sure
Harlan:to
Harlan:come
Harlan:back
Harlan:next
Harlan:week,
Harlan:as
Harlan:we
Harlan:welcome
Harlan:our
Harlan:friends
Harlan:of
Harlan:every
Harlan:shape,
Harlan:ability,
Harlan:gender,
Harlan:and
Harlan:species
Harlan:to
Harlan:the
Harlan:first
Harlan:episode
Harlan:of Pride Month 2025.
Thank you for
listening
Harlan:to
Harlan:The
Harlan:Voice
Harlan:of
Harlan:Dog.